Courting Darkness (27 page)

“No,” she murmured softly, feeling like an ass.

His irritated grunt all but said “You very well should,” as he handed the young man the cash.

“You’re right, I do hate breakfast,” she conceded. It wasn’t like her to be so careless with her words. She wasn’t a control freak, not by any means, but right now her entire life was out of control. Liam seemed to know everything about her, which only drove home her own feelings of inadequacy. She hardly knew anything about him. It sucked being on the short end of the relationship stick, and to add insult to injury, she was falling for him all over again—hard. And that made her feel even more vulnerable, further fueling her irritability.

Liam wordlessly handed her the skinny half-caf. Her murmured thanks went unacknowledged. She owed him an apology. Clearly, she’d struck a raw nerve with the thoughtless Tate remark.

Liam set his untouched coffee in the caddy and made a rather heavy-footed acceleration through the parking lot. Braking abruptly, the tires protested the abuse as he turned right and followed the signs to the freeway. After another right and a cloverleaf, they were headed south at a brisk clip that was sure to get them pulled over by the first trooper they passed.

Closing her eyes against the sudden wave of nausea washing over her, she murmured, “Since you know me so well, no doubt you’re aware of how easily I get motion sickness.”

“Sorry…” he grumbled, his foot immediately easing up on the accelerator, reducing their speed to an acceptable seventy-five. After a moment, he asked, “Why does it bother you that I know you so well, Olivia?”

Tucking a foot beneath her leg, she turned in her seat to face him in hopes that fixing her gaze on something inside the car would curb her altered equilibrium. The stress-line of his jaw hadn’t eased a bit. She couldn’t see the color of his eyes over the furrow of displeasure creasing his brows as they stubbornly remained fixed on the road. Sighing, she pulled the binder off her wrist and tied her hair back, just in case her stomach decided to rebel more violently.

“It bothers me because I don’t know you like that. And I want to. It makes me feel inadequate in this relationship, because until you just told that guy at the window, I had no idea if you even liked coffee. And I know it seems petty, but this isn’t about coffee, Liam. It’s about how I feel completely helpless—it’s about you and me, and where this relationship is going, because I don’t want to let you go again, and I’m scared to death I’m going to lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me—” Although Liam kept his gaze fixed ahead, overly focused on the near-vacant freeway, the hard line of his jaw softened a touch. “—our blood covenant is forever binding.”

“What exactly is a blood covenant?” Maybe a clearer understanding would help her feel better. She’d meant to ask him yesterday, but being pinned between the mattress and his hard, naked body had not been the best moment for a time-out explanation.

“It’s a binding union between a male and female, recognized in the courts of Eternal Law. Olivia, the day I assumed your guardianship, I gave you my heart. I committed my body in service to you, even unto death. I have always been yours, but you have not always been mine.”

“Until last night...” Her pulse quickened at the thought of how many ways he’d made her his.

His curt nod was almost imperceptible.

“And the blood?”

“Virginal blood binds the covenant.”

“So what happens now?”

“Short-term? I’m going to try to get the veil lifted from your memories before I hunt Haden down and haul his ass to the High Court. The elders are demanding his presence and have sent me to collect him. Not too difficult a task, considering he seems to be wherever you are.”

The unmistakable growl in Liam’s voice was laced with contempt and seasoned with a healthy dose of jealousy, evidenced by the flash of green in his amethyst-hued eyes.

“What are you getting at?” Without a doubt the strife between those two ran deep, and she was starting to get the impression she was at the heart of this hatred.

“Haden is a ruthless, manipulative killer. He knew you had no memory of the stone and he still took you. Why? Because he either wanted to use you as leverage against me, which was a stupid, jackass plan because now if the elders don’t kill him, I will, or he has feelings for you—in which case I’ll just kill him, fuck the elders.”

“If he’s so dangerous, then why did you leave me with him?” A question that had been running through her mind since the moment Haden took her.

“I didn’t leave you with him. Tate was supposed to keep you safe. The court didn’t know he wasn’t bound to you until it was too late. By the time they released me, Haden already had you. Because I can’t feel your emotions, I have no compass leading me to you anymore. It was a lucky guess he was taking you to the grotto and I arrived there mere hours before you did. I barely had enough time to secure a vehicle and collect the stone before you were beating a path right to me.”

