Complete Works of Wilkie Collins (1331 page)

I had no intention of trying to force the reply from her which she had hitherto withheld; but she appeared to put that interpretation on what I had said. “If you will have it,” she burst out, “there is somebody else living with us.”

“A man who helps your father?”

“No. A man who pays my father’s rent.”

I was quite unprepared for such a reply as this: Cristel had surprised me. To begin with, her father was “well-connected,” as we say in England. His younger brother had made a fortune in commerce, and had vainly offered him the means of retiring from the mill with a sufficient income. Then again, Giles Toller was known to have saved money. His domestic expenses made no heavy demand on his purse; his German wife (whose Christian name was now borne by his daughter) had died long since; his sons were no burden on him; they had never lived at the mill in my remembrance. With all these reasons against his taking a stranger into his house, he had nevertheless, if my interpretation of Cristel’s answer was the right one, let his spare rooms to a lodger. “Mr. Toller can’t possibly be in want of money,” I said.

“The more money father has, the more he wants. That’s the reason,” she added bitterly, “why he asked for plenty of room when the cottage was built, and why we have got a lodger.”

“Is the lodger a gentleman?”

“I don’t know. Is a man a gentleman, if he keeps a servant? Oh, don’t trouble to think about it, sir! It isn’t worth thinking about.”

This was plain speaking at last. “You don’t seem to like the lodger,” I said.

“I hate him!”

“Why?”

She turned on me with a look of angry amazement — not undeserved, I must own, on my part — which showed her dark beauty in the perfection of its luster and its power. To my eyes she was at the moment irresistibly charming. I daresay I was blind to the defects in her face. My good German tutor used to lament that there was too much of my boyhood still left in me. Honestly admiring her, I let my favorable opinion express itself a little too plainly. “What a splendid creature you are!” I burst out. Cristel did her duty to herself and to me; she passed over my little explosion of nonsense without taking the smallest notice of it.

“Master Gerard,” she began — and checked herself. “Please to excuse me, sir; you have set my head running on old times. What I want to say is: you were not so inquisitive when you were a young gentleman in short jackets. Please behave as you used to behave then, and don’t say anything more about our lodger. I hate him because I hate him. There!”

Ignorant as I was of the natures of women, I understood her at last. Cristel’s opinion of the lodger was evidently the exact opposite of the lodger’s opinion of Cristel. When I add that this discovery did decidedly operate as a relief to my mind, the impression produced on me by the miller’s daughter is stated without exaggeration and without reserve.

“Good-night,” she repeated, “for the last time.” I held out my hand. “Is it quite right, sir,” she modestly objected, “for such as me to shake hands with such as you?”

She did it nevertheless; and dropping my hand, cast a farewell look at the mysterious object of her interest — the new cottage. Her variable humour changed on the instant. Apparently in a state of unendurable irritation, she stamped on the ground. “Just what I didn’t want to happen!” she said to herself.

CHAPTER III

HE SHOWS HIMSELF

I too, looked at the cottage, and made a discovery that surprised me at one of the upper windows.

If I could be sure that the moon had not deceived me, the most beautiful face that I had ever seen was looking down on us — and it was the face of a man! By the uncertain light I could discern the perfection of form in the features, and the expression of power which made it impossible to mistake the stranger for a woman, although his hair grew long and he was without either moustache or beard. He was watching us intently; he neither moved nor spoke when we looked up at him.

“Evidently the lodger,” I whispered to Cristel. “What a handsome man!”

She tossed her head contemptuously: my expression of admiration seemed to have irritated her.

“I didn’t want him to see you!” she said. “The lodger persecutes me with his attentions; he’s impudent enough to be jealous of me.”

She spoke without even attempting to lower her voice. I endeavored to warn her. “He’s at the window still,” I said, in tones discreetly lowered; “he can hear everything you are saying.”

“Not one word of it, Mr. Gerard.”

“What do you mean?”

“The man is deaf. Don’t look at him again. Don’t speak to me again. Go home — pray go home!”

Without further explanation, she abruptly entered the cottage, and shut the door.

As I turned into the path which led through the wood I heard a voice behind me. It said: “Stop, sir.” I stopped directly, standing in the shadow cast by the outermost line of trees, which I had that moment reached. In the moonlight that I had left behind me, I saw again the man whom I had discovered at the window. His figure, tall and slim; his movements, graceful and easy, were in harmony with his beautiful face. He lifted his long finely-shaped hands, and clasped them with a frantic gesture of entreaty.

“For God’s sake,” he said, “don’t be offended with me!”

His voice startled me even more than his words; I had never heard anything like it before. Low, dull, and muffled, it neither rose nor fell; it spoke slowly and deliberately, without laying the slightest emphasis on any one of the words that it uttered. In the astonishment of the moment, I forgot what Cristel had told me. I answered him as I should have answered any other unknown person who had spoken to me.

“What do you want?”

His hands dropped; his head sunk on his breast. “You are speaking, sir, to a miserable creature who can’t hear you. I am deaf.”

I stepped nearer to him, intending to raise my voice in pity for his infirmity. He shuddered, and signed to me to keep back.

