Craig Bellamy - GoodFella (31 page)

I went back to the changing rooms. We wanted to go out and thank the fans. I saw Ellis in the tunnel and he came out on to the pitch with me while we did a kind of abbreviated lap of honour. I went up to the private box I have in the stadium, still in my kit, to see all the people who have been there for me, all my best mates.

My dad was there, of course. He’s followed me everywhere. He’s followed Cardiff, too. He was there when they were in the fourth division, watching them scrape along the bottom. It was great to see the happiness on his face. He told me he could die happy now, which I mentioned to the newspaper reporters later. It made all the headlines the next day.

Even if I hadn’t been involved, even if I’d been playing for Liverpool or Newcastle or Man City, I would have been delighted for Cardiff. But to be a part of it, to be a player in the team that made history, to be a player in the side that got promoted to the Premier League, to be a player that brought so much joy to the people of my city, well, I was just incredibly grateful that I was involved in that occasion on that night. It will live with me forever.

I felt a deep sense of professional satisfaction, too. I felt I had given my all to the team. I had sacrificed individual ambitions and dedicated myself to the greater goal. I loved it. It gave me a kind of fulfilment I hadn’t had before. I only scored four goals all season. But I had played well and enjoyed myself. I learned a lot from that and from the players around me.

That’s part of the reason why I feel being promoted with Cardiff is my proudest moment in the game. I’ve never had a feeling like it. When you win something at Liverpool, it is great for you personally but you are always conscious that the club has won about 50 trophies. It is another trophy for the club, another trophy for the fans. Everyone’s happy but, let’s be honest, they have seen bigger days.

The Olympics was special, too, because it was unique but to be able to share that promotion with everyone was different because it tapped into my background and my history. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe it’s been more than 50 years since Cardiff were in the top flight. Where’s this club been? To clear that final hurdle filled me with a huge sense of achievement.

I intend to stick around, too. I hope this is just the beginning for Cardiff. I hope that we can do something different with what we’ve achieved. I hope we can capitalise on the fact that our Welshness can give us an advantage. We are a city of 350,000 people but it isn’t just the city. It’s the valleys as well. You add that up and we are a club of a million people round this region who are all connected with the club and adore Cardiff.

A lot of those people probably followed other clubs like I followed Liverpool. It was a lot more fashionable for a kid to do that 20 or 30 years ago. We always had our eye on the stars. But now, that can change. Now we can build on our regional identity in the same way Athletic Bilbao have placed themselves at the centre of Basque culture and Barcelona have become a focus for Catalunya.

This is our identity. It’s strong. It’s separate. This is who we are. Playing for this club is first and foremost. So many boys who have come from this region have never played for Cardiff. Gareth Bale’s never played for Cardiff. Ryan Giggs has never played for Cardiff. We have had players like Aaron Ramsey who have left too young. I have only played for the club towards the end of my career.

I am the only person from Cardiff who played for the team last season. We have to change that. We have to make the most of our area and our identity. We can produce the players but we have to be ‘more than a club’, as Barcelona say. We have to be about a region and an idea. You have to have the idea that playing for Cardiff is everything.

If there are lads running around like I was when I was a kid at ABC Park all those years ago, those kids will gravitate towards Cardiff now that we are in the Premier League. And even if the club lets a kid slip through the net, his parents will be on the phone telling you about him and saying they want him to be part of what we’re building. The kid won’t have to go to Norwich, to the other side of the country, to play football. The parents won’t have to listen to their boy crying down the phone, standing in a phone box outside a chip shop, because he’s homesick and far away.

We could control Merthyr, Rhondda, Caerphilly. We could have them in lockdown. All the kids from those areas playing for us. That’s what makes us unique. The main core of the valleys is with us. We know how deprived those areas are. With the money we are able to receive now we are in the Premier League, we are hoping we can invest in those areas and invest in bringing those kids from those areas into ours and help with their schooling.

We have to get to the point quickly where players won’t want to go anywhere else if they’re from round here and we won’t allow them to go. That is how we want to breed the football club. We want the top young players and preferably we want them to be Welsh. They don’t go elsewhere and they are the future of the club and the backbone of the club.

I know that more and more clubs want to follow this route but we have got the kind of separateness that gives us an advantage. We have got the fan-base, too. When you go and play for Wales, most of the fans are Cardiff fans. Swansea have done brilliantly and I have always been vocal about how much respect I have for them but we are a bigger club by miles. Our attendances will shoot up in the Premier League and we have to make the most of it.

What we have achieved will hit home when we are building towards the first game of the 2013-14 season. The fixture list comes out, you look to see when the big clubs are coming to town. You go into the changing room and you see those shirts hanging on your pegs with the Premier League logo on them, the Nike balls instead of the Mitre ones we have in the Championship.

My older boy, Ellis, is 16 now and he has earned a scholarship with Cardiff. He is representing a Premier League club now. It will make a difference to his life, too. If we do it right, we have the manager to take us forward to the next level, a manager who believes in the vast potential of this club. There is no limit to where we can go.