She wasn’t about to confirm or deny Liam’s suspicions or said accusation. Why she cared what happened to Haden was still a mystery to her. But despite her latest nightmarish memory, despite everything he’d done to her, she didn’t want to see him die. “Why do you think Haden would possibly have feelings for me?”

“Because he stuck his neck out for you in Duluth and he killed Mitch. I’m not blind, Olivia. I saw the look on his face when you were dying in my arms. He was torn up.” He exhaled with a deep sigh and briefly closed his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose, whether in frustration or praying for patience she couldn’t tell—probably both. “Look, Olivia, all I’m saying is that maybe revenge isn’t his only obsession.”

That he would mention this twice in as many days told her the idea of it was eating at him. She hoped he was wrong, but she couldn’t deny Haden had been a permanent fixture in her life since she’d returned from Duluth. At first, he’d remained in the shadows, always watching her... Truthfully, his unpredictability scared her. His quick temper and violent tendencies unnerved her, but deep down, she knew there was something in Haden worth saving. The problem was, he was the kind of guy that to get to the good, you had to take the bad—and there was a lot of bad.

But for all his faults and misguided ambitions, when push came to shove, he had defended her, he’d protected her—and yes, he’d made more than one advance toward her. Again, another detail she wasn’t in any hurry to disclose to the imposing angel seated next to her, whose keen gaze watched her with a predatory intensity not so unlike Haden’s—just a different color. The sharpness of his all-knowing stare burned into her like hot coals. He didn’t speak, letting the growing silence between them say it all. Unable to stand the mounting tension, she snapped.

“What?” Her tone carried a defensive edge he, no doubt, heard as well as she did.

“I’m just wondering at what point you’re going to be honest with me about what happened between you and Haden.”

Shit...
“I already told you, nothing is going on between me and Haden.” And as far as she was concerned, it wasn’t going to, either. “You’re confusing empathy with something more. I love you.”

“I don’t doubt that you love me, Olivia. Last night wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t. But you also loved me when you were minutes from walking down the aisle to marry another man.”

Well that stung like a slap in the face.

“Your feelings for me don’t mean you can’t still feel something for him. I find it difficult to believe that after all these months I’ve been away, he hasn’t tried to touch you—that he hasn’t touched you. That you aren’t telling me, tells me that you’re protecting him. And that concerns me.”

Dammit...
She broke his gaze that was spending a hell of a lot more time studying her than watching the road. “Do we really have to have this conversation?” she whispered softly, thinking she might throw up, but now for an entirely different reason.

“I think we should.”

“I think there are a lot of things we need to discuss, and Haden isn’t the most important of them.”

“I disagree. This could have all been over yesterday, but you stayed my hand—why? And don’t give me the bullshit excuse that he has a shot at salvation, because if that bastard can be saved, then I’m
Mother
fucking
Teresa
.”

“How can you say that when
you’re
the one who told him he was redeemable in the first place?”

“How do you know I said that? Seriously, Olivia, were you two kumbaya-ing it all the way here from Florida? For having no memory, you sure know a whole hell of a lot.”

“And for being an angel, you sure are behaving like a jealous prick. Kumbaya? Really? Wow…Journal Olivia never said you were such a smartass.”

“That’s probably because Journal Liam hadn’t fallen in love with a woman he had to leave not once, but twice, and watch her spend three years in a relationship with some tosser jackass she nearly married. Nor was Journal Liam forced to return to court for a second time, only to have his guardianship revoked and then to be thrown in prison. Do you have any idea what three months feels like in Heaven, Olivia? Freaking. Eternity. That’s how long. I’ve spent an eternity missing you—worrying if you were all right, because I couldn’t feel you anymore, and wondering if I’d done the right thing by taking your memories, because it was the only shot I had at keeping you safe from Haden! Which didn’t fucking work, by the way, so you’re going to have to cut me a little slack if I’m not all rainbows and butterflies.”

Well…all right then, she certainly felt like shit now. If you asked her, Journal Olivia was a bit naïve and fanciful, because flesh and blood Liam was mind-blowingly complex, passionate, and not just a little damaged—by her—which just hurt all the more.

