Cowboy Save Me: By Judith Lee (Tiller Brothers Book 1) (14 page)

One month later...

“Damn it Cody, you’re smothering me!” she threw her bag on the table.

“You didn’t seem to mind last night?”

Tammy turned around and pounded her finger into his chest, “You...you pig headed man. You know that’s not what I’m talking about.  God Cody you know I can’t resist you and you are an amazing lover and you know it.  You’re impossible.”  She whirled around and ran out the front door, slamming it behind her.

He followed.  He wrenched the door open and ran to catch up to her before she left the porch. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. “Tammy, I couldn’t help it, when I called and they said you walked over to the 4-H meeting alone I just went a little ballistic.  Damn I was just scared; I didn’t mean to yell at you in front of everyone.”

She shook her head.  “I know you’re trying to protect me but I just can’t do it anymore.  You showing up and yelling at me at that meeting in front of all those mothers and their daughters was the final straw.  Cody, we haven’t seen him.  I’m sure he’s gone. I can’t hide out anymore.  I feel like I’m the prisoner.”  She looked into his eyes, pleading.

“I can’t help it.  I just can’t stand the idea of him hurting you again.”

Her anger was evaporating, but if she didn’t take this stand they wouldn’t be able to survive and their relationship was doomed.  She had to do this.

“Cody, I’m moving back to my condo.  I’m not breaking up with you.  I want to be with you, but I want to be able to stand on my own two feet.”

“I can’t believe you want to leave me.  We are good for each other.”

Then why doesn’t he tell me he loves me?  All he wants to do was protect me.
She put her hands over her face.  She could just scream.

“I need to go home,” she said resolutely.  This is a small town and there has already been too much talk about me living with you with your mom living in town.  Don’t you see this is the only solution?”

“Marry me, Tammy.  I would have asked you sooner, but I didn’t think you were ready.”

She just looked at him and shook her head.  He only wanted to marry her so he could protect her.  And he hadn’t totally come to grip with losing his father, or having his mother move in with his grandmother.  Jenny had gotten her condo near the edge of town, and Matt had gone to the university.  Cameron and Dakota popped back in whenever they weren’t on the road.  She suspected he just didn’t want to be alone.

“No, Cody, I can’t marry you right now.  I care about you deeply, but I know deep down you aren’t ready to get married; it’s too soon after your father’s death.” 
And you don’t love me yet.

He drew her into his arms, “Honey, it’s not safe for you to live alone and I can’t lose you, please.  I’ll try not to smother you.  Please Tammy?”  He kissed her.

This man was driving her crazy.  She didn’t want to leave him either but living with the constant pressure of the threat to her life was taking its toll. She was ready to become that sacrificial lamb and try to draw Marcus out so she could make decisions about her life without worrying all the time.

She knew she had fallen in love with Cody.  Maybe she had loved him from the very beginning.  But it wasn’t healthy, the baggage she was bringing to this relationship.  She wanted Cody to love her, and not just the abused fragile woman she used to be.  What was she going to do?

He looked at her, begging with his eyes for her not to leave.  To see this strong man reaching out to her as if his life depended on her surrender was too much.

“Damn you Cody…” she threw her arms around him.  He picked her up and carried her into the house. They made it just inside the door before he slammed her body into the wall.  His mouth ravished her and he began yanking and ripping her clothes off, demanding her to submit to him.

“Tell me you won’t leave me Tammy.  Tell me.”

“Oh Cody, you know I want you.”  His mouth found her nipple and he gently bit her before he took her into his mouth and sucked.  He unzipped his pants and dropped them, raised her legs around his waist before he slammed his cock into her so deep she felt branded.

She whimpered. She hadn’t been quite ready, but the momentary pain was worth it to have Cody deep inside her.  It was the place she felt totally complete.

He paused and looked at her.  “Am I hurting you?  I never want to hurt you.”

Even this holding back was his way of protecting her from the sexual abuse she had experienced with Marcus.  She wanted him with no holds barred.

“Take me hard, and don’t you dare hold back.  What we have is mutual and nothing like what Marcus and I did.  Don’t you damn hold back or I am leaving.  I want you, Cody, the strong man, the man I can’t live without.”

He responded by smashing his mouth into her, grinding his teeth into her and pumping so hard the wall shook.  His hands were holding her butt and forcing her deeper in with every thrust. He was pumping into her relentlessly as if his very existence depended on how deep he could take her.

