CRASH (A Stone Kings Motorcycle Club Romance) (14 page)

But what I could do, for Cherish, was to not ask her for any more than that. It fucking put a knife in my gut to think about her leaving, but it was just a fact that in all likelihood, eventually that was just what would happen. I made a promise to myself that as soon as she was ready, I would let her walk away.

I took a draw on my smoke and let out a short, bitter laugh at the irony of it all: the only woman I had ever known who made me believe in a future was the one woman I couldn’t have one with.

T
he lockdown was
over by the afternoon of the following day. I never did find out what was going on, but Jules told me that was normal. Club business was kept away from the women and families as much as humanly possible. She said that it had been a long time since the Stone Kings had felt the need to do a lockdown — years, in fact — and that most of the time it was just a precaution. The fact that this time there had been a bomb was shocking to me, but she said that the club never would have kept us in that location if they had thought the clubhouse wasn’t secure.

After the excitement had died down and things started going back to normal, I found myself spending more time with Seton and Jules, and some of the other “old ladies” I had met during the lockdown. I even spent a few afternoons babysitting for some of their kids. It was fun to be around children again. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed my own stepchildren until I was listening to pre-teen girls chattering excitedly about a song they liked or some movie they wanted to see. Their freedom and happiness made a strong impression on me, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness that my oldest stepdaughter would soon be married, her childhood essentially over.

My own life started taking on a more “normal” routine, as well. Levi showed up at the clubhouse one day with a school ID for me, with my picture on it saying I was a graduate of Coyote Falls High School. Armed with the school identification card, I was finally able to go take my driving test at the Colorado DMV. Seton told me I could use her mailing address for the test, and that I could go change it once I was living someplace permanent. She drove me there and vouched for me, bringing her own license as proof of her address and saying I was living with her. I held my breath until the dour woman behind the counter finally said she would accept Seton’s ID as proof of my address.

I had been super nervous about the tests themselves, but I passed both the written test and the driving test on the first try. I was beaming as I stood for my license photograph, and even though I looked incredibly silly when the photographer showed me the image, I didn’t ask for him to take another one. It would be a reminder for me whenever I looked at it of how far I had come to get it.

About two weeks after I sent off my application for a birth certificate, it came for me in the mail, which meant that I could finally officially start my job as a hostess at Hammie’s Bar and Restaurant. The first few days at Hammie’s were intimidating, even though everyone I had met there went out of their way to be nice to me. Having never had a job before, I kept worrying about messing up, but people were so understanding, and the manager, Angela, made sure that all my shifts were during slow times at first, until I got used to the pace of the job.

One of the best things that happened during that period was something that anyone else would have passed off as completely unimportant, but to me it was everything. I had just finished a shift at Hammie’s and was walking to the bank to open an account with my very first paycheck. On my way there, a car slowed down and a woman with a small boy in the passenger seat stuck her head out. “Excuse me, can you tell me where Primrose Elementary School is?” she asked. “We just moved into town.”

“Sure,” I smiled, pointing down the road. “You just follow this street about four more blocks, and take a left on Primrose Street. Then from there it’s about three more blocks.”

“Thank you!” the child yelled, flashing me a gap-toothed grin.

I watched them drive away, feeling a burst of pride and gratitude I would have had a hard time explaining to anyone else but Levi. The woman and her son had mistaken me for a native of Lupine, I realized. But more importantly, she had mistaken me for someone
normal
, someone who fit in to this world that not two months ago had been completely foreign to me. She thought I
belonged
here.

And maybe, I told myself with a surge of hope, just maybe she was right.

Opening my bank account was easier than I had expected, and within an hour, everything was set up, and I had checkbook of my very own, and a shiny new debit card so I could access my money whenever I wanted.
My very own money
, I though with a surge of pride. As I walked down the bank steps with copies of all my paperwork, I made a mental note to tell Levi about everything that had happened today, especially the woman asking me for directions. I blushed a little at the idea of sharing something so silly, but in my heart I knew he’d be happy for me. Levi knew what it was like to feel like an outsider. And I was sure that as much as he tried to push away memories of his past, he hadn’t pushed them so far away that he wouldn’t remember wanting to belong to something.

