Cowboy Heaven (24 page)

“They already do,” he said. “But they thought it was so goddamned funny, they didn't have the heart to lock me up—said I'd already gotten what I deserved. You know, I think the cops around here must be in cahoots with the damned hookers. I mean, why else would they side with her instead of me? They ought to be lookin' to arrest her butt for prostitution and for stealing my clothes instead of lockin' my ass up, doncha think?”

Honest to God, the more he talked, the deeper he dug the hole. “Okay, Bull. Let me speak with one of the officers.”

The phone popped and crackled in my ear as he apparently set it down. “Hey,” he shouted. “Could one of you guys come talk to my boss?” I heard a chair screeching on the floor as though someone had jumped to their feet rather abruptly, followed by brisk footsteps. “Now, you watch your mouth,” Bull said in a loud whisper. “This ain't no piece of ass. This is a lady.”

I had to press my hand to my mouth to keep from laughing as the officer took the phone.

“Yes, ma'am?” he said with barely concealed amusement.

After counting to three to regain my composure, I said, “I don't suppose you'd consider giving him something to wear and keeping him overnight, would you?”

“Are you kidding? If we could've stood listening to him, we'd have arrested him. If it's all the same to you, we'd like to get him out of here.”

“Actually, I have someone else here who needs arresting. Our foreman just tried to kill one of my ranch hands…and me. He's also admitted to killing my husband two years ago.”

That certainly got his attention. “We'll be there as soon as we can. And we'll bring that other one with us.”

I could almost hear his unspoken question as to why it was that, having had a perfectly good murderer around to dispatch him, Bull had somehow managed to stay alive. Until that moment, I would have been hard-pressed to come up with a reply, but I knew the answer now. As far as Rufus was concerned, Bull was the model cowboy. I didn't particularly care for him in general—and certainly not in the romantic sense—and despite his language, he had always shown me the respect due to a lady, albeit in his own inimitable way. Rufus had never had anything to fear for me where Bull was concerned.

I thanked the officer and hung up the phone, turning to survey the room. “Seeing as how everyone else is here, we should probably have a meeting or something. Where's Calvin?”

“Oh, you know Calvin,” Joe said. “He's probably still in his bed, snoring to beat the band. It'd take more than a pistol shot a hundred yards away to wake him up.”

I gave an involuntary shudder. “I'm so glad you guys were home when Bull called. Otherwise, things might have turned out a lot differently.”

“I was doing all right without them,” Dusty insisted as he hobbled over to sit on the side of the bed. “I could've taken him.”

“Sure you could,” Troy said with a smirk. “Right after Angie sat on him long enough for you to get up. That was one helluva crash when you hit the floor. I guess it's a good thing your dick was soft or you'd have broken it when you landed.”

“I did bruise my nuts,” Dusty admitted, rubbing his groin. “Otherwise, I probably could've gotten up quicker.”

“You hurt your cute little balls?” I exclaimed, horrified at the possibility. “Let me see.” It was as good an excuse as any to get my hands on him again. Not that I truly needed an excuse.

“I'm going back to bed,” Dad announced. “This is too much excitement for an old man. Let me know how things turn out.”

Apparently if I was planning to marry Dusty, Dad considered it okay for me to check out Dusty's groin injury, although he obviously had no intention of standing around to watch while I did it. Joe and Troy, however, had no such qualms and stood by, snickering.

“Why don't you ask her to kiss it and make it better?” Troy suggested as I took Dusty's scrotum in my hand to inspect it for damage. Just what I would have done if I'd actually found any bruises I had no idea, but for some reason it seemed important for me to give him my immediate attention. Actually, Troy's suggestion wasn't half bad. I didn't think Dusty would like it very much if I were to put ice on it, for example.

“Why don't you go fuck yourself?” Dusty shot back. “She's doing a fine job without any help from the likes of you.”

“Ooh, he's a bit testy, isn't he?” Troy commented—he could certainly be a sarcastic little shit when the spirit moved him, but that was part of his charm. “I guess that's the thanks I get for saving his ass. Must not have gotten laid before Rufus came barging in, huh?”

“Just goes to show what
you
know,” Dusty said with a smug grin.

“Oh, I get it,” Troy said with a knowing nod. “It's because she hasn't sucked your balls yet, and now they're too sore. Too bad, Dusty. You know, you haven't lived until Angie's sucked your balls.”

