Covered In Paint: Book Five of the Art Of Love Series (17 page)

Brooke swallowed hard. “What happened to you? How did you change?”

Drake shifted his head on the pillow, looking for the words.

“Looking back now, I held myself together pretty well while it was actually happening. After Tracy was gone, I imploded. I drew inside myself and stayed away from people all I could. Taking care of Brandon was the only reason I pulled out of it. He needed me to create a normal life for him. Eventually I did. It took me a couple years.”

Brooke dropped her hand. Her fingertips drifted through the hair on his chest. She bit her lip. His wife had found a lump too. How was she supposed to tell him about her situation? The thought of doing so made her want to run far away from him. She didn’t want to deal with his reaction any more than she did anyone else’s. The idea of emotionally hurting him made her ill.

“Hey…” Drake said, lifting her chin with a finger. “Why the sad look? That part of my life is over. You don’t have to feel sad for me or Brandon. We’re okay now.”

Brooke let him tip her face to his. “I know…but I’m like one of those zombie apocalypse preppers. Maybe it’s because I’m a philosopher, but contingency planning is as necessary to me as breathing. I have to think through all the possibilities of any thought that looms large in my mind. I care about what happens to you and Brandon. What if we fell in love and something bad happened to me? Your son wouldn’t necessarily be around to pull you out.”

Drake snorted. “Brooke, why are you awfulizing? You’re talking about things that will probably never happen.”

“Awfulizing? Is that really a word, Dr. Barrymore?”

Drake rolled to his back and dragged her on top on him until her head was on his chest. He wrapped her in his arms as she buried her face there.

“Stop thinking the worst. You’re young…healthy…I’m sure you have a long life ahead of you.”

“Drake…when we went to breakfast at my family’s the other morning…all I could think was that I want what they have. Michael and Shane drive me crazy sometimes, but I’m also envious of their spouses and families. I want that life for myself and can’t help hoping I get to have it. Don’t you think that’s reasonable?”

Drake sighed beneath her cheek. “Of course. It’s only natural you would want children, especially since you don’t have any yet. Because of us sleeping together, I’ve been asking myself if I could handle being a father again. The answer is I don’t know. I just know I want you to have what you want out of life, so I guess we’d figure it out. I’d want to get married before you got pregnant. Call me old-fashioned, but I like making it legal.”

Brooke smiled against his chest. “You’re not old-fashioned. You’re
chivalrous
. That term goes much better with my description of you as
poetic
and
passionate
.”

“Chivalrous…very medieval term. It makes me sound like a knight.”

“Well, you and your son do have heroic tendencies. I think it fits.”

Drake sighed and tightened his hold. “Brooke…I’m falling in love with you too.”

Brooke sighed against his chest. “If that’s true, then I want you to promise me something.”

“Does it involve the Larsons?”

Brooke laughed. “Don’t make me take back my hero analogy. No…it does not involve the Larsons.”

“Okay then…what kind of promise do you want?”

Brooke raised her head and met his gaze. “If anything ever happens to me, I want you to remember only the good times we had together. And I want you to let yourself fall in love again…like you are doing with me now. You’re one of the good guys, Drake. Men like you should never be without a woman warming their bed…I mean that.”

Drake laughed, but wrinkled his forehead. “What the hell brought that on? You’re the woman I want warming my bed. It took forever to get you here. I’m not capable of thinking about a next woman. You take all my energy…and we haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet.”

Brooke shrugged, unable to shatter their growing intimacy with her medical truth.

“You make me a better person, Drake. I don’t want to be selfish about you. I don’t want to ever be a reason you change.”

“The woman is eerily beautiful…but also incredibly strange.”

Brooke snorted. “Fine. Keep joking. You’ll be calling me a
clever tongued sorceress
in a few minutes,” she declared, moving down her groaning lover’s body.

The distraction of pleasuring him kept her from focusing on how much of an emotional coward she was being.

***

The next morning, Drake left early so he could swing by his house before heading to a department meeting. After he left, Brooke retrieved her cell phone and called her mother.

“
Larson residence
.”

