Concealed - A Hiding From Love Novel #2 (9 page)

It’s after two a.m. and I’m lying on the pullout sofa in my apartment, all pretense of sleep forgotten as I review the night’s clusterfuck in my head. How the hell did everything go so wrong so fast? I’ve only been in town one week and Alexis refuses to talk to me, hates to see me, and seems as attached to Marco as ever. About the only thing in my favor is her sister, and I’m not sure that’s going to be enough. I was such an idiot when I started this. I’d never admit it to any of my guy friends, but I came to Austin with all kinds of stupid romantic visions in my head. I thought if she saw me, felt me, she’d come to her senses and realize how much she loves me. I laugh to myself in the darkness.

I’m a fucking idiot.

I hear a car pull into the parking lot and doors slam, then a girl crying and soft voices. I stand up and pull the blinds aside to look out. There stands Beth, a sobbing Alexis hanging off of her as she tries to make her way to the staircase. One of them is going to get hurt. I sigh and open my front door.

“Beth?”

She jumps, almost dropping Alexis at the same time. “God, you scared me.”

I scratch my head, having trouble focusing while Alexis is sniffling on Beth’s shoulder.

“It looks like you could use some help.”

Beth looks around the empty lot as if someone else might volunteer.

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Marco’s going to be here soon. . .”

“Well, he’s not here now –
as usual
,” I mutter under my breath, “and I am. Why don’t I help you so one of you doesn’t fall on your ass.”

She sighs. “Okay. I guess. Can you just take her up the stairs?”

I walk over and put my hand on Alexis’s back as she continues to lean heavily on her sister. “Babe?” I say quietly.

She sobs again.

“I’m going to help you upstairs now, so hold on, okay?”

I think I see a nod under all the hair and saltwater. I scoop her up, and she folds herself into my body, her quiet sobs shaking her every so often. I don’t have a shirt on, and the feel of her warm soft body against mine makes me want to walk back to my apartment and lock her inside with me. It nearly breaks me to hold her this close.

“I’m sorry,” Beth says as she leads me across the parking lot to the stairs. “She never drinks like this.”

“Well, she’s drunk as hell, but she also needs some food.”

“Why? So she can yak it all back up?”

“No, her blood sugar’s dropped. She does this, gets low blood sugar and cries. I guarantee if you get a few carbs and a little protein into her she’ll perk up a lot.”

Beth stops midway on the staircase and looks back at me. “You’re serious?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You know this about my sister? I mean, you spent a month with her two years ago and yet you know that if she gets too hungry she cries?”

“Beth, we’re in the middle of a staircase and your sister is wiping snot all over my neck. Can we have this conversation inside or something?”

She looks at me intently for a moment more before nodding and walking the rest of the way to Alexis’s door. After she opens it and motions me in, I step through. Alexis mumbles something into my shoulder.

“What’s that?” I ask quietly into her hair.

“Did you come for me, Gabe?”

“Yeah, babe. I did.”

“Will you always come for me, Gabe?”

I kiss her softly on the forehead as I lay her on the sofa. “Yeah, Alexis. I’ll always come for you.”
Fool that I am
.

I straighten and turn to where Beth is watching me from the doorway.

“Thanks a lot,” she says, trying not to be obvious as she keeps darting glances to the parking lot.

“But Marco will be here soon,” I finish.

She nods sadly.

“See you around, Beth.” I pass by her and walk out of the apartment. Marco is just reaching the top of the stairs when I walk out. He stiffens as he sees me.

“She’s all yours,” I tell him and walk by, shoulder-checking him as I go.

“You need to stay away from her,” he says as I head down the stairs.

“And you need to watch your back, Marky Mark ‘cause I’m not done here. Not by a long shot.”

Alexis

Te deseo.

I want you

.

I
’M
having a delicious dream. Gabe, bare-chested, wearing only a pair of loose flannel pajama pants, is carrying me to bed. “I’ll always come for you, babe,” he tells me. He’s so warm and I can smell him, that special combination of guy and soap and motor oil. His muscles flex beneath my hands as he carries me. I run my fingers over the raised scar that snakes along his shoulder. I can almost feel the letters of my name that lies next to the puckered skin.

“Lex,” a voice calls to me. “Lex.”

I open my eyes, only to be blasted by pain shooting through my skull. I grimace, yelp, and shut my eyes again.

Marco chuckles. “Guess that answers the question of how you’re feeling.”

I almost cringe away from where Marco sits next to me on the bed. I immediately feel guilty. I’m pulling away from him not because he’s done anything wrong but because he isn’t Gabe. What is the matter with me?

I slowly open first one eye and then the other, blinking a couple of times as I try to breathe through the excruciating pain that rocks the inside my head.

Marco sits beside me, watching me thoughtfully. He reaches out and pushes my hair back off my face.

“Paying for your little bender last night, huh?”

I nod my head, not sure if I’m ready to use my voice or not.

“Beth took you home, and when I got here, you were on the sofa bawling your head off, something about someone coming to get you. Then Beth said you needed to eat. I thought she was nuts, but as soon as you had a piece of peanut butter toast, you perked right up. Then you passed out, of course.” He laughs again.

I try to sit up, groaning in pain as I do. He pulls a pillow up behind me and I sit back against it.

“I’m really sorry,” I say, humiliation washing over me.

He strokes my hair some more. “Don’t be. I didn’t realize how much stress this whole deal has been putting on you.”

