Cotillion (44 page)

“No, you may not!” said Kitty, pushing his hand away.

He laughed. “Ah, just so! Far too many persons present, are there not/ Am I correct in supposing that you are here on precisely my own errand? Did you bring Dolphinton? A mistake, I feel—but I cannot believe that he had the wit to come of his own volition.”

He spoke lightly, but she had the impression that under his air of mockery he was angry. This puzzled her, and had the effect of diverting her own annoyance. She said slowly: “No, I am not here on any errand of yours, Jack. To be sure, I have no notion of what your errand may be!”

“Have you not? Then I will tell you, my love!” He rounded suddenly upon the Rector. “I am so happy to have found you at home, coz! Do, pray, inform me!—Are you aware of what has been going on under your saintly nose, at Arnside, or has it escaped your notice?”

The Rector’s eyes flashed. “I will rather inform you, Jack, that I find your manners offensive!”

“Do you? I am glad to hear it—quite enchanted, in fact! You become almost human. In general, you know, I find you as dead a bore as any waxwork.”

The Rector’s hands clenched involuntarily, and his austere mouth tightened. Mr. Westruther, observing these unclerical signs of wrath, laughed. “Do you mean to have a turn-up with me? I should not advise it. You were a first-rate boxer once, but you have let yourself get sadly out of condition, I fancy.”

“Don’t try my patience too far!” said the Rector, his breathing a little quickened.

“Oh, to the devil with you!” Mr. Westruther said impatiently. “Give me a plain answer! Do you know what has been going forward at Arnside, or are you sand-blind?”

Lord Dolphinton, whose eyes had been going from one to the other of his cousins, now saw fit to explain the situation, in so far as he was able, to his betrothed. “That’s my cousin Jack,” he informed her. “Told you about him. He’s vexed with Hugh. Hugh’s vexed with him. I don’t know why, but I wish he hadn’t come. I don’t like him. Never did.”

“Let it console you, sapskull, to know that your sentiments are reciprocated to the full!” said Mr. Westruther, with a snap.

“I’ll thank you, sir, to keep a civil tongue in your head!” said Miss Plymstock, entering the lists in steely-eyed defence of his lordship. “If there’s anything you are wishful to say in Foster’s disparagement, say it to me—if you dare! I’ve heard a deal about you, and not a word that wasn’t true, by what I can see!”

This unexpected attack successfully arrested Mr. Westruther’s attention. Up flew his mobile brows; genuine amusement set his eyes laughing again; he lifted his quizzing-glass, and through it inspected Miss Plymstock from head to foot. “A formidable opponent!” he remarked. “Diminutive, but pluck to the backbone! May I have the honour of knowing who you are?”

“Oh, Jack, pray will you stop behaving in this odious way?” begged Kitty. “It is Miss Plymstock, who is going to marry Dolph, and we are in such a dreadful fix! Only I do think that perhaps you could help us out of it!”

“I feel sure you are mistaken.”

“No, no, I know you could do it, if you would! What in the world has made you so cross? What is it that has been happening at Arnside?”

“So you don’t know! Then let me inform you, my love, that while you have been cutting capers in town, your dear Fish has entrapped my great-uncle into offering to bestow upon her his hand, and his not inconsiderable fortune!”

“What?” almost shrieked Kitty. “Uncle Matthew marry Fish? You must be mad!”

“Whoever else is mad, it is certainly not I!” he replied. He looked at the Rector with narrowing eyes. “I observe, coz, that these tidings do not come as a surprise to you!”

“No. They do not,” said the Rector coldly. “I have been aware for some weeks of my uncle’s intentions. I may add that I have also been admitted into Miss Fishguard’s confidence.”

“Have you indeed? It did not occur to you, I must assume, to warn either Kitty or me of what was looming before us?”

A slight, contemptuous smile curled the Rector’s lips. “You are correct in your assumption,” he said. “It does not appear to me that my uncle’s schemes are any concern of yours, my dear cousin!”

“But, good God, how has this come about?” cried Kitty. “Uncle Matthew and my poor Fish! Why, she goes in terror of him, while as for him, whenever his gout troubles him it is fatal for her to enter his room! Surely you are mistaken!”

