Confessions of an Alli Cat (21 page)

It’s naughty.

It’s erotic.

It’s
amazing.

I moan a little and Shade bends to my ear.

“Do you like it, Alli Cat?” he whispers. As he does, he slips a finger inside of me.  At least, I’m pretty sure it is him.  I know it is, but it is fun to tell myself that it might be Tyler. 

I nod.  “Yes,” I whisper.

It’s so unbelievably sexy and hot to know that Shade is fingering me in front of another man.  I can’t even believe how turned on it makes me.  And how willing I am to let him do it.  It looks like there certainly is a cougar buried in me. It just took her a few years to come out.

Shade’s tongue is lapping at my breasts, then he kisses my neck before I feel the weight of his strong body on top of mine.  I grip his hips, which flex beneath my fingers.

There is a rustle of foil, which surprises me because I can still feel Tyler rubbing me…my calves, my thighs, my hips. 

And then Shade is against me and then in me.  I gasp, and buck against him.  Tyler is still rubbing me, fondling me, caressing me.  Hands are everywhere.

Shade slides in…then out.  In…then out.  It’s excruciatingly slow, but it allows me to focus on the way Tyler is caressing me, too.  It’s unbelievably erotic. 

“I’m going to hell,” I mutter into Shade’s ear.

He laughs.

“Well, if that’s true, then we’d better make it worth it.”

He pulls out and flips me over, onto my hands and knees. 

As he does, there is a mouth on my breast….a mouth that can’t possibly be Shade since he is behind me.  I gasp as a tongue circles my nipple, then slides it into a mouth.  A faceless mouth, but a mouth that I am sure is Tyler’s. 

“Anytime you want to stop, say pineapple,” Shade reminds me. 

I nod but remain silent. 

Because I like it. 

Because I am a shameless, shameless hussy.  The naughtiness of this situation is thrilling.

One set of hands grips my hips, pulling me into his own as he slides in and out of me.
Shade.
  The other set of hands caresses me everywhere, setting all of my nerve endings on fire.
Tyler.

Oh, lord I am a dirty, dirty woman.

“Say my name,” Shade instructs me. 

“Shade,” I cry out as he plunges deep inside.

“Say it louder,” he tells me.  I can see only the velvet blackness of the blindfold as I do what he says. 

“Shade!” I shout.  My breath is ragged, my voice is harsh. 

And it only takes me two more minutes to come because there is a set of hands down below, rubbing circles on BB, who incidentally, is crowing silently in delight.  She’s a bigger hussy than I am, apparently. 

I fall limply to the bed and then pull my blindfold off.

Tyler is lying behind me, Shade is lying in front of me.  I am lying in the middle of two beautiful and young men.  I feel like a painting from ancient Greece titled
Woman in the middle of an orgy
.  The room might as well go up in flames now so that I can get used to the fires of hell. I sigh and curve into Shade’s body. 

“Well, I asked for kinky,” I say wryly.

“And you know that we have a 100% customer satisfaction policy here at Utopia,” Shade grins, a lazy smile that makes BB perk to attention again already.  Like I said, BB is a shameless hussy.  “I wouldn’t want you to ask for your money back.”

I laugh, but his words only serve to remind me once again that I am paying him.  I am controlling the situation.  I am closing myself to real opportunities that might exist for me out in the real world.

Opportunities like Alex.

But I shut that annoying inner voice up by sitting up and smiling confidently at the two men next to me.

“Who is up for a shower?” I ask brightly.

Shade cocks an eyebrow.  “You’re asking both of us?”

I nod what I hope is a confident and sex-vixen-ish nod. 

“I’m just asking for a shower,” I say innocently.

Shade grins in reply, as does Tyler.

“I’ve rubbed off on you, Alli Cat.  You’re quite the pupil.”

I slide from the bed and grab his hands, pulling him with me to the bathroom. Tyler trails behind on his own accord, closing the bathroom door as he enters.

“Well, a pupil is only as good as her teacher,” I purr, running my hands up and down Shade’s flat, strong chest. 

But as Tyler turns on the water in the shower and I step in with Shade, the only thing I can see is Alex’s face for a second. It’s startling and I gasp.

“Are you alright?” Tyler asks me in concern.  I nod. 

“Yes, I’m fine.  The water just wasn’t warm yet.”