With a jolt, I realized that the Stone Kings had probably been that “something” — the thing he had chosen to belong to. A surge of affection coursed through me: in some ways, we were so similar, Levi and I, despite our many obvious differences. He would instinctively understand things about me no one else ever would. Even though at first he had been harsh and distant with me, now he was tender. Some nights in the dark, after we had finished making love, he would softly begin talking about memories from his childhood, and I understood instinctively that these were not stories he had ever shared with anyone else.

My mood was contemplative as I walked the two blocks back to the restaurant, where the bike that Seton had lent me was parked. I tried not to think too much about the meaning of whatever was happening between Levi and me. In my old world, what we were doing was completely unthinkable, and the echo of the old Cherish would sometimes whisper in my ear that premarital sex was of the Devil. But then I thought about how my so-called marriage to Isaiah had been, and that he and I had never really been legally married anyway. It seemed like by comparison, the relationship that had been “wrong” was that one, not my relationship with Levi now. Levi had awakened something so beautiful and unknown inside me, it was almost as though in a way he had given my body back to me. Under his skillful hands, my skin had learned what it really meant to be touched. With him, I felt like a woman, not a little girl whose only job was to accept a man’s needs without complaining, and without ever expecting anything in return.

But what I felt for Levi was more than just physical. I hardly dared to let myself think about it, but he had become someone so important in my life that it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest whenever I imagined that someday he might not be there anymore. Sometimes, I forced myself to think about it anyway, as much as it hurt. I told myself that I would have to get used to a life without him eventually. It stood to reason. After all, he was a member of a motorcycle club. As kind as he had been to take me in and let me stay for a while, he didn’t need someone like me hanging around. I knew he didn’t like to be tied down, and as tender as he was with me, I knew I was a reminder of something he had done everything to forget. Even if this wasn’t just some casual thing to him, that was a long way from saying that he would ever want anything permanent with me.

I biked the three miles toward the MC clubhouse, my throat constricting as tears threatened to well up inside and break through.
No
, I told myself fiercely.
Don’t cry
.
You always knew this thing with Levi couldn’t last. You’re not allowed to cry when you brought it on yourself
.

I was fighting to think of something else when I noticed that one of the cars driving in my lane on the highway was not passing me, but instead had slowed down behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see a dark blue pickup with no front plate, matching my speed about a car length behind my rear tire. Nervously, I pulled over onto the shoulder so that the truck would pass me. As soon as I planted my feet on the gravel and looked back, the pickup gunned its engine and roared past, the passenger window rolling up just in time for me not to see the occupant.

Shaken, I watched the pickup disappear into the distance, then got on my bike and rode the rest of the way to the clubhouse. I made a mental note to tell Seton or Jules about it, and ask them whether they had ever had something like that happen to them.

Back at the clubhouse, I was greeted by Cal, who was just walking out the door as I locked up my bike. “Hey, Cherish, how’s it going?” he asked, his now-familiar roguish grin making me smile in spite of myself.

“Good! Look, I have a bank account now!” I pulled my debit card out of my pocket and showed it to him.

“Damn,” he whistled. “You’re moving up in the world. Don’t forget to tell people you knew me when you’re famous.”

I blushed, but had to laugh. “You’re making fun of me!”

“Nah, not really. Seriously, Cherish, that’s great. What are you gonna buy with all that cold, hard cash?”

“First on my list is to pay back Seton everything I owe her,” I said firmly. “After that, we’ll see.”

“Well,” he winked. “Don’t forget to buy something for yourself. This is a big deal, your first paycheck. You should celebrate a little.”

I smiled. “Is Levi around?” I asked. Suddenly I couldn’t wait to tell him about my day. He’d probably tease me about the bank account, too, but I knew he would be proud of me.

“He’ll probably be back in a little while. He’s gone on a run with Grey and a few of the others.”

I tried to mask my disappointment. “Oh, okay, thanks.”

Since I couldn’t share my good news with Levi, I called Seton instead and probably talked her ear off about my day. Like a true friend, she was almost happier than I was about everything. In all my excitement, it completely slipped my mind until later to ask her about the strange blue pickup, and by the time I remembered it that night, the whole incident didn’t seem that important anymore.
Probably just some random men who felt like being jerks
, I told myself, and forgot about it.