“Oh, no, I am not mistaken!” he replied grimly. “My uncle did me the honour to write to me, informing me of his purpose. I am but just come from Arnside. My only mistake has been in thinking that my saintly cousin might, for once in his life, allow his common-sense a little rein!”

His cousin was goaded into making a very unsaintly retort. “Not quite your only mistake, I fancy!”

For an instant Mr. Westruther looked quite murderous; then he uttered a short laugh, and said: “As you say!”

Kitty, who had been staring at him in blank astonishment, suddenly exclaimed: “Can that have been why Fish begged me to return? And yet—Jack, how is this possible!”

“You, my dear Kitty, made it possible when you so unwisely left Arnside. So far as I am privileged to understand the matter, the Fish has been busy! She has learnt to play chess so that he may beat her every night; she has prevailed upon him to believe that the pangs of his gout have been alleviated by some antiquated remedy of her finding rather than by the clemency of the weather; and finally she has instilled into his mind the famous notion that since it will not suit his comfort to dispense with her services it will cost him less to marry her than to continue to pay her a wage!”

Kitty turned her eyes towards Hugh, in a mute question. He said gravely: “I cannot deny that I believe my uncle to be influenced by motives of economy.”

“But Fish—! Can it be that she will consent? When I recall her dismay, upon learning that I was going on a visit to London, I cannot believe it!”

“Very true, but you must recollect, my dear Kitty, that Miss Fishguard’s future, were she to leave Arnside, cannot be other than precarious. Moreover, since you went away, and she has been obliged to fill your place in the household, she has discovered, in some measure, how to make herself agreeable to him. Indeed, I have seldom known him to be in more amiable spirits!”

“Very adroitly has she discovered how to make herself agreeable!” struck in Mr. Westruther. “We have underrated her, my dear Hugh—let us own as much! Has she bamboozled you with her tears, and her vapours, and her protestations? What a Heater you must be!”

“Then that must have been what she meant by treachery!” exclaimed Kitty, unheeding. “How foolish of her! As though I could think such a thing of her! If she does indeed wish to marry Uncle Matthew, it is an excellent scheme!”

“I hope you may think as much when you find yourself cut out of my uncle’s Will by a brat in her image!” said Mr. Westruther viciously.

“An unlikely contingency!” said the Rector. “On the contrary, nothing could be more likely! My uncle is not in his dotage, as well we know; and if the Fish is much above forty, I have been strangely misinformed!”

Kitty could not repress a giggle. “Oh, dear, how ridiculous it would be! I must go to Arnside as soon as I may.”

“Let that be immediately!” said Mr. Westruther.

“It cannot be immediately, Jack! I told you that we were all in an uproar here! I have been so stupid, and if poor Dolph’s plans are overset through it I shall never, never forgive myself!”

“That ain’t so,” interrupted Miss Plymstock, who had been engaged in quietly explaining to Lord Dolphinton the meaning of a dialogue that was rather too swift for him to follow. “It’s my blame, Miss Charing, and don’t you think I shall be trying to lay it at your door, for that I shall never do!”

“Oh, Jack!” said Kitty distressfully. “Never mind about Uncle Matthew for a moment! I brought Dolph and Miss Plymstock here, so that Hugh might marry them, and I was such a goose that I forgot—at least, I never knew, and that is stupider than anything! Hugh says they must have a special licence, and they have not got one!”

“In that case,” said Mr. Westruther, “you have wasted your time. May I suggest that you waste no more time, but that you turn your mind instead to—”

“Jack, if they must have a licence, could not you get it for them? Are such things to be procured in London? Do they, perhaps, cost a great deal of money?”

“Yes,” said Mr. Westruther, “they do, my dear Kitty! And if you are indulging your imagination with the notion that I mean to drive to London and back for no better purpose than to provide Dolphinton, in whose affairs I take not the smallest interest, with a marriage-licence, you very much mistake your man!”

She laid a hand on his sleeve. “No, no, Jack, you cannot be so disobliging!” she said pleadingly. “It is vital to Dolph’s happiness!”

He looked down at her, a mocking smile in his eyes. “I am quite unmoved, Kitty. Show me that it is vital to my happiness, and I might oblige you!”