“Mom? Tell Will not to tell Michael and Shane yet. I couldn’t tell Drake last night. I just…I couldn’t tell him. I’ll try again later.”

“Honey…”

“Mom—please. No lectures this morning. I can’t debate my cowardice when I haven’t had coffee yet. Just tell Will not to say anything for a little bit longer.”

“Of course I will…but Brooke…don’t put it off too long. It will be harder for Drake to hear it from other people. He’ll feel betrayed on top of everything else.”

Brooke nodded, then realized her mother wasn’t seeing her. Her mind was scrambled. “I know, Mom. I’ll tell him today. I just…I couldn’t do it last night.”

She hung up and sank to the hard, uncomfortable couch. Her mind had played out endless possible scenarios of telling him. None of the potential outcomes were anything she could handle without breaking down herself.

Weary of all the dread, she put her head in her hands.

“This has to be love. It’s the only emotion I know of that makes people this miserable. Damn you, Drake. I never really gave a damn what a man thought before you came along.”

She headed to the shower with a heavy heart knowing she was going to have to go see him at his work. It was probably better to do it someone place neutral anyway. If it didn’t go well, they’d each need to retreat to their respective houses.

***

Brooke glanced into Drake’s office and smiled at the picture he made, sitting behind his desk. He had his reading glasses on and his hair restrained. Her heartbeat picked up and a smile lit her face anticipating the moment he would see her.

She should have come to see him at work here instead of his classroom. They would have been lovers long before she found out about the naked model and gotten jealous…not that she was ever going to admit to Drake what she’d finally come to terms with herself.

Then she remembered why she actually was here and her smile faded. It was to confess, but fortunately not that particular sin.

Sighing, Brooke lifted a hand and stepped forward to knock on Drake’s partially opened door.

The smile he gave her when he saw who it was made her belly flutter. His effect on her libido was as potent as ever. Better still, she’d found a lot to like in the man who could turn her on with just a look.

She was definitely falling for Drake if just the sight of him made her so happy. The rest of the tumble would likely be as short as her mother’s had been with Will. It all depended on how the next few minutes went.

“Hello, Dr. Barrymore. Got a few minutes for a visit?”

“Why yes I do. Come in, Dr. Daniels. Close the door behind you so we can speak privately.”

Snickering at what his gaze promised could happen with such privacy, she did as ordered. She wanted nothing more than to put off their discussion and collect on it. But she couldn’t—not this time. He had to know before everyone else found out.

“Drake—I actually came by because we need to talk about something. I…I meant to talk to you about it last night, but I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt our evening.”

“No need to apologize. A clever tongued sorceress should have the freedom to use that tongue any way she wishes,” Drake teased, instantly recalling how she had used it on him. He smiled at her while thinking his wicked thoughts until she broke.

Brooke giggled at the lust in his gaze and couldn’t help it. “Please. Stop that. I can’t laugh and tell you what I need to tell you. I’ve already put it off too long. I have to get through this. You are not helping me.”

“Fine.” Drake waved to the chairs facing the front of his desk. “Have a seat and talk to me about something serious.”

Sighing with dread, she walked to the closest one and sat. She blinked and stared at him.

Drake’s eyebrows rose as he waited. He removed his reading glasses. “You really do seem nervous.”

Brooke nodded. “I am. Remember last night…all the questions I asked about your wife?”

“Yes. I remember every conservation we’ve ever had—except the one where I’d had too much cognac.”

Brooke nodded and dropped her gaze to her hands. “Well, last night, I was trying to figure out how you’d react to my news before I told it to you. You see—several weeks ago—I found a lump in my breast. I didn’t know how you would react the news.”

Drake put a hand to his chest. His heart beat too hard and then felt like it stopped. He rubbed to ease the pressure. “A lump. Is it cancer?”

Brooke swallowed. His emotional pain was on his face. Now she knew how Shane felt reading people. It wasn’t fun at all. Ignorance really was bliss.

“I don’t know yet. I’m scheduled for surgery next week. My doctor wants to do a open biopsy and remove the whole lump…and anything else she finds that doesn’t look right while they’re in there. The release form I signed was rather inclusive about permission.”

