Crash & Burn (3 page)

Captain Dick Face

Lil

             
I’m sitting here on the side of the hospital bed as I watch my feet dangle above the
floor. I really hate these hospital gowns. They could, at the very least, have a back
on them. Why an open back? I mean, I could see the point if you had an issue with
your back, but what if you’ve got an issue with your front? What then? Stupid ass
hospital gowns. I’m guessing a man designed them.

“Imma slip mine around so the back is in the front. Ya know, give the hot doctor a
little show.” Peaches says from the bed across from me while wiggling her eyebrows.

“Or a heart attack, he looks like he’s gay,” I counter. Throwing her head back, she
laughs.

“Either way,” she says giving me a lazy shrug. “You’d really give him a show if ya
just got totally naked.”

“Yeah, but he’d probably call in security and my ass would get arrested and exiled
from the hospital.” That’s all I would need. Arrested for purposely flashing a doctor.

             
A loud commotion comes from the hall, people shouting and yelling.

“Here comes crazy.” Peaches announces. Instantly I know who it is. No need to see,
only Tank would bring that much commotion with him. When Peaches called Gin, she explained
everything to him so I know he’s not freaking out. That can only leave one person.

The door kicks open and Tanks panic-stricken self comes stomping into the room in
a fury. His fists are flying and his feet are stomping. I can only see his cut covered
back, but I know he’s close to killing every person in here. I know he’s drunk, which
has him barely hanging on.

“Don’t give ‘a fuck if I’m not married to her or related, she’s my Old Lady. Education
for your ass. You try n’ remove me from this motherfuckin’ hospital, I will snap your
neck n’ burn this place down!” He shouts in a man’s face. Some big guy in a lab coat
tries to grab him, and of course, Tank just shoves him out of his way like the guy
weighs nothing.

“Tank! Please calm down. Look at me, I’m fine.” Those wild blue eyes find me, and
something along the lines of terror and anger stare back at me. Tearing back the hospital
curtain, he barges his way into the room to get to me.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ! What the fuck happened?”

             
“Some old fart in a station wagon t-boned that cute little Benz I was drivin’,” Peaches
pouts at Gin. God she will not stop talking about that damn car. “I liked that one
too, boo boo.” she whimpers pathetically.

He just ignores her comment and hands her her shoes, looking completely annoyed and
tired.

“Put your shit on babe so we can get the hell out of here. Not in the mood to go to
jail today.”

“But I liked that car baby,” she whines at him again. She’s really putting on a show.
She told the doctor she needed pain meds. She even told the nurse she’s going to need
a wheelchair to get to the truck. Lazy, spoiled bitch.

Gin waved off the wheelchair. “Gotcha n’ I’ll get ya one just like it if ya shut the
fuck up ‘bout it.”

Giving my forehead a kiss, Gin grumbles down at me.

“You gonna be okay with Captain Dick Face over there?” he nods over at Tank who’s
having a mental break down in the corner. He keeps going back and forth between sitting
and standing, pulling on his hair and looking like a fucking lunatic who didn’t take
his meds.

Nodding at Gin, I can only roll my eyes. “Yeah I’m good. I’ll see ya in the morning.”

Gin scoops Peaches up bride style and heads for the door while she throws a wicked
grin over his shoulder at me, she says to him in her sweet baby voice, “Baby, my back
hurts. You gonna rub it for me at home?” That little shithead.

“Night babe,” I tell her before they leave.

“Night sweet cheeks,” she calls back before they’re through the door.

****

             
“Can’t handle this fuckin’ shit. Always worryin’. Always drivin’ myself crazy.” Tank
rants as he paces back and forth in the living room. Jesus, we just walked in the
front door. I barely made it to the couch before he was having a fucking break down.

“I’m gonna end up dead.”

             
Yes, he is. I’m going to kill him my damn self.

