CONVICTION (INTERFERENCE) (11 page)

“How?”

“Start by telling him the truth. Tell him you know that he loves you, but that you need him to show it.”

“I’ve done that. I tell him that all the time.”

“What do you tell him?”

“That I don’t want to wait until I’m 18.”

“But have you told him why? Have you told him that you need him to hold you? That you need him to kiss you? Or have you just told him that’s what you want?”

“What’s the difference?”

“He’s staying away because he believes it’s what’s best for you. But, Shane would give you the moon if he knew you
needed
it.”

I thought about what she said, and I knew she was right. Shane
would
give me the moon if I needed it. Now, all I have to do is make him see that I needed…him.

I hugged my mom and told her thanks for being so understanding.

“I was young once, too.” She started to walk out the door and said, “Honey, I know you love him, but there really is no rush…for more. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “I just need to take the next step. Don’t worry, I doubt I’ll even be able to get him to kiss me, far less…” I looked down. “Believe me, you don’t have to worry,” I blushed.

She started to say something else, but finally, she just nodded and closed my door. I laid back and thought about all she told me and the advice she’d given. I was shocked by how open and honest my ‘very catholic’ mother was about sex, but as I thought about what she told me, I knew she really did understand how I felt about Shane. I realized that my mother and I had just shared our first adult conversation.
Maybe moms do know best!
I thought to myself as I snuggled down into the sheets and drifted off to dream of Shane….and his smile.

Kiss Me…Please!

It was graduation and I was so excited to be ending that phase of my life. I had always been a good student, but I was ready to move on with my adult life, hopefully one that involved a more physical relationship with Shane. I struggled and stressed over my speech for weeks. I stood at the podium scanning a sea of faces, searching for only one, and once I found him, I knew I had the strength I needed to give my short, yet,
I hoped
, poignant speech. 

Once the caps flew into the air though, I felt free and exhilarated and found myself running full speed to Shane and threw myself into his arms. He allowed it and lightly hugged me back, but when I pulled back, I could see the disappointment in his eyes that I had broken his strict ‘no touching’ rule. I looked down, embarrassed by his non-verbal scolding. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean…” I didn’t have time to finish because suddenly my friends and family surrounded us.

There were congratulations and compliments on my speech from everyone, but I still noted that Shane was irritated by my recent display of affection…public or not. I didn’t have too much time to worry about it though, because just as the roar started to die down, Jillian strolled over with a new guy on her arm. I stood there in utter shock as I followed the arm up to a face…Parker’s face.

She hugged me and actually nodded to Shane. At least she acknowledged his presence this time, something she’d never done before.

My father spoke.  “Parker, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to congratulate Jillian and Rebecca on graduation. Great speech, Beccs!”

“Please don’t call me…thanks,” I said, giving in to the stupid nickname he’d given me years earlier. “Um, so what’s going on?” I asked, looking to Jillian for answers as to why she was hanging all over Parker’s arm.

“We’re um…we’re kind of…dating,” she grinned like a ten year old with a crush on the newest pop star.

“Oh, okay…that’s…great, I guess.”

“Yeah, it is!”

“Can I talk to you for a few minutes?” I said, grabbing her arm and leading her away from the group.

“How long have you been dating? You never mentioned it.”

“You’re only interested in…Shane.” 

Well, that was a start. She called him Shane and not ‘that guy who was using me
.’  “Jillian, I’m happy for you…if he’s what you want?”

“Hey, just because
you
lost out, doesn’t mean I should.”

“Okay, like I said, if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“I AM!” she said, snidely.

Things hadn’t been the same since I’d started seeing Shane. Shane said Jillian was jealous of the time I spent with him, which was time I used to spend with her.

I knew he was right, so I let her comments slide and hugged her instead. “Make sure he treats you right. You deserve to be happy!”

This appeased her for the moment and we had our arms clasped as we re-joined the group and stood next to our perspective guys.

“I know you don’t want to go to the grad party, but Parker and I are going to have dinner at Rendezvous’ first and wanted to know if you’d like to make it a double date.” Jillian said.

“Oh, thanks but…”

“Rebecca, please join us. It’s my treat. We made reservations for four. It’s the least I can do to make up for my abhorrent behavior,” Parker said, looking genuinely concerned that I’d refuse.

“Maybe another time,” I smiled.

“We’d love to,” Shane spoke up.

“What?” I said, looking at Shane.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, please?” he said, leading me away.

We walked back to where Jillian and I were standing a few minutes before and he said, “I know you don’t feel comfortable with Parker. But, Jillian’s your best friend…”

“Actually, I think you’ve taken over that role…now. I love Jillian, but we don’t really see eye to eye on much anymore.”

“I’m your boyfriend. There’s a difference.  You need her, Rebecca.  I don’t want you to give up the rest of your life for me. You still need friends, whether you think you do or not. Don’t throw away a friendship that’s lasted almost 14 years…don’t do that to yourself, or to me. We can stand one night out with them. Who knows, maybe we’ll all have fun. You did just graduate high school. You should celebrate.”

“I was hoping to celebrate…with you,” I blushed.

“I’m going to ignore that…for now.”

“Fine, we can go out with them. But, you do realize you’re willingly submitting yourself to an enormous amount of torture tonight, don’t you?” I said, only half joking.

“I told you, you’re worth it.”

Dinner actually proved to be fun. The food was excellent, and the atmosphere was so romantic, which Parker and Jillian seemed to notice, as they couldn’t seem to keep their hands or their lips to themselves throughout the meal.