“Don’t come close to my ear; don’t shout.” As he spoke, strong excitement flashed at me in his eyes, without producing the slightest change in his voice. “I don’t deny,” he resumed, “that I can hear sometimes when people take that way with me. They hurt when they do it. Their voices go through my nerves as a knife might go through my flesh. I live at the mill, sir; I have a great favour to ask. Will you come and speak to me in my room — for five minutes only?”

I hesitated. Any other man in my place, would, I think, have done the same; receiving such an invitation as this from a stranger, whose pitiable infirmity seemed to place him beyond the pale of social intercourse.

He must have guessed what was passing in my mind; he tried me again in words which might have proved persuasive, had they been uttered in the customary variety of tone.

“I can’t help being a stranger to you; I can’t help being deaf. You’re a young man. You look more merciful and more patient than young men in general. Won’t you hear what I have to say? Won’t you tell me what I want to know?”

How were we to communicate? Did he by any chance suppose that I had learnt the finger alphabet? I touched my fingers and shook my head, as a means of dissipating his delusion, if it existed.

He instantly understood me.

“Even if you knew the finger alphabet,” he said, “it would be of no use. I have been too miserable to learn it — my deafness only came on me a little more than a year since. Pardon me if I am obliged to give you trouble — I ask persons who pity me to write their answers when I speak to them. Come to my room, and you will find what you want — a candle to write by.”

Was his will, as compared with mine, the stronger will of the two? And was it helped (insensibly to myself) by his advantages of personal appearance? I can only confess that his apology presented a picture of misery to my mind, which shook my resolution to refuse him. His ready penetration discovered this change in his favour: he at once took advantage of it. “Five minutes of your time is all I ask for,” he said. “Won’t you indulge a man who sees his fellow-creatures all talking happily round him, and feels dead and buried among them?”

The very exaggeration of his language had its effect on my mind. It revealed to me the horrible isolation among humanity of the deaf, as I had never understood it yet. Discretion is, I am sorry to say, not one of the strong points in my character. I committed one more among the many foolish actions of my life; I signed to the stranger to lead the way back to the mill.

CHAPTER IV

HE EXPLAINS HIMSELF

Giles Toller’s miserly nature had offered to his lodger shelter from wind and rain, and the furniture absolutely necessary to make a bedroom habitable — and nothing more. There was no carpet on the floor, no paper on the walls, no ceiling to hide the rafters of the roof. The chair that I sat on was the one chair in the room; the man whose guest I had rashly consented to be found a seat on his bed. Upon his table I saw pens and pencils, paper and ink, and a battered brass candlestick with a common tallow candle in it. His changes of clothing were flung on the bed; his money was left on the unpainted wooden chimney-piece; his wretched little morsel of looking-glass (propped up near the money) had been turned with its face to the wall. He perceived that the odd position of this last object had attracted my notice.

“Vanity and I have parted company,” he explained; “I shrink from myself when I look at myself now. The ugliest man living — if he has got his hearing — is a more agreeable man in society than I am. Does this wretched place disgust you?”

He pushed a pencil and some sheets of writing-paper across the table to me. I wrote my reply: “The place makes me sorry for you.”

He shook his head. “Your sympathy is thrown away on me. A man who has lost his social relations with his fellow-creatures doesn’t care how he lodges or where he lives. When he has found solitude, he has found all he wants for the rest of his days. Shall we introduce ourselves? It won’t be easy for me to set the example.”

I used the pencil again: “Why not?”

“Because you will expect me to give you my name. I can’t do it. I have ceased to bear my family name; and, being out of society, what need have I for an assumed name? As for my Christian name, it’s so detestably ugly that I hate the sight and sound of it. Here, they know me as The Lodger. Will you have that? or will you have an appropriate nick-name? I come of a mixed breed; and I’m likely, after what has happened to me, to turn out a worthless fellow. Call me The Cur. Oh, you needn’t start! that’s as accurate a description of me as any other. What’s
your
name?”

I wrote it for him. His face darkened when he found out who I was.

“Young, personally attractive, and a great landowner,” he said. “I saw you just now talking familiarly with Cristel Toller. I didn’t like that at the time; I like it less than ever now.”

My pencil asked him, without ceremony, what he meant.

He was ready with his reply. “I mean this: you owe something to the good luck which has placed you where you are. Keep your familiarity for ladies in your own rank of life.”

This (to a young man like me) was unendurable insolence. I had hitherto refrained from taking him at his own bitter word in the matter of nick-name. In the irritation of the moment, I now first resolved to adopt his suggestion seriously. The next slip of paper that I handed to him administered the smartest rebuff that my dull brains could discover on the spur of the moment: “The Cur is requested to keep his advice till he is asked for it.”

For the first time, something like a smile showed itself faintly on his lips — and represented the only effect which my severity had produced. He still followed his own train of thought, as resolutely and as impertinently as ever.

“I haven’t seen you talking to Cristel before to-night. Have you been meeting her in secret?”

In justice to the girl, I felt that I ought to set him right, so far. Taking up the pencil again, I told this strange man that I had just returned to England, after an absence of many years in foreign countries — that I had known Cristel when we were both children — and that I had met her purely by accident, when he had detected us talking outside the cottage. Seeing me pause, after advancing to that point in the writing of my reply, he held out his hand impatiently for the paper. I signed him to wait, and added a last sentence: “Understand this; I will answer no more questions — I have done with the subject.”