Convince Me (Holton Series #1) (19 page)

He
found himself in front of his parents' home.  Steven stood staring at the
house that had been his home for eighteen years.  He thought about all the
love that he had known in that house.  Slowly, the anger faded and he was
left with a deep feeling of sadness.

Anna
had never known that kind of love.  She didn't have the security of two
parents who loved her and loved each other.  She did not have the kind of
example of a happy marriage that Steven had taken for granted.

The
light was on in his father's workshop and Steven stared at it.  Dan often
spent a few hours in the shop making furniture.  He was a carpenter by
trade and most of his work was on houses or business buildings but Dan's true
love was in shaping the wood into beautiful pieces of furniture.  He often
sold his pieces and the extra money had come in handy when Steven and his
siblings were younger.

Slowly,
Steven walked toward the shop.  Unconsciously, he had walked here. 
It was the one place that he knew he would always be welcome.  Walking up
the sidewalk, Steven wondered if he would find the answers he needed.

Dan
was in the shop.  His back to the door, he was bent over the large table
that lined the longest wall of the building.  Steven could tell he was
working on the handle of a chair.  He stood in the doorway watching silently
debating about disturbing his father.

He
was startled when his father suddenly spoke, "Are you just going to stand
there or are you going to come in?"

In
spite of his mood, Steven had to smile.  Dan was not a man to mince
words.  Steven moved into the room and glanced around.  He hadn't
been in the shop in a while and was surprised to see there were several
changes.  There was new paneling on the walls and several new tools
including a brand new floor saw that took up most of one corner. 

Dan
had turned around and was watching him.  "I am going to retire from
construction and work solely on building furniture."

Blinking
in surprise, Steven walked farther into the room.  It was something his
father had often talked about but had never done.  It appeared this time
he was actually going to do it.  He knew his parents were financially
secure and was pleased that Dan was now getting the chance to fulfill his
dream.

"That's
great, Dad," he said now.  "I know it is something you have
always wanted to do."

 Dan
nodded.  "You kids are settled now.  I no longer need to worry
about money so your mother and I decided it was time."

"You
should have done it years ago, Dad.  We would have been alright."

"Maybe,"
Dan said slowly, "but it's hard to acknowledge that your children are all
grown up and no longer need your help."

Steven
smiled at that statement.  Considering he had come to his parents for advice
now, he wasn't so sure he was all grown up and he certainly needed his father’s
help.  Strolling around the shop, Steven thought about how much his
parents had sacrificed for him and his brother and sister.  After hearing
Anna's story, he realized he had been very lucky.  He looked at his father
with new eyes.

Dan
simply watched him.  Taking a deep breath, Steven said, "I guess,
you're wondering why I'm here."

"Not
really," Dan replied.  "Something happened between you and
Anna."

 Laughing
softly, Steven walked over to a bench that lined the other wall and sat
down.  "I guess you could say that."

"Do
you want to talk about it?"

"She's
afraid of me, Dad.  Physically afraid of me."

Steven
saw the surprise on his father's face and nodded once.  He was having
trouble believing it too.  "I know, Dad.  I was shocked
too.  I don't know how to fight something like that.  How do you
convince someone that they have no reason to fear you?"

Dan
laid down the wood he had been holding and walked over to join Steven on the
bench.  "How did you find out?  I mean, what happened to make
you think she is afraid of you?"

"We
were arguing.  I grabbed her arms and pulled her toward me.  I was
angry, I admit that, but I would have never hurt her.  Suddenly, she paled
and practically begged me not to hit her.  I was shocked."

"There
has to be a reason for her fear, Steve."

Steven
paused a moment.  Anna had refused to talk about her father and he now
knew why but would she consider it a breach of confidence if he told Dan? 
He looked at his father and knew he had no choice.  Steven needed some
answers and he didn't know where else to turn.

"Her
father used to beat her mother," he said slowly.  "Anna said he
didn't beat her but I am not sure about that.  Either way, you know she
had to be affected."

"Very
affected," Dan muttered as he quickly rose from the bench and walked back
to the table.  He turned to look at his son and then his eyes moved to the
window.  Steven knew that look and he waited patiently for his father to
speak.

"I'm
going to tell you something, Steve.  Something I hoped I would never have
to tell any of my children."

Steven's
eyes widened at his father's words.  Dan walked back to the bench and sat
down again.  "You know that my father died when I was thirteen. 
You have heard that story many times.  What you don't know is that I was
glad he died."

Suddenly
knowing what his father was going to tell him, Steven's heart began to
pound.  Could this wonderful, gentle man have really been the victim of
abuse?

Dan
nodded.  "You guessed already.  He used to beat me and my
brothers and sisters and, of course, my mother.  By the time he died, I
had begun to fight back.  I was a big boy and there was a lot of anger in
me.  The day he died I had taken a pretty good swing at him and he had
left the house with a swollen lip.  When we heard he was dead, I worried
that I had killed him but it was a heart attack."

There
was a long silence as Steven absorbed his father's words.  He thought
about all the years of his youth.  His father had been angry at him and
Mitch so many times but not once had he ever raise a hand to them.  His
respect for his father grew and Steven was very proud to be his son.  He
started to tell him when Dan spoke again.

"When
I met you mother, there was a lot of anger still left in me.  Abuse is not
something you forget.  At first, I was afraid I would hurt her like my
father hurt my mother but Patricia knew better.  She trusted me even when
I didn't trust myself.  Your problem is the opposite.  Anna is afraid
to trust you because of her father."

