Conceived Without Sin (37 page)

He's as tall as Sam and as good a shooter as Bill. Who is going to cover him? He's too fast for Sam, and too tall for the Man. Can Buzz handle him? Contain him?

As much as she adored Buzz, she was a realist when it came to scouting.
Not likely.

We'll need a miracle. We're
gonna get smeared,
Donna's practical side told her. She wasn't quite sure if it was kosher to pray for the Scaps to win a game. After all, did God really care who won a silly basketball game?

Maybe God doesn't care,
a little voice told her.
But if the team is named after the brown scapular, maybe His mother does.

She fell asleep praying an extra Rosary for the Scaps to win.

+  +  +

Bill White
went to bed in pain, a dull throb in his back. He took three Bayer aspirin.

Fifteen years earlier, he had been on the Bayer account team. He still used that brand out of sheer loyalty.

I'm getting too old to play this competitively,
he told himself.
Then again, I haven't had this much fun in years.

He decided to offer his pain to heaven for the Johnsons to conceive a child.

And while you're at
it, Jesus, make it a boy.

He knew how much Mark wanted one.

He slept like a baby, barely giving a thought to the big game the next day before he fell off to sleep. After all, Bill White was a shooter, and shooters have ice (and sometimes, aspirin) in their veins.

+  +  +

Sam and Ellie stayed up until one, sharing the love seat in Bucky's den, enjoying the natural gas fire. They talked about whatever
came into their heads: their businesses, the Scaps, the wedding plans, their recent dinner with Bucky and Edward, who had driven down from Michigan.

She sat on one end of the love seat, her feet up on an ottoman. He was on his back, resting his head on her lap, his long legs hanging over the edge at his knees. She stroked his hair.

"You're starting to go bald up top," she remarked evenly, wondering
how he would react.

"Sorry," he replied. "Do you mind?"

She shook her head with a slight smile. She couldn't care less.

"Our fathers don't have much in common," Ellie said wistfully. "It was weird listening to Bucky try to find common ground with Edward."

Sam laughed. "They're from two different worlds. You and I are about the only common ground they might ever have."

After a few minutes, Ellie
sighed. "It's been a wonderful summer, Sam, a summer of dreams."

"I hope I never wake up. I don't remember what it used to be like."

"Used to be like?"

"Before you, I was alone. I thought that was okay. Now I can't imagine being alone. I thought I was going to live my whole life alone.

"Love is a surprise. I mean, who could ever plan on it? Our lives are an illusion of plans. We plan our educations,
our careers, where we live, what kind of towels to put in the linen closet. Planning is dull compared to this. You and me. What a wonderful surprise."

She nodded. She stroked his forehead, gently touching his eyelids, closing them.

"I've had a plan for my life since I was a little girl. I always thought that I would get married later on, after I became established in my career. You were a surprise,
sweetheart, but I don't normally like surprises. You're not what I expected. I didn't expect you to be…" she trailed off.

He opened his eyes, looking up at her. He liked looking up. He remembered briefly his own mother, stroking his hair like this, somewhere.
Yes, in the convertible, the Red Memory.

"What did you expect?"

"I didn't expect my husband to be so kind."

She saw him blush, and leaned
down to kiss him on the forehead.

"It's funny, but you don't hear much about kindness these days," she said. "Bucky has always been my measuring stick, and I love him dearly, but when I think of him, I think of strength and smarts, not kindness.

"In an odd, roundabout way, you've helped me finally figure out Donna, I think. She's like you. She's kind. She looks out for me at the games. Unlike
the bitchy girls I called my friends at college, she's not competing with me, even though I can tell she likes you. I'm not used to that. I used to be one of the bitchy ones myself."

"Don't say that," Sam corrected quickly. She felt his back muscles tighten.

"Relax, Sam. It's true. I can be a real bitch. I don't blame myself. It's like it was part of my
training.
You told me that you saw my soul
in my eyes. That stuck with me. It made me uncomfortable. I went home and looked at my eyes in the mirror, and wondered what you saw. I didn't like what I saw there."

