Condemned (17 page)

“Hmm.” Jesse must have heard the hope in his friend’s voice.
“What’s next?”

“I send more. I thanked her for saving my life in the first
one. I have to keep sending short, truthful messages that are completely
non-provoking. Hopefully, if she keeps reading them, I’ll eventually be able to
apologize in a way that goes deeper than a simple claim of being sorry. Maybe
someday, she’ll agree to spend a few minutes with me and we’ll go from there.”

“Awfully ambitious, Brett.”

“Not really. I expect this to take months if I can manage
not to blow it at any point along the way.” Brett sighed. “How did I succeed in
doing everything possible to screw up with the only woman who makes me want to
reach for the brass ring?”

Jesse chuckled. “Took you long enough to figure it out.”

“Too bad I had to break her heart to accept what was in
mine. I finally understand what Jordan tried to explain the day he met Kiley.”

“Oh man,” Jesse groaned. “I hate to say it but you are in
bigger trouble here than you can imagine.”

“I know. I gotta fix this, Jess. I think my entire life
depends on it.”

“All the more reason to talk to both Jordan and Shane. Hell,
Kiley and Alyssa too.”

“Yeah, I know. If only for the moral support they’d offer. I
will. Soon.”

“No need to tell me. It’s you who’s been shutting them out.
And you who needs to figure out why and find a way back from the hole you’ve
been digging for yourself.”

“I’m gonna have to tell Jordan everything. I don’t know how
to do that without hurting his feelings.”

“The longer you wait—”

“Yeah, yeah, the worse it will be. I don’t even know how I
let this happen. It was entirely me. I’m positive about that but I don’t know
why I let it get this bad.”

“Figure it out, Brett. Sooner than later.” Jesse laughed.
“Okay, there’s your lecture for the day. I’m glad that’s the only one I have to
give you.”

“Me too. I think the alcohol one finally sank in. As soon as
we hang up, I’m heading out for supplies. I decided to get back into the habit
of eating several meals a day and abstaining from having more than the
occasional drink. Nothing more than a beer with my sandwich when I’m alone.”

“I’m impressed. Not that I ever doubted you’d reach that
decision but I have to admit that I was concerned.”

“Me too. I forgot somehow that my life was pretty decent for
the most part. Now that I realize I want Andie to be part of it, I have to make
it something worth asking her to share. And I have to do it now instead of
waiting to see if she’ll ever speak to me again.”

“You know, you’re starting to sound like the first Brett I
met. Good to have you back.”

“Good to be heading in the right direction for a change. I
owe you.”

“As I said before, forget it. I didn’t do anything for you
that you wouldn’t have done for me if I were the one who was getting lost.”

“Somehow, I don’t think you’d let it get so bad but thanks.”

“Who knows? Go get your food. I’ll check on your girl for
you.”

“Appreciate it.” Brett liked the sound of that. If only it
were true.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Andie wasn’t really surprised when another email from Brett
showed up a few hours later. He was probably monitoring when she opened them
just like she had before the auction. She walked away from the screen, going
down to play the piano for an hour. Sadie was out somewhere so Andie was able
to bang away at the keys as she liked to do when she was upset. Her mother
always criticized her when Andie played anything other than the classics.

Her aunt didn’t even know she preferred to glide through
endless blues songs, some she composed herself, when she needed to be soothed.
She was being dumb. Aunt Sadie always encouraged her to play whatever she
liked, just as her uncle had. She wouldn’t object to anything as long as the
music made Andie content. What would Brett think? Not that she cared. Just a
passing thought. Nothing more. It didn’t matter at all what that insensitive,
unfeeling jerk thought about her playing. No way would she ever expose herself
to his opinion of something she had put her heart into creating. Damn him for
even making her think about him. Andie blustered a little while longer before
she stomped back to her room and flopped into the chair at her desk.

Why didn’t he just go away? What did he want from her this
time? He’d said thanks. He’d apologized. What else was there? Damn him for
making her too curious to ignore him. Well, this was the last one she would
look at. One and done. If he had the nerve to persist, she’d delete each and
every one of them. What the hell was wrong with the man? She’d practically
yanked his arm off and he still wouldn’t take the hint.

Angrily, Andie snatched her mouse and clicked on his email.

Hello Andie

It’s been said that if someone saves your life it belongs
to her. Personally, I suspect that that would be a good policy in my case. I
can’t think of anyone else who has managed to ruin his life even while it was
being saved. You performed a miracle when I needed it the most. I’m afraid I
need an even bigger one now. I’m positive you are the only one capable of that
feat twice in one lifetime. My life is in your hands, just as it was Wednesday
night. Since I have no right to ask you to save me again, I won’t bother.
Instead, I’m going to demand that you save me. I insist you take the life that
has become yours and make it whole. Don’t throw it away like I did. You’re so
much better than I am. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll most likely make
everything worse.

