Could This Be Love? (22 page)

Sijan turned and began hitting the bag as hard as he could. There was something satisfying about watching him get angry for her. As if her eight-year-old self wasn’t dealing with her sadness and loss alone. A sadness she couldn’t express back then because Michelle and Bob had said only bad girls felt sorry for themselves, so she had stopped crying herself to sleep each night. That memory made
her
need to punch something. Sijan had been right about that. It was a great way to deal with stress. She tapped his shoulder with her own gloved hand. “Okay. Step aside. My turn, Rocky.”

***

The “de-stressing” workouts were coming in handy since the daily acting sessions dissected, exposed, and poked her long-buried pain. The emotion spewed out like angry sparks scorching everything around them. Sometimes she’d finish her lines to find Sijan, Dirk, and the crew staring at her long after she was done. She was turned so inside out she stopped caring. She acted instinctively, just as she always had. As the two weeks wore into the third, and the silence after she spoke her lines became more pronounced, she started escaping to the goat pen at the end of the filming day. There, she could pretend her life, the life she and Pia had carved out over the last five years, was still hers. She was good at pretending.

***

Sijan didn’t know how much more of this he could take. Watching Avery act in a role he had written was more than bittersweet. It was brutal.

“Does she even know how good she is?” Kaz asked after Avery darted off at the end of a day of shooting. He was setting up his computer to play back today’s scene on the big screen for everyone to watch. Everyone except Avery. She politely refused to view any of the work they were recording.

Pia shook her head. “She never did, but it’s because it was never acting to her. It was feeling.”

“All I can say is I have never performed so well. Her talent is raising my game, and I can’t wait for this to hit the big screen and watch my career explode.” Dirk’s enthusiasm was a physical thing. “Maybe I can talk her into another movie with me. You know, strike while the iron is hot?”

Pia put her hands on her hips and sneered at Dirk. “Ferris, you’re an idiot.”

Sijan was glad Pia had said it so he didn’t have to. Watching Avery’s performance at the end of each day was fascinating and heartrending. As an actor, it was wondrous to watch the art she was creating for the film. From her facial expressions to the depth of her emotions, each breath and gesture, the innate way her body reacted to other actors . . . all of it was a lesson that probably couldn’t be taught. As a man who loved her, it tore his heart out to know that hardships from her past were part of why she could touch such depths of emotion.

“Dirk, I hear Mama Cates calling you from the kitchen. Something about the ingredients to make your special martini.” Pia led him by the elbow out the door. Once he was gone, she whipped around to confront Sijan. “What are you going to do about this?”

Jeff and Kent looked at each other in confusion, then back at Pia. Jeff said, “Pia, what are you talking about? We’ve never seen work like this before. Audiences will eat it up. Hell, she’ll probably be up for an Oscar.”

“Probably. If we ever let it see the light of day,” Sijan said. “I realize that can’t happen.”

“Thank God,” Pia said, punching him in the arm and grinning. “It’s about time you came through for her. Ol’ Dirk is going to be mighty disappointed.”

Sijan rubbed his arm and scowled. “Ol’ Dirk is getting a master class in acting from Avery he’ll never get anywhere else. That alone will help his career more than one great movie.”

“You know, we only have about two more days of shooting.” Kent looked back and forth between Sijan and Pia. “Then we’ve got a finished movie in the can. Well, add in a few days for final edits, but it’ll be ready to turn in.”

Kaz cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow at Sijan. “You do have to turn something in to fulfill the contracts. And not only is this a work of art, but it’s the only thing you’ve got.”

“I know, I know. I’m going to call Jerry now to confirm a few details about the specifics of the contracts and the parameters of what we can film. It’ll take two days to finish filming this movie. I should have answers and hopefully a plan by then.”

Pia stared Sijan down. “You better, ace. Or I’ll take up boxing like Avery and make you my punching bag.”

Sijan left a message on Jerry’s phone, then hit the gym for a workout while Avery was getting her daily animal fix. If he ever talked her into taking a chance on him again, he’d fill the farm with animals for her. He would like to think that these weeks working together were wearing down her resistance, but knowing what she’d experienced in Hollywood it had probably taken every scrap of courage she had to open up to him. He’d be lucky as hell if his idiocy hadn’t chased her back into her protective shell for good.

