Cowboy to the Rescue (16 page)

Christina glanced over her shoulder, and as her eyes met his, she could see that only a part of his mind was focused on the paper in her hand. The hungry, smoldering lights that flickered in the brown depths fed her need to be closer, to feel the warmth and the comfort of his arms around her.

Clearing her throat, she said, “That's what I was about to ask you. If he meant a computer disk, I've not found any of them in these boxes. Is this absolutely all your father's things?”

His thumb and forefinger cradled his chin as he glanced at the mounds of papers and other articles that Christina had already sifted through. “Well, Mom gave Dad a desk and computer for a wedding anniversary gift one year. After he died, I guess the sentimental attachment made it difficult for her to keep using them. But she didn't want to get rid of them, either, so she had us store the desk away in the attic and the computer in a downstairs closet. She'd planned one day to go through the computer, just to see if there were any photos or things on there that the family might want. But that day has never come. Nicci mentioned the computer to her not long ago, and she promised to check it out. But you see how it is with Mom. Her plate is always full.”

“Yes, I do see. But I wonder why Geraldine didn't mention those things to me,” Christina mused aloud.

Lex shrugged. “She probably figured the stuff was personal, family-type things instead of work matters. Or she might have forgotten. Either way, it doesn't matter. If you're game for a little dust and heat, we'll go up to the attic and see if we can find anything.”

“That would be great. If your father put information on a disk regarding this list, it might shed some light on what was taking place at the company. Especially with the stocks.”

He frowned. “You keep coming back to those damned stocks. Why?”

“Because oftentimes one crime leads to another.”

“That's what I was trying to tell you in the kitchen. We only have a suspicion that Harve and Red are guilty of insider trading. But if they are, they could be guilty of murder, too.”

“It's possible. Even though I'm not getting those sorts of vibes from them. We need more information to prove that anything criminal took place. Let's hope something will turn up in the attic.”

His heavy sigh whispered past her ear, and then his hand wrapped around her arm and tugged her around to face him.

“I'll take you to the attic in a minute,” he said lowly. “But before we go, I want to talk to you. Not about Dad's case. About us.”

Her heart shifted into high gear as she forced her eyes to meet his. “Lex, I'm not sure this is the right time.”

“Why? You're not ready to hear that I've been thinking of you night and day?”

The soft huskiness of his voice sprinkled goose bumps across her skin. “Every woman likes to be remembered,” she told him.

“And does every woman also like to be kissed?”

Her gaze landed on the hard curve of his lips, and suddenly her heart was pounding out of control as her body begged to get close to his.

“If the right man is doing the kissing,” she murmured.

“Then maybe you'd better decide for yourself if I'm the right man,” he whispered.

His head bent, and then his lips fastened over hers in a totally dominating kiss. In a matter of seconds, Christina was mindlessly winding her arms around his neck, fitting her body next to his. This connection to Lex was the very thing her heart was longing for, begging for, and she could resist him no more than a rose could resist the hot June sun.

In a matter of seconds, the kiss turned bold and hungry. Christina could feel her body heat skyrocketing, her lungs burning for breath. Sometime during the embrace, his arms had moved around her, crushing her against him in a way that plainly said how much he wanted her.

Her senses were about to dissolve into smoke when he finally tore his lips from hers and began to nuzzle the soft spot behind her ear.

“I've never had a woman get in my head the way you have, Christina. You've become an important part of my life. Does that mean anything to you?”

Torn by his question, Christina dropped her head and fought to keep her tears at bay. “Of course, it means something to me,” she whispered. “But I—oh, Lex, I don't want us to start an argument about this tonight. I just got back here.”

And she was too vulnerable and weary to resist him, she thought. If he continued to kiss her, she'd soon be willing to let herself believe that an affair with him was better than pining for a love she'd never have.

Sighing heavily, he curled his hand around her upper arm and turned her toward the door. “All right. Let's go up to the attic and get this over with.”

A few minutes later, in the upstairs hallway that led to several bedrooms, Lex pulled down a trapdoor and unfolded a built-in ladder.

“Better let me climb up first,” he told her. “I know where the light switch is located.”

“I'll be right behind you,” she assured him.

Other than the kitchen, most of the ceilings in the ranch house were very tall. The height forced them to climb several rungs of the ladder. After Lex crawled inside the attic and switched on a light, he reached down and gave Christina a careful hand up.

“Whew! This place is stifling!” she exclaimed as she stood on her feet and looked around at the piles of furniture and stacks of cardboard boxes.

“There's an air conditioner in the window. I'll turn it on.”

In a matter of seconds, cool air was blowing across the attic, though it would still be a while before it truly cooled the stuffy space. He walked back over to where Christina stood waiting. When he stopped in front of her, with only an inch or two separating their bodies, she could see his mind was still focused on her instead of on finding his father's things. And she didn't know whether to feel flattered or frightened.

“Is the heat up here doing something to your brain?” she asked. “We're not finding Paul's things like this.”

“Downstairs, you wouldn't let me finish. And when I told you we'd come up here and get this over with, I didn't exactly mean finding Dad's things. I realize you don't want to talk about us. But I do.”

His hands closed over her shoulders, and she groaned out loud. “Lex, for God's sake, now is not the time! I don't—”

He interrupted her words with a muttered curse. Then, sliding his hands to the back of her waist, he asked lowly, “What do you want from me, Christina? A declaration of love? Would that make you feel better?”

