Courtly Love (17 page)

* * *

The snow had fallen, leaving its silver coat over the lands and buildings of Camden and Serena, with Gyles riding beside her, viewed the sparkling display with undisguised delight.

"Isn't it beautiful!'' Serena breathed.

Gyles gave a snort of laughter. "It's freezing cold, the wind is blowing straight through my cloak, and you think it's beautiful!"

Serena flashed a grin. "It is beautiful," she insisted. "When Bryan and I were small we used to have a snowball fight after the first snowfall. Nellwyn would always be calling for us to come inside, and how angry she would become when we refused. Once we even pelted her with snow until she retreated and let us tire ourselves out." Her eyes softened. "Gyles, does it snow in Normandy?"

Gyles reached over and gave Serena's hand a light squeeze. "That it does, ma petite. Do not fret, Serena, Alan is having his chance to play in the snow."

Serena covered Gyles's hand with hers. "I miss him terribly. Gyles. When can he come back to us?"

"Arthur and I are still negotiating over Beda's hand. Once she is safely wed, perhaps, then." A gust of wind blew over them and Gyles studied the sky. "I believe we are in for another storm, Serena. We had best return."

Gyles covertly watched Serena as they rode to Camden. The cold air had brought a rosiness to her cheeks and nose that enhanced her delicate beauty. Gyles frowned as a creeping warmth spread its tendrils through his groin. Since that ghastly birth, Gyles had clamped an iron will on his passions and eased himself infrequently with Serena. He had not yet resorted to dallying with other women, but he sensed that Serena attributed his lack of attention to that reason.

Serena's thoughts were running parallel to Gyles's. His sudden withdrawal of affection had at first angered, then confused Serena. In every other way Gyles had not altered; they rode, talked, and played chess, but when evening came, Serena could feel the reserve in Gyles rear up like a living thing. And in the past months Gyles had taken a decided interest in whether Serena's time came regularly. If she was late, Gyles was unapproachable until the cramps began and she retired to her separate bed for the duration. There was no way Serena could hide her time, for the discomfort was usually so great that she spent at least two days in bed, dosing herself with a potion that allowed her some ease. During these days, Gyles was unfailingly kind, often sitting beside her for hours at a time, seeing to her every need. But once it was past, Gyles again reverted to his odd behavior, and his greatly cooled ardor upset Serena.

These thoughts occupied both husband and wife during the ride to Camden, and both had lost the light mood that had prevailed during their outing. It had begun to snow before they reached the castle and it was with great reluctance that Gyles followed Serena to their chamber. Her surprised look embarrassed him, and he stood uncertainly within the door.

"I must change from this damp clothing," Gyles explained unnecessarily.

"Of course," Serena said in a shaky voice; then turned her back as she proceeded to strip from her own wet gown. She stepped to the fire to warm herself as she dressed, and from the corner of her eye Serena watched as Gyles padded from chest to chest to select dry clothing. Her own long-starved appetite grew at the sight of her unclad husband and of their own volition, Serena's legs carried her across the room to Gyles.

Gyles did not hear Serena approach, and his first awareness of her presence was when slender arms wrapped themselves around his waist and soft lips nibbled at his back. Gyles did not turn, but tried instead to fight down his steadily rising need. "Serena," Gyles said softly.

"Urn?" Serena moved around him until she buried her lips in the curling hair on his chest. Her hands stroked his firm, muscular back, and Serena raised up on tiptoe to ply Gyles's mouth with her own.

Gyles brought his hands to Serena's shoulders, but she ignored their pressure, instead darting her tongue cunningly against his, as Gyles felt his resistance weaken.

"Serena!" Gyles said again, this time pleadingly; but Serena's hand had already found his impassioned manhood and imprisoned it within her grasp and Gyles willingly followed Serena to his bed.

Neither had the need for preliminaries, but instead immediately strained against each other mindlessly for fulfillment. Serena nearly wept when she felt Gyles withdraw suddenly and violent spasms tore at his body as he spilled himself over her abdomen. Frustration welled up within her, and with a muted cry, Serena struck out at Gyles and rolled from beneath him to the edge of the bed.

"Cherie?" Green eyes begged for understanding and Gyles closed his hands around Serena's arms. "Serena, please!"

Serena flew from his touch, her eyes flashing. "What has happened to you?" Serena cried.

Gyles's hands balled uselessly in the bed linens as he fought back the impulse to tell her what terrified him. "Nothing!" Gyles said hoarsely.

"Gyles, please!" Serena fell to her knees beside him. "I can't go on like this! You . . . you've changed, I can't reach you any more. You rarely touch me, Gyles, and when you do, the look in your eyes and on your face makes me feel as ... as if ... as if you can hardly bear to look at me." Serena's hand touched his and Gyles jerked away as if her touch burned him. "Gyles, what have I done? Please, Gyles. Please talk to me, tell me what's wrong."

