Complete Works of Rudyard Kipling (Illustrated) (22 page)

Maisie shrugged her shoulders and did not answer. She was reflecting on the meannesses of Dick, and on other meannesses with which he had nothing to do. The moonlight would not let her sleep. It lay on the skylight of the studio across the road in cold silver; she stared at it intently and her thoughts began to slide one into the other. The shadow of the big bell-handle in the wall grew short, lengthened again, and faded out as the moon went down behind the pasture and a hare came limping home across the road. Then the dawn-wind washed through the upland grasses, and brought coolness with it, and the cattle lowed by the drought-shrunk river. Maisie’s head fell forward on the window-sill, and the tangle of black hair covered her arms.

‘Maisie, wake up. You’ll catch a chill.’

‘Yes, dear; yes, dear.’ She staggered to her bed like a wearied child, and as she buried her face in the pillows she muttered, ‘I think — I think....

But he ought to have written.’

Day brought the routine of the studio, the smell of paint and turpentine, and the monotone wisdom of Kami, who was a leaden artist, but a golden teacher if the pupil were only in sympathy with him. Maisie was not in sympathy that day, and she waited impatiently for the end of the work.

She knew when it was coming; for Kami would gather his black alpaca coat into a bunch behind him, and, with faded flue eyes that saw neither pupils nor canvas, look back into the past to recall the history of one Binat. ‘You have all done not so badly,’ he would say. ‘But you shall remember that it is not enough to have the method, and the art, and the power, nor even that which is touch, but you shall have also the conviction that nails the work to the wall. Of the so many I taught,’ — here the students would begin to unfix drawing-pins or get their tubes together, — ’the very so many that I have taught, the best was Binat. All that comes of the study and the work and the knowledge was to him even when he came. After he left me he should have done all that could be done with the colour, the form, and the knowledge. Only, he had not the conviction. So to-day I hear no more of Binat, — the best of my pupils, — and that is long ago. So to-day, too, you will be glad to hear no more of me. Continuez, mesdemoiselles, and, above all, with conviction.’

He went into the garden to smoke and mourn over the lost Binat as the pupils dispersed to their several cottages or loitered in the studio to make plans for the cool of the afternoon.

Maisie looked at her very unhappy Melancolia, restrained a desire to grimace before it, and was hurrying across the road to write a letter to Dick, when she was aware of a large man on a white troop-horse. How Torpenhow had managed in the course of twenty hours to find his way to the hearts of the cavalry officers in quarters at Vitry-sur-Marne, to discuss with them the certainty of a glorious revenge for France, to reduce the colonel to tears of pure affability, and to borrow the best horse in the squadron for the journey to Kami’s studio, is a mystery that only special correspondents can unravel.

‘I beg your pardon,’ said he. ‘It seems an absurd question to ask, but the fact is that I don’t know her by any other name: Is there any young lady here that is called Maisie?’

‘I am Maisie,’ was the answer from the depths of a great sun-hat.

‘I ought to introduce myself,’ he said, as the horse capered in the blinding white dust. ‘My name is Torpenhow. Dick Heldar is my best friend, and — and — the fact is that he has gone blind.’

‘Blind!’ said Maisie, stupidly. ‘He can’t be blind.’

‘He has been stone-blind for nearly two months.’

Maisie lifted up her face, and it was pearly white. ‘No! No! Not blind! I won’t have him blind!’

‘Would you care to see for yourself?’ said Torpenhow.

‘Now, — at once?’

‘Oh, no! The Paris train doesn’t go through this place till to-night. There will be ample time.’

‘Did Mr. Heldar send you to me?’

‘Certainly not. Dick wouldn’t do that sort of thing. He’s sitting in his studio, turning over some letters that he can’t read because he’s blind.’

There was a sound of choking from the sun-hat. Maisie bowed her head and went into the cottage, where the red-haired girl was on a sofa, complaining of a headache.

‘Dick’s blind!’ said Maisie, taking her breath quickly as she steadied herself against a chair-back. ‘My Dick’s blind!’

‘What?’ The girl was on the sofa no longer.

‘A man has come from England to tell me. He hasn’t written to me for six weeks.’

‘Are you going to him?’

‘I must think.’

