Controlled Burn (5 page)

Chapter Four

The next morning, Jessica was dressed and ready to head downstairs by seven-thirty, since that seemed to be when Joe and Marie ate breakfast. She wasn’t much of a morning eater, herself, but she recognized that Marie wanted to feed her and there was no sense in disrupting their routine.

As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she felt as if the vibe had changed
somehow, as if they’d been talking about her and stopped when she came down stairs. Joe wasn’t a cheery morning person to begin with, but this morning he spent a lot of time staring into his coffee cup. And Marie’s lips kept pressing together as if she was trying not to say something that would be upsetting.

She’d set down three plates of scrambled eggs and toast before it appeared to Jessica
she couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Can I ask you something about Davey?”

Jessica nodded, pushing some eggs around on her plate. “Of course.”

“Did he tell you we were dead?” Marie’s voice was almost a whisper.

Jessica froze, her heart breaking at the question. How painful it would be to have a child who’d rather pretend you were dead than admit you were alive and just didn’t want
to see you? “No. He never said that.”

The breath seemed to rush out of her grandmother’s lungs. “Oh, good. We thought maybe that was why... Well, it doesn’t matter. You’re here now.”

Jessica took a big, bracing gulp of coffee because it was time to put it all out there. She’d rather do it now than have her grandparents thinking she hadn’t
wanted
to know them. “I asked about you sometimes
when I was little. But it made Dad angry, so eventually I stopped asking. He said...he said you weren’t our kind of people. That you were crass and drank a lot. I was a little girl, so I never questioned what he said. But when the doctor called...I wanted to meet you.”

The hypocrisy of her father damning anybody for drinking burned in Jessica’s stomach, but she took a bite of her toast to
calm it. Marie dabbed at her eyes with her napkin, but she was smiling. It was Joe who spoke, though, after a gruff clearing of his throat.

“I guess during Davey’s teen years, things were a little hard. Work was tight and we hit a rough spot in our marriage. I made some mistakes. We fought a lot and I drank too much. I admit it.”

“Davey was always different,” Marie said quietly. “He
always wanted better and I always felt like he was embarrassed of us.”

That sounded like her father and Jessica had certainly felt as though her father was judging her and finding her wanting a few times in her life. “I guess he hasn’t changed very much.”

“We’ve mellowed with age,” Joe said. “I won’t deny that. But the last time he was home, your grandmother was hurt that Davey wouldn’t
bring his girlfriend home to meet us.”

Marie shook her head. “Joe, don’t.”

“She has a right to know,” he said, looking across the table at Jessica. “He said he’d never bring a girl to this shit hole and called Marie trash. I’m not proud of it, but I put my hands on him. I put him up against the wall and told him if he couldn’t respect his mother, he could leave. He never came back.”

“He was young and stupid,” Jessica said, and then she covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be trying to defend him. It’s a habit, I guess.”

“We reached out to him a few times,” Marie said, “but there was nothing. It was like there had never been a relationship with us. Eventually it hurt too much to keep trying, but I always hoped when he was older and had his own
kids, he’d come around.”

“He’s very...self-centered,” Jessica said quietly. “And I’m so sorry his relationship with you has been so painful.”

“Has he been a good father to you?” Joe asked.

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “Not perfect, of course. Who is? But we’re close and he’s done the best he could. I have a great life.”

“That’s what matters, then.” Her grandfather gave
her a warm smile, which she returned.

Even though he tended to wreak havoc on her senses, Jessica was relieved when the back door opened and Rick walked in. She could take the hard conversations in small bits, but she wasn’t used to emotional talks.

“Hey, everybody,” he said, and Jessica noticed he did a bit of a double take when he looked at Marie. She was smiling, but her eyes were
still a little wet and her cheeks flushed. “How’s everybody doing this morning?”

“We’re good,” Marie said. “Do you want some breakfast? I can whip up some more eggs with no trouble at all.”

“I already ate. Today seems like a good day to get some errands done and I was thinking I’d drag Joe along. We need to make new plywood tents for your bushes in the backyard because we trashed the
old ones last year, remember?”