“I’ll ask you one last time, Olivia. Has Haden touched you?”

“He...” she sighed.
Aw hell...
What was the point in trying to protect him if it was only going to drive a wedge between her and Liam? Trust was a fragile thing, as she well knew, not easily earned once broken. “He kissed me, that’s all.” And that was all she’d say about it. There was no way on God’s green earth she was going to offer up the details of the dressing room fiasco. What she’d done had been with purpose. That she hadn’t hated it was neither here nor there. Even if her heart didn’t belong to Liam, there could never be anything between her and Haden. He was just too damaged.

“That’s all?” he mocked.

Sarcasm was very unbecoming to him.

“That’s enough,” he growled. The groan of the steering wheel protested Liam’s white-knuckled grip. “Was it against your will?”

His dead-calm voice alarmed her more than if he’d yelled. The color changes in his eyes telegraphed his every emotion, and murder was definitely the impulse of choice right now. Not that she feared him. She knew in her heart Liam would never harm her, but Haden?—now that was another story. No doubt, the angel was envisioning that steering wheel was the Nephilim’s neck.

“I asked him to stop and he did. I told him I was in love with you. I was very clear about my feelings and he gets that.”

His exhaled snort burned with contempt. “If you think that’s all it’ll take to dissuade him, you’re being naïve.”

“You really think he’s going to hunt me down after the brawl you two had yesterday? Do you think he’s that suicidal?”

“I think he’s that out of his fucking mind, Olivia! When he was pouring his heart out to you over his lady love, did he bother to mention that he was raised by demons? And not just any demon, the second in command of the Dark Court. Did he tell you he works for them, hunting and killing the Sighted? He’s killed hundreds of women over the years, hundreds of innocent lives just like yours, taken by his hand. He’s a ruthless killer, Olivia! Why else do you think they would have a warrior doing a guardian’s job? I wasn’t created for this.”

The frustration in his voice knotted her gut, the reality of unfiltered truth sending a surge of bile up her throat. She was going to be sick. A wave of dizziness washed over her as she felt the blood drain from her face. Her hands flew up, covering her mouth as she drew in a deep breath, trying to resist her rebelling stomach.

“Stop! I don’t want to know this,” she cried, her plea a muffled request as she shook her head in denial. “Why are you telling me this?” She didn’t want to hear the list of Haden’s crimes. She didn’t want to think that the same hands that had caressed her, touched her—comforted her, had also spilt so much innocent blood.

“It’s not a secret, Olivia. And it’s nothing you didn’t know before. I think you should understand whose life you saved yesterday lest you’re inclined to make the same mistake twice.”

“Don’t tell me anymore,” she pleaded, the sting of tears burning her eyes.

“If you can’t handle the truth, then perhaps you’re not ready to get your memory back. Be careful what you wish for, Olivia. Maybe I did you a favor after all.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Liam never did tell her where they were going. In fact, he’d said very little in the last nine hours they’d spent traveling from Missouri to Mississippi. Of course, he’d been courteous enough to stop frequently, letting her stretch her legs, empty her bladder, and provide her with plenty of food and drink. What she didn’t expect, however, was for their journey to lead them down a secluded one-lane road deep in the heart of bayou country.

“Seems like a waste of years to end it like this.”

Liam cocked his brow and briefly glanced her way. “What are you talking about?”

“This.” She swept her arm toward the dense foliage crowding both sides of the dirt-packed road, if one could even call it that. Swampy marshes and towering Cyprus trees were home to any number of predators—no doubt, two and four-legged alike. “We’re one flat tire from
Deliverance
here. Where are we going and how will this help me get my memory back?”

“Where we’re going isn’t easy to explain and I’m not certain I’ll even be able to take you there. If the plantation is blocked from your sight, I can’t risk crossing over with you. The property in supernaturally protected, it borders the dimensions between your world and mine. Your body can’t cross into the spirit world without dying, so if you can’t see
Landaketa
, it’s too risky for you to enter. My hope is that if we are able to pass through, the veil over your memories will lift because you’ll no longer be anchored to this world.”