Yours forever, Brett.

Andie stared in disbelief. She reread his note only to read
it again. He demanded! He insisted! Who the hell did he think he was? He must
be drunk. Of all the nerve! Pompous ass! Starting out so humble and then having
the balls to command her to do something for him like that. Damn man. Andie
prowled around her room, grumbling all the while. She was definitely deleting
all future emails, unopened. Making demands on her. She should have ripped both
arms off so he couldn’t type any more of that infuriating nonsense.

Sadie heard Andie griping under her breath when they sat down
to dinner that evening. She’d noticed the change in her niece as soon as she
came home earlier but decided not to comment.

What Andie didn’t know was that the meeting Sadie’d had was
with Jesse. The boy certainly had spunk, she had to give him that. She had
listened to the explanation he offered for the cause of Andie’s obvious
distress. When he’d finished, he’d patiently answered all her questions. So she
had been right all along. Andie was in love with Brett. And now it seemed that
the fool had reclaimed some of the sense he used to possess and had decided to
stop fighting what Sadie already knew he was hiding from. They were perfect for
each other. All she had to do was keep Andie from running away long enough for
Brett to figure out how to reach through the tangled mess that he’d made.

Although Jesse had danced around some of the details, Sadie
hadn’t been born yesterday. Something more had happened between the two than he
was admitting. Knowing the playboy, it was probably something of a physical nature.
Sadie remembered falling in love and not wanting to resist the desire that came
with it. Though her niece seemed slightly innocent, Sadie suspected there was a
side of her that would have no problem holding Brett’s interest.

“Is there something wrong with the dinner?” Sadie asked when
Andie merely pushed her food around on her plate. “I thought you liked my
stew.”

“I do, Aunt Sadie. It’s very good, really. I guess I’m just
not that hungry.”

“I know I said I wouldn’t pry and I won’t. However, I will
not let you injure your health. I love you, Andrea. I want to remind you that
I’m here if you have anything you want to discuss, even if it’s personal.
Without judgment or unwanted advice.”

Andie sighed. “I appreciate that. I may eventually take you
up on it. I wouldn’t know where to start right now. I need to take some time
and sort things out myself first.”

“Of course.” Sadie patted her hand. “I’m available anytime
you need me.”

“Thanks. Would you mind if I just turn in now? I feel as if
I haven’t slept for days.”

“Go right ahead, dear. The stew will be in the refrigerator
if you get hungry later.”

“I love you, Aunt Sadie.” Andie hugged her before she left
the table.

“May I just say one thing?” Andie nodded. “Whatever it was
that hurt you so deeply could only have touched you like that if you had strong
feelings in the first place. It might seem impossible at the moment but don’t
let go of that part. If you do, you might lose something that could become very
precious once you work your way through your hurt.”

“I’ll try,” Andie agreed softly before she went up to her
room.

* * * * *

Brett unpacked more of the boxes that he’d let accumulate
over the past two months. Though he had the constant urge to return to his
computer to check if Andie had opened his second email, he wouldn’t permit
himself to do it. If she hadn’t, he’d be insane long before nightfall. Why had
he let his temporary insanity rule and end it the way he had?

What was it about that woman who brought out a side of him
that he hadn’t even known existed? He had started out just fine, telling Andie
she now had control over his life. Instead of leaving it at that, as he’d
intended, he had actually demanded she step in again and repair the latest
disastrous event. It wouldn’t be such an incredibly stupid request if that
particular blunder weren’t the one where he’d shattered her faith in him not to
mention her heart. And yet, something inside wouldn’t let him recall his words.

When Brett finished choking down his dinner, he gave himself
permission to look at his computer screen. He couldn’t prevent his lips from
twitching into a brief smile when he learned that Andie had opened his second
note. His short-lived relief was quickly replaced with panic. Okay, she’d read
it but what was her reaction? If his high-handed approach had pushed her even
farther away, he had only himself to blame.

A bigger issue was what to say to her next. He had been
direct. He had been humble and then on the edge of domineering all in one short
paragraph. What could he say now to keep her off-balance enough to continue
reading his emails?

Brett unconsciously pulled a beer from the refrigerator to
drink while he thought. When he felt the rippled edge of the cap against his
palm, he stopped himself from twisting. He returned the bottle to the shelf and
made coffee instead. He had vowed to get out of that habit and he meant to keep
his resolve. He had to. He definitely needed his head clear while he debated on
his next words to Andie. Finally, he concluded that his only hope was to be as
honest as possible. Brett knew he hadn’t been at his best for the majority of
the time since she’d come to stay with her aunt. The man she thought she knew
was hardly the man he truly was. Perhaps it was time to let her get to know him
for the person he’d always thought he was.

That decided, he sat down to write. He’d start with what
came into his head and edit it before he sent it. And no more timing his
messages either. He’d send his thoughts as close together or as far apart as
they struck him. As long as he was sincere, Brett would let his words flow and
hope for the best.

