Cowboy Take Me Away (19 page)

“Well, shit,” he muttered.

Terri was right. In red and black spray paint, somebody had filled that wall with the kind of sentiments nice people didn’t even whisper, much less permanently apply to the side of a building. Luke had stopped there yesterday afternoon and hadn’t noticed it, so the place had probably been hit last night.

He pictured a kid zooming into the parking lot at midnight, leaping out of his car with a couple of cans of spray paint, and going at it. After a six-pack of beer and an hour or two of anger seething inside him, it had probably seemed like the only thing he could do to release some of the fury and frustration that lived inside him every minute of every day. With every slash of spray paint, he spelled out harsh, angry words designed to make the rest of the world regret that they had ever messed with him.

Or maybe Luke was just remembering what it had been like for him.

As he looked at the graffiti now, he wondered how that boy he’d been in his other life could have done something as stupid as this. He wished he could go back and talk to him. He would tell him there was life after high school, life after this town, life after the hell he’d gone through with his father. He’d tell him he didn’t need to do crap like this to get back at the world, that inflicting senseless revenge on nameless victims was only going to leave him feeling even more hollow and lost than he already did.

But knowing the kid he’d been back then, would he have listened?

He remembered how he used to wish he’d been born the kind of guy a girl like Shannon would want. Yet with every sarcastic word he spoke, every angry move he made, he proved to the world he was just the opposite. If he’d been her mother, what would he have done? Welcomed him with open arms?

For maybe the first time, Luke saw himself from the point of view of people who’d watched the stupid, destructive things he’d done as a kid. And he hated what he saw. How was all that supposed to simply vanish from Shannon’s mind, or Loucinda’s, for that matter? And as he looked at the graffiti, he figured nothing about the past was leaving Myrna Schumaker’s mind anytime soon, either.

Maybe it was time he did something about that.

After Luke left, Shannon called Eve and told her she was coming over. She endured her sister’s protest that it was too late and went anyway, because she wasn’t going to be able to sleep with this on her mind. Ten minutes later, she climbed the outside steps that led to Eve’s apartment over the Red Barn. Eve came to the door wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants covered in Winnie the Poohs.

Lucky, her big bruiser of a tomcat, was lying upside down on her purple shag rug, looking like a prizefighter who’d hit the mat in an uncontested knockout. Three years ago, Rita told Eve she had a tomcat so tough he’d fallen twenty-two feet out of a peach picker he’d stowed away in and lived to meow another day. Eve was sold on the spot. For her, it was all about the story that came with whatever she collected. Antiques, animals—it was all the same to her.

Shannon came inside and sat on Eve’s sofa. Brynn, Eve’s Welsh corgi, jumped up beside her, and she stroked the dog’s head. Five years ago, Eve had leaped out of her car to rescue her from the median of Interstate 35 with cars zooming by at seventy miles per hour. Amazingly, neither of them had ended up as road kill.

“Sorry to come over so late,” Shannon said.

“What’s new about that?”

“Hey, I don’t do it very often.”

“Only when you have a problem you can’t make logical sense of and you’re desperate to talk to somebody about it. You won’t talk to Tasha, because she keeps asking you what
you
think, like she’s some kind of new-age shrink. But if you knew what you thought, you wouldn’t have to ask her. So you’re stuck with me.”

In some weird way, that actually made sense to Shannon.

“Mom came to my apartment tonight,” she said.

“Oh, God. Does this have to be about Mom?”

“What else do I complain about?”

Eve sighed. “Go on.”

“Luke was there.”

Eve grinned. “Luke was at your apartment?”

“Will you get that look off your face? I told him he could watch a baseball game at my apartment since he doesn’t have a TV.”
And then we ended up in bed together and it was amazing. A few more minutes, and it would have been even more amazing.
“And then Mom showed up.”

Eve’s eyes flew open wide. “While Luke was there? And you lived to tell the tale?”

“Trust me—she didn’t stay long.”

“Good. That way you and Luke could get back to what you were doing, which sure as hell wasn’t watching a baseball game.”

