Confessions of a Serial Kisser (18 page)

61

"Edelweiss" at Ozzfest

T
HE NOTE SAID
:
Will you go to the movies with me on Friday?

I slipped it into my binder and deliberately did not look at Robbie for the entire class period.

It was my first real date invitation.

And it was from the hottest guy on campus.

It crossed my mind that maybe we'd just started out on the wrong foot.

Or, rather, the wrong kiss.

Maybe he was a redeemable kisser. Maybe he just needed some guidance.

What if he was willing to read
A Crimson Kiss
?

Hmm.
Not likely.

And how embarrassing would that be? Here, Robbie--read this romance novel and then maybe we'll go out. He'd think I was a total dweeb. I'd
be
a total dweeb!

And aside from the kissing, what would we talk about? Sports? I couldn't hold up my end of that conversation. And he obviously didn't know much about blues-based rock. What did we have in common?

No, chocolates and flowers were nice, his
biceps
were nice, but I didn't really want to go out with Robbie Marshall.

I decided that the best response was simply to say I couldn't, no,
wouldn't
go out with him.

Unfortunately, this went over like "Edelweiss" at Ozzfest.

"Why
not
?" he asked, whininess tingeing his voice. "It's just a movie!"

I looked down at the flower, twirling it absently. "I'm sorry," I said lamely. Then I looked at him and asked, "Why'd you pick this flower?" I realized that the question wasn't clear, so I added, "I mean a hibiscus flower. Why not a daisy, or a, I don't know,
snap
dragon."

He laughed. "There's such a thing as a snapdragon?"

I couldn't help smiling back. "Yeah. Would have been a more appropriate choice, huh?"

He took the flower from me and put it in my hair so the stem rested on my ear. "This is a vacation flower. A have-fun flower. A gone-surfing flower." He was standing very close to me now and was smiling. "The movie starts at seven-thirty. Can I pick you up at six? Take you out for dinner?"

Slowly, I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Robbie. I already told you no."

He grinned. "But the flower's saying yes!"

It was cute. Very charming. And I almost,
almost,
caved and said why not? But it just didn't feel right. "I really appreciate everything, Robbie, but...I just can't." I took the flower off my ear, put it on his. "You go have fun without me," I said quietly.

Then I turned and walked away.

62

Accounting

W
HEN
I
MET UP WITH
A
DRIENNE AT BREAK
, the look on her face jolted me right back to the fiasco with Paxton. "What's the matter?" I asked, praying that she was upset about something, anything, besides me kissing the new love of her life.

"There are rumors," she said, holding my arm and pulling us both into a sitting position on the edge of our cold, very hard brick planter in the quad. "Rumors about you."

"Such as...?" I asked, still praying that Paxton wasn't involved in these rumors.

"Rumors that you've gone mad kissing people. I knew about Robbie and Justin and Blake, of course, and last night you told me about Stu and Andrew, but people are saying you've also kissed Eddie Pasco and Trevor Dansa! It's just gossip, right? You haven't actually kissed those guys, right?"

The name Paxton had not left her lips.

My whole being felt washed with relief.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked. She gave a little squint. "I know that smile...that's a guilty smile! So you
have
kissed them? When? Why didn't you tell me?" Her squint grew severe. "And Trevor
Dansa
? What were you thinking?"

I gave a little shrug. "It was a diversionary tactic to stop Eddie from talking about a dream he'd had that involved me and honey."

"You and
honey
?"

"Exactly. Trevor was there, so I grabbed him and kissed him."

She put a hand in front of her mouth and shook her head. "You are out of control!"

"No, I'm not."

She leaned in a little. "Kissing some random guy to avoid another guy you've kissed is definitely out of control! You are never going to find the perfect kiss that way!" Then she mocked me, saying, "A crimson kiss does not reside on the lips of Trevor Dansa--even I know that!"

She had me there. But I pursed my lips and held my ground. "That was a mistake, okay? But I am in control. I am
so
in control." I put my fists on my hips. "You want to know how in control I am? I turned Robbie down for a date this morning."

The warning bell rang.

"
What?
Oh my God. How am I supposed to keep up with you?" She stood up. "And why didn't you tell me about Eddie last night?"

I looked down. "You were excited about Paxton, and everything you said made him sound so...terrific." I shrugged. "Which made the whole thing with Eddie seem ridiculous." I smiled at her. "How are things with Paxton, anyway?"

"Weird," she grumbled, then hurried off to class.

63

Barking Up Trees

I
WAS
GREATLY RELIEVED
that my kiss with Paxton hadn't been part of the gossip Adrienne had heard, but I couldn't help feeling a little queasy that people were talking about Eddie and Trevor. And even though I had my (very rational) explanations, it
did
seem a little out of control.

