Cowboy Heaven (11 page)

Darkness had already begun to fall by the time Joe and I left the mess hall, and the first chill of autumn gave me goose bumps as we headed toward the stable. At least I
hoped
it was the weather, although the chilling thoughts running through my mind might have been responsible.

I flipped on the lights as we went in through the open doorway to the barn. I didn't want anyone accusing Joe of sneaking off with me—if it ever came to that. Unless someone had followed us, we would be alone there. Everyone else was still in the mess hall, sitting around shooting the breeze after dinner.

I led the way to Goldie's stall. From that central location, we would be able to see or hear anyone approaching from either direction. Goldie stuck her head over the door and nuzzled me gently.

I leaned back against the stall door. “Okay, Joe. You've really got me worried now. Tell me what you're thinking.”

His quick nod and grim smile suggested the story wasn't going to be pretty. “Like I said before, Dusty's not stupid. He knows enough to check his saddle every so often and make sure there's nothing worn out on it. I examined that saddle after it broke—we
all
did—and it looked like the billet had just worn through from rubbing on the ring where it attaches to the saddle. But the more I thought about it—and Dusty said this too—he'd replaced those billets not long ago. I remember watching him do it.

“Now, the leather could've had a defect in it that might cause it to break like that, but I doubt it. I've never had one break on me before, and I've ridden with some that were a lot older than the billets Dusty replaced. I got to thinking about how it might've been tampered with, and I think if you used one of those little round files—like what you'd use to sharpen a chain saw—you could rub the leather really thin from underneath where it's folded over. Looking at it from the outside, you'd never notice it. If you took it apart, you would see it, but since those billets were fairly new, Dusty would never have thought he needed to do that. Anyway, it bothered me then, and after what Rufus said about getting rid of him…well, you see why I had to say something to you.”

“Yes, and I'm glad you did. But why would Rufus do such a thing? Why would he single Dusty out?” I already had my own suspicions. If Joe's reasoning was the same as mine…

“Maybe he thinks you like Dusty.”

Bingo.

“I can't remember ever doing or saying anything that would give him that impression. At least, I don't think I have. I mean, did you know?”

Joe shrugged. “No, but if I had to pick the one man out of all of us you
might
be partial to, it sure as hell wouldn't be Bull.”

“I can't argue with that, but it's still a pretty flimsy reason to stage an accident—or fire a man.”

“Just because I didn't notice your preference doesn't mean Rufus didn't,” Joe pointed out. “He's pretty well tuned in to that sort of thing.”

“Apparently.” Rufus couldn't possibly have known I'd had the occasional fantasy about Dusty. Maybe I kept my gaze on him just a little too long or smiled at him with a bit more tenderness. Whatever I'd done, Rufus must've seen it. “Will the world end because I'm fond of Dusty? What's so damned special about me, anyway?”

A funny smile quirked the corner of his mouth. “Aside from the fact that you're absolutely adorable, there
is
the ranch to be considered. You, of all people, should know what this place is worth—and unless I miss my guess, you'll be inheriting it fairly soon.”

I grimaced. “You've noticed that too. I know Dad isn't doing very well, and the fact that he tends to ignore anything his doctor tells him doesn't help much. He's too stubborn for his own good. But are you saying you think Rufus wants the ranch?” I shook my head in disbelief. “If that's the case, he's sure going about it the wrong way. He's a good-looking man, Joe. I had a major crush on him when I was in high school. If he wants the ranch so damn bad, he should be making a play for me himself instead of running off the competition.”

Joe shrugged. “Maybe he didn't think he'd stand a chance with someone like Dusty around. Neither would I, especially since Dusty does like you. A lot.”

Apparently everyone knew about Dusty's feelings.

Except
me.

I tried not to think about that. “And without Dusty, my only other choices were you, Bull, Calvin, and Rufus. I can't stand Bull, Calvin is too much like a father to me, and you're so quiet I've never spoken more than a few words with you—”

“Aside from the fact that I'm ugly as homemade sin.”