She hit the burning point; her body tightened, tensed and her vagina started convulsing.  She screamed so loud it rattled the dishes.  His climax followed her.  Exploding semen filled her body and mingled with her cream.

They were both drenched, with rivulets of salty sweat rolling off their foreheads into their eyes.  Their lips sought each other as an aftershock rocked through their bodies.

“I want you to marry me Tammy, right now.  We’ll fly to Vegas...”

She slowly lowered her legs to the ground and looked up at him.  “This is not the time. I will not bring baggage into our marriage.  When Marcus is caught, maybe then, and you’ll have ask my father’s permission, give me roses, and do the whole get down on knee thing and ask me to marry you.  I won’t marry you out of desperation or need,” she looked down at the floor.

“Kind of messed that one up, didn’t I?  It’s just that I want you so bad Tammy.”

“But why do you want me Cody.  I practically forced myself on you and your family when I was threatened by Marcus. And yes it turned out nice, very nice, but we didn’t even have time to get to know each other like normal couples do.  We went from zero to sixty in about a day, and we haven’t looked back.”

“I like to speed with you by my side.  Being normal isn’t a requirement in my feelings for you.”  He took her hand and guided her toward the bathroom.  “Let’s take a shower and I’ll take you to dinner.  We’ll be like normal couples if that’s what you want.”

She laughed, “I think you got that backwards, first dinner, then bed and then a shower.”

He playfully swatted her on the butt. “Come on woman, don’t argue with me.”

“Yes, master.”  He growled and lifted her in his arms and marched them off to the shower.

On the way to the restaurant he mulled over what she had said to him.  He wished he could tell her that he loved her.  He remembered how Marcus had done a full out onslaught with her and told her he loved her and pressured her into getting married when she wasn’t ready.  He hadn’t meant to propose to Tammy tonight.  But the thought of her leaving scared him shitless. She deserved more romance and time to get to know him.  By telling her too soon that he loved her, he was convinced it would only make her pull away.  He needed to prove to her without words, how much he loved and cherished her. 

Protecting her was how he was raised.  Men took care of their woman.  It didn’t mean he didn’t want her to be a strong woman, independent in her self-confidence, which she was.  He didn’t want to boss her around, and he knew he would have to work on that.  But damn it he wasn’t going to let her put herself out there so Marcus could jump in and try to kill her again.  That scared him more than anything, the thought of her dying.

At the restaurant, they sat in the corner.  They quickly ordered beer and two steaks cooked medium, baked potatoes, and corn.  They enjoyed easy banter throughout their dinner.

Toward the end of the evening, he finally said to her, “Tammy, it didn’t get past me that you didn’t say you wouldn’t leave me.  I know you care for me.”

“Oh Cody, I told you I will stay as long as I don’t put anyone in your family in danger.  We’ve had this discussion.  I know you and your brothers are strong enough to protect me, I get that, but if he comes back and threatens Jenny, or starts destroying your property, I won’t stay.  Period.”

“Now Tammy, that’s asinine.  We can protect Jenny, too, and if he gets stupid enough to try to destroy our property, we’ll catch him, and we can rebuild anything.”

She laid her napkin on the table and sighed.

“I still don’t want to be a prisoner any more. I have lived that life where I was put in a cage, and I mean literally put in a cage with Marcus.  I want to be able to drive my own car to work, go shopping by myself, or go help your grandmother make her memory quilt which I promised her I would help her do.  I’ve never had a girl’s night out, not even in college, and now suddenly I want to go out with Jenny and tie one on just to prove I can do it.”

He sat back in his chair and thought about the complexity of this woman that he loved and he knew it must feel so restricting to have to go everywhere with him, his brothers or his ranch hands.  He grabbed his beer and tried to come up with a solution.

“We’ll pick up your car tonight from your condo.  Is your gun still there in the safe?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“Tomorrow you and I are going to do some target practice.  Then I’m going to find out if we have any self-defense classes in town so you can continue your training you started at Laramie.  I’m going to get your car serviced to make sure you won’t have any mechanical problems.  Hell I should probably just get you a new truck with a big gas tank so I don’t have to worry about you running out of gas.”

She rolled her eyes at him. 

He continued, “Okay, we’ll talk about the new truck later.”