“You must not have gotten laid tonight, either, or you wouldn't be in such a pissant mood now, would you?” Dusty retorted.

“Well, it's for sure nobody sucked my balls,” Troy admitted. “And I—”

“Speaking of sucking,” I interjected, glancing over my shoulder. “Joe, would you care to tell us what happened to your neck?”

Blushing a fiery shade of red, Joe stared at the floor, his fingers unerringly touching the spot in question. “Jenny wanted to pretty me up some. Said this was more…decorative.”

“You must not have shown her your dick then,” Troy said with a knowing grin. “She wouldn't have said you needed decorating if she'd seen that.”

I had an idea she would've tied ribbons around his dick—once she recovered from the shock. I hadn't completely recovered myself. That first glimpse nearly had my eyes popping out of their sockets. I couldn't help wondering how long it would take Jenny to get used to it.

Maybe
never.

“No, I didn't show her my dick,” Joe growled. “I just met her. You don't do something like that the first time you meet a woman.”

This time I had no hope of controlling my giggles. “Troy does. I saw his before we even got out of the truck.” I'd jacked it off too. Truth be told, I'd never seen an ejaculation with that much force behind it before. Apparently his sperm cells were as spunky as the rest of him.

Joe stared at Troy in patent disbelief. “Do you mean to tell me that as good-looking as you are, you
still
have to resort to whipping out your dick to impress a woman?”

Troy shrugged. “Hey, you use whatever works for you.”

It had certainly worked in my case—although to be honest, I'd been more taken with his ass.

The implications were obviously beginning to sink into Joe's befuddled mind. “Damn… With my dick I could've had—”

“—all the pussy you could possibly want,” Troy finished for him. “I can hear them now: ‘Oh, Joe,'” he said, pitching his voice to a girlish falsetto. “‘My pussy is so hot and empty. I need your big dick to fill it up and stretch it 'til I scream.'” He paused, grinning. “Or something to that effect.”

Troy was certainly on a roll. All the excitement must've had his testosterone and adrenaline levels soaring—either that or he was still a little drunk. I was okay with that, though. Given the serious nature of the evening's events, we all needed a bit of comic relief.

“Well, shit,” Joe swore. “Who knew?”

I cleared my throat. “That might not work with every woman, Joe. It might get you arrested.”

“You should ask them first,” Dusty suggested. “That is, if you could ever get the nerve to actually say something like that.”

I couldn't see it happening myself. Joe wasn't the type to toot his own horn, much less brag about his dick.

“You could make it a regular part of introducing yourself,” Troy said. “Hey, baby. I'm Joe Knight.” With a suggestive flick of his brow, he sidled up to Joe, sounding like some god-awful prick of a lounge lizard. “Wanna see my sword? It's really huge.”

Joe gave Troy a shove and he staggered sideways, laughing his head off and nearly crashing into my dresser.

We probably could've carried on like that all night, but Rufus was beginning to stir. The thought of him getting his gun back and going on another shooting spree didn't appeal to me at all.

“Hey, guys,” I said. “Think you could tie him up with something and make sure that pistol isn't where he can reach it?”

“Sure you don't want to kick the living shit out of him before the cops get here?” After all the banter, Troy's expression was far more serious than I would've expected.

I stared at Rufus, lying there in the hallway. “I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind, but I think I'll pass. He's been in hell for years. Nothing I could do to him could possibly make him feel any worse.”

“Might make
you
feel better, though,” Dusty said.

“I don't think so,” I replied, turning to gaze lovingly at him as he sat there beside me, unabashedly nude with my hand still caressing his sore crotch. “Besides, that's your job now.”

Dusty sat up straighter, his brow rising in surprise. “Full time? You mean that's all I have to do? Not rope calves anymore? Not mend fences?”

“Trust me, it doesn't work that way,” Troy told him sadly. “She'll still make you work.”

I aimed a withering glance at Troy. “It's different when you marry the boss and own the ranch.” I turned back to find Dusty smiling at me, which wasn't surprising since I had moved on from his balls to caress his stiffening rod.

“C'mon, Joe,” Troy said with a scowl. “Let's get Rufus tied up and get out of here. If I have to stand around watching her playing with Dusty's dick much longer, I'm gonna have to go fuck something.” He sounded downright jealous, which was something I hadn't had to deal with in my entire life. I had no idea how to handle it—except with that cluster fuck thing.