We have the opportunity to create a club for the next 10 or 20 years. I am committed to staying because I want to be a part of it all. I want to see Cardiff become a power in the game. I don’t know when my career is going to end. It could end me. But I am not looking to move on. Far from it.

I’ve never felt comfortable feeling comfortable before. It goes back to my time at Norwich when the club guaranteed me an apprenticeship a year ahead of time and I went off the rails a bit. Since then, I’ve been suspicious of planning ahead. I’ve always tried to live one season at a time. I never wanted that feeling of being comfortable again.

I’ve changed a little bit now. Steve Peters has had a huge effect on me. And my divorce made me realise I had to open up and relax a little. Sometimes, you can obsess and want something too much. Sometimes, you can lose sight of the fact that feeling content about something is actually what you should be striving for.

When I first started talking to Steve Peters in the aftermath of Speedo’s death, I thought my life wasn’t going to get better when I finished playing football. My life was going to be dark. I was going to be lost.

That was the thing that really petrified me: the idea that I wouldn’t be able to stay in the game. If I had remained the way I was, I knew going into management would be out of my reach. Because of the intensity I worked at, I wouldn’t be able to cope with players. I wouldn’t be able to cope with unprofessionalism. My inflexibility, my lack of man-management skills would undermine my chances of succeeding as a boss.

If I hadn’t started seeing Steve, if I hadn’t begun to change, my people skills – or the lack of them – would have destroyed my chances of being a successful manager. I had always worked on the basis that if you have got something to say, say it, and deal with the consequences later. But you can’t do that as a manager. And I knew that would be a stumbling block for me.

In the time since I have been talking to him, my people skills have improved beyond all recognition. I actually think before I speak now. Nothing’s black and white for me any more. There is grey as well. I listen to people. I have actually become a proper human being.

I am not a saint. Watch me on a football pitch and there is still a percentage of me that exists in chimp mode. But it’s a vastly smaller percentage than it used to be. I am more open to mistakes. I am more forgiving. And you know what, I am beginning to feel happy. My quality of life is much, much better.

Now I can be a better influence around people. Before, because I felt like shit, I wanted to make everyone else feel like shit, too. Now, if I am in a mood, I can get myself out of it. If I’m in a strop, I think of things that make me happy. Making someone else feel better about themselves makes me feel better, too. Like I said, I feel like I am becoming a functioning human being for the first time for a long time.

I am opening myself up again. That process of shutting myself down emotionally that I forced myself to endure after I moved away from home as a teenager – that’s over now. I am starting to reverse it. I have become a lot closer to my parents again. I have allowed people back into my life. After Speedo died, I only saw emptiness ahead. Now I feel differently.

There’s not a single day that goes by when I don’t think about Speedo. Every time I play, I think about him. Why wouldn’t I? He’s still helping me, even though he’s not here. His death forced me to take a look at myself. If I hadn’t done that, I don’t know what would have happened.

I’ve always listened to people talking about winning – win this, win that – but I’ve done more than I could have dreamed of in my career. I’ve already won. The two things I ask my kids after they have played a game are ‘did you enjoy it’ and ‘did you do your best’ but I wasn’t asking myself the same questions.

I think differently now. Be thankful for what you’ve done. Keep trying hard. And don’t let it ruin your life.

I did that for too long.

31

The Statistics

Professional Club Career 1996-2013

NORWICH CITY
August 1996-August 2000

COVENTRY CITY
August 2000-June 2001

NEWCASTLE UNITED
June 2001-July 2005

CELTIC
Loan
January 2005-May 2005

BLACKBURN ROVERS
July 2005-June 2006

LIVERPOOL
June 2006-July 2007

WEST HAM UNITED
July 2007-January 2009

MANCHESTER CITY
January 2009-August 2011

CARDIFF CITY
Loan
August 2010-May 2011

LIVERPOOL
August 2011-August 2012

CARDIFF CITY
August 2012-

Club Season by Season (appearances/goals)

1996-97 – NORWICH CITY
3 Appearances, 0 Goals

1997-98 – NORWICH CITY
37 Appearances, 13 Goals

1998-99 – NORWICH CITY
45 Appearances, 19 Goals

1999-00 – NORWICH CITY
4 Appearances, 2 Goals

2000-01 – NORWICH CITY
1 Appearances, 0 Goals

2000-01 – COVENTRY CITY
39 Appearances, 8 Goals

2001-02 – NEWCASTLE UNITED
36 Appearances, 14 Goals

2002-03 – NEWCASTLE UNITED
36 Appearances, 9 Goals

2003-04 – NEWCASTLE UNITED
24 Appearances, 9 Goals

2004-05 – NEWCASTLE UNITED
29 Appearances, 10 Goals

2004-05 – CELTIC
15 Appearances, 9 Goals

2005-06 – BLACKBURN ROVERS
32 Appearances, 17 Goals

2006-07 – LIVERPOOL
42 Appearances, 9 Goals

2007-08 –
WEST HAM UNITED
9 Appearances, 4 Goals

2008-09 – WEST HAM UNITED
17 Appearances, 5 Goals

2008-09 – MANCHESTER CITY
11 Appearances, 4 Goals

2009-10 – MANCHESTER CITY
40 Appearances, 11 Goals

2010-11 – CARDIFF CITY
36 Appearances, 11 Goals

2011-12 – LIVERPOOL
37 Appearances, 9 Goals

2012-13 – CARDIFF CITY
33 Appearances, 4 Goals

Wales Season by Season (Appearances/goals)