Anger sparked her blue eyes. “I don't want or need empty words, Lex. I've had those before.”

His mouth tightened. “I'm not
him,
Christina. So don't try to make a comparison.”

She swallowed, then cleared her throat. His touch, his nearness, was messing with her mind, mixing up every thought, every word she tried to form on her tongue. “I'm sorry, Lex. I'm not saying you're the same sort of man as Mike was.” She drew in a painful breath, then slowly released it. “He was a liar, and you've been nothing but honest with me. You've not promised me rainbows and I'd much rather have that honesty from you than hollow platitudes.”

As Lex's gaze swept over Christina's troubled face, he wondered why everything inside him was pushing and pulling, making him feel as though he were going to split apart. He cared about Christina. More than he ever thought he could care for any woman. But was it love? The only thing his heart was sure about was that he didn't want to lose her. He wanted their time together to go on and on. He wanted to be close to her and have her want to be close to him. If that was love, then he was a goner.

A heavy breath rushed past his lips. “If you don't want promises from me, then what do you want, Christina?”

Lex could see anguish swimming in the depths of her eyes, and then her lips parted as though she was about to speak. But long, tense moments passed before any words finally passed her lips.

“I don't know, Lex. I only know that I lost so much when I hung my hopes on Mike. When those hopes were crushed, my self-esteem crumbled along with them. So did my ability to trust—not just men, but everyone. I guess I need time. I need to see for myself that you're capable of having a serious relationship.”

It infuriated Lex to hear her compare him to the sleaze that had dished out so many worthless promises to her. He'd seduced a few women in his time, but he'd never lied or led them to believe he was in love with them just to get them into his bed. And he wasn't about to start with Christina.

His hands splayed against her back as he inched closer to the front of her body. “I want you to assure me that you'll give us a chance, Christina. I'll court you. I'll show you—”

She interrupted his words by placing a gentle finger against his lips. “You're not the marrying kind, Lex. To even pretend that you are would only make you miserable, and that would make me miserable.”

Wrapping his hand around hers, he pulled her finger away from his lips. “You couldn't know that. I don't even know myself whether I'm marriage material,” he countered. Then, with a weary sigh, he moved away from her and stared, without seeing, at the stack of boxes in front of him. “You may not believe this, Christina, but by the time I became a teenager, I knew I eventually wanted to have a wife and family of my own. I wanted to be just like my father. He was always hugging and kissing my mother, making her laugh and making her happy. He was always there for us kids, guiding us, loving us and punishing us whenever we needed it. He and my mother together made an incredible team, and I wanted that very same thing for myself.”

“That's what I meant, Lex, when I told you how blessed you were to have parents like yours.”

Turning, he looked at her and, for a split second, felt his heart fall and crack, like a dove's egg spilling from its nest and hitting the ground. Pain splattered through his chest, the sort of pain he'd not felt since the moment he'd heard that he'd lost his father. His parents had been blessed to have shared so much love while they'd been together. The idea that he might be losing his chance at that kind of happiness with Christina pierced him deeply.

“I was blessed with great parents. But not with love,” he said huskily.

Clearly perplexed, she walked over to where he stood. “What does that mean?”

Grimacing, he thrust a hand through his tousled hair. “My mother and father had a special love. And I wanted the same for myself.”

“Wanted? You no longer want what they had?”

Groaning, he slid his hands up her back and curled his fingers over her shoulders. “It's not a matter of wanting, Christina. God knows I've tried to find love. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I've tried too hard.”

Her beautiful blue eyes were full of shadows as they studied his face.

“Are you trying to tell me that a man like you can't find anyone to love? That's ridiculous, Lex. You're a man with everything. Looks, wealth, intelligence. I'm sure women have been throwing themselves at you since your high school days.”

“Oh, I've had more than one woman fall in love with me. And each time it happened, I tried like hell to love her back, to fall in love with her. But trying couldn't make it happen. I'd end up asking myself if I had the same deep feelings that my father had for my mother. Would I want her by my side for years to come? Would I give up my very life for her? The answers were always no. And then I'd feel even worse about the relationship and about myself. I'd wonder if I was completely heartless, and now—well, I'm not sure I know how to love. Or if I ever will feel that overwhelming emotion Dad felt for Mom.”

Slowly, tentatively, her palms came to rest against the middle of his chest, and Lex wondered if she could feel his heart throbbing against her fingers. If she realized, even for one second, how much he wanted her.

“Lex, you can't
make
yourself feel something for another human being. Love comes to your heart on its own, without an invitation. Whether you want it or not. Maybe you ought to think about that.”

Bending his head, he brushed his lips back and forth against her cheek. “I could think about it a lot better if you'd make love to me,” he whispered huskily. “But I'm not going to push the issue with you anymore. A man has honor, too, you know. If we make love again, you're going to have to do the asking.”

He released his hold on her shoulders and stepped back. Surprise flickered across her face.

“Do you really mean that?” she asked

“I'm not a wolf, Christina.” Forcing a lightness he was hardly feeling into his demeanor, he gestured toward a narrow walking space between a pile of boxes and shrouded furniture. “And we've got work to do.”

Lex turned to start down the walkway, only to have her grab him by the arm. Pausing, he looked at her expectantly, while secretly hoping and praying that she'd changed her mind about making love to him.

Clearing her throat, she said, “I just wanted to thank you, Lex. For sharing your feelings with me.”