Things did not improve at lunchtime. I hadn't packed myself a lunch, so once again I was stuck in the Snack Shack line. Only this time instead of being accosted by Sunshine Holden, this girl named Jan Pratkay cut in line and stood uncomfortably close to me. "Your problem," she said conspiratorially, "is that you're barking up the wrong tree."

I delivered an extremely sharp-witted "Huh?" but a moment later her meaning crystallized in my brain.

Jan Pratkay, you see, is a lesbian.

I'd met Jan in middle school, but since she was never really a friend, I chalked up her ninth-grade transformation from quiet girl with long, auburn locks to spiky-haired tough chick as teenage rebellion.

"Coming out" was not part of my vocabulary at the time.

But when someone finally clarified things for me, I figured, Oh. Well, that makes sense.

And while I halfway expected another confrontation from Sunshine over the hibiscus-flower incident, I never in a million years saw
this
coming.

I took a step back from Jan and said, "By 'barking up the wrong tree,' you're referring to the whole forest as opposed to, say, a
particular
tree?"

"Assuming the forest is full of boy trees, that's right."

This was one bizarre conversation.

I took a deep breath. "Well, the forest I'm barking in is just fine with me."

She laughed. "You are so in denial."

"No...," I said, keeping my voice low, "I'm not."

"Don't deny it until you try it...," she said, grinning.

"Uh, Jan?" I asked, easing away from her. "I've heard that you just know. Like, from a very early point in your life, you just know. Isn't that right?"

One shoulder bobbed with a shrug. "If you listen to yourself."

I caught up with the rest of the line. "Well, I've listened, and I know that the forest I'm in is the right one for me."

"Look," she said with a pragmatic air. "Rumor is you've gone crazy kissing guys. I'm just saying that what you're looking for may not be in the place you're looking for it."

"Look," I said back, "it's a big forest! There are a lot of trees! I just haven't found the right one yet."

She finally gave up and returned, presumably, to her own shady glen, but she'd left me with a pounding headache. I dragged myself to the quad to meet Adrienne and tell her about these strange new developments, but Adrienne wasn't there. And rather than chase all over campus again trying to track her down, I just parked on the ground and unwrapped the turkey sandwich I'd bought in an effort to eat something better than a sucky burrito.

What I discovered was that the bread was soggy, the lettuce was slimy, and the mayonnaise had...
eeew
...little black specks. Maybe these specks were pepper, but with the way my day had gone, I couldn't help imagining they were bits of bug legs.

I wound up chucking it in the trash.

64

Hitchin' a Ride

A
FTER SCHOOL
I
FOUND
B
RODY'S TRUCK
idling in the parking lot. "Hey, Bro," I said, leaning in the open passenger window. "Can I hitch a ride?"

"Sure," he said.

So I got in, and to my surprise he put the truck in gear and released the brake.

I looked out the window. "What about Adrienne?"

"She had something going on after school."

It was somewhat strange being in the truck alone with Brody. The pattern we'd fallen into was that if Adrienne was staying after school, I walked. But here we were, alone in the truck, him being a conscientious, polite, and law-abiding driver, me feeling exhausted, famished, and uncomfortable with the weird silence between us.

I turned on the radio, which was already tuned to my favorite station. "Steady as She Goes" by the Raconteurs was playing. "Looking forward to graduation?" I asked in a lame attempt to get a conversation going.

"No," he said as he eased into the exit line.

"No? How can you not be looking forward to getting away from this insanity?"

"I actually like it here," he said, then added, "And Connecticut's not exactly next door."

I sat up and turned down the radio. "Wait. You were accepted at Yale? Already?"

He nodded, looking straight ahead.

"Congratulations!"

"Thank you." He glanced at me. "I wish I was as enthused about it as you."

"Are you kidding? I would die to go to Yale!"

He glanced my way again. "You think you might?"

A cloud gathered quickly over my exuberance. "I don't know if they'd accept me." I sighed. "And what's tuition?"

"As you would say, insane. But you're smart and resourceful.... I'm sure you could get a scholarship."

"Did you get one?"

He nodded. "I wouldn't be going if I hadn't."

We talked about college and majors, and he advised me to apply to schools early, and when we got to the condo, I smiled at him and said, "Congratulations again, Brody. That's awesome."

He nodded. "Thanks."

I thought he was going to say something more, but he didn't. So I got out of the truck and waved. "See ya!"

He waited for me to get inside the condo okay, then put his truck in gear and purred down the street.