He can’t take it? What the fuck did I do? I tip toe around him, cater to him every
second of the day. I always keep my mouth shut and smile when I really want to kick
him in his fucking ass. I try everything to make this all easier on
him
.

“You can’t take what? My love, my loyalty? Please be more specific.” I know I’m picking
a fight, but Christ, doesn’t he see that this shit is hard on me too? It’s not always
only about him.

“Every fuckin’ thing,” he yells as he pulls at his hair. “Every goddamn thing Lilly.
I just can’t take worryin’ somethin’ is gonna happen to you. I can’t live like this.”

So, he can’t live like this? Join my club. I’ve been living with this. I’ve been living
with his special brand of crazy for so fucking long, putting up with his needy ass.
I’ve done it all with a smile and shoulder to lean on. I put
my
shit aside to help him though all of this. Sometimes I just want to scream “WHAT ABOUT
ME?” Sometimes I just want to pack my shit and run. I shouldn’t have to hold his hand
through every single thing, but I do. I do it because I fucking love him.

“You’re worried about the wreck?” He looks at me like the question is completely stupid,
like my words make no damn sense.

             
He’s really making a bigger deal than necessary for this accident though. If he weren’t
so fucking drunk, he would know that we were going fifteen miles an hour through the
intersection. The old guy was turning at the wrong time and hit us, at like five miles
an hour. The car doesn’t even have a dent, only a long scratch. The dealership insisted
we be checked out for insurance purposes only. Life happens. I don’t know what he
wants me to do? Never leave the house? Fuck, maybe I should take up residency in a
goddamn bubble attached to him.

It’s not just what happened today though. I know it’s not. It’s so much fucking bigger.
It’s so big it’s beyond me now. The accident isn’t what’s caused this, it’s what is
bringing all the shit to the surface. This has been building, and he’s letting this
shit weigh on him and it’s taking its toll. It’s wearing him down. Fuck, it’s wearing
me down.

“Tank I’m fine. You’re gettin’ upset for no reason.”

“For no reason?” He says quietly; too damn quietly. I’m not sure what’s scarier. Tank
being loud and raging or when he’s quite and subdued.

“Yes Tank, no reason. You’ve been drinking and maybe that has you like this, but everything
is fine, okay?”

“Fuck Lil! You just don’t fuckin’ get it.” He explodes.

My heart twists in my chest. I know he’s going through something, but he won’t let
me in. He won’t let me try to help so I have no clue where to go from here. I can
only stay at home so much before it wears on me, and I can only reassure him so much
until it becomes just background noise. Nothing I do or say works, so I don’t say
anything. I just stare at him and watch him slowly kill himself with worry.

“Then help me. Help me get it Tank!” He only shakes his head. His face falls before
he opens the door and walks though it without a second look. He shuts me out. Again.

****

The room tips slightly. The floor feels sloped and uneven under my extremely heavy
feet, but my body sways unprovoked to the music. God I hate this fucking song, but
I can’t stop myself. If I close one eye, and squint the other one, the man I’m dancing
with kind of looks like the thirty year old cowboy version of George Clooney. This
was a good idea six shots of Jose ago. Tank left, so I called Peaches and she brought
me here. Now my dancing partner’s too-tight Levis covered dick is pressing into my
thigh and his small hands are roaming places that are going to get them removed.

Why I said yes to Peaches, I’ll never know. She said shots and I was game. Probably
not the best idea ‘cause drinking while on emotional overload never ends well.

“Thanks for the dance.” I try to smile at him, but I’m sure it’s looking more like
a squeamish, half-assed lip curl.

I dodge grabby hands and head for the bar. I plant my ass on the stool next to Peaches
and she looks at me for a second before we both burst into a crazy drunk cackle, hanging
onto the bar and hanging off one another.

“Haha! How’d ya like his jeans?” She laughs while thrusting at me like a fucking pervert.
I can only roll my eyes, well at least try to roll them anyway.

