Connected (49 page)

Grace must have heard the cars in the driveway because she steps outside before we can knock. She’s wearing a simple wrap dress and flat sandals with her usual diamond earrings and the wedding band she’s never removed, even though her husband died more than twenty years ago.

She smiles at me with relief in her eyes before she throws her arms around me. “Dahlia honey, are you okay?” she asks as she pulls back and clutches my shoulders.

“
Grace, the house is a wreck,” I say, trying not to cry. “But, I’m fine.”

 
She stares at me for a few seconds. I know she’s making sure that I really am okay because she’s searching my eyes like she does every time she sees me.

Just as I’m about to introduce her to River, she beats me to it.

She smiles and puts her hand out to him. “Hi, you must be River,” she says with a warm comforting look in her blue eyes. “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many wonderful things about you.”

River immediately responds with an adorable grin on his face. “Mrs. Covington, it’s nice to meet you too. I’ve heard just as many about you,” he says, shaking her hand. He really is charming.

“
Call me Grace,” she says as she drops his hand and hugs him. I hear her whisper, “Thank you,” in his ear, and his grin turns into a full megawatt smile, which in turn makes me smile and melts my heart.

Looking around, I notice Serena’s car isn’t here. “Where’s Serena?”

“
She had to pick Trent up at a basketball game and take him to a friends, so she couldn’t make it.”

“
Oh, that’s too bad,” I say, a little sad that she couldn’t be here. “I’ll call her later.”

Staring out toward the beach, I think,
yes
, I’m still upset about my house and everything that is destroyed, but I see hope in my future and that is worth smiling about. Grace looks at me and I don’t make her search for anything, instead I give her my biggest brightest smile, the one that finally reappeared the day I reconnected with River.

MEMORIES

All of my memories have kept you close

In silent moments I’ve imagined here

In silent tears I promised to keep you near

I’ve finally found my way back into this life

Give me a sign you’re okay so I can move on.

Leaning into my car, he softly kisses my lips. “You can stay here you know. You don’t have to go back,” he says for the second time since we woke up. He pulls back and caresses my cheek. I sigh and look up at his pleading eyes, then shift to take in all of his beautiful face, strong chin, perfect nose, and full lips.

Looking down to avoid eye contact, I move my mouth to his hand. “River, we’ve talked about this. We can’t move in together after knowing each other for one week.” I say this, but I’m aware that he knows it’s not my only reason for heading back to Laguna Beach.

“
I disagree, you know,” he grins as his eyes slide from my face to the words printed on my Smashing Pumpkins Teargarden Tour concert t-shirt. “You could at least stay one more night.”

Rolling my eyes, I look back up at him and smile. “Then tomorrow you‘d just say the same thing.”

He surprises me but not saying how hot he thinks I look, but instead simply says, “You think you know me that well already?”

“
Well wouldn’t you?”

Shrugging his shoulders, he leans in again and kisses me a little longer this time before saying, “Why don’t you stick around and find out for yourself?”

I laugh and shove him out the window. “Enough with the long goodbyes. I’ll see you in two days.”

Moving away from the car and putting both hands in his pockets, he grins his sexy grin at me. “Catch you later, beautiful girl.”

Gazing at him and giggling at his reference to one of my favorite Smashing Pumpkins songs, Perfect, I blow him a kiss. “I’ll call you when I get there. Oh, and River?” I wait for him to look at me. When he does I say to him, for only the second time ever, “I love you.”

Smiling at me, he quickly opens my door and pulls me to him. My heart responds to his touch as it starts to beat faster. I close my eyes and lean into him, he smells so good, fresh from the shower. I press my palms against his chest and I swear I not only feel his heart beating but also hear it just as loudly. He cups my chin and looks at me intensely. “I love you so much.”

Traffic is light, as I drive the sixty minutes or so back to Laguna Beach. I’m enjoying the tranquility of the enchanting starry night as I reflect back on the past week and how my life has changed so drastically. My emotions range from high to low, I’m happy and I’m sad.