***

Two days later, Avery wasn’t sure she was going to make it through the day’s filming. It was the final day, and they only had one last scene to record. It wasn’t the final scene of the movie. They had filmed that yesterday, the poignant good-bye scene between the husband and wife who had agreed to a divorce. Though they’d each rediscovered the love they had for each other, it was too late to get beyond the distrust and betrayal that falling out of love and the affair had created. Dirk had turned in a surprisingly strong performance.

Today’s scene was the good-bye between the wife and the “other man.” It wasn’t nearly as emotional as yesterday’s scene, but Avery couldn’t get it right. She’d just messed up the third take. She walked off the set, over to the far wall, leaning her back against it as she tried to pull herself together. This was the last scene, darn it. Once this was done, she could walk away.

Yippee, right? Wrong. Lord, she was an idiot. That’s what was giving her a hard time in this scene. Hearing Sijan say good-bye with no regret in his voice. She turned and rested her forehead against the wall. A super colossal idiot.

She’d gone and fallen in love with Sijan Cates.

“All right, let’s take five, everybody,” Sijan said.

Sijan leaned his body next to hers on the wall, the warmth from his body seducing her. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. So much gorgeousness. But he was everything she already knew she couldn’t live with. Living the Hollywood life had devastated her. She didn’t enjoy acting because it was so blindingly painful. At the very least, these last few weeks had proven she was right about that.

“What can I do differently to help you? We can rewrite the lines, or I can change my delivery. You name it, you got it.” He reached out, taking her hand, turning her until she faced him fully. They each leaned a shoulder against the wall, with about a foot of space between them. “We’re a few minutes from wrapping this up. Then, if you want, you can walk away.”

Avery looked up into Sijan’s face, knowing that when she did walk away, she wouldn’t be walking away whole and unscathed. She pulled her hand away from the reassuring warmth of his, crossing her arms over her midsection. “It’s not you, it’s me. Your delivery is perfect. I’m having trouble focusing today—you know, staying in character.”

“We can finish tomorrow. Hell, we can finish next week, if you want.” Sijan’s eyes shifted alertly. The poor man seemed to be trying to identify what she herself couldn’t put words to.

With a firm reminder to herself that it was John, the “other man,” saying good-bye, not Sijan, she shook her head and said, “No. Let’s wrap this up now. I think I can get it right this time.”

Both Avery and Sijan played their parts perfectly. John, the other man, said good-bye with only a little regret. He’d enjoyed the sensual relationship, but when Sarah asked for more he knew it was over. The part he loved, the competitive drive to entice a woman away from her mate, was long over anyway. He usually liked to make his exit long before it felt like a relationship. He had stayed a little too long this time. Sarah’s good-bye was full of regret, but not for losing John. She’d realized too late that it was her husband who held her heart. How ironic was it that, if not for the affair with John, she and Paul might never have realized they still loved each other? But because of the affair with John, her husband could never forgive her. There were no winners in their game of love.

“That’s a wrap.”

The bright, hot lights for filming shut off as the room’s overhead lights flickered on. Dirk and Tynan had slipped in to watch the shooting of the final scene.

“Yes! Wrap it with a bow and send it with my regards to Hollywood and my fans.” Dirk stood up from where he was watching. “Can you imagine how wild everyone is going to go over this? Avery, we’ll have directors, actors, fans, and paparazzi panting after us. Good-bye, obscurity. Hello, superstardom. You’ll be able to name your next movie and your own salary. You’ll never have to make another chicken commercial again.”

Every muscle in Avery’s body tensed up as if she were preparing for a fall. She’d been so focused on getting through the acting and filming, she hadn’t seriously considered the fallout. Or, more likely, she’d been avoiding that reality, a habit she really needed to break.

But, for once in his life, Dirk was right, and suddenly she had the lungs of an asthmatic. Hopefully someone would catch her if she passed out from lack of oxygen.

“We’re done, Avery.” Sijan reached out and rubbed his warm hands up and down on her upper arms. “The worst is over.”