“Oh, you are not,” I snapped. “You're downright charming when you smile, but instead of smiling, you're always walking around with your head hanging down and never saying a word.”

As if on cue, Joe's gaze immediately dropped from my face to the floor. “Yeah, well, that's enough about me.” A moment passed before he lifted his chin, his eyes seeking mine once more. “What it boils down to is that without Dusty here to compete with him, Rufus just might stand a fighting chance.”

I stomped a foot in frustration. “Then why didn't he find an excuse to fire Dusty years ago? What was he doing? Making me wait until I was so love-starved I'd come prowling around the bunkhouse looking for him?”

“Maybe.” He shrugged. “Are you? Love-starved, I mean.”

“What the hell do you think?” I was slightly exasperated with him until I remembered that what Cody and I had done with our spare time wasn't common knowledge. “I realize you couldn't have known the details, but Cody and I were very happy together. I
miss
that. I miss it so much that I—”

“Found a stray cowboy and brought him home?”

I blew out a breath. “Was it that obvious?”

He nodded. “Given that Troy's even better-looking than Dusty, it's no wonder Rufus is getting worried. He'll be trying to find a way to get rid of
him
next.”

“Unless this whole thing is a concoction of our own suspicious minds,” I cautioned. “Although I have to admit, it
does
seem kinda fishy.”

“Yeah. Too bad we don't have any proof.”

“No shit. You guys need to be very careful and watch out for each other.”

“I don't think Rufus could get rid of all three of us.” His lips curled into a delightfully devilish smile. “Maybe we should keep him guessing.”

I grinned up at him, shaking my head. “And here I always thought you were shy.”

“You know how it is. You kiss an ugly guy and tell him he has a charming smile and…” He shrugged, still smiling at me.

I patted his arm. “It's nice to know I have that effect on a few of you, anyway. I was beginning to think I'd sprouted warts or something. I felt like a freakin' leper. But you're right. We probably
should
keep him guessing.”

A
cluster
fuck
in
the
bunkhouse
might
make
enough
noise
to
attract
attention…

Sometimes the ideas popping into my own head amazed me. Fortunately, Joe wasn't privy to those thoughts or he'd have been blushing like a beet.

“Does that mean you might kiss me again?” Whereas he'd seemed hesitant before, now he seemed…hopeful.

“Maybe, but only when someone else might see us.”

“Damn.” He swore so loudly, Goldie threw her head up in alarm and nearly hit me in the face. “I was kinda hoping for right now.”

“It wouldn't help if we didn't have a witness, Joe.” I pushed Goldie's head aside. Too bad
she
couldn't tell Rufus I'd been alone in the barn with Joe, because then he might have gotten his wish. As it was, I didn't see the point. Kissing Joe wasn't something I'd ever considered doing before, and that kiss in the kitchen had only been intended to needle Rufus. Under ordinary circumstances, I probably never would have done it—or even
thought
of it.

“You wouldn't get any complaints from me,” he said. “And if we practiced, it might be more convincing.”

I might've reacted with an eye roll and a giggle, but I couldn't argue with him because he did have a point.

He took a step closer. “Aw, c'mon, Angela. What could it hurt?”

I giggled again. Here was Joe, of all people, making me feel like a silly schoolgirl—and at my age too. “Where the hell is Rufus when I need him?”

“Washing dishes, I hope.” Darting a glance at each end of the stable, he took another step toward me.

“Maybe I should go back and give him a hand. He must've been good for something all these years if he's been keeping you wolves in line.”

“I guess so.” Joe's smile disappeared and he stared at the ground again, mumbling, “If you could call a guy like me a wolf.”

“No, you're not a wolf. But you could've made up all that stuff you just told me. That way I'd think you were one of the good guys, and you'd be in the perfect position to take advantage of me.”