Shannon’s eyebrows flew up. “How did you know that?”

Eve grinned. “I didn’t.”

“God, I hate you.” Shannon slumped with frustration. “We didn’t get back to anything. He left.”

“Left? Why?”

“Because I acted like it was a real problem that he was there when Mom came over. And Mom didn’t help things by the way she acted.”

“Well, then. Can you really blame him?”

“No. And that’s a problem, too.”

“You don’t want him to be mad.”

“No. I don’t.” She dropped her head to the back of the sofa and absentmindedly stroked Brynn, who’d stretched out on the sofa beside her. “He isn’t what I thought he was. He’s still as aggravating as ever, but there’s something about him now that’s different, and…”

“And now you have the hots for him.”

She started to automatically deny it, only to see Eve’s all-knowing eyes boring into her, ferreting out the truth.

“Yeah,” she said, drooping with resignation. “And that is
so
wrong.”

“Why? Because Mom thinks he isn’t good enough for you, and of course she knows best?
God.
It’s the ghost of Grandma North all over again.”

Shannon and Eve knew only bits and pieces of that story because it was something their mother insisted on keeping buried. If anyone in the family even alluded to it, Loucinda gave them a look that could freeze a bonfire, and if that person knew what was good for them, they shut the hell up.

“Your birthday and Mom and Dad’s wedding date don’t really add up, you know,” Eve said.

“I know. But Mom swears I was two and a half months premature.”

“Uh-huh. Can’t you just imagine the look that was on Grandma North’s face when Dad brought home a pregnant woman? A pregnant
blue collar
woman? No wonder they got married so fast.”

And then Grandma North had spent the next twenty years pounding her daughter-in-law with an iron fist, shaping her into the kind of woman she deemed to be worthy of the North name. Instead of rebelling against the box she was put into, Loucinda sweated blood to conform. Considering the dirt-poor world she’d come from, Shannon had always thought Loucinda felt like the luckiest woman alive to be accepted into a family where she could act like a socialite and live like a queen. When Grandma North died, Loucinda ascended to the crown, becoming the keeper of good taste and proper behavior in the North family.

Shannon knew why her mother was the way she was, but that didn’t make it any easier to tolerate. Sometimes when she was being unreasonably harsh and glaringly judgmental, Shannon wanted to shout at her:
Look where you came from! Why can’t you understand?

“Here’s a little advice,” Eve said. “If Mom thinks it’s wrong for you, it’s probably right.”

“I know. I have to stop worrying about what she thinks. In fact, from this moment on, I’m
not
going to worry about it.”

“Yeah, you are. But at least you recognize the problem. But my advice would be to stop thinking so damned hard and do whatever you want to with Luke.”

“No,” Shannon said, shaking her head. “There are about a million reasons why that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“Uh-huh. Number one, Mom hates him. Two, half the town is waiting for him to shoplift something. Three, he’s a cowboy drifter who could very possibly love you and leave you. How am I doing?”

“That’s a real good start.”

“There’s something you’re not taking into consideration.”

“What’s that?”

“How do
you
feel about him?”

“You sound like Tasha.”

“Well, in this case, it’s all that’s really important. And you already said you’re hot for him, so we know the answer to that question, don’t we?”

No. The more she thought about it, the more she realized it wasn’t just that she was hot for him. If that was all it was, what would be the harm in a little mindless sex? They’d have some fun together, and when he left town, that would be that. But this felt like so much more. She was starting to feel that connection with him all over again, making her want more than just sex. But it was obvious to her that they weren’t on the same page where that was concerned. Not even close. And that was why she needed to keep her distance.

But tomorrow she still had to face him. And she didn’t have a clue what she was going to say.

W
hen Shannon arrived at the shelter the next morning, she went to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee, then sat down at the table to go through her mail, even though the mail was the last thing on her mind. Bridget curled around her legs, purring loudly, then flopped down to lounge in the middle of the kitchen floor.