Fortunately, Joe had a suggestion. “What about Rachel? You probably could've gone home with her, you know. You're so damned cute you can get away with anything.”

Joe's problem-solving skills were beginning to impress me. I thought perhaps he might make a good foreman.

Troy gave his chin a thoughtful rub. “Yeah. I could've fucked her. I mean, I liked her. Caroline was prettier, but Rachel was very nice—good dancer too. Hmm…” The wheels were turning visibly in his head. I couldn't recall having ever seen him think that hard before. But then I hadn't known him for very long.

Joe chuckled. “I'd be willing to bet she's never had anyone like you in her life.”

I certainly never had, so it was a safe bet Rachel hadn't, either. Troy was unique—both in looks and in temperament.

“I can't remember her ever having a boyfriend,” I said. “You might actually be the first. She's a veterinarian, so she could probably afford to keep you. Play your cards right and you could be a real boy toy if you wanted. She even has a swimming pool. You could lie around the pool during the day and fuck her brains out at night.”

Troy's expression brightened considerably. “I'll have to think about that.”

With incentives like that, Troy might not even stick around until Dusty could ride again. What with Rufus going to jail—or a mental hospital, which was more likely—pretty soon I wouldn't have any cowboys at all, especially if Joe got together with Jenny.

I'd be left with Bull and Calvin.

Shit.

Joe and Troy managed to get Rufus tied up without too much trouble, and I helped Dusty get dressed before the police got there. Fortunately, we were spared a visit with Bull. The police dropped him off at the bunkhouse before coming to get Rufus.

Rufus.

In his own crazed mind he'd been protecting me for years—whether I'd needed his protection or not. I'd missed out on so much because of him, and my husband had lost his life. I couldn't help wondering what my life—and Cody's—would've been like without so much interference. Cody had been a wonderful husband, but I'd never had the chance to have fun with all the cowboys we'd employed. We could have had barbecues and barn dances. Midnight rides on the range. Closeness and camaraderie, if not actual sexual contact. Simple hugs or a pat on the back would have been preferable to never being touched at all.

I'd loved most of the men who'd ever worked for us—each in his own special way and some more than others—but I'd cared about them nonetheless. Loved their goofy looks, their stubbornness, and their vulnerability. I didn't so much regret the lack of romance as I did missing out on their friendship. Perhaps that's why I had loved Cody so completely. From my perspective, he was the only man on God's green earth who found me attractive and lovable and worthy of his friendship. We truly had been best friends as well as lovers—laughing at life's humorous moments as well as heating each other's blood with a carefully aimed glance.

The similarity between Cody and Troy was simple yet so subtle I hadn't put it together before. Both had come from outside Rufus's range of influence and were therefore unaffected by his strictures. After Cody's death, I'd been so stifled by those rules it was no wonder I'd gone overboard with Troy. Given the way I felt—as evidenced by the fantasy that had carried me away so completely—it was a wonder I'd kept my hands off him for even as long as I did. Believing that men found me unattractive in general might have had something to do with that, but apparently I'd been wrong about how they felt.

So
completely
and
utterly
wrong…

Rufus came to after they'd tied him up and the look in his eyes when he saw me nearly tore my heart out. I'd never seen such an expression of pain and anguish. No doubt he was convinced I'd betrayed him. After he'd “protected” me for so long, I thanked him by sending him to jail. He never said a word to me or to anyone else, but went quietly, barely heeding the officer who read him his rights.

Perhaps he was simply exercising his right to remain silent, but I'd expected ravings or recriminations—protests of his innocence at the very least. The complete and utter silence was even harder to bear. No, I wouldn't have taken my revenge on him for what he'd done or what he'd tried to do, even though he'd killed my husband. Rufus must've believed Cody deserved to die for hurting me. In actuality, Cody's only fault had been that at least one time—although I couldn't figure out precisely when—he'd made me scream in ecstasy loud enough for Rufus to hear it. I couldn't help wondering how short Cody's life would have been if we'd been less discreet.

I'd learned to climax quietly when our children were small and easily disturbed, but as they grew older and spent less time at home, I must've gotten more vocal. I'd begun to express my feelings more than I ever had before—especially since Dad had gotten so hard of hearing we could have been pounding the walls in the next room and he wouldn't have heard us.