That night, around ten o’clock, Levi showed up at my door. I had been planning to tell him about my day straight off, but as soon as his eyes met mine my body seemed to turn to liquid. Wordlessly, he leaned down and picked me up in his strong arms, kicking the door shut behind him. His lips came down on mine hungrily as he closed the distance to the bedroom in just a few steps. All thoughts of the day vanished as he knelt on the bed and set me down. As it always had been between us, this time felt like the very first: my body felt electric with excitement, desperate for his touch. The only difference now was that I craved it with even more intensity because I knew what he could do to me.

Levi pulled his shirt off over his head impatiently and lifted mine up, exposing the black lace bra that I had put on this morning for the first time. “Jesus,” he groaned as his eyes grew wide. “Cherish, you’re gonna kill me one of these days.”

Bravely, I reached down to cup the hard steel straining under the fly of his jeans. He gasped at my touch. “I don’t want to kill you, Levi,” I breathed. “I just want you to want me.”

He laughed deep and low in his throat. “Mission accomplished. You could be wearing a wooden barrel and you’d still be the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”

I giggled as I remembered the bra I’d arrived in, which Seton had forced me to get rid of. Levi might be telling the truth, but I sure was glad I didn’t have to test it.

“What are you giggling about, little girl?” he demanded in a fake-angry voice. “I’ll give you something to laugh about.” He growled loudly as his head dipped toward my breasts, and I shrieked, then clapped my hand over my mouth and began laughing even harder. My giggles turned quickly to moans of pleasure as his mouth found my nipples through the cloth and bit them softly, teasing the nipples into hardness as I writhed under his touch. My arms went around his head, my hands fisting in his hair as he continued his sweet torment. Warmth flooded through me, and I felt myself getting wet as my core began to throb.

“Levi,” I breathed. “Oh, God, Levi… yes.” I ached for him to take me, to pull my clothes off and enter me. I needed him inside me, needed to feel myself pulsing around his hard length. But first, I wanted something else. As he pulled away from my breasts and began to push me back down on the bed, I stopped him. “Wait. Not yet.” I slid off the bed and finished removing my tank, throwing it to the floor, then knelt by the side of the bed. With trembling hands, I reached for the waistband of his jeans and pulled until he was standing next to the bed facing me.

Slowly, I undid the button, then the zipper, then tugged downward until his jeans were in a pool on the floor. His thick, hard length stood at attention, rising and falling as it pulsed in front of me. “Cherish,” Levi began, but I stopped him. “Shhh. I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” I breathed.

Before Levi, I had never touched a man intimately. Now, my mouth watered and I parted my lips, hoping I wouldn’t make a fool of myself. I gazed in awe at how beautiful he was, then leaned forward and lapped at the head with the flat of my tongue, like I would an ice cream cone. Levi froze, and drew in his breath sharply. I licked him again, swirling my tongue around him, marveling at how soft and hot the skin was, and how hard it was underneath. Opening my lips further, I closed them around the head, and sucked softly as my tongue licked and swirled.

He fisted a hand in my hair and swore softly. “Fuck, Cherish. That’s… Oh, fuck…”

I pulled back, unsure. “What?” I asked, gazing up at him. “Is it not good?”

His laughter was so sudden that it startled me. “Cherish, that may be the best fucking thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” he rumbled.

“So I should keep going?” I asked, a smile tugging at my lips.

“Yes, you should keep going,” he grinned down at me sexily. “But I’m gonna stop you before it’s too late. I need to be inside you tonight.”

Before it’s too late
… He meant before he came, I knew. The thought of me giving him an orgasm like that made me feel almost dizzy with excitement. I wanted to do that for him, I realized. I wanted to feel him in my mouth as he got closer and closer. I wanted to taste him, to know him, to be the one to give him so much pleasure that he lost control. I knew he wouldn’t let me do it tonight, but I told myself that I would do it soon. My lips closed softly over him again and I began to suck and swirl, bobbing my head slowly down his shaft, taking him deeper into my mouth with every thrust. Levi groaned loudly, and the sound went straight to my throbbing center. I could taste him, salty and hot, and I began to bob more quickly, needing more.