"There is nothing wrong, Serena, 'tis just your imagination," Gyles said coldly.

"Imagination!" she sputtered. " Tis not my imagination that you waste your seed nor that I no longer find pleasure in your arms. Is it Beda? Has she threatened you again? Oh, Gyles, you're breaking my heart, do you not see that?"

A knock on the door silenced Serena, and Gyles called out angrily, "What is it?"

"There is a royal messenger below, m'lord." Edward's voice was muffled by the thick oak.

"God's blood!" Gyles ground out. "I'll be down shortly, bid him eat and drink." Gyles threw himself from the bed and began to dress while Serena, huddled on the bed, watched. "Are you coming?" Gyles asked shortly.

Serena tossed her head with a disdainful sniff. "I think not. Would you be so kind as to send Nellwyn to me, please?"

"As you wish," Gyles relented. "Serena, is there anything I can get for you?"

"A husband who loves me would be pleasant!" Serena said tartly. "But failing that, only Nellwyn."

* * *

It was late when Gyles returned to his chamber, his brain clouded by the over-abundance of ale he had consumed during the course of the evening. Serena's wounded feelings weighed heavily upon him, yet Gyles dared not tell her of his fears. Serena's time was several days overdue already and Gyles's nerves were badly strained. If Serena did get with child, she must not be tormented by the same devil that rode his own mind, but must believe that the birthing, while painful, would be completely normal. Serena must not be afraid! Weaving slightly, Gyles pulled off his clothing and drew back the curtains of his bed; perhaps by now Serena had forgiven him. But his bed was empty, the coverlet neatly pulled up to the pillows, and with no indication that anyone had reposed there. Green eyes went swiftly about the room to find the adjoining door closed. Gyles tied a robe hastily around his waist and tried the door only to find it barred.

"Serena?" Gyles rapped loudly on the panel. "Serena, open this door!"

"Go away," came her reply from within.

"Serena, open this door, or by God, I shall break it down!" Gyles roared.

"That I would not doubt," Serena's voice sneered at him. But Gyles heard the movement in the chamber and a moment later the bar was lifted from the door. When the panel opened, Gyles caught a glimpse of Nellwyn as she plodded from the room, and then, when his eyes had adjusted to the dimly lit chamber, he saw Serena sitting in a chair by the hearth. "The door has been opened, at your most courteous request, Gyles. Now what is it that is of such urgency it could not wait for the morrow?"

Gyles shifted uncomfortably. "Since you did not leave your chamber this evening, I thought what news the messenger carried might be of interest to you."

"It must certainly be good news that brings you willingly to my presence," Serena said coolly. She rose to pour a goblet of wine, which brought a lifted eyebrow from Gyles. Serena gave him an icy smile. "Well, dear husband, I am waiting eagerly for your news."

"Very well," his tone matched hers. "We are commanded to journey to London in ten days' time and there reside for the time that remains until the new year."

Serena drained her cup and refilled it immediately. "How pleasant. I take it that I must accompany you."

Gyles nodded. "You will attend the queen while we are in residence. The command is from William himself, Serena. He greatly admires your father and wishes to meet both daughter and son."

"But in a different order, I'll wager. Bryan will not take kindly to being ordered to present himself at a Norman court. Father will have the devil's own time keeping Bryan out of trouble." Serena sipped thoughtfully at yet a third cup of wine. "I'm sure the court will prove a most amusing diversion for both of us, Gyles." With a wicked narrowing of her eyes Serena added, "Think of all the old acquaintances you will be able to renew. And how convenient for you that I will be safely out of your way for much of the time. Tell me, is Beda also included in this invitation?"

Gyles's back stiffened. "Yes. As are Lydia and Mara, though I doubt they will attend."

His words had a definite slur and Serena suddenly realized that her husband was drunk and she laughed. "What a fine family we make. What an impression we shall give the court." Serena drew herself up to her full height. "Yes. your highness," she intoned with mock solemnity, "my husband and I are truly enjoying our stay at court. Oh, no, sire, we do not mind in the least that we rarely see each other." With an eloquent wave of her hand Serena indicated an imaginary hall filled with people. "As you can see, sire, Lord Gyles has availed himself fully of the amusements found in your court." Serena leaned toward the invisible figure conspiratorially. "If the truth were known, sire, my good lord has not graced our bed since our arrival at court. Could you perhaps find it in your heart to recommend one of your retinue to me, your highness? I would take care that he not interfere with my attendance to your lady queen." Serena dropped into a curtsy and abruptly pitched forward on the floor, the goblet falling from her grasp to roll aimlessly about.

A great deal of the ale Gyles had consumed had worn off during Serena's diatribe and he went swiftly to raise Serena from the floor. As her head rolled limply against his arm, Gyles smelled the wine on her breath mixed with the bitter smell of herbs, and knew instantly the cause for her unusual behavior.