“I've never taken advantage of a woman in my life.” Spearing his fingers through his hair, he kept his gaze fixed firmly on the dirt, apparently still finding it easier to look at anything besides me. “At least I don't
think
I ever have.”

This was more like the Joe I knew. Never saying much and rarely glancing in my direction. Then, almost as if he'd heard that thought, his eyes slowly sought mine. His smile was wistful rather than wicked or charming. “Let me put it this way, Angela. When it comes to matters of the heart, I've always been the one to get the shaft.”

If he kept on with this morose train of thought, I would have to kiss him just to cheer him up. I tried for a teasing tone. “Uh-huh. Now you're playing on my sympathy.”

“Not really. It's the truth.”

Obviously, he was in no mood to be teased. My choices were either kiss him or get the hell out of there. “I've already got more irons in the fire than I need. I don't think I could manage another one.”

“It wouldn't be like that, Angela,” he promised. “I wouldn't expect anything more than a hug or a kiss once in a while.” He sighed. “It sure would beat the hell out of what I've been getting up to now.”

“But one day you might get greedy, Joe. What would happen then?”

“When have you ever known me to be greedy?”

I was forced to admit I hadn't. Joe wasn't like that. I'd never seen him eat very much or get in anyone else's way. Anytime the men were lined up for anything, he was always somewhere toward the back of the pack and accepted whatever was left without complaint. No, he didn't want much. Not from me, anyway. My chest tightened painfully. He would have me in tears if he kept it up much longer.

In the next instant, Goldie apparently decided to add her two cents' worth to the conversation and gave me a nudge from behind that sent me staggering into Joe's waiting arms. I held onto him for support for a second or two, but Joe didn't act like he wanted to let go—at least, not yet.

After thanking Goldie for her assistance, he proceeded to give me a good, long hug. “You gave me a hug and a kiss a while ago. All I'm asking is that you let me return the favor.”

I hadn't seen this much action with this many different men since, well…ever, and I guess it went to my head.

It was only a kiss—such a simple thing, really. I didn't think it would matter, didn't think anyone would care, and I certainly wouldn't lose my heart, so, in the end, I glanced up at him and nodded.

That was my first mistake.

Joe took a long time to lean down to kiss me, touching my lips tentatively when he finally reached them. No, Joe wasn't greedy, nor was he one to rush things. He took his time, seeming to savor every moment I gave him. His gentle hold slowly became a caress, encompassing every part of my body within his reach. His lips took all that my own had to offer, and I couldn't help responding, moving a shade closer and holding him a teensy bit tighter.

That was my
second
mistake…

Joe might not have been greedy, but he obviously thought I was asking for more. Deepening the kiss, he swept his tongue slowly over my lips before slipping past them. I could've clenched my teeth to keep him out, but, quite honestly, it never occurred to me to do that. Maybe I wanted it as much as he did, or was at least curious, but either way, before long, the kiss wasn't friendly and comforting anymore. It was intensely sexual, bordering on erotic. The rest of my body responded with enthusiasm, making me wonder what sort of effect this kiss had on him.

Unfortunately, acting on that curiosity was mistake number
three…

Pressing against him in an effort to discover whether he was as hard as I was wet, I must have ground my hips just enough to encourage him to explore places I should've insisted he leave alone.

I say
should
have, because I didn't.

Those parts were reminding me that some of them had a will of their own—as well as the power to make me follow their lead if I didn't keep a close watch on them. My right hand was the first to assert itself, sliding down from the unexceptionable location of the middle of his back—first to his hip and then on around to cup his left cheek—and not the one on his face, either.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Dammit.

Of all the people in the world who might have followed us to the stable, it had to have been Troy…

I pulled away from Joe just in time to catch Troy's expression of hurt and outrage before he turned and stomped back toward the open doorway.

“Wait, Troy!” I ran after him. “Wait!”

“What for?” he shouted over his shoulder. “What am I supposed to do? Stand around and watch while you fuck him?”

