Conspiring (3 page)

Usually, I’d be calling Bradley to confirm our plans for tomorrow night. We usually go to Joe’s on Saturday nights to flirt and relax. He’s so sexy when he’s at the bar. All the women are gushing over him because he’s sex on legs. We talk dirty the entire time until we can no longer stand it and are rushing to his place. It’s like the first night we met on repeat every week. It never gets old to me. I sigh as I put the car in reverse. I debate going to Joe’s tonight, but I decide I’ll head home since I’m not feeling well.

I do some of my best thinking while I drive. I’m stuck in this hell known as Atlanta rush hour traffic. Eight lanes of people driving like absolute morons. Today, I’m even more frustrated than I would normally be. I think it’s probably because I like routine, and my routine is off with Bradley being out of town at his cousin’s wedding. The past couple of days I have been extremely confused as to what I want from him. Our relationship is just sex. Well, there is also the playful, flirty banter. I know on days like today I can usually negotiate an extra meet up with him. I prefer his form of stress relief, and I find my desire to be near him is addictive. He has become a habit I can’t kick.

I realize as my jaws start to hurt, that I have been clenching my mouth closed. My fingers are red because I’m gripping the steering wheel so tightly. It occurs to me that thinking about him is not making me feel any better. It’s actually making me even more furious and grumpy. I don’t know what the big deal would have been with taking a date to wedding, or for that matter, a friend. No one would have had to know that we were intimate.

Then I grimace as I question myself at the thought of how that would have played out. No flirtation or touching. That would be a dead giveaway that there was more between us. Could I have done that? I shake my head and chew on the inside of my cheek. A thought quickly crosses my mind before I dismiss it as quickly as it came.
You’re
in love with him
.

No. I quickly squint my eyes closed before popping them back open. “I don’t do love. That’s why we’re together, but we’re not. We are a match made in heaven. Two people who don’t do commitment,” I speak out loud, as if Val were in my passenger seat instead of my lonely Chanel bag.

I know if Val, my best friend, were in that seat she would be telling me that I am. She’s all but said so in the past. She’s also told me to quit being so available. She doesn’t particularly like Bradley. Well, I think she would like him more if he would commit to some form of relationship with me, one that involves more than just sex. I don’t think she cared at first because before she met Alex, her firefighter hunk of a boyfriend, she was all for a one-night stand. I think what bothers her is the power she knows he has over me. But it is control I willingly give, I think. In fact, lately I’ve been wondering if I’m still happy with our deal. Is it enough? I’m not exactly getting any younger. It would be nice to be able to be in a relationship like Val has with Alex. As long as I continue this with him, I’ll never have that.

I live in a quiet upscale neighborhood in Suwanee, which is about thirty five minutes northeast of Atlanta. I love it here. It’s close enough yet far enough away from the hustle and bustle of the city. This is why we always go to Bradley’s place; it’s so much more convenient than my house. There have been times we’ve not even made it the fifteen minute drive back to his place after our flirting at Joe’s, let alone thirty five.

After a forty five minute drive home, I am relieved to pull into my driveway, and I realize just how tired and crappy I feel. Despite being meticulous about things being kept in their place, I’m too tired to care today. I toss my keys onto the counter and walk to the cabinet that holds the few medications I keep in my home. I rarely get sick. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. At this point, I just want to go to sleep. I read the back of the bottle to see how much Nyquil I can take. It is my drug of choice if I ever am sick. Just knock me out so I don’t have a care in the world.
Yuck
! I had forgotten how much I hate this stuff as I feel the warm liquid sliding into my stomach.

Once I’ve rinsed the medicine cup and put it away, I drag myself back to the living room and start stripping out of my clothes. I don’t even have the energy to walk to my bedroom. It’s summer, yet I have been freezing all day. So I pull the throw that is folded on the top down to cover my shivering body. I had planned to watch television, but before I can think another thought or make another move, I feel my heavy eyelids closing as I drift off into that groggy state of sleep where you can still hear the television or people talking, but you don’t care. Nothing else matters. It’s as if you’re paralyzed and can’t move, talk, or think.

I hear my phone ringing, and I squint my eyes open trying to recall where I am. I have no idea what time it is. I am assuming I slept all night; it is way too bright in my house for it to still be evening. My head is pounding. Everything is a big blur. It takes everything in me to roll over and grab the pants that I had been wearing on what I assume was yesterday.

My phone is still in the satin pocket of my slacks. Before I can answer, the call goes to voicemail. I swipe to look at the call log and smile at the sight of Val. But my smile quickly turns to a frown when I realize that we had plans. I quickly call her back, and I already know I’m in trouble.

It barely rings when Val huffs, “Did you forget?”

My voice cracks, and I can’t contain the stretch and yawn that my body automatically does as I reply, “Um, I didn’t really forget. I felt like crap all day yesterday. I came home and took Nyquil, and I’ve been asleep ever since.” I cringe as I speak the next sentence because I know Val is going to fly through the roof. “I think I might need a rain check.”

“You’re that sick? C’mon, it might do you some good to get up and move around before you go canceling on me.”

