Connections (2 page)

He didn’t even have the decency to call.
 
That’s what killed her.

Christie had dropped her off at her apartment about a half hour ago after their dinner.
 
Well, it hadn’t really been a dinner.
 
More like getting stood-up and then crying all over her best friend afterwards.
 
Olivia knew she would feel embarrassed about it in the morning and send apologetic voicemails to her dear friend.
 
But for now, she was just mad.

It was like Miles all over again.
 
But this time, she refused to let Alex walk all over her.

But she couldn’t deny the pain either.
 
This felt worse than when Miles beat her to their break-up.
 
Worse than when her sleazy ex told her he’d been seeing another woman behind her back.

It was worse because Olivia cared about Alex.
 
Intensely.
 
Deeply.
 
It was the kind of feeling that didn’t make sense.
 
That shouldn’t.
 
It was stupid, and crazy, and wrong…yet so right.
 
Olivia knew she was on the cusp of being in love with him, if she wasn’t already.

And then he just crushed her.

Olivia glanced to her purse, where her quiet phone lay, wondering if she should tell him exactly what she thought of his little stunt.
 
But a larger part of her knew she’d probably burst into tears before she could ever get a word out.

So, sobbing quietly on the floor of her apartment, Olivia wavered between sadness and fury, until she completely exhausted herself.
 
Only then did the numbness come.

She wanted to sleep more than anything.
 
She half-hoped that this evening had all been a bad nightmare.
 
She wished that she would wake up any moment, safely and contently tucked in Alex’s arms in his bed.
 
She wanted to be surrounded by his intoxicating smell, see his lazy grin in the morning when he slowly came awake.

A searing pain stabbed her in the chest and she gasped, struggling to breathe.

Stop this, Olivia
, she thought to herself.
 
Get off the floor, go take a hot shower, and crawl into bed.
 
Everything will be better in the morning.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she did just that.
 
Well, at least partly.
 
Before she could lift the covers of her warm, inviting bed and slide in, a frantic knock on her door sounded.

And, without a doubt, she knew who it was.

A part of her didn’t want to open it.
 
A part of her just wanted to say
forget him
and never see him again.

But she knew deep down that he’d be relentless…especially if he wanted to see her.
 
She harnessed some of her previous anger, prepared to fight, and went to the door.

When she tugged it open and saw Alex standing on the other side, she was delighted to feel a spark of anger burn down the center of her chest.
 
But she was not so delighted in the way her heart pumped with excitement.

They stared at one another for a long time, neither one saying a word.

Olivia’s first thought was that Alex looked tired.
 
He had dark circles under his eyes that stood out under the harsh lighting of her apartment hallway.
 
His hair was unruly, which was how she preferred it, but this seemed too messy.
 
Alex liked to be polished.
 
She’d seen him in his work clothes, not a hair out of place.
 
Her heart softened just a teeny bit…and that did not sit well with her.
 
Especially after what he’d done.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said finally after a minute of silence, his deep voice vibrating to her very core.
 
Olivia heard the truth in that statement.
 
She knew he believed it.
 
Hell,
she
wanted to believe.
 
But she couldn’t.

Olivia stayed silent, trying to harden her heart towards him once again.
 
It was hard, but she managed as best as she could.
 
It seemed futile though, especially with those striking hazel eyes drilling into her.

“Please say something, darling,” he pleaded, his voice thick.

It was the ‘darling’ that pushed her into action.
 
“Why are you here, Alex?” she asked, her tone not as cold as she would’ve liked.
 
It sounded more tired than anything.

When Alex looked behind him down the hallway, she realized she didn’t exactly want to have this conversation where anyone could hear.
 
She turned, leaving the door open for him, and went to her refrigerator to pull out a bottle of water.

It was like deja vu.
 
Alex in her apartment.
 
The two of them fighting.
 
They had just done this a few nights ago.

This is crap
, Olivia thought.
 
She hated fighting.
 
But this was necessary.

“Did you get my voicemail?” Alex asked as he shut her apartment door behind him, effectively sealing them off from the rest of the world.
 
At least for the next fews moments.

Olivia frowned, “No.”
 
He didn’t call.
 
Did he?

“I left you one about an hour ago.
 
I’ve been trying to call, but you didn’t pick up,” Alex explained, stopping so that the counter lay between them once again.
 
The barrier between them helped Olivia think.

Olivia grabbed her purse from off the counter and rummaged around until she found her phone.
 
Flipping it open, she frowned and furrowed her brow when she saw that he had indeed called.
 
Multiple times.
 
She scrolled to her settings but her phone wasn’t switched to silent.

“It didn’t ring,” she said in confusion, part of her anger vanishing as she stared at her phone.

“Maybe it’s time to get you a new phone,” Alex said softly.

Olivia let her phone clatter onto the counter separating them.
 
She looked at him, feeling foolish.
 
But then she realized the timing didn’t fit.
 
He knew they had dinner reservations for eight o’clock.
 
But he hadn’t called until around nine.

“Why didn’t you call me earlier?
 
We were waiting at the restaurant.
 
And when you didn’t show up I thought…” she trailed off, trying to mask the shakiness of her voice.

“I can explain everything, Olivia.
 
Just give me a chance,” he pleaded softly, his broad shoulders bunching with tension.

Olivia felt exhausted.
 
She stayed silent, swaying on her feet.
 
But she wanted—no,
needed
—to hear what he had to say.