“No.” Avery shook her head. “The worst isn’t over. Dirk’s right. Once the movie is released, there will be no privacy. I like making chicken commercials.” Avery grabbed the brown bag Pia handed her over Sijan’s shoulder and started breathing into it. She put it down long enough to say, “I love making chicken commercials.

“I love the . . . private, normal little . . . life we’ve . . .” Breathing into the brown bag didn’t seem to be working. Where were the cupcakes and Twinkies when she needed them? Avery wheezed into the paper bag again, barely able to fill her lungs with enough air to fill the bag. “. . . created. Don’t you, Pia?”

Just when she saw black spots in her peripheral vision, Sijan kissed her. A slow-motion, welcome-back-to-reality, take-your-time-and-breathe kiss. His hands stroked her back; their warmth seeped into her body, letting the tension flow out.

He pulled his lips a whisper away from hers, just long enough to look into her eyes and say, “Breathe, Avery.” When she had pulled in a slow lungful of air, he slid his hands from her back to her shoulders and up to frame and caress her neck and jaw. He leaned down and kissed her again. Slow, warm, and sexy.

Avery forgot she was in a room full of people as her reality narrowed to the two of them. Only them. He moved his lips from hers and up along her jawline to whisper in her ear, “I promise we’ll fix this, Avery. Trust me.”

His deep voice wrapped around her heart.
Trust me
. She pulled back to stare up into his eyes, which were full of understanding, and calmly exhaled and inhaled. “Okay.”

***

Sijan exhaled the breath
he’d
been holding. Based on what little he did know, he figured her trust must be a fragile thing, and damn if he hadn’t already stomped all over it. “Good. I called Jerry two days ago and asked him to clarify some questions on fulfilling the contracts. As soon as he responds, we’ll be able to come up with a plan.” Sijan pointed at her. “No worrying for two days.”

Pia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.”

Sijan raised his eyebrows at Avery, who shook her head and said, “Yeah, probably not. I’m a world-class worrier.”

“Then how about this . . .” Sijan wracked his brain to come up with something fast. “I’ve got something you can help me with that might keep you busy for two days. I want to get a puppy for Ma for her birthday.”

Tynan frowned from his seat. “It’s not—ow, Pia, why’d you do that?”

“Why did I elbow you? For fun, dummy, what else?” Pia sat next to Tynan frowning at him.

Sijan sent Tynan a warning glance, then turned his back on him to focus on Avery again. “Will you help me pick a puppy out tomorrow?”

Avery’s face brightened immediately and she stopped worrying her lip. “A puppy? I’d love to help, Sijan.”

“Great. There’s a pet store over in Liberty, I think.”

“A pet store?” Avery frowned. “Oh, no, Sijan. You can get a great puppy at the animal shelter.”

Jeff and Kent coughed. Loudly. Sijan turned, glancing in their direction to see them shaking their heads emphatically. Pia wasn’t so circumspect. When she was done coughing, she came right out and said, “
That
is a very bad idea.”

“Don’t listen to them, Sijan. It’s a great idea.” Avery’s smile was sweet and carefree for the first time in two days. “I’ll go look up the address for the shelter and find out what time they open in the morning. We’ll find a great puppy for your mother.”

Sijan watched her walk out of the room, unable to wipe the sloppy grin off his face. He finally had a chance to play a hero in real life, lifting the weight of Avery’s worry off her shoulders. He liked when he made her smile. Hell, he had a reputation for being good with women. Maybe not as smooth as Clooney, but he was a gentleman, faithful in relationships, and he managed to remain friends with his ex-girlfriends. It was just that now that he’d met the woman he’d been waiting for, when it finally counted, it seemed like he’d done everything wrong. But right now, he’d righted the ship, corrected course for the path he was trying to navigate. Yeah, things were possibly looking up.

He turned back to the room to find Pia, Jeff, and Kent lined up in front of him. “What is this, an intervention?”

“Our advice is whatever you do, do not take Avery to the animal shelter.” Kent looked completely serious.

“What do you have against animal shelters?”

Jeff shook his head. “Not a thing. They provide a great service. You just can’t take Avery there.”

“Of course I can take Avery there.” This was the first time Avery actually wanted to spend time with him in weeks. No way was he letting these naysayers mess this up. Plus, he was helping her stop worrying.