"So
what do I do?" Steven asked.

"You
have to convince her that you are not her father."

"And
how do I do that?"

"I
have no idea," Dan said with humor tracing his voice.

Laughing,
Steven replied, "Thanks a lot, Dad."

"You'll
think of something, son.  You always do.  Just remember, Anna is
operating under a completely different set of rules.  She will never
forget what her father did but she needs to learn to live with it."

Steven
rose from the bench and wished his father a good night.  He slowly made
his way back to Anna's apartment and his car.  He thought about what is
father had said and tried to think of some way to convince Anna to trust
him.  He drove home searching for the answer.

When
he arrived home, he checked his phone.  He had turned it off earlier when
speaking with his father.  There were two messages.  The first was
from Victoria.  She said to call her as soon as he got home no matter how
late.  The second message was from Anna.

"Steve,
it's Anna."  Steven could hear the tears in her voice and his heart
went out to her.  "I'm sorry about tonight.  I know you think I
was behaving strangely and I guess, maybe, I was.  It's not that I don't
trust you-not really, it's just, well, forget it.  Look, things are just
not going to work out between us.  I'm sorry, Steve, I really am."

He
heard the words and knew she meant them.  Her fear was greater than her
feelings for him and that was something Steven could not fight. 
Dishearten, he picked up the phone to call his sister.

She
answered on the first ring and despite his misery he had to smile at her happy
voice.  Victoria could always make him smile.

"Hey,
sis, what's up?" he asked her.

"Oh,
Steve, guess what?  Whitman's has finalized their plans to open a branch
in Dallas.  My supervisor told me that if I could wait until the fall they
would transfer me to the Dallas branch as soon as it opened."

"That's
great, Tori.  Do they have a set date in mind yet?"  
Steven was thrilled for his sister.  He felt much better about her move
knowing she had a job.

"They
have already started working on the negotiations for the lease.  The only
problem is the current tenant will probably not leave until the end of
August.  Unfortunately, that means we can't start moving in until
September.  I don't think I will be able to move before sometime in
October."

As
it was only March, Steven knew how disappointed she had to be.  Victoria
was not the most patient person in the world.  "I know it's hard to
wait, Tori, but it's for the best."

"I
know that, Steve.  I am just glad things are beginning to fall into
place."

"Me,
too."

There
was a laugh at the other end of the line.  "Are you sure you can
handle me being around all the time, Steve?  I know I drive you
crazy."

A
grin split his face at her words.  "I think you do it on purpose but
it doesn't matter it will add a little spice to my life."

"I
thought Anna was doing that," Victoria said quickly.

The
pain that rushed through him was so strong that he was unable to answer. 
His sister immediately sensed something was wrong.

"Steve?"
she asked.  "What is it?"

"Nothing,
Tori," he replied.  Victoria had really liked Anna and she was so
happy now that Steven did not want to give her any bad news.  His
protective instinct would simply not allow him to make his sister unhappy.

There
was a long pause before she said softly, "I know you worry a lot about me,
Steve, but what you probably don't know is I worry about you.  I know we
don't really talk about feelings or emotions but I will always be here if you
need me, bro."

"Have
you ever been physically afraid of a man, Tori?"

Steven
had to give his sister credit.  There was only a short pause in the
conversation as she digested his question.

"Once,"
she replied.

"Tell
me about it."

"When
I was in college, there was this guy who kept asking me out.  I wasn't
interested but he wouldn't take no for an answer.  Finally, I told Jack,
the guy I was dating at the time.  Well, Jack said he would take care of
it.  When I saw Jack later, he was furious.  He was a large man and
physically intimidating.  I had never seen anyone so angry.  He was
pacing the room and he turned his anger on me.  He really frightened
me."

"What
happened?" Steven asked, wondering why his sister had never told him this
before.

"He
realized I was frightened and he backed off.  He wasn't really angry with
me.  I was just a convenient target.  Later we talked about it and
Jack told me that he would never have hurt me."

"Did
you believe him?"

"Yes,
I did but only because I trusted him."

Trust,
thought Steven.  It always came back to trust.  "Why did you
trust him, Tori?"

"Oh
that's simple, Steve.  Jack left it up to me."

"I
don't understand."

"Jack
knew I was afraid of him so he told me that he really liked me and that he
wanted to be with me but that what I wanted was more important.  He said
that if I didn't feel safe with him than I shouldn't be around him.  When
I realized this twenty year old guy, who had a reputation to uphold, was really
more concerned about my feelings than his reputation, well, that put everything
into perspective."

Steven
thought about it a minute.  "So you were no longer afraid of him? 
Just like that?"

"Well,
not just like that.  Jack knew he would never hurt me but that didn't
matter at all.  He also knew that I had to know that he would never hurt
me and he couldn't make me not fear him.  Once I understood that the fear
went away.  Once I realized Jack was willing to let me go to make me feel
safe then I knew I had nothing to fear.  But Jack was smart enough to know
that it had to be my choice."

Was
that what Anna needed?  Steven asked himself.  It seemed so easy and
yet so hard but Victoria was right the decision had to be hers.  Steven
had to let her go to see if she would ever come back.

The
following morning Anna woke with a pounding headache.  Her eyes were
gritty and her throat raw.  She rose slowly and made her way to the
bathroom.  After she washed her face and brushed her teeth she felt a
little better but one look in the mirror told her that her crying jag had taken
its toll.  Her eyes were swollen and red and her face was pale.