If I'd kept quiet, Rufus would never have heard me and would've had no reason to suspect Cody of harming me. My climactic cries must've sent him right over the edge. What Dusty had done was far less provoking, but perhaps Rufus's mental condition had deteriorated to the point that it took less and less to set him off. He'd been content to arrange for Dusty's death to appear to be accidental rather than a cold-blooded murder, but the realization that Dusty was with me in my bed had apparently been enough for him to snap again. I had no way of knowing why Rufus's deranged mind had connected me with his sister, although he
had
mentioned her braids and her giggles during his rant. When I'd been able to believe Cody's death had been an accident, there was nothing to blame it on except perhaps bad footing for his horse or whatever might have spooked it. I wondered how Rufus had killed him. He'd never said. Cody had apparently fallen from his horse and smashed his head on a rock. I could accept that. No life is charmed, no one is immune from accidents, but knowing that a loved one was murdered changes a person.

* * *

A few weeks went by. Dusty had his cast removed and was pronounced fit to return to work by his doctor. We were still short a man, so there was no reason for Troy to leave unless he wanted to. The job was his for as long as he wanted it. I thought perhaps he would leave, but he chose not to, although his reasons weren't quite what I expected.

“I have nowhere else to go,” he said quietly. “And you need me, so I'll stay for now. I might move on after I get a little money saved up, but not yet.”

I did need him, but I wondered if he didn't need us even more. Apparently he hadn't considered becoming Rachel's boy toy to be a viable option, although I was fairly certain he'd never brought up the idea whenever she was around.

I spent more time with the men—going out occasionally, talking with them, and getting to know them better than I ever had before. I learned that Calvin's family had all been killed in an accident, and that he'd never let himself get close to anyone again because he couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else. I could relate to that, and we had a number of long talks about it. Discussing it sooner would've helped us both, but better late than never.

I even got to where I could tolerate Bull. Beneath his bluff bravado and foul speech were enough insecurities to astonish anyone. Without Rufus there to tell him what a good job he did, he seemed to wither a bit, and he was quieter, just as I was. That experience had changed us all.

I promoted Joe to foreman, and I believed it was a good choice. He started dating Jenny in earnest not long after that, and I had high hopes for their future happiness.

Chris and David came home from college over the Thanksgiving holiday, and though I'd told them about all that had happened, there were details they wanted to know, so I had to relive the whole thing, rattlesnake and all.

Chris looked at me with Cody's eyes and said, “Mom, it's not your fault. You didn't make Rufus insane. Someone else did that long before you ever met him.”

The insightful little rascal hadn't even heard me say I had placed a portion of the blame upon myself, but somehow he knew. Cody might be gone, but he'd given me a couple of great kids.

After that, I threw myself into the preparations for a truly memorable Christmas, decorating the house, the barn, the bunkhouse, and anything else I could find. I even went out to the highway and tied a big red bow around that cottonwood tree. The men were busy getting the cattle settled in for the winter, so I spent a lot of time by myself, even getting all of my stained-glass orders done in time for Christmas.

We all got together at the house for a Christmas Eve party, planning to have Christmas dinner in the mess hall the next day so there would be enough room for all of us to sit down without being crowded. Calvin was so excited about having a real Christmas with the family he got downright tearful. Joe hung mistletoe all over the place and kissed me every chance he got.

“Jenny will get jealous,” I warned.

“Don't worry,” he said. “She gets plenty of my kisses. She can spare a few for you.”

Perhaps he'd been saving them up the way Dusty had.

The mistletoe had an added effect, one I never would have expected, which was a rather chaste kiss from Bull. After a while, the men began to talk more among themselves and the boys were off in their rooms playing video games. Feeling the need to commune with our typically white Christmas, I went out on the porch alone.

The air was breathtakingly cold with a sky so clear the moon and stars seemed even brighter than usual, and moonlight sparkled on the surface of the snow like a million tiny stars. I stood there, shivering, looking up at the sky and thinking how small and insignificant all of our troubles truly were. In the greater scheme of things, they meant nothing at all. The universe would go on, the stars would still shine whether we were there to see them or not—whether we were happy or not, whether we loved or hated or were callously indifferent to one another. The stars couldn't make a difference in our lives. It was up to us to determine how we would live and whether we made the effort to find happiness.