I caught up with Troy right outside the barn. “I wasn't going to do that. I—It's hard to explain. Troy, please don't be angry, it's just that, um…you kinda had to be there. I'm sorry.”

“I keep forgetting I don't really know you at all.” His voice was clipped, angry. “This could be normal for you, and how the hell would I know? Rufus may have been right. Maybe he felt he had to keep the cowboys away from you so you wouldn't be tempted since apparently it doesn't take a helluva lot to do it. I guess I should have realized that from the start. You're a little too easy for me, Angie. Maybe I should move on.”

Now,
I
was pissed. “I haven't heard you complaining about me being too easy up to now. As I recall, it was you who asked me if I wanted a—how was it you put that? A slightly used boy toy?”

“Yeah, well, you took advantage of me,” he retorted. “I was thirsty and hungry and exhausted and had just gotten dumped on the highway by my girlfriend. Then you came along and gave me everything I needed in the space of an hour.”

“And why do you think that was?” My tone was softer now. He'd been hurt every bit as badly as I had been, and his wounds were still raw. I needed to remember that. “Because I was used to doing it? No, Troy, it was because it
was
unusual. I was so lonely. Trust me, I needed you just as much as you needed me.”

“You didn't need me,” he insisted. “You've got Joe and Dusty. You don't need
me
at all.”

“Yes I do. Joe just—”

“—happened to come in and tell me some trumped-up story about Calvin wanting to talk to me so he could get you alone. And now I find you out here kissing him.”

Obviously, I was going to have to tell him everything. “Troy, take it easy and let me explain. Joe wanted to talk to me about something Rufus said. I brought him out here so we wouldn't be overheard. I'm not in love with Joe, but he's every bit as lonely and miserable as the rest of us. I was only trying to—”

“Cheer me up,” Joe spoke up from behind me. “It wasn't what it looked like, Troy.” Joe's sidelong glance assured me he understood my motives completely. “I had an idea there was something going on between the two of you. I guess I was right about that.”

“If you thought that, then why did you kiss her?” Troy demanded.

Joe scuffed the toe of his boot in the gravel, staring down at the ground again. “You know how it is when a woman you care about says something nice to you,” he mumbled. “It gave me…ideas.”

“Oh yeah?” Troy's voice had lost some of its heat. He seemed slightly mollified by our explanation, although not entirely. “Would you mind telling me whose idea it was for Angie to put her hand on your ass?”

“Mine,” I conceded, waving my errant fingers at him. “All mine. You know how I am about that. My right hand is the one to blame. It has a mind of its own sometimes.”

My confession drew a glimmer of a smile. “Yeah, I know about that.” He glanced at Joe. “Angie likes ass.”

“No kidding?” If the light had been better, I'd have said Joe's eyes were twinkling.

Troy nodded. “You should have seen what she did to me last—”

“Hold on there, Troy,” I cautioned. “Let's not be telling him everything. He might go running to Dad or Rufus, and then I'd be in even more hot water.”

“Aw, I wouldn't do that,” Joe insisted. “But I wouldn't mind hearing more about what you did to him. My own fantasies are getting kinda worn.”

“Use your imagination, Joe,” I suggested.

“Your
wildest
imagination,” Troy amended. “That way you might be able to think of something half as good as the reality.”

“Oh, don't tell me that,” Joe groaned. “I feel deprived enough as it is.”

“Okay. That settles it,” I said. “We are
all
going out on Saturday night, and we're going to find you a girlfriend. I'll pimp for you if I must, but one way or the other, I'm getting you laid.”

“Promises, promises,” Joe mocked. “Bull's always saying shit like that, but it never happens.”

I shot him a scowl. “Oh, come on, Joe! You wouldn't want the kind of woman Bull hangs around with, would you? I'm gonna find you a nice girl who'll love you to pieces. I already know a few things I can pass on as incentive.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know…great kisser, nice ass, hung to your—”

Joe silenced me with a hand over my mouth. “Hush, now. You couldn't possibly know any more than that. Troy's ready to mop up the floor with me as it is.”