“The past couple of days have been hell, darling.
 
I shouldn’t have let it get this far, but I figured we both needed some space to figure things out.”
 
She couldn’t agree more.
 
“I
was
coming tonight.
 
I never want you to doubt that.”
 
But the fact that she had doubted it told her they had a lot to work through.

“What stopped you then?” she asked, a strange mixture of relief and irritation bubbling up within her.

“Beth was in a car accident this afternoon,” he murmured.

Shock and concern raced through Olivia and just like that her anger vanished.
 
“Oh my God, is she okay?”

Alex was quick to reassure her.
 
“Yes, but she went through surgery on her arm.
 
The bone shattered and they had to go in with plates to piece it back together.
 
They’ve decided to postpone the wedding.” He paused and ran a hand through his hair.
 
Olivia could see the distress on Alex’s features.
 
“It could’ve been a lot worse though,” he admitted quietly.

“I’m so sorry, Alex.
 
I know how much she means to you,” Olivia said, wanting to touch him, but her body wouldn’t allow her to move.
 
It had been awkward between them for the last few days and it felt premature to reestablish any sort of intimacy.

“My phone died at work today and I got held up until a little before eight.
 
I couldn’t call you until I juiced up my battery, but when I got home and plugged it in, I saw all the missed calls and texts about Beth.
 
And when I was on the way to the hospital, my phone died again.”
 
Alex sighed, his eyes drinking her in.
 
“I know it’s not an excuse.
 
I should’ve called you, but I had to know that she was okay.”

There was silence again as Olivia focused on breathing.
 
She leaned against the counter more heavily, her brain scrambling to keep up with what he was saying.
 
He
was
coming tonight.

She’d gone through heartbreak for nothing.

Olivia closed her eyes and dropped her chin to her chest, everything from tonight rushing back to her.
 
She sensed Alex moving and his clean, warm scent engulfed her when he stopped close to her side.
 
His finger brushed her cheek and she opened her eyes slowly to regard him.

His concern—and another underlying emotion she couldn’t place—overwhelmed her.
 
“Are you okay, Olivia?”

She gave a tired laugh, but she felt no amusement.
 
Not even close.
 
“I hardly know anymore.
 
I’m just so tired, Alex.”

His eyes flickered in…fear?

His hand came around her waist, gripping her to him as he stared down into her eyes.
 
His tone became urgent.
 
“Please tell me you’re not giving up on us, Olivia.
 
Please.
 
I need to hear it.”

Olivia shook her head, “Alex, I can’t even think right now.”

“I know how much I’ve fucked up with you, but please tell me,” he whispered, anguished.
 
His eyes wouldn’t leave her own as though all the answers he sought lie within them.
 
“I can’t give you up, Liv.
 
Not ever.
 
I’m in too deep and I never want to find a way out.”

Oh.

Her heart thundered in her chest.
 
If Alex glanced down, she was positive he’d be able to see it beating against her breast.
 
She still couldn’t find the words.
 
They seemed to be lodged in her throat, but Alex took her silence for something else.

“Please don’t leave me, darling,” he begged quietly.
 
He pressed his lips against her own, frantic yet calm all at the same time.
 
Her head spun at the sensation of his kiss.
 
“Christ, Liv, please say something before I lose my fucking mind,” he mumbled roughly against her lips.

This was out of control.
 
Insane.

Olivia pulled away from Alex’s lips, but not from his embrace.
 
She looked up into his eyes and knew that no matter how much he had hurt her, she couldn’t give this up either.

But some things had to change.

“I’m not leaving you, Alex,” she said softly, reaching up to run her fingertips through his messy hair.
 
Some of his weight sagged into her at the words, relief clearly evident in his features.
 
“I don’t want to give up either.
 
But I was really hurt tonight.
 
And I’m tired of apologies.”

“Olivia—,“ he started, but she cut him off.

“Please just let me finish.”
 
He nodded and she sighed, gazing up at him.
 
“I realized tonight that you have the ability to completely break me down.
 
Even with Miles, I never felt—,“ she broke off when his hand tightened around her waist at the sound of her ex’s name.
 
She took in a deep breath, preparing herself for what was to come.
 
“Everything happened so fast, Alex,” she admitted slowly.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t even know you a month ago,” she clarified, not breaking eye contact.
 
He was trying to understand and she needed him to.
 
“But tonight, I was completely devastated.
 
It scared me.
 
And I hated it.
 
I hate that you have so much control over me because it makes me feel weak.”

“You’re anything but weak, darling,” he murmured.
 
Another truth he believed.

“But I am.
 
Around you.”

After a moment of silence, he asked, “So, what are you saying?”

Swallowing past the thick lump in her throat, she said, “We had sex within a week of knowing one another.
 
It was supposed to be simple, but right now, it’s the complete opposite.”
 
His eyes dimmed a bit so she quickly said, “I don’t regret anything, Alex.
 
I’m just trying to say that everything moved so fast between us.
 
I just want to slow down a bit.
 
For a little while.”

He nodded slowly, absorbing everything.
 
“What does that look like?”

She paused and then shrugged, trying for nonchalance.
 
“Dating.
 
Get to know each other better without the complication of sex,” she suggested calmly, not knowing how he would react.

He jerked at her words, but his breathing was steady.
 
His fingers began to caress her back and she watched as his brow furrowed, obviously mulling over her words.
 
Finally he breathed in deeply through his nose and nodded.