I'd been out there for several minutes when Dusty joined me, his cup of spiced cider steaming in the cold night air. “Hey, Angel. Are you frozen yet?”

“Almost.” I let it go with that, not being able to think of anything else to say. Not that I minded. On a night like that, voices seem to intrude on the stillness, the peace somehow disturbed by them.

“You seem awfully quiet tonight,” he remarked, echoing my thoughts. “Something bothering you?”

“Maybe,” I replied. “It's hard to say exactly.”

He set his cup on the porch rail. “Want to talk about it?”

“I would if I understood it myself—well, maybe I do, but it's still hard to explain.”

“Try me.” He stood behind me, holding me close in his embrace. “I'm a pretty good listener. I'd have to be to put up with Bull.”

I smiled. “I didn't think you ever actually listened to him.”

“I don't always tune him out. After all, we misfits have to stick together.”

“Misfits?” I twisted around to look up at him. “What on earth do you mean by that?”

“It's what most of us are. That's what you get for having a bunkhouse. Most ranches don't have them anymore.” He nuzzled my neck. “Didn't you ever wonder why none of us ever went home for Christmas? Sure, there's always work to do, but it's mainly because we don't have any place else to go.”

I stood there, shivering in the cold, trying to process what he'd said. He was right. Even with the extra time I'd spent with the men, I still didn't know everything about them. Not even Dusty. “No, I didn't. But obviously I should have.”

“I remember when Joe first came here looking for a job. According to him, the prospect of having a place to sleep and food on the table was an amazing improvement over trying to scrape out a living at a lousy job and driving back and forth from a dingy apartment in an old rattletrap of a car. That bunkhouse seemed like a palace to him.

“You've always taken such good care of us, making sure we had anything we needed. Joe still talks about the time you took him to the emergency room and waited while he got that bad cut stitched up. And when I broke my leg—” He paused, squeezing me even tighter than before. “I knew how much you cared. I could see it in your eyes.”

“I would've done a lot more if Rufus hadn't run me off. He never thought I should be out there ‘coddling' you guys.”

“Trust me, we knew how you felt and we appreciated what you did for us. We would've done more to show it, but Rufus's threats kept us quiet. Other than a simple thank you, we weren't going to do or say anything to jeopardize our jobs. We were much too happy here to ever do that. After the thousand things you'd done for us, we couldn't give you anything in return, except loyalty and hard work.”

“You guys certainly did that. After Cody died and Dad began to fail, I was afraid everything was going to fall apart. You men kept it together.” I didn't mention Rufus. He'd done a lot, but this wasn't about him.

“We didn't want this ranch to go down the tubes any more than you did,” he went on. “Joe will tell you he's never had any money in the bank until now. We all do, except maybe Bull. But it wasn't only the money or the roof over our heads we needed. Deep down, we're all here because we're trying to avoid facing up to something.”

I was pretty sure I knew what Dusty's reasons were. I wasn't so sure about the others.

He pressed a kiss to my neck. “I've been hiding from love ever since I discovered I couldn't father a child. Then I came here and fell in love anyway. Joe's been doing his best to avoid women too. Neither one of us felt like we had anything to offer, and of course good ol' Rufus made us believe it even more. That's why we're all here, because we don't have families and don't believe there's a snowball's chance in hell we ever will.”

“I had no idea.” Although I should have, especially after what Troy had told me about Rufus's lectures. He'd said it was enough to make them all want to ship out on a freighter or go live in a whorehouse—either to avoid the idea of love entirely or to find a woman who, for the right price, would pretend to love anyone.

“Calvin's here because he's afraid to lose another family. Bull's here because he's never been able to get a decent woman to give him the time of day and most people don't like him. We're
all
screwed up. Rufus wasn't the only one.”

“But there's nothing wrong with any of you,” I protested. “Maybe Bull has some issues, but I love you all so much. Surely to goodness I'm not the only one who could feel that way.”

“I'll admit to having learned a few things in the past few months. But tell me, Angel. Have
you
learned anything?”

“What do you mean? What should I have learned?”

“Simply that we all love you just the way you are. Even if I wasn't shooting blanks, you wouldn't have to have my children to make me happy. You don't even need to make Christmas dinner. Before you and I got together, all any of us wanted was to hear your laughter and see you smile. And me, well, I love you so much it scares me. I always have.”