Serena's eyes fluttered open and she laughed weakly. "I see I must swoon before you deign to take me in your arms."

"Your time?" Gyles asked softly.

Serena gave an imperceptible nod. "Does it please you that I do not carry your seed within me? Fool! Did you think I do not know why you spill your seed wantonly against the bed linens? Do you believe I am so stupid as to not realize that you do not wish me to bear your child? The one thing I would ask from you and that you deny me. I would ask for your love as well, but that I know you are not free to give, so all I beg for is your child. Am I so horrible that you wish not to sire a child on me? Have I some flaw that makes you fear our babe would be flawed as well?" Serena struggled from his embrace. "Yes, my time has come!" she screamed viciously at Gyles. "And, no, I shall not need you to sit by my bed and comfort me this time. I want no part of you now. Do you hear me? None! Now leave, get away from me! Out of this chamber! I have no wish for your false consideration! If you cannot treat me with kindness and respect when I am well, I certainly do not want you to make a harlot of yourself when I am ill!" Her anger suddenly evaporated. "Leave me! If there is any mercy in your heart, Gyles, go away!" And then Serena collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut.

Gyles easily caught Serena before she fell full length to the floor and carried her to her bed. Then he strode to the door and found Nellwyn waiting in the corridor as he had known she would be.

"Lady Serena has need of you," Gyles told her shortly. Nellwyn nodded in understanding and followed Gyles to Serena's bedside. "You know what to do for her?"

"Aye, m'lord." Nellwyn covered Serena, then inspected the pitcher of wine by the bed. "Did she behave strangely, m'lord?"

"Yes," Gyles nodded. "Screaming at me one minute, swooning the next."

"Aye, well, she took too much of the herbs she mixed in this wine 'tis all." At the sight of Gyles's rapidly paling face, Nellwyn gave his arm a reassuring pat. "Me lamb will be fine, but she'll sleep like the dead this night."

Gyles passed a hand over his eyes. "You heard, Nellwyn?"

"Aye, that I did." Nellwyn considered him before she continued. "Did me lamb speak the truth? Do ye not wish her to have yer child?"

"Not just mine, any man's!" Gyles paused, unwilling to put voice to the fear within him.

Nellwyn was puzzled. "She'll be a fine mother, m'lord, ye need have no fear on that account."

"My God, do you think I do not know that?" Gyles agonized. " Tis my fondest dream that we should have a child—indeed a nursery full of them—but if I must choose between the two—"

"Choose? Why must ye choose? Yer both young and healthy. Serena comes from good stock, the lands are at peace—"

"Because she will die! And I will have killed her as surely as if I put a knife in her heart!" Gyles cried in a strangled voice.

Nellwyn's shock was obvious. "Yer pardon, m'lord, but yer not making sense. Why would Serena die because she had a child?"

"Like the woman in the village," Gyles insisted. "Serena is built the same way; her hips are too narrow."

Nellwyn shook her head. "Nay, m'lord, the woman died because she labored too long without help. Serena—"

"Serena will die! She barely survives her woman's time, how could she endure a birthing?" The terror Gyles had choked back for so long now washed over him in waves. "I will not be the instrument of Serena's death!"

"But, Lord Gyles..."

Gyles had already left the room and Nellwyn stood looking at the space he had vacated, a bewildered expression on her face. Gradually a knowing gleam sparked in her eyes and Nellwyn chuckled as she returned to Serena's side.

"Ah, lamb, 'tis a fine, loving man ye married. Now all we need is to convince him yer not as fragile as ye look. Aye, lamb, we'll have a long talk tomorrow ye and me." And Nellwyn settled herself comfortably by her charge to see the night to an end.

When Serena finally awoke, she instantly regretted having to leave the sweet dreams behind, for awareness brought pain. She rolled to her stomach and delivered a solid punch to the pillow. "Nellwyn!"

Her nurse was instantly beside her. "Here, lamb, I've brought ye the wine. Come sit up now, lass, and drink this."

"Aagh! I wish I were a man." Nellwyn pushed the pillows none too gently behind her back, and Serena said petulantly, "Have a care, Nellwyn, I'm not a sack of flour."

"Nay, but ye be acting like a spoiled child," Nellwyn told her charge sharply. "And for as smart a lass as ye be, ye've not an ounce of sense. Now ye just listen to me," she said when Serena made to speak. "I've a few things ye should be after knowing, and yer not too old or too big for me to take ye over me knee! Just hold yer tongue and let me have me say."

Gradually while Nellwyn spoke, Serena's features lightened and by the time the nurse had finished, a huge smile graced Serena's face. "Nellwyn!" Serena clasped her nurse's hands. "Oh, Nellwyn, thank you. Now, this is what I want you to do..."