Confessions of a Serial Alibi
Read Confessions of a Serial Alibi Online
Authors: Asia McClain Chapman
Published at Smashwords
A POST HILL PRESS BOOK
ISBN: 978-1-68261-158-6
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-68261-159-3
CONFESSIONS OF A SERIAL ALIBI
© 2016 by Asia McClain Chapman
All Rights Reserved
Cover Design by Quincy Alivio
Cover Photograph by Danielle Castilla
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the
author and publisher.
Post Hill Press
275 Madison Avenue, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10016
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To my children
Mommy loves you.
CONTENTS
PREFACE
My lawyer Gary Proctor says it’s better to not add fuel to the fire; however, after over a year of feeling swallowed by the enigma that has been the SERIAL podcast, I feel my sensibilities starting to slip. I operate under the understanding that I must silence my opinions for the sake of my own integrity. However, not defending myself publicly has started to eat away at my strong sense of self-confidence. From the moment I first heard the SERIAL podcast, I started to feel a heavier weight on my shoulders. After listening to the podcast I came to understand that I had made a grave mistake. I had put my trust in the wrong hands and that justice may have taken a back seat to naiveté. I soon desperately struggled to make sense of everything that had happened behind my back. Like many of my fellow SERIAL followers there was no sense to be made, no clarity to be given. There was no smoking gun or red gloves, as it were. What there was, however, was a lot of gossip and numerous speculations. The more I learned, the more uncertain I became about who killed Hae. Being a person who values the truth, character and integrity, one thing did become abundantly clear to me: my character and motivations were under fire and up for public scrutiny.
As much as I tried to tune it out, SERIAL and its media coverage was staring me in the face every time I scrolled through my Facebook newsfeed, typed my name into Google or watched the news. I couldn’t even watch the Times Square New Year’s Eve special without mention made to it. It seemed as if the more the case evolved, the more the infamy began to stress me out. Mainly because, as Gary said, it was in my best interest to say nothing and let my affidavits speak for themselves. In theory that’s stellar advice, however in reality and in practice it’s a bitter pill to swallow. In doing so, I began to feel anxiety creeping in, feelings that I had worked so hard to eliminate many moons ago when faced with a traumatic bout of workplace racial discrimination. Sometimes I didn’t sleep much but when I did sleep, I would have twisted nightmares. I admit, I would often cry over the intense responsibility I felt, as well as the scrutiny placed on my character and intelligence. I started becoming hyper-sensitive to the slightest criticisms. I began to get pretty edgy with everyone in my life, including my own young children.
On a whim I started writing in order to relieve some of my tension, to say the things that I wasn’t able to say online or to the press. However, again, even in my journal, it seemed as if my thoughts were useless because no one was aware of them. Then one day a friend said, “You should write a book!” and it dawned on me: I can say something to the public, just not now. There were things I so desperately wanted to address but had been advised against for obvious timing reasons. That night, I began typing on my laptop. I was at it for two hours straight and had probably filled three quarters of a full legal pad with notes. That was when I knew I had to write this book. There was so much that needed to be addressed that my concerns seemed endless. Sometimes it became exhausting to think of all the questions and comments that people were making, things they wanted to know and ask me. By the way, this process has been very overwhelming at times. The memory recall involved has been extremely draining. The openness required has been emotionally taxing and something that I have had great reservations about. By the sheer nature of this situation, there is a great level of expectation and attention placed on me. Being thrust into the public limelight has been quite stressful at times. Some days it’s harder to accept than others. Some days I’m okay with it and some days I just want to bury my head in the sand. From the very beginning I told Adnan I hoped he appreciated me coming forward, because I would “really rather not be a part of this.” I still feel the same way but more so in terms of our criminal justice system. This experience hasn’t been easy and I hope that everyone can appreciate my commitment to doing the right thing. As people often point out, Adnan could be any one of us. Keeping that in mind as I’m writing this, I can only say that there are three main reasons that I am writing this book.
My first and foremost reason for writing this book is for my children. When they’re old enough, I want them to know what happened. I want them to know why their mom made the mistakes that she made. I want them to understand what was done in an attempt to correct those mistakes and that their mom was tough, that I stood firm and did the right thing even when it was difficult. I want to impose upon them a legacy of integrity and let them know that telling the truth is important.
