Courted (How Not To Be Seduced By Billionaires: Book 2) (10 page)

            “Err…yes?” I asked hesitantly.

            That seemed to be
their
cue and they all launched into their own conversations at once, making me giggle. A few minutes later, in the middle of an embarrassingly flattering conversation with the guys about how I so did not look pretty, my phone beeped.

Still fucking jealous
.

            I didn’t reply, but those three words had me giddy and confused all day. One minute I was all excited, thinking about those words over and over. The next minute I was annoyed, telling myself that I shouldn’t be this happy. If I sent Constantijin the same kind of text, he wouldn’t be as happy as I was. He’d probably be, like, all arrogant and smirking, thinking it was time I admitted how irresistible he was. 

The digital clock chimed at seven p.m. by the time I finished with work, and I was all alone in the office since George had already left an hour earlier. I stretched my arms over my head slowly and leisurely, savoring the release of tension from my muscles and joints.

            Constantijin hadn’t called me for, like, hours. I knew I shouldn’t, like, be all messed up about it, but I
was
. And I was, like, super mad at myself for, like, caring---

           
Stop, Yanna.
This see-saw thing Constantijin and I was in was turning me more and more into Alicia Silverstone during her
Clueless
days. Usually, when I panicked, I only got as far as sounding as Reese Witherspoon’s
Legally Blonde
character. This was, like, so much worse.

           
Sighing, I clicked the function key shortcut to save my file and got to my feet.
Relax, Yanna.
I had to stop obsessing over Constantijin. I tiptoed, stretching again.

            “Tired?”

            I froze.

            Oh. My. God.

Why was he here?

Turning around slowly, I saw Constantijin leaning against the doorway, minus his blazer, shirt hanging loose over his pants and several buttons undone, revealing more of his gloriously hard chest than usual.

"I thought you'd be out the whole day," I blurted out. He had texted me just this afternoon about having to leave the office early. I had texted back with a simple
TC
message, all the while trying not to think how
boyfriend-like
he sounded.

"I came here to pick up certain documents and I saw the lights were still on here."

"Oh." I started fixing my things. "So, where are you going next?"

"Yanna?"

"Mmm?"

He walked towards me and stopped just before my cubicle, leaving a few feet of distance between us.

For some reason, I hated that he did that – putting space between us. I knew it was silly of me, but that was how I felt.

"Why do I have a feeling that something's not right?" he drawled.

            He was smart – really smart! I knew he couldn't have been a billionaire without being smart. I shrugged uneasily. "I don't know," I lied.

"Yanna." His voice held a warning note.

I continued fixing my things but it was a delaying tactic that couldn't last longer than a minute. I forced myself to look back at him. "It's just that---" Damn! How should I say this?

"What is it?"

"It's weird," I burst out.

He raised a brow.

The moment I started speaking, it was as if I couldn't stop. "Every time you look at me, it's weird! Every time, I think of you, it's weird! And I don't think it's fair because it's not as if you find it weird, too! You talk to me like it's an everyday thing and yet when I'm with you it's like I can't breathe!"

And then I realized what I had just revealed. I gasped and slapped my hands over my mouth. My super big tactless mouth!

But when I looked at Constantijin, he wasn't smiling like I feared he would. He actually looked...furious. "Maybe you're not just as sensitive as you think you are," he retorted.

"What?"

"How do you think I feel? All the fucking men here can look and talk to you freely but I'm not allowed to do that, am I? I'm the one who's courting you but I can't tell anyone that and I can't warn the other guys off!" He shot me another look of irritation. "And you think I'm not affected?"

Wow.

I wanted to throw myself at him after that but I controlled myself. It took every ounce of my control but I succeeded. "Good!"

He glared at me.

I lifted my shoulders helplessly. "Do you want me to lie? You're out of my league, Constantijin. So I'm really happy to see that I affect you."

"Will I fucking court you if you didn't?" he snarled.