“She's right, though,” Troy admitted, albeit with obvious reluctance. “I've seen you coming out of the shower, Joe. You're hung like a stud horse.”

I gazed up at Joe with newfound respect. “Damn. I
knew
I should've installed a peephole in the bunkhouse. Just think what I've been missing.”

Not surprisingly, Joe seemed rather pleased, smiling sheepishly as he shuffled his feet. “I dunno about that, but I can tell you this much, Angela. If you had a peephole, and we knew you were watching, there wouldn't have been a soft dick in the place. We wouldn't have told on you, either.”

Honest to God, I hadn't had this much fun in years. “Aw, you mean your dick would get hard just because I looked at it? I never knew I had such an effect on you guys. Let me see.” I reached for his zipper.

“None of that, now.” Grabbing me from behind, Troy pulled me out of range. “I think we've created a monster, Joe. What do you think we should do with her?”

“I know what I'd
like
to do with her,” Joe said, chuckling. “But I don't think you'd approve.”

“Ooh,” I said with fiendish glee. “Cluster fuck me in the bunkhouse?”

“Cluster fuck?” Joe's eyes were as big and round as a pair of teacups. “Where on earth did you ever hear
that
?”

“My husband,” I replied. “You guys never knew about Cody and me, did you? On a typical day, we did the deed at least twice—and more often than that if we had the chance. I never bothered to check you guys out—never really
needed
to—partly because I didn't have the time. Cody kept me pretty busy.”

Joe let out a low whistle. “I had no idea. I always knew you and Cody seemed happy, but I never knew you were
that
happy.”

“Well, now you know,” I said. “Is it any wonder I've been such a wreck since he died? I miss him every day, and not only because of the sex.” My throat constricted on a sob. “I loved him, Joe. I loved
being
in love with him, and I loved
making
love with him.” I paused briefly to wipe my eyes before tears ran down my cheeks. “Imagine what it was like for me to have that and then suddenly be plunged into the sterile existence I've had to endure ever since. No one looks at me, or touches me, or in your case, hardly ever even speaks to me.”

“I'm surprised you didn't throw a rope on Dusty and tie him to his bunk and have your way with him,” Joe agreed. “Hell, I'm surprised you didn't get desperate enough to do it to me.”

“Now, Joe,” I chided. “You're not to say things like that about yourself anymore. I won't allow it. A woman wouldn't have to be desperate to want you. She'd just have to be—”

“Blind?”

“I wasn't going to say that,” I insisted. “I was going to say… I don't know what, exactly, but it wouldn't take desperation. She'd have to get to know you well enough to appreciate your, um, hidden attributes.”

“Meaning you'd have to show her your dick,” Troy said, as though any clarifications were needed. “Trust me, Angie, if you'd ever seen it, you would
never
have picked me up, that's for sure.”

“That good, huh?”

“I'm not overly fond of them myself,” Troy said candidly. “But I know a first-class dick when I see it, and he's got one.”

“What about Dusty's?” I was fascinated by the peculiar nature of this conversation, discovering things I never dreamed I'd ever have the chance to learn. “Is it as big as yours?”

“Never seen it when it was hard,” Troy replied. “But Joe there, he's hard most of the time.”

I gazed at Joe with increased admiration, but I was also a tad concerned. “How do you ever manage to ride a horse? That has to be uncomfortable.”

Joe rolled his eyes. “Aw, he's making that up. It's not hard
all
the time, and to the best of my recollection, he's only seen it once.”

“So, Joe, have
you
ever seen Dusty's tool?” Knowing I might never have this opportunity again, I intended to pump them both for all the information I could get.

Bowing his head, Joe scratched the back of his neck as though trying to remember. “Can't say I ever have,” he finally said. “He doesn't sleep naked, so I've never seen it when he gets up in the morning, for example. Now, Bull, on the other hand… I've seen his plenty of times.”

“And?”

