Convincing Constance (The Blow Hole Boys) (15 page)

“Just needed to get off that fucking bus,” I replied.

“Think we’ll run into any of the bands today?”

She reached in her pocket, pulled out a pack of gum, and tossed a piece in her mouth. She’d gone three months without a smoke, and chewing gum was what she replaced the nicotine with. She was a total bitch lately, but I was proud of her.

“I hope not.”

“You’re crazy. I’m all fan-girling and shit already. I just hope I don’t fuck up and accidently rape Reed from Savage Will.”

I laughed.

“Accidently rape him, huh?”

“Yeah. I could trip and swallow his cock. Stranger things have happened.” She grinned. “Are you excited to see your boys again?” she asked, talking about the Blow Hole boys.

The girls knew I’d toured once with the guys, but that’s all. The only reason they even knew that was because Gary opened his big fucking mouth and said something about it one day. He also mentioned the fact that I was Clarke McClaire’s daughter. The girls spent the first month we were together practically bowing at me. Rock royalty was a bitch, especially when I didn’t feel very royal.

“They’re not my boys, and not really.” I shrugged. “I doubt they’d even remember me.”

“Right. Like you’re forgettable. You’re the biggest bitch I know. Next to me, of course.”

It was that exact moment that the Blow Hole bus came into view. Our bus driver had parked as far away from the rest of the buses, per my request, but as far as I was concerned, it wasn’t far enough.

“Speak of the devils,” Hope said as she popped her gum. “I bet Zeke’s on there right now, sporting a massive piece of wood. I should go in and ask if I can have a seat.”

“Jesus, Hope. Is that all you think about?” I turned on her.

“What?” She looked at me like I was the crazy one. “I like sex. It’s perfectly healthy to have a large sexual appetite, which makes you the unhealthiest bitch I know.”

“Yeah. Thanks. Just because I don’t pop a squat on the first cock I see, I’m totally unhealthy. Makes sense,” I said sarcastically.

My eyes were glued to the razor-sharp font on the side of their bus.
Blow Hole.
Memories of being on tour with them came to me. Memories of Tony cut deep into my heart and took my breath away. It only added to my anger.

“Come on. Let’s head back,” I said as I started to turn around.

“Oh, look. There’s the bass player. What’s his name again?” Hope said a little too loudly.

And then I saw him. He looked up at that moment and our eyes connected from across the short distance as he stepped off the bus. The side of his mouth lifted into a small, knowing grin. And my lips ached to smile back.

He looked almost the same. Same shaved head, same dark eyes, and same piercings. The only difference was he looked even bigger, if that was possible. His jeans hung from his hips and his black T-shirt was tight across his chest. He looked delicious, and I cursed my lady bits for being so damn hungry for him.

I knew when we signed with Music Line and L.A. Records that I’d run into Tony at some point, but I’d always hoped I’d be long over him. I’d hoped that I’d pass by him and not even notice he was there, but again, I was the unluckiest bitch alive.

Without smiling back, I turned and walked away. I heard Hope right behind me and was thankful she didn’t ask any questions. I was sure I’d worn my feelings all over my face in the moment my eyes connected with his.

The truth was the next month and a half was going to be total hell. I wasn’t sure I was prepared for the burn that was coming my way. Staying true to myself wasn’t going to be easy, especially since the devil that haunted my dreams for the past four years looked even better than the last time I’d seen him.

It was her. It was
definitely her. The hood she wore covered her hair, but I’d know those eyes anywhere. She looked right through me, and it was like a shock to my senses. In that moment, every drug in my system went away and I became totally clear and sober. It wasn’t a great feeling, yet I felt like I could breathe again all at the same time.

I’d known for a while that Constance was a part of Red Room Sirens. I’d even listened to their shit a few times. I had to admit they sounded amazing. Finn told me they were a part of the tour, but I hadn’t quite prepared myself to see her again.

For four years, I’d hated myself for not going after her. For four years, I’d regretted my decision to stay put more than anything else in my life, but just like when she left me, I had my pills to take away the pain. They numbed me like they had since my accident. Every time I felt like I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I’d take one or five and sleep my stupid away.

Not much had changed in the addiction department. Not much but the fact that I took way more than I used to. Back in the day, it was a few pills occasionally. Four years later and I was high more than I was sober. I spent most of my days trying to remember the night before. It was my way of coping.

I missed her. We weren’t together long, but in that short time, she’d given me more than anyone else in my life. She gave me confidence; she gave me love. She built me up and turned me into a person I could feel good about. The only problem was she took that man with her when she walked out of my life, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever find him again.