An hour later, he sent his third message.

My Dear Andie

I reread what I wrote this afternoon and was stunned.
Though you only know me as I have appeared over the last several months, I feel
I must tell you how atypical my behavior has been. Prior to the emergence of
the tension-riddled, overstressed, smug asshole with the much-inflated ego and
distorted sense of urgency, I was actually a fairly easygoing, pleasant guy who
others considered somewhat entertaining to be around. I thought of myself as
laid back, fun but levelheaded, quick to laugh yet just as quick to go out of
my way if I sensed a need I could fill.

I spent the day organizing my home. This, I found, is an
activity that gives one plenty of time for reflection. I can’t pinpoint any
particular event that triggered my transformation. It may have started the
night I blew up at Shane and Alyssa, unable to stand by a moment longer and
listen as they doubted Jordan and Kiley. I should mention that it was the first
time I met Alyssa. It was also the first time I told Shane how I viewed his
behavior toward Jordan. You already know the rest of that story.

Perhaps my downfall began when Kiley tried to deny her
love for Jordan. The distrustful cynic in me ran rampant until she listened to
her heart and asked for her rightful place in his life. Maybe I lost my focus
when Shane and Alyssa worked through their obstacles and emerged united with
their ready-made family.

I spoke with Flynn last night. I know he told you his
true story. I was so far out of line in my horrendous treatment of him. I said
unforgivable things that were uttered to inflict the most damage possible. I
believed I was already a monster at the time. I had destroyed nearly everything
else in my life and I didn’t want Flynn to see what I had become. Thankfully,
Jesse arrived at the moment Flynn needed him the most. After he shocked some
sense into me, he took the time to repair as much of my harm as he could. If I
hadn’t been determined to drive everyone away from me yesterday morning, we
would have been back to speak with you long before you woke up.

Jesse called me earlier. Please don’t take my mistakes
out on him. He really is someone you can depend on and trust with anything. I
know he broke his promise to you but Andie, please think about his reasons. He
was entirely correct with his assessment of how I would have behaved on the
trip back to the city if you had been with us. His concern for my
less-than-steady state of mind overrode his desire to diminish the hurt I
inflicted on you. If you must blame anyone for his actions, place it where it
truly belongs, with me. I forced him to make that choice. He did what he felt
was most urgent at the time. I damaged the friendship between the two of you.
Please don’t be like me and toss away someone who cares for you.

For reasons I will never understand, I made my
transformation complete by cutting myself off from the two best friends I’ve
had my entire life. Jordan was always closer than a brother and Shane generally
treated me as family. This rift is something else that was entirely my doing.
Both of them continually went above and beyond to make me feel a part of their
new families. Kiley and Alyssa made a point to include me as well. Even though
I knew I belonged in their lives as much as I always have, I shut myself away
from them. I pushed them out of the place they’ve occupied and threw everything
out of whack. I pretended that I was still where I had been while widening the
chasm without letting them even notice that my foundation had the slightest
crack.

Without Jesse ignoring my attempts at complete isolation,
I would have destroyed even more than I did. He’s overlooked so much lately. I
don’t deserve the continued presence of his friendship but I will remain
eternally grateful to him. He’s one of the best, Andie. Again please don’t let
my stupidity come between you. When I spoke to him, Jesse hid his feelings
behind his concern for you but I could sense the hopelessness and loss he is
feeling. I’m not worth abandoning the friendship you found together. Call him.
Jesse is one of the most self-reliant men in the world. He may not seem to need
anyone for anything but I know how much he treasures you. Please let him back
into your life.

Brett reworded things until he was as happy as possible with
what he was telling Andie. All he needed now was a way to end the message. He
wanted to continue forever but knew he shouldn’t bombard her like that. He
could send more later. His heart ached at the thought of actually sharing all
this in person. Someday, if he suddenly became the luckiest man of all time,
maybe that would happen but for now he had to be satisfied with rambling at
her.

I could go on indefinitely. There are so many things I’d
like to tell you about. Even more that I want to ask you about. If you read
this far, you have confirmed my belief that you are too indulgent with me and I
have taken advantage of you once again. If I don’t end this now I might never
manage to so I will say goodnight. I plan on turning in fairly early. I have a
busy day ahead of me with Flynn and his buddy, Joey. They need some help with
the tree house they’re building and are willing to put up with my undesirable
presence in exchange for the benefits my height can provide. If you choose to
open my email tomorrow, I will give you an update on our progress. I’m sure
Flynn intends to give you the grand tour as soon as it is finished.

As I sit here, pondering the various ways to conclude for
the moment, I know none of them is adequate. Nothing I come up with is worthy
of the time you have given me by reading this to the end. Therefore, instead of
making this a closing, I will merely let it be an interruption.