But that’s a lie.  The water was perfectly warm.  And so are my cheeks as I realize that I’m thinking of Alex while I’m showering with two young, gorgeous men.  If I had wanted to have a real threesome, which I most certainly do not, those desires would have been dashed at these unexpected thoughts of Alex. 

So, instead, I block out images of him and just enjoy being washed by two attentive men.  Tyler washes my front, Shade washes my back. And they are both pressed against me, wet and slippery and hard. 

Holy Freaking Hotness. 

But we only take a shower.  I meant what I said.  I don’t quite feel comfortable enough with the situation to use Tyler’s “services”.   Even still, it’s a very sexy situation.  These guys are gorgeous and sexy and very good at their jobs.  This is a memory that will forever live in infamy in my mind.

But as Shade pats me dry with a big, fluffy towel, I find myself imagining that his hands are Alex’s hands.  And I sigh a very long sigh. 

I’m seriously, definitely, most certainly in trouble. 

Chapter Nineteen

(Or:  Fate is a Twisted, Sick Wench)

“Omigod.  You’re so going to hell,” Sara exclaims into my phone as pull on a robe the next morning and stumble to the kitchen to make coffee. “
I
wouldn’t even do that.  Well, maybe I would.  But I haven’t
yet
.”

I roll my eyes.  “You so would.  Your little guy, Chaz, just hasn’t thought of trying it yet with you.  You should mention it to him. I know you’d like it.”

“Honey, I would rock the hell out of that shit,” Sara says and I know that she has already mentally added it to her list of things to do.”

I pour the coffee into the maker as I listen to her ramble. 

“So, you didn’t actually have sex with the second one?” she asks, a little incredulous.  I giggle.

“No.  I sort of actually wanted to… but that would be crossing a line for me, I think.  I can only go so far until I feel like I’m getting out of control.  But it was still fun.  I felt really naughty.”

“You
were
really naughty,” she answers.  “Ooh- have you ever thought of getting spanked??  A naughty girl should be spanked.  And you’re welcome. If it weren’t for me, you’d still be twiddling your thumbs all by yourself on the weekends.”

“Thank you, Sara,” I answer obligingly.  “You’re right.  You have expanded my horizons but not far enough to get spanked.  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy that.”

I hit the brew button and then collapse into a kitchen chair. 

It’s 10:00 am and I’m only just now getting up.  But to be fair, I didn’t get home until after 2:00 am.  Sophie stayed the night with Hayley again and she’s not home yet, so there’s no reason I needed to be up earlier.

Sara chatters into my ear for a while and I don’t know why, but I decide to tell her about Alex and how I couldn’t even keep him out of my thoughts last night when I was with Shade and Tyler.  She is silent in astonishment for a moment after I am through.

“Omigod,” she says again for the fortieth time today. “You’re falling for your boss. Like, really falling for him.”

“Maybe,” I tell her.  “He just seems so right for me.  And he’s so hilarious.  You know how I love a good sense of humor.  Plus, we’re in the same exact position in life.  It’s uncanny.  But I just don’t think I can bring myself to date anyone right now. That’s how you talked me into the whole Shade thing, remember? Because I wasn’t ready to date.”

“Yes, but Shade was meant as a way to ease you into the dating world. I figured if you had sex with someone, it would take the stress out of getting into a real relationship eventually.  It’s been nine months since the divorce, Alli.  And you were in therapy for a year before that, trying to figure everything out.  You’ve worked on yourself, you’ve given yourself time.  If there is someone there who seems to be everything you want, you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out and grab him by the balls.”

“You make him sound like he is ripe apricot at the grocery,” I tell her grumpily.  “Except for the balls part.  You don’t get it.  He’s my boss.  I’m afraid to date anyone right now.  I put fifteen years into my relationship with Rick only to have him cheat on me and trash everything we worked for.”

Sara snorts.  “Rick didn’t work for anything. 
You
did all the work.  You worked on the relationship, you worked to earn enough money for him to start his own business….
You
worked.  He didn’t.  It’s time for you to date a real man.”

I’m silent as I think about that.

But my moment of reflection is interrupted by the doorbell. 

“Hey, I’ve got to go,” I tell Sara.  “I’ll call you later.”