“I just feel like I have a hangover, but I don’t. My head is throbbing.”

Val exhales into the phone, “Oh, well take some mega Motrin and get your ass ready. We never get to hang out anymore.”

I shrug and roll my eyes. She’s right. I know she is and I miss her so much. If it weren’t for this headache, I think I’d be good to go. “Uh huh. Okay. But I need some extra time to get ready. I’m moving at a snail’s pace this morning. No coffee yet.”

I know Val well enough to know she’s probably grinning at getting her way. “I’m already on my way to your house. I’m only five minutes away.”

I turn and put my feet on the ground and wait to let the dizziness fade. “Good to know. I’ll wait for you to get here then before I get in the shower.”

“See you in a few.”

“Bye.” I press the red button to end the call and toss my cell phone onto the coffee table. I gather my clothes from the floor and take them to dry clean hamper before heading back to the kitchen to get myself a large glass of water and medicine. I will myself to feel better as I swallow the pills.

I have one of those coffee pots that will automatically brew my coffee for me every morning, but that requires that you set it up the night before. Just my luck that the one day I need an IV drip of coffee, I have to not only prepare it, but also wait for it to brew. I shake my head because I realize that I desperately need to snap out of this terrible mood that I’m in, or there is no way I’m going to be able to even remotely enjoy my time with Val.

Speaking of Val, my doorbell rings. She wasn’t kidding when she said she was close. I stumble to the door seriously second guessing my decision to do anything other than cuddle in my bed all day with a good book and just be lazy. I open the door to my beautiful best friend.

She’s almost the same height as me. She has a fair complexion, but her features and hair are all very dark. Her chocolate eyes are accented by black eyebrows and the longest eyelashes. They are so long they don’t even look real. She’s thinks she’s fat, but I try to tell her that most girls would pay to have the curves she has. She’s wearing khaki shorts with a black sleeveless shirt. I am sure if she could wear flip flops to work, she wouldn’t own any other types of shoes. She’s wearing these adorable gingham ones that have a little bow in the middle. That’s about as fancy as Val gets unless we’re going clubbing or she’s at work. She looks comfortable and ready to shop until she drops.
Excellent
.

Val and I grew up together. We’ve been best friends our entire lives. Most people are lucky if they ever have one friend that is as good to them as Val is to me. So it really is hard to not smile at her and be excited to spend some much needed bonding time together, regardless of how I physically feel.

My point about her being a wonderful friend is proven by the Starbucks cup she extends to me with a gracious smile. “Grande Skinny Caramel Macchiato for you, my friend.”

I tilt my head to the side and reach out for the welcomed gift. “Thank you,
my
friend. Come here.” I pull her into a hug. We embrace each other a tad longer than we usually would. I realize how much I’ve missed her and furrow my brows wondering what in the world has all the sudden made me so sappy.

I back away and motion for her to sit on the love seat. “So, you know I have to drink this macchiato before I shower.” I cross one of my legs under me as I sit on the adjacent sofa. I blow and then hesitantly take my first sip not knowing how hot it is. “Mmmm, this is just what the doctor ordered. What did you wanna do today?”

Val smiles as she gets comfy, blowing and sipping her own coffee. “Duh, I want to shop. So hurry up and shower already!”

I roll my eyes. “The sales will still be there in an hour.”

She cuts her eyes playfully at me. “But my size might not be. So hurry up woman.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I aim to change the subject. There will be plenty of shopping talk later. “How are you and Alex?”

“We’re super busy but really good.” Val shrugs. I can tell that she’s trying to brush it off and not make a big deal over the fact that she has probably found her soul mate, and I haven’t. “We both have our own career goals. And there just aren’t enough hours in the day.” She hesitates as if she’s thinking about whether she should actually say what she’s thinking and then she continues. “I’m glad that it worked out today with your Saturday being free. It’s really hard to want to hang out with my friends on the weekend when I barely get to see him all week. I miss him, but I miss you, too. Sometimes I feel so –”

I interrupt her. “Torn? Don’t. I am so happy for you. Really, I am.” I watch as Val looks down at her cup and fidgets with the cardboard hugging it. She does that when she’s thinking.

Finally she glances up and shrugs, “I just had hoped that things would evolve with you and Bradley. I miss being able to double with you.”

The sound of his name refreshes the irritation that I felt yesterday. I don’t remember ever being so frustrated with him. I look out the window as the Bradford Pears in my backyard blow from the summer breeze. “He’s never going to want more.”

Val takes a large gulp and gets up to throw her cup in the garbage. “You don’t know that.” When she comes back, she sits next to me on the couch.

“No, I do. He all but said it Wednesday. I told him I’d go with him to Charleston, and he said no.” I put my cup on the coffee table. I usually have no trouble finishing a grande Starbucks Macchiato, but I guess the fact I’ve had very little to eat over the last twenty-four hours has my stomach sloshing from the hot liquid. At least, that’s what I assume; that it’s the coffee that has me feeling this way. Maybe it’s talking about him. “He’s just not interested…and honestly while I would like more, I guess I am okay if this is all it ever is.”