1997-98
3 Appearances, 1 Goal

1998-99
4 Appearances, 1 Goal

1999-00
2 Appearances, 0 Goals

2000-01
3 Appearances, 0 Goals

2001-02
4 Appearances, 2 Goals

2002-03
4 Appearances, 2 Goals

2003-04
5 Appearances, 0 Goals

2004-05
8 Appearances, 3 Goals

2005-06
2 Appearances, 0 Goals

2006-07
11 Appearances, 4 Goals

2007-08
5 Appearances, 2 Goals

2008-09
5 Appearances, 1 Goal

2009-10
2 Appearances, 1 Goal

2010-11
4 Appearances, 1 Goal

2011-12
7 Appearances, 1 Goal

2012-13
4 Appearances, 0 Goals

Wales Under-21s
8 Appearances, 1 Goals

Wales Under-18s
9 Appearances, 6 Goals

Team GB 2012 Olympics (Appearances/goals)

20/07/12
GB & NI 0-2 Brazil (Olympics warm-up)

26/07/12
GB & NI 1-1 Senegal (1 goal)

29/07/12
GB & NI 3-1 UAE

01/08/12
GB & NI 1-0 Uruguay

04/08/12
GB & NI 1-1 South Korea, aet (4-5 pens)

TOTAL:
5 caps, 1 goal

Individual Honours

2001/02
PFA Young Player of the Year

2004/05
Scottish Cup Winner

2005/06
Player of the Year (Blackburn Rovers)

2006
FA Community Shield

2006/07
Champions League runner-up

2007
Welsh Player of the Year

2011/12
League Cup

2011/12
FA Cup runner-up

2012/13
Championship winner

Personal Landmarks

15/03/97
FIRST-TEAM DEBUT:
Crystal Palace 2-0 Norwich City

12/08/97:
LEAGUE CUP DEBUT:
Norwich City 2-1 Barnet

01/11/97
FIRST GOAL:
Norwich City 2-2 Bury

03/01/98
FA CUP DEBUT:
Grimsby Town 3-0 Norwich City

25/03/98
WALES DEBUT:
Wales 0-0 Jamaica

04/06/98
FIRST WALES GOAL:
Malta 0-3 Wales

11/08/98
FIRST LEAGUE CUP GOAL:
Swansea City 1-1 Norwich City

22/08/98
FIRST HAT-TRICK:
Norwich City 4-2 QPR

19/08/00
PREMIER LEAGUE DEBUT:
Coventry City 1-3 Middlesbrough

23/08/00
FIRST PREMIER LEAGUE GOAL:
Southampton 1-2 Coventry City

06/01/01
FIRST FA CUP GOAL:
Swindon Town 0-2 Coventry

14/07/01
EUROPEAN DEBUT:
Lokeren 0-4 Newcastle United

21/07/01:
FIRST NEWCASTLE GOAL:
Newcastle United 1-0 Lokeren

18/09/02:
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DEBUT:
Dynamo Kiev 2-0 Newcastle United

20/02/05:
SCOTTISH PREMIER LEAGUE DEBUT:
Celtic 0-2 Rangers

27/02/05:
FIRST CELTIC GOAL:
Clyde 0-5 Celtic (Scottish Cup)

19/03/05:
FIRST CELTIC HAT-TRICK:
Dundee United 2-3 Celtic

28/05/05:
FIRST CUP FINAL:
Celtic 1-0 Dundee United (Scottish Cup final)

21/09/05:
FIRST BLACKBURN ROVERS GOAL:
Blackburn Rovers 3-1 Huddersfield Town (2 goals)

09/08/06
FIRST LIVERPOOL GOAL:
Liverpool 2-1 Maccabi Haifa – on debut

28/08/07
FIRST WEST HAM UNITED GOAL:
Bristol Rovers 1-2 West Ham United (2 goals)

28/01/09:
FIRST MANCHESTER CITY GOAL:
Manchester City 2-1 Newcastle United – on debut.
Becomes only the fifth player in Premier League
history to score for six different top-flight clubs

21/08/10:
FIRST CARDIFF CITY GOAL:
Cardiff City 4-0 Doncaster Rovers – on debut, as captain

26/02/12:
MAN OF THE MATCH:
LC final, Liverpool 2-2 Cardiff City, aet (won 3-2 on pens)