"What are you saying, El?" Sam was shocked by the self-loathing in her voice. He had never heard anything like it from her.

Ellie's lower lip began to tremble. "Sam, I don't know what I'm saying. I was at the game yesterday, watching
Donna, and despite myself, I found myself wishing I was like her. She's like you; she's dedicated to something outside of herself. She's so into the Scaps.

"You can see it in her eyes. I was watching her closely, watching how she put so much of herself into scouting a silly team like the whole world depended on it.

"I'm falling for her, Sam. Then I realized that I can't be like her, that I would
have to go back and start over as a little girl to get to the point she's at. Suddenly I felt like a little bug."

Sam was listening very carefully, confused and concerned. It was like a whole different Ellie was in the room with him. He had never seen a crack in her perfect armor of confidence. He reached up, and put a hand on her cheek.

"Donna and Buzz do have a way of getting under your skin,
Ellie."

Ellie sniffed. "I suppose so."

She looked away from him, toward the false fire. A tear escaped from her eye and she sniffed a second time.

"Who am I, Sam? Am I Bucky's daughter? Am I your wife? I don't see anything when I look in the mirror."

With a sweet agility, he swung his legs around, pulled himself up to her, and enveloped her in his arms.

"It's okay to be weak and confused, Ellie.
If Buzz and Donna have taught me anything, it's that it's okay to not be in control. For Buzz, just going to work is a success. Donna has been drifting since high school. But they know who they are. They're still great people. They inspire me. Let them inspire you, too. Don't get down on yourself."

Her next question seemed to come out of nowhere.

"You won't leave me, will you? What if our marriage
doesn't work out? What if we end up divorced like most of Bucky's friends?"

There are times when words are extra, like raindrops on drenched grass. There are times for holding. He held her. She shook in his arms. His hold was not enough to calm her.

This threw him off balance.

What should I do?

He had never seen this side of her, and wondered if he would see more of it after the wedding. It unnerved
him. Her perfect control was one of the reasons he loved her.

If only Buzz's grace was real, I could ask his God for some of it to give to you. I wish I had more than words to offer.

Ellie's almost silent sobbing stopped. She raised her head, opening her eyes wide.

"I'm okay now."

The vulnerable Ellie had disappeared.

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm fine. I don't know what got into me. Must be nerves,"
she said unconvincingly, with a small chill in her voice. "I'm thirsty, too. I need a glass of water. Want one?"

"Sure. But I've got to get going. We've got a big game tomorrow."

She got up and left the room.

What just happened?
Sam thought.
Who am I marrying next week?

He shook his head, and blew off a feeling of disorientation. He sat up straight and looked at his empty shoes on the rug.

This
is no time for cold feet.

He slipped his shoes on and laced them slowly. Ellie returned with a glass of ice water.

After the long drive home to the West Side, he tossed and turned in bed. An image of Donna Beck, swimming in a pool, kept coming to his mind, half in a dream, half out.

Despite himself, he wanted to jump in.

Finally he fell asleep, not in the least aware that an attack had begun in
earnest for his soul.

He dreamed he was in the Cleveland State Arena, making hook shot after hook shot into the basket, feeling pretty good about himself. Ellie was on the bench, holding a clipboard, cheering wildly each time his slender arm released the ball. Buzz was also on the bench, his leg in a cast, writhing in pain.

"It's up to you, Sam," he whispered. Sam heard the words in that strange
way of dreams.

Sam was alone on his side of the court. The crowd roared with approval as he made each shot. He turned and looked at the bench and now Donna, not Ellie, was there with the clipboard. That seemed better. More practical.

Donna is a better scout,
he thought sagely.

He sunk another shot. More cheers. This was too easy.

Why isn't anybody covering me? Why are they letting me shoot without
covering me?

Suddenly, the Man was running toward Sam, waving his arms as Sam released the final shot. A buzzer rang, and the crowd became deathly silent.

The Man yelled: "Sam! You're shooting into the wrong basket!"

Swish.

3

"Hear that?" Buzz called to Sam the next day.

"Hear what?"

"That sound. That squeaking sound. That's the sound of basketball."

