[Contributor 02] - Infiltrator (2013)

Holding her badge up and aligning her eye before the sensor, Dara took advantage of the noise of the doors, using it to cover the explosion of breath as she exhaled. Her expression was composed, but there was a telltale tremor in her hands, and she clenched them into fists. She couldn’t afford to let anyone else notice. Forcing a smile of excitement on her face, she nodded at one of the engineers as she headed toward her first day as Andersen’s assistant.

Lying awake for almost the whole of the previous night, she had alternated between bouts of sweating and shivering. A fierce ache had stabbed through her middle section, and she’d doubled over, wondering if she really did have the guts to do this. Her courage had never been called into question before—few of her emotions ever had. Serving her Creator had been her sole purpose. Never before had she appreciated the simplicity, the uncomplicated nature of that life.

It wasn’t freedom. It was a prison,
she reminded herself.

How strange, that a prison could seem like a haven.

It was time to take the plunge into the unknown, and though she was scared, she would not balk. She had made her decision and it was time to stick to it, no matter how seductive the alternative was. Slipping back into her old routine would be so easy, pretending she didn’t know the things she now knew. No one would be any the wiser—no one, that is, except herself. More terrifying than thinking of breaking the rules and placing herself in danger was wondering how she could live with herself if she didn’t fight.

“Good morning, Contributor Morrow,” a voice said, interrupting her thoughts.

She blinked and saw Letizia standing in front of her, studying Dara with one of her inscrutable expressions. Letizia’s face betrayed nothing, but Dara understood her former master’s unasked question, and she nodded. For the briefest of seconds Letizia’s eyes flashed with something like pride, but it was quickly replaced by concern.

“Good morning, Contributor D’Angelo,” Dara said in her most deferential tone. “Is there some way I may assist you?”

“I would like to schedule a meeting with Head of Engineering Andersen at his earliest convenience.”

“The Head of Engineering will be in a meeting all day today. The earliest he’ll be able to see you is tomorrow at ten o’clock.”

There was a glimmer of approval in Letizia’s eyes. Dara had been determined to be as prepared for her first day as possible, and had spent the two days since the Assignment Ceremony studying Andersen’s schedule nonstop, her father quizzing her. She could recite Andersen’s schedule for the next six months from memory, down to the last minute.

“Thank you. I’ll see him then.”

“I’ll add you to the schedule and send you a confirmation message.”

“Very well. Have a productive day.” Letizia held Dara’s gaze, not long enough to seem strange to the other engineering staff, but long enough for her to communicate a message of caution.

“Ah, I see my assistant has arrived,” Andersen said, approaching them. He made a show of consulting his watch. Dara was fifteen minutes early, but the gesture still caused a nervous flutter in her stomach.

“Good morning, sir,” she greeted.

“Forgive me for delaying Dara, sir. I came to request a meeting,” Letizia said. “I hope I didn’t inconvenience you by taking up her time.”

“Project Alto?” Andersen asked, turning to Letizia. Dara marveled at how smoothly the other woman had succeeded in diverting his attention.

“Yes, sir. My team has mocked up several designs that I would like to discuss with you. I understand you’re busy today, so Dara has scheduled me to meet with you tomorrow at ten.”

“I’ll be eager to see what your team has devised.” Andersen stared at Letizia for several seconds before his gaze wandered to the engineers that reported to her. Letizia’s fingers tightened on her tablet. Sliding his gaze back to her, Andersen nodded in curt dismissal before addressing Dara.

“You will add several new slides to my presentation. I’ll need schematics and graphics for the following.”

Letizia strode away with crisp steps as Andersen launched into a list. He spoke so rapidly that Dara snapped her gaze away from Letizia’s retreating back, fumbling with her stylus as she tried to jot down everything he said. She would not risk incurring a black mark by asking him to repeat himself. When he was finished with the list, he left without a word.

Flabbergasted but relieved, she headed for her station, almost sprinting in her haste. The meeting began in twenty minutes, barely enough time for her to complete his list of demands.

Her desk was situated outside of Andersen’s inner sanctum, where she would be at his immediate beck and call, and rather than savor the moment as she’d once fantasized she would, she tossed her bag on the floor in a messy sprawl and threw herself into her chair. Fingers flying, she signed in to her terminal and flipped past screen after screen of Magnum materials in her search for the information Andersen had requested. She managed to finish the additions with two minutes to spare, and she tripped over her bag as she hurried to the meeting.

Sharp fingernails scraped over her frayed nerves when she saw Jonathan sitting inside the conference room. Her eyes widened—a slip in composure—and she dropped her gaze and scrambled over to her seat, dropping into it with far too little grace. The Head of Logistics hadn’t been on the original meeting invitation, so he must have been a last-minute addition, leaving Dara with no time to prepare for the confusing blur of emotions that flooded her as she slanted a sideways glance at her former boyfriend.

“Oh, yes. I forgot to mention that I invited Head of Logistics Gonzales,” Andersen said in a low voice. His teeth gleamed as he smiled at her. It was a test. He wanted to see how she would handle herself. The pressure of her first day as his assistant wasn’t enough, so he’d thrown an awkward encounter into the mix.

“I’ll send him a copy of the presentation,” she said, fighting to keep her voice even.

“See that you do.”

Not deigning to further acknowledge her existence, Andersen ignored her and began speaking to one of his lead engineers, and she stared at the conference table as she clenched her teeth, trying to compose herself. She caught Jonathan studying her when she raised her eyes, and she did her best to smile, though her mouth was so rigid she had trouble moving her lips. His eyes were mournful, but he returned her smile with an unsteady one of his own before fixing his attention on his tablet and his master.