I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how. Or maybe I wasn't ready yet. I sighed. "I know you're impatient. But it's too soon. Just too soon." I looked at him pleadingly. "You understand, right?"

He placed his hands inside his pockets and nodded. "But you have to trust me one day. You either do or don't, Yanna. I know I fucked up. I've already owed up to it. But we need to get past it. If you don't...then there's no point for me to continue courting you, right?"

            I nodded.

            We stared at each other, both our gazes shuttered to hide the emotions we were feeling. He said slowly, “Maybe I can drive you home tonight?”

           
Sports car or bus?

           
It was a no-brainer.

            “Maybe next time,” I replied just as slowly.
Bus
was so much safer for my heart.

            He stiffened, and I knew it was because he wasn’t the type who experienced rejection so easily.

            I forced a smile. “So, see you tomorrow, all right?” I waited for him to leave, to say something – to do anything just so I could be more certain of where I stood with him.

            Constantijin finally glanced at me, his face impassive. He stepped aside.

            My heart skipped a beat, in a bad way. That felt very symbolic for me and for one instant, I could imagine how excruciating it would feel if he really did step aside and stopped coming after me.

“See you tomorrow,” he said just as politely.

            Walking past him with trembling legs, I felt his gaze on me all the way out of my office. I hated how he used to blow hot and cold with me, but now I realized that I was doing the same thing with him. It wasn’t right and yet – everything else I could do felt wrong.

            Something had to give, but I just wasn’t sure what, and it scared me.

Lesson #8

The only kind of threesome that your billionaire understands

will have something to do with you and another woman.

The days of the week seemed especially long when I thought about Constantijin but it seemed too short when I focused on my work. I still couldn't make my mind up about him.

            Did I trust him? Did I love him or was I just blinded by how gorgeous and seductive he was?

            Tuesday was
awkward.
Constantijin had called me up, but he wasn’t his usual wickedly teasing self and I had a feeling we were both relieved when he received an urgent request for a business meeting over Skype with his assistant in Netherlands.

            Wednesday was slightly better. Constantijin had asked if I wanted to go out, and on impulse I invited him to accompany me to church. We knelt on the pew side by side, and when I looked at the enormous gold-plated crucifix before me, I realized that what I wanted to pray for was not something I
should
pray for.

            I mean, God was, like, our Dad in heaven right? So I couldn’t very well pray
Dear God, please, please make things okay between Constantijin and me because I want him to be the one to take my virginity.

           
Thursday was also fine. We watched a movie. I waited with bated breath the whole time for Constantijin to make a move but he
didn’t
. When we got home, I had a hard time remembering what the movie was about, but I could easily write a fifty-page commentary about how good Constantijin smelled. In the darkness of the theater, his scent – which had a hint of spiciness from his cologne – weaved a seductive spell that literally had me shaking in an effort
not
to be the first one to touch him.

            Oh, Constantijin. What should I do with you?

            And then Friday arrived, and I was about to make another presentation. We were in yet another conference room, bigger than the previous one we were in. I almost felt like Goldilocks, hopping from one increasingly large bed to another, only this time I got a stage that kept getting grander and grander. In fact,
this
one even had actual twenty-foot stage curtains.

            I was up last again, and when I heard George finishing his presentation, I checked my reflection on the mirror one last time. I had on a short turtleneck black dress, with tight fitting long sleeves and which hugged my figure to perfection. I also had my reading glasses on – not because I needed it (I only used it at night) but more because I wanted to look sexy and serious at the same time.

            Yes, I knew it was silly but so what? It was what gave me false confidence.

The Future of Smut: Japanese Style in the US Market

There are two ways of looking at Japanese styled smut. One is to consider it soft porn or the more decent version of
hentai
. The other is to describe it as those containing suggestive or sexually explicit scenes that are nevertheless tastefully rendered and add something to the story.

Sex between high school couples on TV is something we’re used to seeing – but
not
to the extent of how it’s drawn in
manga.
It’s a lot more graphic, sensual, sexy, and just plain hot – it can easily cause public outrage.