Secondly, I’m writing this book for myself and my own sanity. The hardest thing about this whole ordeal is the isolation. Right now I’m trying my damndest to do the right thing by making myself accessible to both sides of the court, all the while without making myself too accessible to the misleading eye of the media. I’ve already had a hard and fast lesson on who not to trust. This time around I’m super careful about who I trust and who I speak to. I’ve already seen how my words can be misunderstood, twisted, changed or over-examined like they’re under a microscope. Having that already happen to me over and over again has made me especially guarded when it comes to my opinions about this case. As you can imagine, there aren’t a lot of people that I can talk to about this stuff, outside of my husband and my lawyer, Gary Proctor. Anyone else that I have conversations with can run to social and traditional media outlets with statements. They could potentially “Urick me” (as they say online) with misrepresentations and I’m not about to have that happen again. I’m writing this book as a form of self-therapy. Social media is a ruthless place to air one’s grievances. It’s too fast-paced, too easily misquoted and it’s too easily lost in the vacuum of the Internet. A book seemed more conclusive and final. It’s a frustrating thing to have people all over the world questioning me and I can’t address things in one concise spot. My lawyer told me the Friday before my new affidavit was released that I had to “get it out,” because I was “literally about to burst.” So this is my way of getting “it” all out. I’m going to try my best to address questions, speculations and comments and get this whole experience off my chest. In fact, since I started writing, my stress level has lowered so much and I’ve been able to think more clearly. When it’s all said and done, I will have hopefully said all there really is to say. That idea alone is one that is very comforting to me.
The third reason that I am writing this book is for all of you #Serial, #FreeAdnan, #AdnanSyed, #JusticeforHae and #AsiaMcClain enthusiasts. I want you to remember that all of us involved in this tragic event are real people, not characters. I can’t speak for the evaluations about others, but some of you have been spot on in your Asia McClain theories. The remainder of you could not be further from the truth with your speculations. Some of your accusations are as baseless as they are rational. Many of you have issued me kind words of support (that have been greatly appreciated). To those of you who have shared kind words, I want to say thank you. To those of you with overactive imaginations and insulting insinuations, I’d like to set you straight. Or at least try. I’ll start off by saying that I’m not a liar, a pushover, I’m not a fool and nobody is going to bully me. I am, or rather, I was, Asia McClain, and this is my story.
INTRODUCTION
LIFE IN 1999
Media attention in a criminal case like Adnan Syed’s is seldom very notable. Now, normally, a conviction of this magnitude would not only be considered run of the mill. It would probably be deemed easily solvable. For example, there’s seventeen-year-old Hae Min Lee, a beautiful young Asian girl. A girl whom someone kidnaps and possibly holds against her will before finally murdering her in the prime of her promising life. Adnan Syed, her allegedly possessive, sadistic, jealous ex-boyfriend who stands convicted of her murder. Jay Wilds, the apprehensive and sketchy accomplice who not only testifies to assisting with the burial of Hae’s body, but also helps to corroborate the state prosecutor’s narrative in exchange for a plea deal. Slam dunk for the state’s upcoming, eager prosecutor Kevin Urick, right? Well…not quite.
See, in this cluster of a murder case, things have failed to be that simple. In this case Jay Wilds has pathologically changed his story multiple times, proving himself to be an extremely unreliable state’s witness. Adnan is the antithesis of the jealous ex-lover, and after sixteen years has maintained that he neither has knowledge, motive nor any involvement in the murder of his beloved friend and ex-girlfriend. Then there’s Hae Min Lee, a strong, athletic and smart girl strangled to death by one or many sick predators that day. Nonetheless there is not a single piece of evidence that undeniably points to how, when or where the crime took place and who did it. All the while, for more than a decade Adnan Syed has been remanded in prison while his accomplice Jay Wilds has gotten off scot free with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Then there is the State of Maryland’s prosecutor Kevin Urick, a man who by all other accounts was able to ride off into the sunset, as the hero on the side of justice. A man who by all accounts used his silver-lined tongue to sweet talk his fallacious evidence to both the jury and key witnesses. Then there’s myself of course. Asia McClain, the wide-eyed teenage girl who over the course of sixteen years has become an avid community leader and stay-at-home mother of two. Known among few circles as Adnan’s key alibi witness for the time of the murder but was never contacted by the defense attorney. A person who by all intents and purposes slipped through the cracks of the criminal justice system.