“Let’s dance,” Jillian said, pulling Parker onto the dance floor.

Shane excused himself to the restroom and before long, Jillian headed to the ladies room and Parker was pulling me to the dance floor. “No, Parker. I don’t want to dance.”

“Come on, Beccs…Rebecca. Please? Just one dance, for old times’ sake? What, are you afraid your boyfriend won’t forgive you? It’s just a dance.”

“Shane will be right back.”

“Dance with me…half a song, then he can cut in.”

I sighed and begrudgingly followed him to the dance floor. The music was fast, so I felt comfortable dancing with him. But, the fast song ended in a matter of seconds, replaced by a slow moving love ballad. Parker wasted no time in pulling me to him.  I struggled to get away, but he held me close, telling me it was just a dance. I finally gave in and danced the slow song with him, knowing the song would end eventually and I would once again be free of Parker.

“It’s time to go, Rebecca,” Shane said moments later. 
             

I looked up and smiled, a feeling of relief washing over me.

“You’re cutting in? Okay, then where’s my girl?” Parker said, still moving his feet with the rhythm of the slow-moving music.

“I should get you home now,” Shane said, reaching for my arm.

I nodded. 

“You’re taking her home? It’s graduation! She doesn’t want to go home. You only graduate once! Well, most of us, anyway,” he said and then tried to look apologetic.

“Parker!”

“What? I didn’t mean anything by that. I just meant it’s your night to party. You should be out having fun. Dancing, laughing…etc. Oh, I forgot, he’s not into…etc…”

I
glared at Jillian as she walked up to us.

“What?” she said, having no idea what had just transpired between the three of us.
I had told her in confidence that Shane and I were taking things slow. She obviously felt it was appropriate to share it with Parker.

“Nothing. Rebecca and I were just leaving. Thanks for dinner,” he said and I couldn’t resist one more glare at Parker as we headed off the dance floor.

“Shane, it’s graduation! Dance with her,” Jillian said, as more of an order.

I looked up at him and said, “It’s okay, we can leave.”

He smiled at me, causing my face to redden, and said, “She’s right, you should have fun tonight.” 

I was shocked as he put his arm around my waist and led me back to the dance floor. Another slow song started, and I hesitated to reach up to put my hand on his shoulder. He did it for me and then pulled me close. I don’t know if he really wanted to dance, or if he was making a point…or if he was just doing it for me, but as we started swaying to the music, I realized I didn’t care. I was in his arms, right where I wanted to be and suddenly we were the only two people in the room and I found myself leaning my head against his shoulder, praying the song would never end…but it did, and it wasn’t long before we had said our goodbyes and he drove me home.

We were silent for most of the ride home, both lost in our thoughts. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and said, “You know he was just trying to get to you, right?”

“No Rebecca, he was trying to get to you!”

“I didn’t want to go! You’re the one that agreed. You know how I feel about him!”

“I know. I’m not angry with you.” He turned toward me and said, “I’m sorry, he’s just so blatant about his desires…for you. The way he looks at you. It pisses me off!  Sorry.”

“Don’t let it get to you. I love you, and I always will. He can’t change that.”

“I hope not.”

“What do you mean by that? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I do!  It’s him I don’t trust.”

“Well, he’s with Jillian now, anyway. Problem solved. He’s her problem now.  I hope she knows what she’s getting herself into.”

“Something tells me there’s more to the story than him just suddenly finding romance with
your
best friend…I don’t buy it!”

We changed the subject and we were both laughing by the time we got back to my house.  It was only a matter of seconds before Shane stopped laughing and said, “Where are your parents?”

“I um, I think they’re out with Jillian’s parents…celebrating.” I knew they’d be out, and I also knew he would have never come inside if he’d known that we’d be alone.

“Rebecca you know how I feel…”

“But, you don’t know how I feel.”

“What?”

“Shane, I wanted to spend the evening with you. Please, give me a little alone time. For me?”

“Okay. I’m sorry I ruined your night. I should have listened to you about…”

“You didn’t ruin anything.”

“Yeah, I did. I should have taken you somewhere special, like I’d planned.”

“But, if we didn’t go with them, then I wouldn’t have gotten to dance with you.”

He didn’t say anything. He was looking around nervously, like he was ready to bolt at any second.

I sighed deeply. “Please don’t go.”

“You’re parents aren’t home.”

“So what?”

“So, it’s not right.”

“You’re not breaking any of my father’s rules. We’re not doing anything.”

“Goodnight, Rebecca.”

“Shane…”

“Rebecca, I can’t be here now.”

“But, it’s graduation. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Okay, then we’ll go out.”

“I don’t want to go out, either. I want…I need…” I remembered what my mother told me about how Shane would never deny me anything I needed, but I wanted him to want me of his own accord, not feel like he’d been denying me of his love…which wasn’t true. I knew he loved me. I just need a little physical confirmation that I was desirable to him.

“What, Rebecca?  What do you need?” he asked, taking the bait.

“Nothing. It’s okay. I had a good time tonight.”  I walked him to the door.

“Goodnight,” he said, touching my cheek with his warm hand and walking out the door.

I watched him for a second and then closed the door. I felt…so alone when he left and I sat down at the bottom of the stairs and before I knew it, I was crying. It was my graduation night and the one thing…the only thing I wanted…was Shane, but he didn’t see it, or understand it. I knew he was only protecting me, but as I sat alone on that step, I knew I really did need him.