He knew he was bossing her around and she would probably be pissed, but this was how it was going to be if he was going to let her start driving by herself to work and shopping and where ever else she wanted to go.

“Tammy, when I start letting you drive everywhere…” she started to protest his words about him “letting her” drive but he stopped her by putting his fingers over her lips, “just hear me out.  I know it sounds chauvinistic but this whole letting you out of my sight when I know he’s out there is killing me, darlin’.”

“Oh Cody, I’m not an idiot.  I’m not going to drive into a dark alley and wait for him or do anything stupid like that.  I will take every precaution.  I’ll call you if I feel in danger, even if something doesn’t feel right, and if I can’t reach you I have the sheriff’s number on my cell. I just want a normal life.  I’m not trying to get myself killed or beaten again.  Been there, done that.  Not fun.”

He smiled at her, and caressed the side of her face.

“Speaking of cell phones, you have to promise me you’ll keep it fully charged.  I think I’ll get a backup phone with a phone charger for your car in case you forget your phone.  You must promise to keep a full tank of gas.  When you drive home to the ranch, you’ll slow down for those bumps we’ve been trying to get filled on the dirt road.”

“Okay, I get it Cody.  I do love that you’re so concerned for me.  I even like that you’re so protective of me.  I just need to be able to breathe.”

He kissed her quickly.

“And you have to text me or call me every two hours…”

She smiled up at him.  “Would it just be easier if you gave me a list and I can check off the list every day?”

He wrapped his arms around her as they rose to leave the restaurant.  “Excellent idea.  I’ll do that as soon as we get home.”

She smacked him in the arm.

“Let’s go get your car and your gun.  Do you have a holster?”

“You think I really need to wear it at all times when I’m gone?”

The look he gave her conveyed a resounding yes.

At the condo he asked for her keys and the code number for the safe and told her to lock the door to the truck, he was going to check inside the condo first. She did as he requested, except she rolled down the window and asked him to bring her sewing machine with him.

He opened the door, turned on the lights and started checking room by room.  The kitchen looked like someone had been eating there.  Had she left it like that?  He couldn’t remember; things were too blurred after his father’s death and when they went to the condo to get her clothes and things she would need.

He went into the bedroom and immediately noticed that the bed was unmade.  He remembered that they had made love on that bed and he clearly remembered her making the bed before they had left. He went into the bathroom and discovered a broken window.  His hand slipped into his pocket and he flipped out his phone and dialed the Sheriff.

***

Tammy was surprised to see several law enforcement cars pull up while Cody was still in the condo.  Maybe someone had reported seeing a man enter her condo and had called it in.  She opened the door to tell Sheriff Roberts that it was okay, that it was only Cody. 

He stopped her from getting out and asked her to remain in the truck and to keep the door locked.  He told one of his deputies to remain by the truck.  Now she was really frightened.  Was Cody hurt or was Marcus in there?  The officer wouldn’t let her out of the car so she picked up her phone and dialed Cody.

“Darlin’ I’m okay,” he answered. “Seems as if someone has been living in your condo, and I wanted the sheriff to come check everything out before I let you come in.”

She panicked, “He’s not in there now is he?”

He walked out the condo door and went to the truck.  She closed her phone and unlocked the door, and she jumped into his arms.  She realized she was acting like a scared victim again, and Cody would probably say ‘I told you so’ but she just couldn’t help it, she was shaking.

“He’s not there now.  At least we know where he has been holed up.  We should have been checking inside your condo every day.  Just try to relax, darlin’.  When the sheriff and the police get through dusting for prints and he comes back out we’ll go get your gun, your sewing machine and everything else you want.”

“Call Jenny and make sure she is okay.  Maybe he’ll go there next, or to your grandmas.”  She was turning white, and shaking.  She felt light headed.  How could she let him get to her like this and cause this panic? 

“The Sheriff already sent someone over.  Her neighbors are friends of mine; both ex-marines and they’ve been keeping an eye on her for me.  She’s safe…” he reassured her.

“And, Mom and grandma live in a gated community and are surrounded by so many older people. I just can’t see him bothering them.  The elderly take good care of each other.  And if they saw anything suspicious, they would call it in.  Hell, a few of those old ranchers who live there still have their shotguns loaded.”

After about a half hour, the sheriff escorted them back inside.  He asked her if it looked like anything was missing.  She almost cried when she saw he had thrown or kicked her sewing machine to the floor and it was broken in pieces.  Her fabric had been slashed, and she thought based on the smell of urine, he had pissed on her things.

This brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes and she held Cody’s hand a little tighter.  They got her gun out of her safe and she showed the officers her permit which Cody then slipped into her bag.

The ride home was quiet.  She rested her head on his shoulder.  He made her wear the middle seat belt, so she was slightly restricted in her movements, but it was paramount that she stay as close to him as she could and absorbed some of his heat.

In a small voice she whispered, “I still want to drive myself places. I’ll follow all your rules, but I’m not going to let him make me a prisoner again.  I’m not going to let him win.  I will be careful.”

She knew by his look that Cody wanted to argue with her, to protest, but wisely he kept his own council.

At the ranch, he walked her up the stairs and guided her to the rocker swing and pulled her into his arms.

“Tammy, we’re also going to get you back in therapy.  You still need an outlet for the grief, anger and fear you have building inside.  I can feel the tension in you.  I don’t want you to snap.  I should have asked you about this earlier but seeing you crumbling before my eyes tonight made me realize how selfish I have been.  Thinking I can cure everything that’s hurting inside you.”

He kissed her forehead. 

“Okay, Cody, I will go back to therapy. I hate to admit I still need help.  I’ve tried to be so strong but seeing a therapist is a good idea. I don’t want to go backward.”

“I know honey.  And there is nothing wrong with you.  I want you in my life.  I want to make you happy.  That’s all.  Your mother told me how good the therapy had been for you.”

“Dr. Johnson was so understanding, and made me realize it wasn’t my fault.  That was the hardest thing for me to accept because I really believed it was my fault.”

“You know, Tammy, you’ve never told me many details about what happened to you.  Tonight you said he kept you in a cage.  Do you want to talk to me about it? Would it help?”

“I haven’t told you much because I didn’t want you to see me as a weak person because I’m not that person anymore.  I know I still get scared, but I think that is normal.”

“I know you are not that person, you are so strong and I’m so proud of you.”

After a few minutes of quietly thinking about her past, she continued.

“I should have known something wasn’t right in his mind.  He sometimes called me by someone else’s name or Little Fox.  At first I just thought he was trying to give me a new identity.  As I’ve told you already, he started to drink. And he had nightmares.  I tried to comfort him because he was my husband and a wife should try to make her feel husband better…but that only seemed to make him angrier with me.

Whenever I tried to show him any compassion he would take me and tie me to the hot water heater in the bedroom, while he stomped around the room yelling and screaming at me and breaking things.  So I tried to keep quiet so he wouldn’t lose control.  I knew…I thought was doing something wrong as a wife.  The silence made him worse, and then he started tying me to the bed frame.  He would get his belt out and beat me.  Always being careful not to break my skin and I tried so hard not to cry because I thought maybe he liked that kind of thing.  And in my immature mind, I thought it would make him happy.  I’d heard that some men enjoy being sadistic, I’m not even sure that’s the right word for what he did. I just thought it was important to his sexual fulfillment or something.”

“My God Tammy, why didn’t you tell me that time I tied your hands up with a pillow case?”

“Honestly, I trusted you even though at first I was a little afraid and maybe I was still a little brain-washed that all men liked it like that.”

“I’m so sorry darlin’.  I only meant to give you pleasure without you having to give it back to me until I knew you were totally satisfied.  I promise to never do that to you again.”

“No Cody, I really liked it with you.  It was so different with you.  Marcus would beat me, and yell at me; he wanted me to cry.  I learned he liked me to show fear and beg him to stop, and then it got over quicker.  After the beatings, he turned me over and stuck things in my ass that hurt so bad, and then he would rape me from behind.  He always pulled my hair back until I thought he would pull it out of my skull.  Like I told you, he always used condoms and they hurt.  When he was ready to come he would pull himself out and remove the condom and spray his seed all over me.  He’d leave me tied up and wet with his come all night. 

Luckily, I don’t know why, but he never wanted me to give him a blow job.  He told me my mouth was unclean, diseased and I would cause him to rot if he ever kissed me or touched my mouth in anyway.

He loved to pinch my nipples, and put hard metal clamps on them.  He used to fuck my breasts, and it hurt because he never used lubricant. He would come all over my face. I remember gagging with him because he’d spewed his semen in my nose and eyes.  Then he’d slap me because I didn’t appreciate what he was doing for me.