‘Think! I should go back to London and see him and I should kiss his eyes and kiss them and kiss them until they got well again! If you don’t go I shall. Oh, what am I talking about? You wicked little idiot! Go to him at once. Go!’

Torpenhow’s neck was blistering, but he preserved a smile of infinite patience as Maisie’s appeared bareheaded in the sunshine.

‘I am coming,’ said she, her eyes on the ground.

‘You will be at Vitry Station, then, at seven this evening.’ This was an order delivered by one who was used to being obeyed. Maisie said nothing, but she felt grateful that there was no chance of disputing with this big man who took everything for granted and managed a squealing horse with one hand. She returned to the red-haired girl, who was weeping bitterly, and between tears, kisses, — very few of those, — menthol, packing, and an interview with Kami, the sultry afternoon wore away.

Thought might come afterwards. Her present duty was to go to Dick, — Dick who owned the wondrous friend and sat in the dark playing with her unopened letters.

‘But what will you do,’ she said to her companion.

‘I? Oh, I shall stay here and — finish your Melancolia,’ she said, smiling pitifully. ‘Write to me afterwards.’

That night there ran a legend through Vitry-sur-Marne of a mad Englishman, doubtless suffering from sunstroke, who had drunk all the officers of the garrison under the table, had borrowed a horse from the lines, and had then and there eloped, after the English custom, with one of those more mad English girls who drew pictures down there under the care of that good Monsieur Kami.

‘They are very droll,’ said Suzanne to the conscript in the moonlight by the studio wall. ‘She walked always with those big eyes that saw nothing, and yet she kisses me on both cheeks as though she were my sister, and gives me — see — ten francs!’

The conscript levied a contribution on both gifts; for he prided himself on being a good soldier.

Torpenhow spoke very little to Maisie during the journey to Calais; but he was careful to attend to all her wants, to get her a compartment entirely to herself, and to leave her alone. He was amazed of the ease with which the matter had been accomplished.

‘The safest thing would be to let her think things out. By Dick’s showing, — when he was off his head, — she must have ordered him about very thoroughly. Wonder how she likes being under orders.’

Maisie never told. She sat in the empty compartment often with her eyes shut, that she might realise the sensation of blindness. It was an order that she should return to London swiftly, and she found herself at last almost beginning to enjoy the situation. This was better than looking after luggage and a red-haired friend who never took any interest in her surroundings. But there appeared to be a feeling in the air that she, Maisie, — of all people, — was in disgrace. Therefore she justified her conduct to herself with great success, till Torpenhow came up to her on the steamer and without preface began to tell the story of Dick’s blindness, suppressing a few details, but dwelling at length on the miseries of delirium. He stopped before he reached the end, as though he had lost interest in the subject, and went forward to smoke. Maisie was furious with him and with herself.

She was hurried on from Dover to London almost before she could ask for breakfast, and — she was past any feeling of indignation now — was bidden curtly to wait in a hall at the foot of some lead-covered stairs while Torpenhow went up to make inquiries. Again the knowledge that she was being treated like a naughty little girl made her pale cheeks flame. It was all Dick’s fault for being so stupid as to go blind.

Torpenhow led her up to a shut door, which he opened very softly. Dick was sitting by the window, with his chin on his chest. There were three envelopes in his hand, and he turned them over and over. The big man who gave orders was no longer by her side, and the studio door snapped behind her.

Dick thrust the letters into his pocket as he heard the sound. ‘Hullo, Topr! Is that you? I’ve been so lonely.’

His voice had taken the peculiar flatness of the blind. Maisie pressed herself up into a corner of the room. Her heart was beating furiously, and she put one hand on her breast to keep it quiet. Dick was staring directly at her, and she realised for the first time that he was blind.

Shutting her eyes in a rail-way carriage to open them when she pleased was child’s play. This man was blind though his eyes were wide open.

‘Torp, is that you? They said you were coming.’ Dick looked puzzled and a little irritated at the silence.

‘No; it’s only me,’ was the answer, in a strained little whisper. Maisie could hardly move her lips.

‘H’m!’ said Dick, composedly, without moving. ‘This is a new phenomenon. Darkness I’m getting used to; but I object to hearing voices.’

