Courting Darkness (44 page)

Oh, she loved Liam. There was never any doubt about that. She loved him to the very core of her being, and he knew it, but he also knew this thing between her and Haden wasn’t as simple as she’d have him believe. And
she
knew Liam was a male who would never stand for sharing her affection—nor should he have to.

Haden’s head lolled toward her as he exhaled a soft groan. It wasn’t until her hands rose and fell with the increasing strength of his breaths that she realized she still clutched his chest. As his eyes slowly opened, they locked on her—intense and unwavering. Their sharp clarity surprised her. There was no confusion or disorientation, and had there been, she would write off his confession as near-death delusions.

When Olivia made a move to lift her hands from his chest, Haden caught her wrist, holding her palm tightly to his side. Her fingers rested just below the crease of his solid peck. She could feel the strong beat of his heart quicken beneath the corded muscles covering his ribs. At first he didn’t speak, he just laid there looking up at her with an unreadable expression on his handsome, soot-smudged face.

“You were stabbed,” she said in way of explanation as to why her hands were up his shirt, clutching his chest.

His top lip quirked with the faintest hint of a grin. “I know. I was there.”

“Liam saved your life,” she offered, not sure why she felt the need to say so—perhaps to cast the focus off of her, because Haden had yet to release her wrist, or her gaze.

His thumb brushed over the underside of her wrist and her pulse quickened. Being this close to him while conscious made her anxious. Maybe it was because Haden was so unpredictable, so boldly aggressive. She never knew where she stood with him. One minute he could be saving her life and then threatening to take it the next.

“I suspect it had a little more to do with you than Liam. I doubt he was any more thrilled to rush into a burning building to save my life than I would be to save his.”

She couldn’t deny it. Liam’s only concern had been getting her to safety. Haden hadn’t even been an afterthought in his mind. She didn’t fault Liam for his apathy toward Haden. After everything that had happened, it was a wonder he hadn’t killed Haden himself. That they had come here—together—to save her—was nothing short of a miracle.

“Yes, well…” She didn’t know what else to say. Clearing her throat, she leaned back to dislodge herself from Haden’s grip that so tightly held her hand against his heart. His fingers tightened. Not enough to hurt her, but unyielding nonetheless. Why did he always feel at liberty to impose his will on her?

She exhaled a frustrated sigh. “Let me go, Haden.”

He moved her hand, slowly dragging it over his chest. Olivia’s breath caught in her throat as her palm slid over the muscular plane of his pecks. Her fingers tingled from the forbidden caress. It felt wrong…scandalous, to have her hands on him, yet for some unknown reason, she didn’t pull away. “I...I love Liam,” she whispered.

Haden’s eyes didn’t waver, holding her in that smoldering sea-green gaze. “I know you do.” It was difficult to hear his soft husky voice over the crackling of the fire raging behind them. “But I also think there’s a part of you that loves me, too. You just don’t want to admit it. I can see it in the way you look at me, Olivia. I can feel it in your touch. I’ve tasted it in your kiss. Liam will always belong to his Creator. You deserve someone who will love you above all else. You deserve someone who will give you children, a family.”

Gone was the guarded arrogance he wore like a suit of armor. There was an unmistakable vulnerability in him she’d never seen before, an openness that would have surely stolen her heart if it wasn’t already sworn to Liam. More than anything, she didn’t want to hurt him. Choosing her words carefully, she whispered the challenge, “And you want these things?” She could hardly wrap her mind around what he was telling her.

An eclectic smile touched his mouth—sad—wistful. “More than you could possibly know.”

“You say that now, Haden, but you and I both know you belong to your vengeance. Would you have me believe you’d forsake your vow of revenge for me? Gahn still lives, and after tonight, I suspect your hatred for him burns even greater than before.”

He slid her hand over his heart as if in pledge. “I would try…for you.”

And she believed he would. In that moment, her heart broke for him. Broke for his loss, for the pain and suffering he kept guarded so close to his heart, broke for the long journey ahead that would either spell his salvation or his destruction—she knew not which. But she did know she could not be the anchor that saved him, that kept him grounded and on the right path. As much as she wanted to help him, she could not be what he needed and have Liam, too.

She didn’t know what to say. For the first time, she was finally seeing Haden as he could have been, as he could be—without his cloak of hostility, his mask of hatred. It was easy to see how he’d captured his woman’s heart all those years ago. How different he could have been, had it all not been ripped away from him.

His gaze stayed fixed on her, searching…waiting. With his free hand, he reached for her, fingers gently brushing her cheek before sliding to her neck. Cupping her nape, he pulled her closer. She should have resisted more. “Haden—” her protest died on her lips as he tugged her mouth to his. Haden’s lips brushed against hers in the softest meeting. It was a kiss so unlike any he’d ever given her before.

He kissed her with a gentleness she’d thought him incapable of. She could have pulled away, for his touch was so light, and she intended to do just that. But then his tongue brushed the seam of her lips, asking, not demanding, a taste of her, and her mouth seemed to part on its own accord. Appalled at her
proclivity
, Olivia’s heart clamored inside her chest, rebelling against her weakness as her mind screamed,
stop
. She tensed to pull away. Maybe Haden sensed the subtle shift in her weight, because at that same moment his fingers pressed into her nape, holding her fast as he whispered against her mouth, “I love you, Olivia.”

She inhaled a startled breath at his confession, and he claimed her lips fully in a searing kiss that made her cheeks burn with indecency. In that moment, she didn’t know who she hated more, herself for allowing this to happen, and God forgive her, for enjoying the heat of his touch, or Haden for doing this to her. Damn him! He knew she loved Liam, how dare he try to claim a piece of her heart. Shame consumed her, tears burning her eyes as they flowed down her cheeks, dripping off her face in a heavy rain of remorse.