Yep, that’s pretty much how the court and history itself had recorded things as of 2010. That was until four years later, when Sarah Koenig arrived on the scene. Sarah Koenig was introduced to Adnan’s case by a close family friend of Adnan’s, Rabia Chaudry. Rabia’s younger brother Saad was best friends with Adnan and Rabia had a strong familiarization with the evidence presented at the time of Adnan’s trial. Concerned about some of the ethics and procedures that took place within the police investigation and trial itself, Rabia reached out to Sarah Koenig. Sarah responded by breathing new life into Adnan’s story. Sarah began to investigate claims both disclosed and undisclosed at trial and as a result, she uncovered never before publicized testimonies from previously unknown and/or unreachable witnesses. Sarah conducted real time simulations of the state’s theorized time of murder, she combed through cell phone tower records, conducted interviews and she asked important questions that no one in the media had ever asked about Syed’s trial and post-conviction hearing. As a testament to her creativity and resourcefulness, she spoke to experts in both the fields of psychology and law, all of which commanded the attention of millions of listeners, one of which was myself, Asia McClain. Now if you don’t know already, this is the story of my involvement in the case of the State of Maryland vs. Adnan Syed. This is my perspective of a case and story that you probably have come to refer to as SERIAL.
Woodlawn High School was like one of those schools that you see in movies like
The Substitute.
Although there were many exceptional and well-behaved students that bloomed from the school, Woodlawn certainly had its fair share of thugs and delinquent students. The student body population was full of amateur drug dealers, users and all around troublemakers. Upon recently chatting with my best friends, I discovered that many of them could recall sentiments of parental displeasure when they expressed interest in attending the school after junior high. Woodlawn’s only saving grace for my generation was a zero tolerance principal who was set to take over our freshman year. Despite Dr. Wilson’s no nonsense zero tolerance policies, there were still fights at the school just about every day. A lot of the fights were pretty violent and involved people being seriously injured. I can remember instances of stabbings, people getting thrown through windows and display cases. Group beat downs and neighborhood gang fights were something that we were all very familiar with. I can remember attending sporting events in which Woodlawn students would fight rival Milford Mill and Randallstown High School students as if we lived within the pages of
West Side Story.
I remember one incident in particular, in which the Baltimore County Police ended up pepper spraying a varsity basketball game. I believe video from that incident is still available on YouTube to this day. There were students sneaking marijuana in every crevice of the school corridors. One time someone almost accidently set the school on fire while sneaking a smoke in the boy’s locker room. Teenage sex ran rapid in the downstairs band wing, on the catwalk and backstage and in other dark areas of the school’s auditorium. I myself wasn’t privy to any of those activities, but I did have my own share of other teenage shenanigans.
As far as the SERIAL story is concerned, the problems with Hae and Adnan’s relationship started at Woodlawn High School, in the year 1999. However, if you ask some of our fellow classmates and I, we’d all tell you that this story started long before around the time shortly after our eleventh grade junior prom. For most, this event signaled the beginning of Hae and Adnan’s relationship, because they attended the dance together and thereafter began dating. On the outside they were a truly adorable couple—a prime example of our country’s ever-growing interracial couple population. They were both excellent students, well-liked and accomplished school athletes. Although I didn’t know either intimately, we all shared the same friends and crossed paths many a time, so I can speak to the caliber of students that they were. To anyone outside of our friendship circle, there probably wasn’t much (if any) indication of trouble within their relationship. The only time that I can remember things getting truly out of hand was when Adnan’s parents found out that he had taken a girl (Hae) to our senior homecoming dance. As a result, Adnan’s parents decided it was best to show up at the event and make a huge scene, leaving both parties mortified.
That in itself was the catalyst of their doomed relationship, ironically very similar to Romeo and Juliet. Their parents were the problem in their relationship. In my opinion, had their parents’ disapproval not been a factor, things may have ended up much differently for those two. I certainly don’t say that to blame their parents, rather just to say that the discourse was a negative factor in the teens’ relationship. I acknowledge that had things been different, it remains to be seen whether Hae might still be alive. We don’t 100 percent know who killed her, but I do think Adnan would have been less likely to have been her ex-boyfriend at the time of her murder and as a result, may have been painted in a different light (if painted at all). The reason that I make such a bold statement is because in an attempt to pander to their parents, Hae and Adnan were ultimately forced to repress their relationship from their families. For fear of what I like to call “parental repercussions” they had to hide one another’s existence. When my fellow classmates and I were flourishing in the art of introducing our significant others to our families, Hae and Adnan lived that part of their lives in secrecy. Having a relationship littered with secret hookups and strategically planned phone calls placed a heavy burden on their otherwise jovial relationship. Although they cared deeply and loved one another, they weren’t entirely free to express it and as a result it made things more complicated, stressful and ultimately less ideal for Hae in particular.