“I think they were tighter than your jeans.” I’m surprised she can move in those things.

“But they were so fuckin’ sexy,” she deadpans. I can’t hold it. I laugh until my sides
hurt and I have tears rolling down my cheeks. This is why I said yes … I needed this.
I needed it so fucking desperately. We both just keep laughing until Peaches face
sobers and her eyes narrow.

“Jesus Christ, I told them it was girls night.”

Turning my head, I see Tank walking toward me. He reaches me in a few swaggered steps
and his body is instantly on mine. Leaning into my side, he sets his rough hand obscenely
high on my thigh. His fingers are pretty fucking close to my panties and digging into
my skin which makes my skin tingle and my blood heat. I know that look in his eyes.
This is when he wants me. This is a small piece of the old Tank I miss so fucking
much. I’ll take this Tank even if it is alcohol induced and only lasts for a short
time. I’ll take him however I can get him anymore.

“Need you baby,” he whispers roughly in my ear, biting down on my ear lobe hard.

I give him a smile and tell him, “Let’s go.”

****

             
“Lean over that table, baby,” Tanks gruff deep voice says against my neck, right below
my ear. That sexy as fuck scruff on his face is rubbing roughly on my neck, causing
some pain. His chest and stomach are pressed into my naked back while my hips are
pushed into the table and my ass is in the air. The soft material of his shirt rubbing
on my back gives me goose bumps. I shiver involuntarily as he kisses the scar on my
back, running his tongue over my skin.

“Never understand why the fuck you love me baby.” He growls softly, sounding pained.
I wish he wouldn’t say things like that. It breaks my heart.

Running his hand through my hair, he wraps it around his hand and roughly pulls my
head back onto his shoulder. His other hand is at the base of my neck, his thumb running
back and forth lightly. “But you do n’ I thank fuck every day for that shit.”

“Fuck Tank.
Please.
” He moves his hand that’s not holding my hair to my hip, gripping it so tight I feel 
his fingernails bite into my skin. He pounds harder into me as my legs shake and my
body tightens. Kicking my feet further apart, he thrusts even deeper. He starts gliding
his hand from my hip, up my stomach to my tits, grabbing a handful and painfully,
he squeezes hard. The table legs scrape on the floor while I fight not to want this,
but my body fights harder and it wins; it wants this and it gives into him. He’s so
rough, and pounding into me so hard, I know he’ll leave bruises. He buries himself
deep inside me with each fierce hit.

“Give … it … up … for … me.” Pushing into me, I hear a sharp hiss leave his clenched
jaw. Shit starts to go fuzzy on me. My eyes fight to roll back into my head and my
legs want to give out on me.

“Damn.
Please.
Fuck. … Fuck” Pulling on my hips, he reaches down to lift one leg higher, getting
a better angle to go even deeper. I’m so fucking wet that it’s running down my thigh.
His hard rough hand lands on my ass with a sting. Biting down on my lip, Tank bites
my shoulder and I lose it. I let it all go. “Fuckin’ Christ baby.” Slamming into me,
he’s relentless. “Tell me this pussy is mine, Lil.” he demands with another hard slap.
“Say it baby!”

“Fuck. It’s yours, it’s always fucking yours …
fuck
.”

“That’s right baby. All fucking mine till the day I die.”

             
             
             
             
             
             
****

Lying in bed I can’t sleep. I know it’s got to be at least two in the morning, and
Tank’s been gone for hours now. He fucked me, then he left. This is nothing new. It
used to make me feel used and cheap, but after a few months of it, I’ve just grown
numb to it like everything else in my life right now. I tried to call his phone, but
of course, he turned it off. I called the club looking for him and Leo said he was
around there somewhere. I didn’t want to talk to him, I just wanted to make sure he
was okay. I hate this wedge he insists on driving between us. He’s always holding
every unforeseen accident and lurking danger against me. He knows that he’s tearing
us apart, but he doesn’t seem to care.