She stared up into his face with puckered brows. “To yours? What can you mean?”

He lifted her hand from his arm, and held it. “My dear Kitty, let us have done! Between us, we might, I fancy, induce my uncle to change his mind.”

An indignant flush rose to her cheeks; she pulled her hand away, saying hotly: “I don’t wish him to change his mind! I hope very much that he will marry Fish!”

His brows snapped together. “A sentiment that no doubt does credit to your heart, but very little *o your head, believe me!” He broke off, as Lord Dolphinton, uttering a strangled sound, almost leaped from his chair. “What the devil ails that lunatic?” he demanded irritably.

“
Listen
!” gasped his lordship, fixing dilating eyes upon the window.

The rest of the company now became aware that some vehicle had drawn up outside the Rectory. Kitty ran to the window, and peered out. It was by this time too dark for her to be able to distinguish any object, but she could perceive the glow of carriage-lamps beyond the hedge, and could distinctly hear the fidgeting and blowing of horses. She said uneasily: “It sounds as though there are more than two horses. But it could not be your Mama, Dolph!”

Lord Dolphinton, feeling no such certainty, made a bolt for the cupboard, but was intercepted by the Rector, who took his arm in a firm grip, and said in a voice of authority: “Foster, I will not suffer you to behave in this nonsensical fashion! Now, calm yourself! In this house, you are perfectly safe, whoever may have come to visit me. For shame! Do you mean to leave Miss—er—Plymstock to face what you imagine to be a danger?”

“Both go into the cupboard!” suggested his lordship imploringly.

“Certainly not! You will protect Miss Plymstock,” said Hugh.

Rather to Kitty’s surprise, these stern words appeared to inspire Dolphinton with courage. He gulped, but he made no further attempt to reach his refuge. The sound of the knocker on the front-door did indeed make him jump, and shudder, but he said resolutely: “Protect Hannah!” and stood his ground.

Mr. Westruther drew his snuff-box from his pocket, and flicked it open. “If someone would have the goodness to inform me whether I am assisting at a tragedy or a farce I should be grateful,” he said sardonically.

The housekeeper’s unmistakeable tread was heard, followed by the sound of a lifting latch. Lord Dolphinton acquired a firm hold on Miss Plymstock’s hand, and swallowed convulsively.

“Affording protection, or seeking it?” drawled Mr. Westruther, taking a pinch of snuff from his box, and expertly shaking all but a grain or two from between his finger and thumb.

The door into the parlour was opened. “Mr. Standen, sir,” announced Mrs. Armathwaite placidly.

Surprise held the company silent for perhaps thirty seconds. Mr. Standen, not a hair out of place, walked into the room, found that five pairs of eyes were staring at him in astonishment, and said apologetically: “Thought you might be needing me! No wish to intrude!”

Kitty found her voice. “
Freddy
!” she cried thankfully, hurrying towards him. “Oh, how glad I am to see you! We are in such a dreadful fix, and I don’t know what to do!”

“Thought very likely you would be,” said Freddy. “Not sure, mind you, but I’d a strong notion you’d forgot to buy the special licence.”

Kitty caught his hand. “Freddy, you have not
brought
one?” she demanded incredulously.

“Yes, I have,” he replied. “That’s why I came.”

For the second time in her life, Miss Charing lifted his hand to her cheek. “Oh, Freddy, I might have
known
you would come to our rescue!” she said, in a choked voice.

Mr. Westruther, who had been watching them with an odd expression on his face, shut his snuff-box with a snap. As though this sharp little sound released him from a spell which kept him standing with his eyes starting from their sockets and his mouth falling open, Lord Dolphinton suddenly released Miss Plymstock, and surged forward, saying, with gratifying delight, if somewhat unnecessarily: “It’s Freddy! Hannah, it’s Freddy! My cousin Freddy!” He then seized Freddy’s hand, and shook it up and down, beaming upon him, and pawing his shoulder with his free hand. “I’m glad you’ve come, Freddy!” he said earnestly, in a burst of confidence: “I
like
you. Like you better than Hugh. Better—”

“That’s the dandy, old fellow!” said Freddy, stemming the flow. “No need to stroke me, though. Now, stop it, Dolph, for the lord’s sake!”