A few minutes later, Luke came into the kitchen, his hair sleep-mussed and his shirt unbuttoned down the front, that gorgeous chest peeking out. He gave her a cursory glance and headed for the coffeepot. She tried to gauge his mood but came up empty. She decided it could fall anywhere between
I just got up don’t talk to me
and
I never want to speak to you again.

She took a deep, calming breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“Just about everything that happened last night after there was a knock at the door.”

He grabbed a cup from the cabinet. “Oh, that.”

“Just how angry are you?”

“I’m not angry.”

“But after what you said last night—”

“No. It was my fault, too. I put you in a bad position.”

“What do you mean?”

He poured a cup of coffee, then sat down at the table. “I should have stayed in the bedroom.”

“No, I put myself in a bad position by worrying so much about what my mother thinks.”

“Have you talked to her since I left last night?”

“No. She won’t attack this head-on. She’s more the silent treatment type with a little passive aggressiveness thrown in.”

Luke ran a hand through his hair and let out a long breath. “Look, I get why your mother’s upset. If I’d been a mother back then and my daughter hung around with a guy like me, I’d have had a problem with it, too. Now’s no different. You’re still her daughter.”

“I know. But I’m still letting her get to me. I’m an adult, and I’m
still
doing it.” She fingered her coffee cup. “I really am sorry about last night.”

“Forget about it. If we start trading apologies, we’re going to be here all day.”

After that night in the hayloft all those years ago, she hadn’t expected him to feel this way about what had happened last night, and she was amazed at how good it made
her
feel. The boy he’d been was slowly disappearing from her memory, replaced by the man she knew now, a man she not only lusted after but genuinely liked. She felt as if they were starting over, only from a better place.

Unfortunately, now that the animosity was gone, all that remained was an attraction so strong it could have kept all nine planets in orbit. As the seconds ticked by, she thought about what he’d meant to her back then, and how just sitting and talking to him had made her feel good in a way nothing else ever had.

“For the record,” she said, “I really did care about you.”

Luke looked down at the coffee cup he held, tapping it silently with his fingertip. Then he lifted his eyes to meet hers. “For the record,” he said, “I wasn’t there just to get laid.”

He stared at her without blinking, and Shannon was suddenly having a hard time breathing. She wanted to deny the way she felt about Luke, but it was impossible when he looked at her like this. And she had the feeling he knew it. This was a man who noticed when her pupils enlarged and goose bumps raced up her arms. What chance did she have at keeping him from knowing every thought that went through her mind?

None at all.

Self-consciousness overwhelmed her until finally she couldn’t stand it any longer. She started to push her chair away from the table. “I’d better go. I have a million things to—”

“Don’t get up,” Luke said.

Shannon stopped, her heart beating madly.

“You have a habit of running away,” Luke said.

She put her hand to her forehead, sighing with frustration. “Look, Luke. You said what happens between us doesn’t have to be a big deal. But casual sex just doesn’t work for me. So I think we need to stop this once and for all. There was a time when we were just friends. Can we go back to that?”

Luke pushed his coffee cup aside. He leaned in, his gaze fixed unrelentingly on hers. “Is that really all you want?”

No, damn it! I want to go back to my apartment with you and make love until we can’t stand up!

He moved so close she could feel his body heat mingling with hers. “Tell me that’s all you want,” he murmured. “And if you mean it, you’d better make me believe it.”

“That’s what I want.”

A tiny smile crossed his lips. “Try not to blink, Shannon. You’re giving yourself away.”

“Luke—”

All at once there was noise in the outer office. Startled, Shannon pulled away from Luke, and a moment later, Freddie Jo came into the kitchen.

“Donut day!” she said, setting a big white box in the middle of the table. “Shannon, I got those chocolate glazed ones you like, and lookie here, Luke. Bavarian crème. That’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

Luke tore his gaze away from Shannon. “Yes, ma’am. That’s my favorite.”

“What are you doing here so early?” Shannon asked.