The seemingly interminable meeting was a boon. As long as she had to focus her attention on the meeting, she had no time to think about her own excruciating discomfort.

Andersen’s presentation went off without a hitch. He slid a hand over the front of his suit, smoothing it as he sat, and gave her a curt nod. She let out a silent breath and reveled in the sensation of relief for a few seconds before straightening her shoulders and putting her placid façade firmly in place once more.

Head of Logistics Gonzales and several other department heads engaged Andersen in conversation at the end of the meeting, which meant Dara could take her time gathering her things. Her heart rate had finally slowed to normal after her frantic morning of rushing around, but she remained wary, so she wasn’t surprised when Jonathan approached, though it did cause her stomach to clench.

“How are you, Contributor Morrow?” he asked, his voice soft. She knew him well enough to know he was very much aware that the two of them were being watched, however well the others might hide their prying eyes.

“I’m well, thank you. And how are you, Contributor Canterly? I hope you’re having a productive first day as Assistant to the Head of Logistics. Congratulations to you.” Dara’s voice quaked, and her hand shook ever so slightly as she extended it to him. Jonathan swallowed hard, betraying the fact that this was difficult for him as well, and took her hand. She had to force herself not to react to the familiar thrill of his touch.

“Thank you. I’m honored by the opportunity to serve Head of Logistics Gonzales. Congratulations to you as well, on your appointment as Assistant to the Head of Engineering.” He gave her a brief, formal handshake, but his index finger traced a fiery path over her palm as he released her hand.

She refused to allow herself to shiver. It was over. He had made his position clear, and she wouldn’t start cherishing false hopes. Getting over him was one of the most difficult things she had ever done, but it would be nothing compared to the heartache she would feel if she let herself be lured into the mistaken belief that things could be different between them.

“Thank you. I’m grateful to have the honor of serving Magnum. One moment, and I’ll send Head of Logistics Gonzales a copy of the presentation.” Dara picked up her tablet, gripping her stylus to still her shaking fingers. “If you or Head of Logistics Gonzales have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.”

“I’ve received it. We’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” His pleading eyes locked on hers. Averting her gaze, she busied herself with her bag.

“Is there any other way I might contribute?” she asked.

His shoulders slumped. “No, thank you. That will be all.”

They nodded to one another as Gonzales beckoned to Jonathan, and he left the room with his master. Dara’s heart was pounding, and the edges of her vision had gone fuzzy.

“Well done,” a low voice said in her ear.

“Thank you, sir,” she said, trying not to stiffen.

“I was concerned that this encounter might prove trying for you, and I’m pleased to find my concerns unfounded. You handled that quite gracefully,” Andersen remarked. Dara heard the trace of disappointment in his tone.

The apartment was empty when Dara got home late that evening. She sighed as she put her work bag down and shrugged off her jacket. Ever since her mother’s relocation, her father had been spending more and more time working—though not out of a sense of misguided loyalty. He was trying hard to forget what he had lost, and Dara was afraid he’d kill himself in the process.

Rubbing her tired eyes, she let it go. There was little she could do about it. Hopefully, with time, her father would come around. For now, she would have to allow him some space. He had his way of dealing with things and she had hers.

She thought back over the events of the day as she listlessly prepared a meal. She wasn’t hungry, but she had to eat; her cheeks had hollowed as a result of her recent weight loss. Several new suits cut in a style that reflected her standing as Assistant to the Head of Engineering had arrived two days ago, and they were a bit loose on her. The change would not go unnoticed for long. Getting too thin would result in Magnum’s questioning her mental state, and there were few things she wanted to avoid more than that.

Joshua walked into the apartment just as she sat down to eat, and she started to rise from her chair.

“No, don’t get up,” he said. “I think I might skip dinner and—”

“Dad, you know you can’t,” she interrupted, her voice gentle. “We’ve both lost too much weight, and if we continue—”

“Yeah, you’re right.” He sighed in defeat.

He disappeared into the kitchen and she began forking up food with mechanical precision as she listened to him banging around, preparing his own meal.

“How did it go?” he asked, joining her at the table and shoveling food into his mouth with the same decided lack of enthusiasm she felt.

She set her fork aside, folding her hands in her lap. “Andersen neglected to tell me he invited the Head of Logistics to the meeting.”

Joshua paused with his fork halfway to his mouth, a look of horror on his face. “Oh, no, Dara. What happened?”

“Nothing.” She toyed with her food. Glancing at her father, she caught the dubious expression on his face, and she reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. “Really, it was okay. In fact, Andersen complimented me on my composure.”

A stormy expression passed over her father’s face as he dropped his fork and took an angry sip of water. She knew he was trying to maintain his composure, and she returned her attention to her meal.

“Other than that, the day was pretty uneventful,” she continued, as if she hadn’t noticed her father’s distress. She didn’t want him worrying about her. He had plenty of his own troubles.

“That’s good.” Joshua said, absentmindedly scraping his fork over his plate. “Sorry,” he added, as she grimaced.

“How did your day go?”

“Same old, same old.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, and she was struck by how much he had aged over the last couple of months. Her father had always possessed a sort of boyish charm, but Leona’s accident and her absence from their lives had left him haggard. Gray hairs peppered his once dark mane, and lines punctuated the corners of his mouth, testament to his bitterness and pain. They caused an ache in Dara’s chest. Stabbing her food with unwarranted vehemence, she wondered how she could ever have been so blind as to think that their lives were happy, easy, privileged.