A moment later, Haden’s mouth stilled against hers and he abruptly broke their kiss. He pulled her head back just far enough to see her face in the light of the inferno blazing behind them. She defiantly held his stare with a bravado she did not feel. She wanted him to get a good look at what he was doing to her, hoping he would see how much this was tearing her apart.

He studied her a moment, watching her with an intensity that turned to utter disbelief. As if struck by a sudden realization, a flicker of surprise, and then something darker heated his gaze. A muttered curse tore from his lips at the same time approaching footsteps rustled in the swampy grass behind him. She couldn’t know whether it was regret or anger that summoned the oath, or perhaps Liam’s impending presence, but Haden reached up and wiped her tears off his face as if they’d scalded his flesh. As quick as a flipped switch, he donned that callous mantel of hostility and turned it full-strength on her. Haden released her so abruptly, she fell back.

“Go,” he commanded, his voice a low growl of contempt and frustration, betrayal and heartache. When she didn’t move, frozen in shock by the abrupt change in him, he barked, “Goddammit! I said go, Olivia!”

She scrambled to her feet and bolted like a frightened deer through the thicket. Her feet pounded the marshy ground as she raced toward Liam. The moment she was within reach, she threw herself into his arms, buried her face into his chest, and broke down into gut-wrenching sobs.

He caught her in his welcoming embrace, one arm wrapped around her back, and the other hand cradling the back of her head, pressing her cheek against his chest as he crooned softly, “Shh... It’s all right. Everything’s going to be fine.”

But she wasn’t so sure that it was. “Take me home,” she begged between hitching breaths. When he didn’t answer, she leaned back, looking up to see his keen gaze focused over her head. Glancing over her shoulder, she watched in the brilliant glow of the blaze as Haden stood, like a phoenix rising from the ashes and walked into the thick grassy brush before disappearing into the night.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Olivia awoke to the feeling of being watched. It was a niggling sensation she was quickly growing accustomed to. Her eyes fluttered open to find Liam lying beside her, head propped up on a bent elbow, his violet gaze drinking her in as if he were memorizing every last detail of her face.

He was returning to court today—with Haden—and to keep herself occupied in his absence, she planned to employ Tate’s services in helping her move into Liam’s home. Even now, lying in his bed, the whole thing still felt so surreal. For years, this was all she’d dreamed of—having a life with him. That it was finally happening filled her with a sense of unfathomable joy. But before they could embark on the next chapter of their life together, she knew he had obligations and commitments he must see through first—as hard as it was going to be to let him go today.

“Good morning,” she whispered, giving Liam a bittersweet smile and rolling toward him. Tucking her face against his neck, she slipped her arm beneath his and hugged him close, vowing for the one-hundredth time since last night, she would not cry this day. She’d done more than her share of it in the last few weeks and vowed she would remain strong.

Liam was honor-bound to bring Haden before the elders, and she knew in her heart that if he didn’t do this now, there was a chance Haden could be lost forever. Despite how badly things were left between them, she worried for him and made Liam promise to champion Haden when they got to court.

His agreement came reluctantly and with much persuasion on her part. He never did ask what happened between her and Haden that night in the bayou, and for that she was glad. Already now, a week had passed, and yet, it still felt like yesterday. She hadn’t seen Haden since then, but knew Liam had been in contact with the Nephilim, making the necessary arrangements to bring him in. Perhaps Haden was finally coming to terms that he couldn’t continue on like this. But either way, she would continue to pray for him, hoping he would one day find the healing that could only be found in his salvation. Perhaps with time, he would see they were not meant for each other.

“How much time do we have left?” she whispered against his throat, her tongue teasing a path to his collarbone, nipping the indent of flesh. His arousal grew swift and ready against her stomach. A low growl of failing restraint rumbled in his chest as he rolled over, pinning her beneath him.

“Not long. Haden will be here soon.”

“Are you up to the challenge?” she teased, refusing to spend their few final moments together bemoaning his departure. This time wasn’t like the last, she reminded herself. It wasn’t goodbye, it was the beginning—the beginning of their new life together and she understood that for those doors to open, others had to close. Liam had responsibilities he had to see through.

“Oh, I’m most definitely up for it,” he chuckled, his dark brow arching wickedly as he gave her a roguish grin. He captured her mouth in a searing kiss that took her breath away, and Olivia spent the next half-hour at the mercy of her angel.

Lying in his bed, numbed out in a state of utter bliss, Liam left her with a lingering kiss against her sweat-dampened brow. She listened as his footsteps padded down the hall. Before he reached the bathroom, the shower kicked on, an invitation she restrained herself from partaking in lest he never be ready to go before Haden arrived.

The door closed a moment later, and with a groan of sheer laziness, she forced herself out of bed and reluctantly dressed. It was hard to leave the soft sheets still warm from his lovemaking, to pull herself away from the scent of muted spices that clung to his pillow.

Her foot had just reached the landing when a soft knock sounded at their door. Olivia’s pulse quickened at the thought of seeing Haden again, at the memory of his scornful gaze boring into her with startling contempt. Taking a courageous breath, she went downstairs and crossed the foyer to open the door.

At seeing him filling her doorway, she forced a smile he didn’t return, his impassive gaze raking over her with no less disdain than the night at the bayou. Although she was dressed in a fitted t-shirt and capris, he still somehow managed to make her feel completely naked and vulnerable.

“Good morning, Haden,” she offered lightly, choosing to ignore the tension crackling in the air. She stepped aside, allowing him to enter. “Would you like a cup of coffee? I was just about to make some. Liam’s in the shower. He should be down shortly.”