“Plumbing work at the house today. They started early. Had to shower at six a.m. before they turned the water off. Thought I might as well come on in and get some work done.” She pointed to the donuts. “Well, eat up, you two.”

As Freddie Jo grabbed a cup of coffee, Luke reached for a donut, then rose from the table.

“Oh,” he said to Shannon. “Do you mind if I borrow that ladder in the equipment shed?”

Her heart still hadn’t slowed down, but she matched his nonchalance as best she could. “Sure. What do you need it for?”

“I want to climb up it so I can reach something taller than I am.”

She gave him a deadpan look. “Well, in that case, why don’t you take the lawnmower, too? That way you can slice the tops off of overgrown blades of grass.”

His brow crinkled. “Anybody ever tell you you’re a smart ass?”

He took a bite of the donut, giving her a little wink at the same time. As he walked away, he glanced back over his shoulder with an expression that made her body temperature shoot up about ten degrees.

Don’t think for a moment this is over,
that look said.
Not by a long shot.

Luke spent most of the morning replacing chewed-up boards on the corral fence, then most of the afternoon helping the farrier check out the horses’ hooves and shoe the ones that needed it. But through it all, his mind was on Shannon.

Friends. That was all she wanted? For them to be friends? He knew better. But he also knew that for all his intentions of staying clear of any emotional involvement, he was having a tough time of it. He loved it when she wore a sweaty T-shirt with hay stuck in her hair, because it meant she wasn’t afraid of work and had enough determination for ten women. He loved how she protected every animal that came to the shelter with the tenacity of a lioness looking out for her cubs. He loved the way she apologized when she was wrong even though it frustrated the hell out of her and she could barely get the words out. And he loved the times she let down her guard and melted into him when he touched her, then looked up at him with eyes that begged for more.

What scared him was that he might be only a kiss away from loving
her
.

He froze, his heart beating rapid-fire. That thought was out of bounds.
Way
out. It was this place—that was what did it to him. It pushed him back into the past until he felt like that poor, emotionally deprived boy he’d been, the one desperate to seize on to anything that looked like love. But he wasn’t that pitiful, needy kid anymore.

As much as he wanted her, maybe her suggestion that they just be friends was a good one. He knew he could coerce her. All he had to do was get her alone and remind her what it had felt like to come
this
close to making love. But he also knew that in the end, she’d resent him for it, and the last thing he wanted was bad feelings all over again.

When he finished working for the day, he grabbed the ladder, then headed to the hardware store in town to pick up a few supplies. He drove back up Highway 28 to the Pic ’N Go, where he unloaded everything from his truck. He poured paint into the pan, then unwrapped the roller. He took both of them up the ladder, knowing he’d have to do the whole wall so the faded paint that was already there wouldn’t clash with the new stuff.

He’d just gotten started good when he saw Myrna coming around the corner with Todd running along behind her.

She stopped and looked up at him. “Luke Dawson!” she called out. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

He came down off the ladder and gave her a smile. “Hi, Mrs. Schumaker. I thought I’d do a little painting.”

She looked at him warily. “What for?”

“Well, as creative as that graffiti is, I thought you might like it better if it was covered up. Now, I checked with Bob at the hardware store to make sure to get the right paint, and he said this is the same stuff you’ve been using for the past twenty years. Is that right?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Would you rather have it a different color?”

“Uh, no…”

“Well, then, I guess I’ll get back to it.”

Myrna continued to stare wordlessly at the partially painted wall as if she didn’t quite know what to make of it. Luke started up the ladder again, only to have Todd tap him on the leg.

“Why are you painting?” he asked.

“To cover up all these words.”

“Why?”

“Because we want it to look exactly like it did before.”

Todd pointed to a particularly vile epithet in bright red spray paint. “What’s that word?”

“It’s not a nice one, so we’d better not say it,” Luke said, swiping at it with the roller.

“Who painted it on there?”

“Well, that’s hard to say, but I suspect it was some dumb teenage boy.”

“Why’d he do that?”

“I think he was probably just mad at everybody, so he drew bad words on the side of the building.”