I found comfort in a few women over the years, especially now that I’d gotten over my issues with my scars, thanks to Constance, but none of them ever touched me the way she had. Her touch was more than physical—her touch reached inside me and soothed my soul. It was an emotion that molded me somehow. She was magical that way.

As soon as she spotted me, she turned and walked away. Go figure. It wasn’t like I expected her to do happy cartwheels when she saw me. I expected her hatred. I fed off it. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like a bitch.

My insides screamed for me to go after her like they had all those years ago. It took everything I had to stay glued to my spot beside the bus. Especially since I’d longed to see her face for so long, but a lot had happened in four years, and I was positive she hated me more than I hated myself.

“I hate this fucking rain,” Zeke said as he stepped off the bus behind me. He shook out his jacket and squinted at the gray sky. “This weather is shit.”

He and Finn hated touring, while Chet and I loved it. Of course, Zeke and Finn had families to run home to, while Chet and I had a few loose women and a condo that was too big for the two of us.

“Welcome to Seattle,” I mumbled. “Where’s Finn and Chet?” I asked.

“Chet’s blowing up the toilet, and Finn’s on the phone with Faith. I’m going to take a piss and then we need to go grab some breakfast,” Zeke said as he walked around the side of the bus.

An hour later, we were at the restaurant stuffing ourselves with eggs and anything else on the menu. After the restaurant, I hit the closest gym to take out some of my frustrations, while the rest of the boys went back to the bus.

I worked out hard. Pushing myself beyond any limits I might have had. By the time I got back, my shirt was drenched and my scars ached. I downed a handful of whatever pill I had on me to knock out the pain.

“Does my right nut look bigger than my left?” Chet asked as soon as I stepped on the bus.

He was standing there with his pants around his knees, holding his balls out for me to see.

“Seriously, dude. Put that shit away before I go blind,” I responded.

Zeke and Finn laughed. I’d known the boys for most of my life, and as bad as it sounded, I’d seen parts of them that I wish I could forget about. Chet was famous for walking around naked just because, and no matter how many times we told him it was disgusting, he let his junk hang out. Shame wasn’t something Chet understood well.

“For real, man. No one wants to see your junk,” Finn said from behind me as I walked to my bunk to grab a change of clothes.

“Lots of people want to see my junk,” Chet said as he pulled his pants back up. “They just don’t know it yet.” He threw himself into a chair and sighed. “I’m so fucking bored I can’t think straight. When are we up for sound check?” he asked.

“Red Room Sirens are up right now. They sound pretty badass,” Zeke responded. “Hey, Tiny, our girl Constance plays lead guitar in that group. Did you know that?” he asked.

I ignored his question and went into the bathroom. The boys knew a little about what went down with Constance and me, but I never gave details. They didn’t need to know I’d chosen drugs over the person I was sure I could spend forever with. I was embarrassed as it was without them fucking with me about it.

I peeled my shirt off and looked at myself in the mirror. Running my palm over the tattoo on my chest, I sighed and shook my head. The anchor on my chest held so much meaning to me.

I’d gotten it on a drunken night right after Constance left. I could still remember the way I felt when she went away. I felt like I was going to float away and disappear without her there holding me to the earth. She was my anchor. With her gone, I was never settled, never stopped moving.

As soon as I was changed, I left the bus and went to the venue for a listen. I went through the front, shook hands with a few of the workers, and settled into a seat that was close enough to see Constance but far enough away that she couldn’t see me.

She was different. She even played different. Her hair was still long and blond, but the pink was gone. She was taller than the rest of the girls, and she dominated the stage. It was obvious she was more comfortable there than they were. I was proud to see that. I could remember the look on her face the first time she’d played a full house—the fear and panic in her eyes. She’d definitely come a long way.

I sat and listened as they did their sound check and played a few of their songs. The lead singer had strong vocals and something about the way the drummer carried herself reminded me of Chet. But it was Constance that kept my attention. The way she swayed with the melody, the way she closed her eyes and felt her music. It was sexy and seductive. She seduced the audience.

Seeing her reminded me of our times together—reminded me of the laughter she brought to my life. I hadn’t had much of that growing up. It was a nice change. I used to long for her smile, and when she smiled at me, it was the ultimate reward.

Seeing her reminded me of being close to another person. Touching and teasing. Sex with Constance was unlike anything else. It was its own thing. It hadn’t been like that with any other woman since. She could handle me. I didn’t feel like I needed to hold back any when I was with her. She was perfect for me. And I’d let her walk away.