Glancing over at the empty passenger seat while stopped at a red light, I pick up the small black rectangular picture frame I put there yesterday. The glass is gone, but the photograph, still perfect, is of my father, mother, and myself at Disneyland. I clutch it tightly against my chest remembering the fun we always had together. God, I wish they were still here with me. I miss them so much.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I’m driving, but they are tears of reflection more than sadness. We were able to collect most of my memories. Yes, most are broken and in need of repair, but I still have them to keep and treasure. The only unsalvageable items were Ben’s journals. As River crated the broken photographs and frames, I flattened all Ben’s hand scripted pages, flattened them, and put them in a box. I’d never read his most private thoughts and I don’t think I ever will, but I want to keep them nonetheless.

Over the course of the week, I’d finally let Ben go. He will always be with me, but I have made room for someone else in my heart now. Grace’s words echo in my mind right now as I recall our goodbye last night standing outside my car. She knew I would be back tonight, but we both were aware that when I returned I would no longer be Ben Covington’s fiancé, as I’d often been referred to after his death.

Last night, as I took the engagement ring that I’d tucked away so many days ago out of my purse, I clutched it tightly before handing it to her. River was waiting for me in his car. I was going to follow him home in mine. Glancing over at him, I smiled and took a deep breath. I knew the time was right. “Grace, please keep it safe for me.”

She hugged me tightly. “Dahlia honey, I will. You deserve to be happy and you’re ready for this, for him,” she said, looking over the man she knew I loved. “Don’t cling to the remnants of your life that have been snatched away from you. Instead, look forward to your future. I know I do.” We were both crying as we said goodbye. I knew then that when I arrived at her house tonight she would be the same loving woman she always has been, but she would no longer be my future mother-in-law.

Now, driving down Grace’s street I stop at the end of the stone driveway and slowly walk to the beach. I haven’t visited our favorite spot since he died, and I’ve missed it. The moonlit path is visible, and the old weathered planks creak beneath my feet as I cross the divide like I’ve done a thousand times before. Looking up, the dark heavens are shining with twinkling stars, and I truly believe my family and Ben are smiling down on me. The waves splash through the surf, and it’s music to my ears. The full moon’s beams reflect off the glistening sand and make it sparkle like diamonds. The ebb and flow of the water moves quickly, crashing against the rocks as the white froth of sea dances across the shore.

I bend down and untie my sneakers. Taking my Converse shoes off, I tuck my phone in one and leave them in the dunes. Inhaling deeply, I hesitantly start my walk through what I have thought of as quicksand for the past two years.

As the moonlight flickers across the beach, it’s as if the exhilarated moon is blinking its eyes at me, guiding my way to the beloved shore. I feel like this place is readying me for the peaceful nights that will hopefully come after I leave, after I say my goodbyes.

The soft sand feels like grains of sugar beneath my feet and it comforts me as I approach the shore. Reaching the water, I release the breath I’ve been holding and think of Ben in the surf, on his board enjoying the waves. Thoughts of all our fun times here on the beach make me smile.

A cool wind blows through the air with determination, as if it’s trying to get somewhere. The beautiful palm trees, bent back from so many past storms, seem close enough to almost kiss the ground.

I roll up my jeans as the healing water swirls around me, creating a whirlpool effect around my ankles. Looking out into the darkness, the ocean seems to be laughing as it bounces up and down.

I sit down and slowly immerse myself in the water, taking deep cleansing breaths. I sit here, for I don’t know how long, and let the water wash away my pain as I reacquaint myself with one of my favorite places. I know I’ll never forget Ben regardless of the tangible things I may have lost; his spirit will always be with me.

Standing up, I look back up to the heavens and smile. I will never stay away from this place again. I love the beach, not despite the memories I have of it, but because of them. I realize that although my memories might fade, they will always be the beacons on my path to the future, and I’m surprisingly at ease with that.