“Oh.”

“That’s no excuse, though. You should never mess up somebody else’s property for any reason. Now, the person who did this is the one who should be painting over it, because when you do something wrong, you should make it right again. But it looks like we’re going to have to do it for him. How about it, Todd? Do you like to paint?”

“Yeah!”

“No!” Myrna said.

“Grandma! Why can’t I paint?”

“Because you’ll get paint all over your clothes.”

“I’ll be careful!”

“Todd—no. Not this time.”

“Let’s see if this’ll work,” Luke said. He stepped down off the ladder and grabbed a plastic trash bag he’d brought. He poked a hole in the bottom of it, and a couple on the sides, then turned it upside down and slipped it over Todd’s head. It covered him all the way to his shoes. Then he shoved Todd’s T-shirt sleeves into the openings so just his bare arms were hanging out.

“Turn around and show your grandma,” Luke said.

Todd turned around with a big grin, holding his arms out from his sides. “I won’t get any paint on me now.”

Myrna looked at Todd, then raised an eyebrow at Luke. “I suppose that’ll be fine. But don’t you dare let him up on that ladder.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Luke said.

As Myrna disappeared into the building, Luke smiled down at Todd. “Now the first thing you have to learn is how to get the right amount of paint on your brush.”

Todd watched intently as Luke dipped the brush, then swiped off the excess on the side of the pan. Then he handed the brush to Todd, who slapped it on the wall. For the next hour, Luke rolled while Todd dipped. They talked about everything from Todd’s first grade teacher to his best friend to their neighbor’s dogs, who Todd said liked to fetch balls. When he got his dog someday, he said, he’d teach him to do that.

By the time they were finished, there was paint in the grass, on Todd’s nose, and on the makeshift plastic paint shirt he wore. There was even some paint on the building.

They stepped back to admire their work. “What do you think?” Luke said. “Looking good?”

Todd nodded. “Looking good!”

Luke smiled. It took so little to make kids happy. But that was what they remembered—the little things. Going fishing. Playing catch. Watching a movie together. Kids needed that kind of stuff. As Todd smiled up at the painted building, Luke felt a twinge of longing.
This is it. What life’s all about. Living the small moments with the people who matter.

He hadn’t counted on this. He still had so many bad feelings about this place rumbling around inside him, but a few of them had been pushed aside, replaced by memories he wanted to hold on to even after he said good-bye to this town for the last time.

Luke grabbed the roller, paint brush, and paint pan and took them to the spigot on the side of the building to clean them up. As he was showing Todd how to wash out his brush, Myrna came back outside.

“I owe you for the paint,” she said.

“No, ma’am. You don’t owe me anything. In fact, I’d say it’s the least I can do.”

She held out a bottle of Gatorade. “On the house.”

Luke took it from her. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

As Luke took a long swallow of the Gatorade, Myrna handed Todd a boxed drink. He took a sip, then went back to washing paint off his brush.

“You know, Todd and I were talking,” Luke said quietly. “And it seemed to me he’d kinda like to have a dog.”

“Dogs are a lot of responsibility.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And they cost money to keep.”

“They do. But we have a couple of them at the shelter who need homes. Little ones. They don’t eat much.”

“Kids want a lot of things they can’t have.”

Yeah. They did. Luke knew all about that firsthand.

“There is a fifty-dollar adoption fee,” Luke said. “But I think we could work on that.”

“No need. If I decide he can have a dog, I’ll pay the money.” Then she looked at Todd and sighed. “I keep thinking he’ll forget about it. Maybe not want one so much.”

Luke shrugged. “Maybe he will. But if you ever decide it’s time to get one…well, you know where the shelter is.”

He thanked Myrna once again for the Gatorade, then said good-bye to Todd. As he was putting the supplies back in his truck, he wondered where the boy’s mother and father were, and how either of them could have left a kid like Todd the way they had. Thank God for Myrna. It wouldn’t be easy for Todd, but if he had at least one person in this world who loved him, he was going to be just fine.