Drake felt his head spin in reaction. Time stopped and reversed itself. The cycle of pain was repeating and there didn’t seem to be a damn thing he could do to stop it from happening. His nemesis was taking away another woman he loved.

Drake stared at his desk as he rubbed his forehead. “It will take a couple weeks after the surgery to get a real answer from the doctors about what they find.”

Brooke nodded, even though he wasn’t looking at her. “Yes. So they said.”

She cleared her throat and tried to explain, hoping it would normalize the tension.

“I told Mom yesterday afternoon. I went back there to see her after you dropped me off. You’re only the second person I’ve told. Frankly, I haven’t wanted to talk about it too much. Things between us were so new and I…well I…I didn’t want anything to ruin our time together.”

“But you knew Friday night when we were together?”

“Well, yes…I did…but I…I hadn’t even told my mother then. I was having trouble telling her too.”

Drake rose and paced to a window. He needed to find some calm. He needed not to yell, not to rant and rave at Brooke for something she couldn’t help. His reaction was not her greatest problem. All too soon she might be fighting for her life. And worse…he would have to watch.

“I guess that means you knew last night too,” Drake said.

Brooke stared, blinking several times. Even after all the possible reactions she had imagined, the reality was vastly different. Drake was so unemotional about her revelation. There was no sympathy…no denial…no protesting. Instead, he was cold and distant. His questions were more like accusations than genuine queries.

He was angry with her…that much was obvious even though it didn’t find expression. His back was turned away. He wouldn’t look at her.

She hadn’t known how bad it was going to hurt her for Drake not to rant and rave on her behalf. She shuddered thinking how badly it would have destroyed last night. At least she’d followed her instincts and would have that good memory.

She didn’t blame Drake a bit for not wanting to be emotionally involved…but she had hoped he would find it in himself to be something other than stoic about it.

When he finally turned from the window to look at her, a much larger lump formed in her belly. Dread filled up all the space around it. She saw no teasing and no love in the gaze turned on her. All she saw was painful concern. And like she’d feared…she wasn’t really ready to handle it.

“Have you known about the lump the whole time we’ve been together? I wish you had told me before we got involved.”

Brooke swallowed the hurt his words caused. “I suppose you could say I’ve known the whole time. I knew I had the lump, but the doctor…the decision to operate…was only made a couple weeks ago. I’ve had lumps before, but not like this one. I wasn’t trying to be unfair. I was just trying to make the best of our…time together.”

“I see. What made you decide to finally tell me today? You asked me all those questions about Tracy last night. Why didn’t you just tell me then?”

Brooke thought of a hundred excuses, but went with gut honesty. “Like I said when I started this discussion…I was afraid it would change things between us and I wasn’t ready to face the change.”

“Cancer always changes things—that’s just a fact. It’s not something you can avoid by thinking your way out of it, Dr. Daniels,” Drake said, fighting the meltdown he felt looming.

“Look Drake…” Brooke hesitated when his pain-filled gaze bore into hers.

His face was flushed. He was rubbing his chest with his hand. She couldn’t watch him suffer over her. It would take her down too.

“Don’t bury me yet, Dr. Barrymore. No one has said the lump was cancer. Besides—that wasn’t the only thing I came here to tell you today. The other is actually more unpleasant. I couldn’t say it last night either.”

Drake snorted. “Really? I’m not sure I want to hear anything else. What could possibly be worse than telling me you found a lump in your breast that might be cancer?”

Brooke stood and lifted her chin. How many times had she watched her mother break up with men? And how many times had she practiced the same blunt honesty techniques on the college boys she’d dated and decided weren’t for her?

Her technique was always one hundred percent effective, but it required her to have the right tone of sincerity in the delivery. That was going to be the hardest part of what had to be done. But she was absolutely convinced it would spare both of them a lot of heartache.

“Look Drake…as you can imagine…finding the lump scared me. Your interest in me gave me a perfect distraction from the shock when I needed it most. All that talk about falling in love last night…well, I realized this morning…it was just a means of coping for me. I will always be grateful for our time together, but I’ve decided our relationship was born out of my desperation, not from something meant to last. To put it bluntly…I’ve been using you to escape my problems. I don’t want to continue.”