Joe's grin was wider than ever. “Mine's bigger.”

I giggled. “I was hoping you'd say that. Now, let me get this straight. Bull's is smaller than yours, yours is bigger than Troy's, and we don't have any idea about Dusty. Is that right?”

“Hold on there now,” Troy said. “You're making it sound like Bull and I are the same size.”

“Well, aren't you?”

Troy shook his head. “I'm pretty sure I've got him beat too.”

“Great,” I said. “Now, we just have to find out about Dusty.”

“Find out what about me?” Dusty hobbled down the bunkhouse steps. “What are you guys talking about out here in the dark anyway?”

I considered it fortunate he hadn't heard any more than he had, because if
he
could hear our discussion, Rufus might have overheard us too.

“Come over here for a minute, Dusty,” I called. “There's something I want to ask you.”

Joe let out a loud guffaw. “Be careful now, Dusty,” he said between chuckles. “You might not like the question.”

I'd never seen Joe laugh like that before, and I was very happy to have witnessed it at last. Sex wasn't the only thing I'd missed since Cody's death.

Fun.

Laughter.

Joy.

My life had been devoid of those things in recent years. At the time, I didn't even have my sons to joke around with. Only the occasional phone call since they'd gone back to college. I was so happy to finally have some fun with my cowboys; I never wanted it to end.

“Go on now,” Troy urged. “Ask him. I want to see his face.”

Neither Troy nor Joe knew anything about the kiss I'd shared with Dusty in the bunkhouse. Nor did they know that if things had gone a bit differently, I might have already known the answer to that question. The trouble was, Dusty hadn't been in on the discussion the way the rest of us had, and he'd probably think we were nuts. I didn't quite know how to phrase it.

“What's up?” Dusty asked, eyeing me expectantly.

“I'm conducting a survey,” I began, trying to ignore the chuckles from Joe and Troy at Dusty's choice of words. “We're comparing, um, equipment size.”

“Aw, now, don't be namby-pamby about it, Angie,” Troy said. “Ask him to show you his dick.”

Dusty gulped as though he'd swallowed his own tongue. For a second there, I thought I might have to Heimlich him to get him to start breathing again.

“Be quiet, Troy,” I admonished. “No one else had to show me theirs. I'm conducting a survey, not making an actual comparison.”

“It'd be more fun if you did,” Joe said under his breath. “A
lot
more fun.”

“True,” I agreed. “But I think I'll stick to the original plan. Now, Dusty, comparatively speaking, where does yours fit in the bunkhouse lineup? You know, bigger than this one, smaller than that one—that sort of thing.”

He gaped at me for a long moment before he spoke. “I don't know that I've seen all of them.”

“That's okay,” I said, doing my damnedest to keep a straight face. “Just tell me how you'd fit in with the ones you've seen. I think between the three of you, you've probably seen them all.”

He shook his head, smiling. “I can't believe this is what y'all were out here talking about. I guess that's what I get for butting in on a private conversation.”

“Actually, you came at about the right time,” I said. “Go ahead and tell me, then we can talk about something else.”

Dusty took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Bigger than Bull. Not as big as Joe. Never seen Calvin, Rufus, or Troy.”

“Well, isn't that nice?” I said, not bothering to hide my delight. “Everyone is bigger than Bull. I always knew there was a reason I didn't like him.”

“I always figured it was because he was an asshole,” Dusty remarked.

“Yes, but there had to be something else to clinch the matter. I believe this is it. Maybe we should call him Pencil Prick instead of Bull.”

“There's still the question of which of the two of us is bigger,” Troy said, indicating himself and Dusty.

“You two might want to sort that out for yourselves and get back to me later,” I said. “Unless, of course, you want me to, um, judge the contest.”

Troy and Dusty exchanged a glance.

“Sure, why not?” Troy said with a shrug.

“Holy shit,” Joe exclaimed. “I can't believe you'd agree to that. 'Specially after you got all pissed when you saw me kissing her.”