I pad to the door and peer through, only to find Rick the Dick himself standing on my porch.  Holy crap.  Speak of the devil. 

I open the door.

“Yes?  Sophie isn’t here.  Were you supposed to pick her up?”

I’m confused.  No one told me anything of the sort.  But he is already shaking his head.

“No.  I’m actually here to see you.  Can I come in?”

Rick is uncharacteristically quiet and subdued.  And now I’m even more confused. 

“Sure.  Come in, I guess.”

I open the door wider and he walks past, walking straight for the kitchen.  He takes a seat at the table. 

“Can you sit?”  He motions to an empty seat across from him.  I try not to feel resentful that he is controlling the situation in my own house.  Instead, I draw my robe more tightly closed and sit down. 

“What’s going on?” I ask him, eyeing him suspiciously.  “What do you want?”

He rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t want anything, Allison,” he sighs.  “Isn’t it possible that I just want to have a conversation with you?  We used to talk all the time.”

I stare at him.

“Yes, we did,” I acknowledge. “Before I found out that you had cheated on me for years.  That sort of burns the bridges of communication.”

He almost scowls before he quickly hides it. And this makes me even more suspicious.  He’s trying very hard to be nice, which means he wants to ask me for something.

“What do you want?” I ask again.  “I haven’t had any coffee yet, so I’m afraid I’m a little impatient.”

As if on cue, my coffee maker beeps to signal that it is done.  Rick stands up and walks to it, pulling down a cup from the cupboard. He pours in coffee, cream and sugar and hands it back to me. 

“See?” he says with a smile.  “I know how you like things, Alli.”

And now I’m on edge. His tone is strange, almost flirty. My eyes narrow.

“Allison, I’ve made a mistake.  I think it’s because I was going through a mid-life crisis.  But I miss being home with you and Sophie.  I think we should get back together and give it another try.”

He just throws it out there like he’s talking about a football game, like it’s even in the realm of possibility. Which it isn’t. 

I’m left with my mouth open.

“Wha—what?”  I ask stupidly. 

Rick smiles.  “I’d like to get back together.”

“What about Vanessa?” I ask, because in my haze, it’s the only thing I can think of to say. 

Rick shrugs.  “She’s a nice girl, but she’s too immature.  I miss you, Allison.  I miss the way you took care of me.”

And that’s it right there.  He misses being taken care of.  His little Vanessa needs someone to take care of
her
so there’s no way she can take care of him.  This isn’t about me at all, it’s about
him
. Of course.  Just like always.  My blood instantly boils, so I count to ten before I speak.

“I don’t think so, Rick.”

And now he’s the one who is astonished.  “What?”

“You cheated on me,” I bite out through clenched teeth. “You humiliated me in front of everyone we know by cheating on me with girls who are barely older than teenagers.  And now you are engaged to one.  I wish you the best, but that certainly won’t be with me.”

“Now, Alli,” he says soothingly, putting a hand on my arm.  I pull it away and glare at him.  “Think of Sophie,” he adds.  “She can have her family back.”

I glare at him harder.  “I can’t believe you’re even saying these words.  You are the reason this family isn’t together right now.  You.  You cheated.  You tore us apart.  And now I’ve moved on.  Get out.”

He looks at me. “Alli, come on—“ But I interrupt him.

“Get. Out.”

He scowls as he shoves his chair back, scraping the tiled floor.  “If I walk out right now, Alli, I’m not coming back.  I won’t offer again.”

I am dumbfounded as I stand up. 

“You coming back is not an offer, you ass. It’s a threat.  Please leave. And don’t come back here unless it is to pick up Sophie. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

He stalks out and I lock the door after him before sliding to the ground, shaking like a leaf.  How in the hell would he ever think that I would take him back…ever?  What a pompous, self-absorbed ass. 

I text Sara from the floor in a foul-mouthed text that leaves me feeling better.  I tuck my phone back into my robe pocket as I continue back into the kitchen and drink my coffee.  What a way to kick off my weekend.  But between my text conversation with Sara and Sophie coming home, I am distracted.

Sophie and I go shopping, get take-out and basically, just have a girl’s weekend again.  And my thoughts are deflected from thinking about Alex, which is exactly what I wanted to happen. 

That is, until that night when I am getting ready for bed and I get a text from him.

Even though I shouldn’t be, I’m thinking about you.