“What whole deal?” I ask warily.

He sighs and looks down at his lap. “Having that guy here.”

“He has a name,” I answer quietly.

“Yeah, I know. Gabe. There. I said it. And I see that his being here is stressful for you. What I don’t know is if it’s stressful because he makes you nervous and reminds you of stuff you’d rather forget, or because you still have feelings for him.”

He looks up at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. Marco has loved me for a long time, and I love him too. I never want to hurt him, and this is.

“It’s not because I have feelings for him,” I lie. “But I know this is hurting you, and I don’t know how to fix it. I can’t make him move. I can’t force him to go back where he came from. I ignore him but he’s still here. How do I make this right, Marc?”

He reaches out and puts his palm along my cheek then gives me a sad smile. “I don’t think you can, Lex. We’ll just have to wait it out and hope it works for the best. He’s not going to leave, and when I look at you, I know why. No guy in his right mind would let you go unless he had to. I’ve been blessed with four years of your life, and I hope I get a whole lot more, but if I were him? I’d be doing the same damn thing. I’d be going after you, and I’d try to get you back.”

I feel a tear track down my cheek, and I lean my lips into his hand and plant a kiss on his palm.

“It’s still you and me. It’ll always be you and me.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Lex. Just know I’m here too. And I’m not going anywhere either.” He stands up. “You able to eat anything?”

I clear my throat, overwhelmed by emotion. “Maybe.”

“Why don’t I make you some eggs and toast before I go hit the library?”

I nod. “You’re a great boyfriend, you know.” I smile at him.

“Just don’t forget it,” he says.

After Marco leaves for the library, I spend a long time in the shower trying to wash away the pain that has taken up residence inside my brain and my chest. My drinking binge didn’t rid me of my problems, but it did get the anger out. I’m too tired and hungover to be mad anymore.

Once I look like some semblance of a human again, I gather up all the filthy clothes from the week, grab a handful of quarters from the jar I keep in the kitchen, and head downstairs to the laundry room.

I’m sorting through everything, preparing to fill one washer with darks and one with lights when I hear the door to the laundry room open. I turn to look behind me and find myself face to face with Gabe.

“Sorry,” he says quickly. “I’ll come back later.” He starts to reverse course when I stop him.

“Wait. I mean, you don’t have to leave. If you need to do your laundry, come on in.”

He looks at me skeptically. “Is that the hangover talking or you really willing to be in the same room with me?”

I sigh. I didn’t throw up this morning, but now my stomach feels like it’s reconsidering.

“Look, I don’t remember everything about last night, but I know I said some pretty shitty things to you. I’m sorry, okay? It was the alcohol talking and I was out of line.”

He nods then walks to the washing machines on the opposite side of the room from me and starts pulling stuff out of his basket. He has his back to me so I watch him for a minute. The muscles in his shoulders and back flex as he reaches into the basket and stacks laundry on the counter, and I remember the way they felt in the dream I had last night – firm, smooth, warm, like a piece of metal in the sunshine.

I also can’t help but notice the set of his shoulders and the way he keeps his head lowered. I’ve never seen his body look so defeated. This is a man who has survived two tours of duty in Afghanistan and kept his pride, his cocky attitude, his confidence. Nothing takes Gabe Thompson down. Except me. I did this to him. I made him fall in love with me and now it’s slowly ruining him. Beth was right – I have to find a way to set him free. He is the most spectacular man I’ve ever known, strong, resourceful, brave, funny, and utterly beautiful. He deserves to be the man he’s destined to be. I can’t stand to be the one who interrupts that.

“Gabe?” I’m surprised at how tentative my voice sounds.

“Yeah?” he asks without turning around.

“Um, can we talk?”

He stops moving and stands, hands gripping the countertop for a minute before he slowly turns around to face me.

“So talk,” he says, both his voice and his face neutral.

I start to pace. I didn’t plan this, but I know something has to be said.

“I really am sorry about last night.”

He crosses his arms and leans back against the counter. “Yeah, I think you covered that.”

I stop pacing and look at him. Normally this is the point at which I’d start bickering with him for his snarkiness, but surprisingly I see no snark on his face, and the bicker is all drained out of me.

“I was really shocked when you showed up here. I mean, I guess I haven’t handled it so well, and I’m sorry about that too. I don’t know what you want from me though, Gabe. You didn’t seriously expect me to turn my life upside down and fall into your arms because you showed up at my door?”

He looks at me for a minute. Then he turns his head slightly to gaze out the windows at the parking lot. The sun is shining outside and the rays filter through the dirty glass to pour over his perfect cut features, catching his blond hair and reflecting in tiny sparks of light. He is so beautiful it makes my whole being ache. And he is so much more than what most people see. He’s big and tattooed and rude, but he’s also sweet and funny and so fucking sexy it should be a crime. There aren’t many girls who could tell him no, and that knowledge makes what I’m doing so much harder.

He finally turns back to me and runs a hand through his short hair. “You never told me you loved me,” he says out of the blue.

I open my mouth to respond but clamp it shut again, speechless.

“When you left Afghanistan, I told you not to answer me. I told you we could talk about it when I got home. But well, we all know how that turned out. The bottom line is you never told me you loved me. I assumed you did, based on what we had, based on how
I
felt. I guess I came here thinking that you loved me and if we could be in the same place at the same time you’d remember and we’d work it out.”