Later that night, every band
on the tour had dinner together in the conference hall connected to the venue. Tables were lined up and a caterer set up a buffet-style menu of home cooked foods. It was delicious.

Fans were already lined up out front, forcing us to go into the venue through the back. They were diehard, sleeping in tents in the misty rain and cold. It was unreal to think people would go through so much for music, but I understood. I was once a teenager camping out in the rain for my favorite bands. It was crazy to be on the receiving end of that, and I didn’t think I’d ever get used to it.

We were already sitting and eating when Red Room Sirens came in and sat across the room from us. Every now and again, when I looked over at Constance, she was looking back at me.

“Dude, just go talk to her,” Finn said as he shoved me with his shoulder. “She’s not going to bite your head off.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I pretended it was no big deal.

“Shit’s going to continue to be weird unless you go break the ice. I need your head in the game when we’re on stage, and if this keeps up, you’re not going to be worth shit,” he said as he stuffed potato salad into his mouth.

“I’m over that shit, man. For real. I’m all in.”

I knew when I was saying it, it was lie, but fuck it. I had to pretend everything was all good. Maybe if I kept thinking it was, it would be.

“Uh-huh. We’ll see.”

Once dinner was over, everyone sat around and talked. A few of the guys pulled out some blunts while the others pulled out their guitars and played. It was a nice, relaxed atmosphere and a good way for everyone to get to know each other.

The drummer of Red Room Sires made her way around the room, talking to everyone until she made it to us.

“Got a piece of paper over here anywhere?” she asked. “Our girl Constance needs to lay down some lyrics.”

Chet grinned up at her. “I don’t have any paper, but I have some penis. You can use that if you want.”

She looked down at him like he was disgusting. “No thanks. I’d rather get hit by a truck.”

“That’s funny. I’ve heard that’s kind of what it feels like,” he responded.

I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. I didn’t miss the tiny lift of her lips like she wanted to laugh, too.

“Wow,” she said with wide, unamused eyes before turning her attention to Finn. “Paper?” she asked again.

“Nope, sure don’t. How’s Constance doing? How about tell her to get her ass over here and say hi.”

I wanted to beat Finn’s ass for that one, but I said nothing as the chick went back over to the group. Soon, all of them made their way over to us. Constance looked uncomfortable, while the rest of the girls looked excited.

“Hey, guys. It’s been a while.” Her smile was fake and forced. “How are things?”

She was nervous. It hadn’t been so long that I didn’t still know her facial expressions.

“Same old shit. What’s up with you? Breaking any hearts lately?” Finn asked with a wink.

“Nah. Just faces.” She smiled a real smile.

“That’s my girl.” He chuckled.

Their easy relationship made me jealous of Finn, which never happened. She looked up to him the way a younger sister would. It was nice knowing even after all the years, they still had that connection.

She and Finn talked for a bit before she introduced her band. There were five of them, a girl named Twiggy was their fifth and she played keyboard. I could tell by looking at her why they called her that. The girl couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds.

Still, not once did Constance look at me. Even when she was introducing us. I wanted her eyes on me. I wanted to see her face.

“Congrats,” I blurted out. “I heard you guys had a new album coming out. Playing any of the new stuff tomorrow?”

I was looking at her when I asked, but she wasn’t the one that answered.

By the time everyone went their separate ways, I was fucking pissed. I knew I was the reason for our breakup, but she didn’t have to act like I wasn’t there. I didn’t like being ignored. In fact, I fucking hated it.

A few beers and ten shots later, I was ready for a confrontation. My adrenaline rushed and my muscles ached from the tension. When the rest of the guys went to the bus to crash, I hung out beneath an awning and listened to the rain. It was dark out, so dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face.

A light shined across my face when the conference hall door opened and I saw her long blond hair before Constance stepped into the darkness and disappeared.

She was going back to her bus, which meant she’d have to walk in front me to get to it. I waited until her footsteps were really close to me before I let her know I was there.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” I said into the darkness.

I heard her gasp, and then things went still. It was as if she’d vanished into the night, but then she spoke.

“What did you expect me to do?” she asked.

“I don’t like being ignored.”

I wasn’t trying to sound like an asshole, but all the alcohol and pills were fucking up my head.

“Really? That’s too bad,” she said.

And then her steps moved away from me. The gravel crunched beneath her boots, echoing into the night. Reaching out into the black, I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me. Her body fit against mine like a memory. I let my hands ride her curves as they fell down to grab her hips.