Was he mad, then, as well as blind, that he talked to himself? Maisie’s heart beat more wildly, and she breathed in gasps. Dick rose and began to feel his way across the room, touching each table and chair as he passed. Once he caught his foot on a rug, and swore, dropping on his knees to feel what the obstruction might be. Maisie remembered him walking in the Park as though all the earth belonged to him, tramping up and down her studio two months ago, and flying up the gangway of the Channel steamer. The beating of her heart was making her sick, and Dick was coming nearer, guided by the sound of her breathing. She put out a hand mechanically to ward him off or to draw him to herself, she did not know which. It touched his chest, and he stepped back as though he had been shot.

‘It’s Maisie!’ said he, with a dry sob. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I came — I came — to see you, please.’

Dick’s lips closed firmly.

‘Won’t you sit down, then? You see, I’ve had some bother with my eyes, and —  — ’

‘I know. I know. Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I couldn’t write.’

‘You might have told Mr. Torpenhow.’

‘What has he to do with my affairs?’

‘He — he brought me from Vitry-sur-Marne. He thought I ought to see you.’

‘Why, what has happened? Can I do anything for you? No, I can’t. I forgot.’

‘Oh, Dick, I’m so sorry! I’ve come to tell you, and —  — Let me take you back to your chair.’

‘Don’t! I’m not a child. You only do that out of pity. I never meant to tell you anything about it. I’m no good now. I’m down and done for. Let me alone!’

He groped back to his chair, his chest labouring as he sat down.

Maisie watched him, and the fear went out of her heart, to be followed by a very bitter shame. He had spoken a truth that had been hidden from the girl through every step of the impetuous flight to London; for he was, indeed, down and done for — masterful no longer but rather a little abject; neither an artist stronger than she, nor a man to be looked up to — only some blind one that sat in a chair and seemed on the point of crying. She was immensely and unfeignedly sorry for him — more sorry than she had ever been for any one in her life, but not sorry enough to deny his words.

So she stood still and felt ashamed and a little hurt, because she had honestly intended that her journey should end triumphantly; and now she was only filled with pity most startlingly distinct from love.

‘Well?’ said Dick, his face steadily turned away. ‘I never meant to worry you any more. What’s the matter?’

He was conscious that Maisie was catching her breath, but was as unprepared as herself for the torrent of emotion that followed. She had dropped into a chair and was sobbing with her face hidden in her hands.

‘I can’t — I can’t!’ she cried desperately. ‘Indeed, I can’t. It isn’t my fault.

I’m so sorry. Oh, Dickie, I’m so sorry.’

Dick’s shoulders straightened again, for the words lashed like a whip.

Still the sobbing continued. It is not good to realise that you have failed in the hour of trial or flinched before the mere possibility of making sacrifices.

‘I do despise myself — indeed I do. But I can’t. Oh, Dickie, you wouldn’t ask me — would you?’ wailed Maisie.

She looked up for a minute, and by chance it happened that Dick’s eyes fell on hers. The unshaven face was very white and set, and the lips were trying to force themselves into a smile. But it was the worn-out eyes that Maisie feared. Her Dick had gone blind and left in his place some one that she could hardly recognise till he spoke.

‘Who is asking you to do anything, Maisie? I told you how it would be.

What’s the use of worrying? For pity’s sake don’t cry like that; it isn’t worth it.’

‘You don’t know how I hate myself. Oh, Dick, help me — help me!’ The passion of tears had grown beyond her control and was beginning to alarm the man. He stumbled forward and put his arm round her, and her head fell on his shoulder.

‘Hush, dear, hush! Don’t cry. You’re quite right, and you’ve nothing to reproach yourself with — you never had. You’re only a little upset by the journey, and I don’t suppose you’ve had any breakfast. What a brute Torp was to bring you over.’

‘I wanted to come. I did indeed,’ she protested.

‘Very well. And now you’ve come and seen, and I’m — immensely grateful.

When you’re better you shall go away and get something to eat. What sort of a passage did you have coming over?’

Maisie was crying more subduedly, for the first time in her life glad that she had something to lean against. Dick patted her on the shoulder tenderly but clumsily, for he was not quite sure where her shoulder might be.

She drew herself out of his arms at last and waited, trembling and most unhappy. He had felt his way to the window to put the width of the room between them, and to quiet a little the tumult in his heart.