“I meant to ask you about that, but I forgot,” Marie said. “I have a list somewhere.”

“Didn’t you just work twenty-four hours?” Jessica was surprised to see him looking maybe a little tired around the eyes, but mostly ready for a day of yard work.

“We sleep between runs,” he said. “Last night was quiet. Trust me, there are days when the only thing
I do when I get home is strip off my clothes and crawl into bed.”

“I can imagine,” she said. Good lord, she could imagine him stripping without any effort at all. “I mean, I can imagine working twenty-four hours if it was busy would be hard.”

“Oh, today’s Saturday,” Marie said. “Joe and I are supposed to go to a barbecue lunch for Valerie’s grandson’s birthday today.”

“A barbecue?”
Jessica almost dropped her fork. “It’s winter. You guys do know it’s winter, right?”

They all laughed, and then Joe shook his head. “It’s not even cold yet. If the hamburger doesn’t freeze between the time you walk out the door to the time you put it on the grill, it’s warm enough to barbecue.”

“I’ll take care of the bushes,” Rick said, walking toward the coffeepot. “You already told
Valerie you’d be there and you know how she is. Every time you see her for the entire year, she’ll find a way to take a dig at you for missing the party.”

“Yes, that’s true.” Marie looked at Jessica. “Do you want to go?”

Besides the fact she didn’t feel nearly hardy enough to stand around outside eating burgers with strangers, whether the burgers froze or not, she didn’t feel up to facing
the questions that would inevitably come her way. “I’m a little behind on work, actually. If you don’t mind, I’ll take the time to catch up.”

“Good call,” Joe muttered. “Valerie’s husband has two degrees of grilled burgers. Raw on the inside or hockey puck.”

“Rick going in and out won’t distract you or keep you from working, will it?” Marie asked.

Jessica looked at Rick, who was
watching her with those blue eyes. Oh, Rick going in and out would definitely distract her. “He won’t keep me from working.”

He raised that damn eyebrow of his and grinned, as if she’d just issued a challenge.

* * *

If a woman did all of her work on her cell phone and laptop, why she needed to have a pen was beyond Rick. But Jessica had one and it seemed like every time he walked
through the door, she was sitting at the table playing with her damn pen.

He’d seen her tapping it against her bottom lip, which naturally made him notice her bottom lip and how utterly kissable it looked. She tapped it on her teeth. And on this trip inside he saw she appeared to be concentrating on the screen particularly hard while she sucked on the cap.

And, dammit, he forgot what
he’d gone inside for. That was assuming he’d even had a reason and wasn’t subconsciously coming up with excuses to see Jessica. Grabbing a drink had made sense. Another trip inside to rummage through Marie’s junk drawer for a permanent marker had made sense. But since he lived upstairs, there were only so many reasons he needed to be in there.

“Hi,” she said, dropping the pen onto the table,
and he realized he’d been staring at her. “Do you need something?”

That was a good question. He’d obviously needed something since he’d gone inside, but seeing her lips puckered around the pen had wiped his mind clear of everything except her mouth. He had to say something, though. “I wanted to see if you could give me a hand for a second, but you’re obviously busy.”

“No, I’m not.” She
closed the laptop so fast he got the impression she’d been looking for an excuse to be done. “It’s time for a break, anyway.”

“Great. Appreciate it.” And now he had to come up with something for her to do. “You don’t have any paper.”

“Excuse me?” She got up and pushed her chair in. “Do we need paper? I have a legal pad upstairs if we do.”

“No. We don’t need paper for what we’re
doing.” Of course she had a legal pad. She’d been using it to figure out what her grandparents’ property might be worth. “I just thought it was funny you have a pen, but nothing to write on.”

Her mouth twisted in a wry smile. “I quit smoking six years ago. I’m a fidgeter by nature and quitting seemed to make it worse, so I was constantly fidgeting with the pen. After a while I realized having
that keeps me from wanting to get up out of my chair constantly, so I always have a pen in my hand when I’m working.”

And in her mouth. “Congratulations on quitting. It’s not easy, from what I’ve heard.”