So there we were, us three, all seniors at Woodlawn High School, preparing ourselves for graduation into “the real world.” All completely unaware of how much our brief encounters with one another would actually matter in the years to come. Back then, we were all so happy and full of promise and options. I don’t think any of us could have truly conceived how our lives would have turned out. I don’t think anyone can, at that age. I often laugh when I think about the many ideas that I used to have about my future. One in particular was the idea that I wanted to be a criminal psychologist for the FBI. I don’t even think that was ever true. I do recall having an interest in psychology when I first graduated from high school. All my life I’ve been a natural empath, able to strongly sense the feelings of others. At the time I thought psychology would be a good fit for me, giving me the chance to help society and make a difference. I did take a few psychology classes in college, however I had no real idea of what I wanted my career to be, at that point in my life. I thought psychology seemed like a good field of study in order to achieve my lifestyle desires, but then I found out about all the necessary requirements needed in order to have a private practice. Since I had been raised in a household of mostly government employees, for a brief time I bargained that using psychology in conjunction with a government agency (FBI) might be the better way to go. After all, entry-level positions require less school and tend to pay better initially. Eventually I lost interest in pursuing psychology all together because I found the stress of other people’s psychological struggles to be too much for me to healthily process. In a different yet somewhat comical light, I also recall wanting to become a veterinarian at one point. At least until I found out about expressing anal glands, animal cancers and euthanasia.
I guess now is as good as any time to start setting the record straight. I sometimes have a problem with the word “friends.” Sometimes, I refer to people as friends who are mere acquaintances. Never really thought about it as a problem until this case. I suppose one does not truly consider many things about oneself until being examined by millions of people all over the world. Simply put, I wasn’t an especially close friend of Hae and Adnan’s. We weren’t truly friends at all. The three of us were friendly towards one another and we did speak on occasion, but that was it. Adnan was friends with many of my high school buddies at the time of our senior year. One of my closest friends to this day was Adnan’s football captain back in our senior year of high school. My good friend and tenth grade ex-boyfriend Justin was a close friend of Adnan’s before all this happened. To put things into perspective, Justin and Adnan lived in the same neighborhood and had many of the same friends. Justin’s family was very close to Stephanie’s (Jay’s girlfriend) family, and Stephanie was very close to Adnan. Similar to Adnan, Hae was friends with a number of my high school friends. Both Hae and I were fairly popular in high school, as were most athletes, therefore many of our various teammates were often the same people. In addition, over the four years that I had spent at Woodlawn, I had several brief encounters with Hae and Adnan alike. Now let me just say this: from what I knew about Hae Min Lee, she was no wimp. She was headstrong but gracious when she needed to be. By many accounts, Woodlawn High School was pretty rough and Hae’s ability to flourish within the student body population was not by happenstance. Although she was from an immigrant family, Hae was very Americanized. She had plenty of people she called friends and a healthy teenage social life. From what I recall Hae was also a pretty resilient athlete, playing both girls’ field hockey and lacrosse. By no means was she weak, easily manipulated, bullied or unconfident about herself.
Now I know female lacrosse and field hockey players (in particular) don’t always get a tremendous amount of accolades in the realm of being total badasses, but let me tell you, they are! I tried out once for both sports and although I was an established athlete in my own right I couldn’t cut it. For one, I had childhood asthma and try as I did, I just didn’t have the stamina for all the non-stop running during practices. I can recall many a practice where players were required to run the circumference of the school property. During those practices I thought my heart was going to literally leap right out of my chest. My leg muscles felt like they were going to burst and my lunch “came up” (for a lack of better words). The other reason that I decided that lacrosse wasn’t for me was because I found myself not able to shake the fear of being seriously hurt or accidentally hurting other players. I remember one lacrosse game in particular where I had attempted to “check” an opponent and accidentally “checked” her in the nose. For all you people that don’t follow lacrosse that means my lacrosse stick ended up cracking the poor girl right in her face. Although it was an accident, I was immediately red flagged by the referee and pulled out of the game by the coach. In that moment, I found myself both benched and subsequently somewhat traumatized by the fact that I had harmed someone so intensely. Meanwhile the poor girl that I had hit was dealing with a bloody and most likely broken nose. The rest of the game is a blur to me and soon after I quit the team. To this day, I just can’t imagine a scenario in which an athlete like Hae (with that kind of endurance and fearlessness) didn’t fight for her life. In my opinion there had to have been two assailants or some circumstances that impaired her greatly in order for her to have been strangled to death. Perhaps someone held her down while another person choked her. Or perhaps there was only one assailant and that person simply choked her while she was already unconscious. Lord knows, that’s the only way I would have gone out. Even us Baltimore County kids are
still
Baltimore kids. We know how to protect ourselves. We’re pretty scrappy, if I say so myself.