Sam stopped dribbling and looked up at the
rafters of Cleveland State Arena, listening. He filtered out the sounds of the crowd of almost seven thousand people settling into their seats; he heard the crisp thrumps of basketballs being dribbled and the half-metallic sound of misfired shots clanging off the rims. That left the distinct sound of eleven players warming up for the Revco Ten Thousand championship game.

Squeak. Squeak squeak.

"I hear it," Sam said.

"It's a nice, unique sound. I'm always going to remember it. I've never played in a real basketball game before, on a court like this. I wanna remember something."

The Man was on the foul line, practicing foul shots. "You'll remember the win, Buzz," he said, not taking his eyes off the rim. "And you'll remember the loss."

"We're not gonna lose," Buzz said confidently, taking
a shot from his spot. Air ball.

The Man had no reply. He looked back to Dantes Infernos, warming up on the other end. He recognized a few players. They were very, very good. Tall, fast, quick, good shooters.

"Sam! Mark!" the Man called out.

The two big men were practicing short baseline jumpers. They turned to their leader and trotted over.

"Yeah?" Mark asked.

"Let's put on a show. None of those
guys have ever heard of us. Let's practice alley-oops, get this crowd going."

Sam and Mark lined up. Bill White came over with a ball. He tossed it toward the hoop, just off to the side.

Sam Fisk flew in, grabbed the ball in mid air, and slammed the ball down with ease.

Buzz stood in his spot beyond the three point line, and smiled, clapping. He heard a few claps from the crowd, and a cheer from
Ellen: "Yeah Sam!"

The Man tossed the next ball. Mark Johnson left the ground from both feet, grabbed the ball and crammed it through the net with incredible force. The crowd cheered loudly. Mark held up a fist. More cheers.

Bill White, who was a six-footer, sliced down the lane for another, less impressive slam. The crowd, surprised by his ability, cheered again.

Sam and Mark followed with identical,
backwards slams from the standing position. Some in the crowd started clapping.

Who are these guys?
a few thousand of the fans asked themselves.

Out of the corner of his eye, the Man noticed a few Infernos stop their warm-ups to watch.

Buzz tossed a shot from twelve feet beyond the three point line. Swish. Sam snapped the ball back to him. Swish. Bill bounced him another. Swish.

One of the Infernos
walked over to Dante Curry, who had not turned to watch the Scaps, and said something, looking upcourt as he spoke. Dante shook his head and laughed, refusing to look back.

Good,
thought the Man.

+  +  +

After the Star Spangled Banner was sung by local rock legend Michael Stanley, Donna handed Sam a scapular.

"For me?" she asked. "Just for the game."

He hesitated, then took it from her hand. He
put it on. It felt vaguely itchy under his plain brown T-shirt.
Scaps
was silk-screened on the front, with
Edwards & Associates Supports Rainbow Babies
on the back. The plug on the back had been Ellie's idea.

The Man turned Donna's scapular offer down with a rare smile. "No offense, but I'm superstitious about not bein' superstitious."

Donna puzzled over his explanation for several seconds before
giving up in bafflement.

+  +  +

To make the game last longer for the paying crowd and the television audience, the point total to win was set at 42 for the final game. This was to the advantage of the Infernos, who had a sixth man.

+  +  +

Ellie was nervous sitting on the bench next to Donna. She had decided not to paint her face. Buzz had mentioned the possibility of a television interview after
the game. She wore a Scaps T-shirt, faded jeans, and diamond earrings worth sixteen thousand dollars.

As the Scaps took their positions on the court for the opening tip off, Donna paced up and down the sidelines.

Several workers from Bill White's agency, the Johnson family, Bucky, the Kemps, and Sam's father sat in the box seats directly behind the bench. Donna's parents and her sisters and brother
had also come to watch. A few dozen of the regulars from the Rocky River courts were also in the stands.

Someone started chanting "Go Man go! Go Man go!"

Buzz closed his eyes, and prayed:
Dear Mary, help me play hard and play smart. Please, don't let me embarrass myself.

Mark Johnson shouted "Let's go!"