“Thanks. It wasn’t easy to quit, but most of the time I’m proud of myself.” She laughed. “Sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking because the cigarettes sure made life easier,
but I know better.”

“Joe used to smoke cigars, until Marie made him quit. Does your dad smoke?”

She shook her head. “Never has, that I know of. I started in high school, when it seemed like a good diet plan. Don’t comfort eat. Just comfort smoke instead.”

He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He wanted to ask her why she’d needed comfort. Or tell her she certainly didn’t have to worry
about a diet plan because her body was pretty damn perfect just as it was. But neither were any of his business, so he just smiled and led the way to the backyard.

She trailed her hand down the railing of the handicapped ramp Joe and Marie used. “This looks fairly new.”

“Yeah, some of the guys from my station helped me build it a few months back. The front steps can be a bitch in the
winter and the back ones needed replacing. Seemed like a good time to do it.” He picked up the two pieces of plywood he’d built a frame around and formed them into an A shape. “I’ll show you how to hold them while I screw the hinges in.”

“Okay.” Either she didn’t realize this wasn’t something he really needed help with, or she didn’t care. “What are these for?”

“They make tents over
the bushes so the weight of the snow won’t crush them or break the branches off.”

She stopped in the act of bending over to look at the plywood panels. “You get that much snow?”

“Sometimes.”

When she had the two pieces of wood lined up, Rick bent to drive in the screws. It put their heads very close together and, when he inhaled, he could smell her shampoo or soap or something.
It wasn’t strong enough to be perfume, but it was enough to be distracting.

Together, they made quick work of the first two, but he didn’t like the way the third lined up. Rather than risk his drill slipping and catching her fingers, he set it down and put his hands over hers to adjust her hold on the wood.

The touch must have startled her because her head jerked up. Her face was so
close to his, he would barely have to lean forward to kiss her. And with her hands so small and soft under his, and her gaze locked with his, he really wanted to. As if she could read his thoughts, her face flushed and her lips parted slightly. Unless he was totally misreading the signal, she wouldn’t slap his face for trying.

But it would be a huge mistake, so he very reluctantly dragged
his attention back to the task at hand. “Here, hold it like this so I don’t accidentally nick you with the drill.”

Jessica nodded and dropped her gaze back to their hands. He wasn’t sure if the sudden scowl was one of concentration or if she was thinking about what had just passed between them. Or hadn’t, as the case may be.

As soon as her fingers were in the right place, he removed
his hands from hers and picked up the drill again. The sooner they were finished with this, the sooner he could stop calling himself every kind of an idiot for making up a stupid reason for having her out there in the first place.

She helped him do the fourth frame and then stepped back as he put them in place over Marie’s more delicate bushes. Rick was keenly aware Jessica was watching him
as he screwed a small cross member on each one so they couldn’t collapse if the snow was heavy enough to shift the hinges.

“It’s snowing!”

He turned to see her with her face turned up to the sky, watching scattered flakes fall. “Yeah, they said we might get some flurries off and on before the actual snow starts.”

“Is it true that if you stick your tongue to a metal pole, it’ll stick?”

“If it’s cold enough, hell yes, it’ll stick. We responded to three calls for that last winter.”

Her eyes widened, making him chuckle. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. And now that all the kids want funny videos or selfies for the internet, they do dumb shit like that all the time and we get to lecture them while saving them from themselves. Licking metal poles seems to be popular for some
reason.”

“So how cold is too cold?”

“It’s definitely not cold enough yet.” He put his hands on his hips and looked at her. “Is licking a pole on your list of things to do while in Boston or what?”

As soon as he said the words, his inner twelve-year-old boy snickered, but he hoped she wouldn’t catch the accidental innuendo.

“I have no intention of licking any poles while in
Boston, thank you.” Yeah, she’d caught it. He could tell by the way her lips tightened in an effort not to smile. The tiny quirk at the corners gave her away, though.

He
had
to stop paying so much attention to her mouth. After putting the battery drill back in its box, Rick wrapped the cord around the circular saw and put them both, along with the square and a few other miscellaneous tools,
back in Joe’s toolshed. After he’d snapped the padlock closed, he turned, expecting Jessica to have gone back into the house.