Crashed (60 page)

Our eyes remain locked. Even when I kiss my dad on the cheek and he shakes Colton’s hand before going to sit with my mom. Even when Colton takes my hands in his and shakes his head with a little chuckle and says, “Nice checkered flag.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t know which one I was,” I tease and I feel like I can breathe for the first time all day. My heart’s pounding and my hands are shaking, but he’s got me now.

“Baby, I’d know where you are even if I were blind.” And that smile, the one that lights up his eyes and warms my soul, spreads across his lips. I get so lost in his eyes and the unspoken words they’re communicating that I don’t even realize our officiate has begun the ceremony until Colton looks over at her and then back at me. The green of his eyes glisten with emotion, and his smile softens as he stares at me.

“Rylee,” he says, shaking his head subtly as he looks down at our hands and then back up to me. “I was a man racing through life, the idea of love never crossing my radar. It just wasn’t for me. And then you
crashed
into my life. You saw good in me when I didn’t. You saw possibility when I saw nothing. When I pushed you away, you pushed back ten times harder.” He laughs softly. “You showed me your heart, time and again. You taught me checkered flags are so much more valuable off the track than on. You brought light to my darkness with your selflessness, your temerity …” He reaches up and rubs a thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tears that are silently sliding down my cheeks now.

His personal vows signify the depth of his love for me—the man who swore he couldn’t love, does wholeheartedly.

“You’ve given me a life I never even knew I wanted, Ry. And for that? I promise to give myself to you—the broken, the bent, and every piece in between—wholeheartedly, without deception, without outside influences. I promise to text you songs to make you hear me when you just won’t listen. I promise to encourage your compassion because that’s what makes you, you. I promise to push you to be spontaneous because breaking rules is what I do best,” he says with a smirk as a lone tear slides down his face. “I promise to play lots and lots of baseball, making sure we touch each base.
Home run
!” He says the last word softly so only I can hear, and I laugh through my tears.

And I can’t hold back anymore so I reach out and rub my hand over the side of his jaw, not caring one bit about the assumptions people might be making about that vow.

“And that right there … that laugh? I promise to make you laugh like that every single day.
And sigh
. I like hearing your sighs too.” He winks at me. “I promise nothing will be more valuable in my life than you. That you will never be inconsequential. That those you love, I’ll love too,” he says and then looks over to the row where all of the boys sit. “As I stand here promising to be yours, to give you all of me, I already know that a lifetime will never be long enough to love you. It’s just not possible.” He shrugs, my heart swelling as his voice wavers slightly. “But, baby, I’ve got forever to try, if you’ll have me.”

“Yes!” I choke out as Colton slips my ring on my finger, my body trembling, my heart never more steady, my head completely clear.

“I love you,” he whispers.

My tears fall and I don’t even try to stop them. He looks so conflicted, wanting to draw me in his arms and comfort me. He looks over to our officiate, silently asking for permission to touch me. And it’s so cute that my man, who always disregards rules, is afraid to break them now.

I wipe my eyes with a Kleenex that Haddie hands me and draw in a deep breath to prepare myself for getting through my vows. “Colton, as much as I tried to fight it, I think I’ve been in love with you since I fell out of that storage closet and crashed into your arms.
A
chance encounter
. You saw a spark in me when all I’d felt for so long was grief. You showed me romance when you swore it wasn’t real. You taught me I deserve to feel when all I’d been for so long was numb.” I shake my head and look down at our hands, before looking back up to meet his eyes.

“You showed me scars—inside and out—are beautiful and to own them without fear. You showed me the real you—
you let me in
—when you always shut others out. You showed me such fortitude and bravery that I had no choice but to love you. And even though you never knew it, you showed me your heart time and time again. Every bent piece of it.” I breathe, my trembling hands holding his.

And the look in his eyes—filled with acceptance, adoration, reverence—is one I will never forget. Tears slide silently down his cheeks, in such stark contrast to the intensity on his face but I see his vulnerability. I feel the love.

“You say I brought light to your darkness, but I disagree. Your light was always there, I just showed you how to let it shine. You’re giving me the life I’ve always wanted. And for that? I promise to give myself to you—the defiance, the selflessness, the whole damn alphabet—wholeheartedly, without deception, without outside influences.”

And I can’t help it, even thought I know it’s against the rules, I lean forward and press a soft kiss to his lips, and when I lean back, the look in his eyes and the lopsided smile on his face is one I’ll remember for the rest of our lives.

“Rule breaker,” he teases with a raise of his eyebrow as I prepare to finish my vows.

“I learned from the best.” I shake my head and look back at him with clarity. “I promise to encourage your free spirit and rule breaking ways because that’s what makes you, you. I promise to challenge you and push you so we can continue to grow into better versions of ourselves. I promise to be patient and hold your hand when you want it held the least, because that’s what I do best. I promise to text you songs too so we can keep the lines of communication open between us. And I promise to wear dresses with zippers up the back,” I throw in on a whim, prompting Colton to look over at Haddie who is laughing behind me. He shakes his head, before focusing back on me.

“I promise a lifetime of laughter, ice cream breakfasts and pancake dinners. And as much as I love waving that checkered flag?
Batter-up, baby
.” My smile matches his as my love for him swells and soars to new heights. “I promise that nothing will be more valuable in my life than you—because everything else is inconsequential—and you, Colton, are most definitely not. I remember sitting in a Starbucks watching you and wondering what it would be like to get the chance to love you, and now I get a lifetime to find out. And I still don’t think that will be enough time.” I take his ring from Haddie, the band etched with a checkered design, and slip it on his finger.

Becks starts mocking and all the guests laugh. As much as I want to throttle him, I never could. This is my life now and he’s a part of it.

“You’re next, fucker,” Colton mutters to him under his breath, causing him to choke more and me to laugh louder. It takes a minute for the laughter to abate and for everyone to settle down so that the focus is back on us.

“Colton, we’ve got forever to try, if you’ll have me?”

“You know this is permanent, right?” he says softly, reminding me of the symbol forever marking my hip. I nod my head subtly as he looks at me, head angled, eyes dancing, lips smiling, and says, “I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He looks down at his hand, the new band on his ring finger and shakes his head for a moment as he accepts what’s just happened. The look on his face is priceless. And with impatience rivaling that of one of my boys, his eyes dart over to the officiate.

“Yes, Colton.” she chuckles, knowing exactly what he wants. “You may kiss your bride!”

Wonderment and love flow through me.

“Thank Christ!” He exhales as he steps into me and frames my face with his hands. “This is one checkered flag I’m forever claiming.”

And then his lips are on mine, our connection irrefutable, as I hear the officiate announce, “Friends and family, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Colton Donavan.”

10 Years Later

The vibration of the motor rumbles in my chest long before the car slings into turn four. I track the car, my eyes glued to it as he fights traffic on his second to last lap, and I wonder if it will always be this way. If I’ll always be a nervous wreck when he’s out there.

Definitely. Without a doubt.

I hear him shift gears as he enters into turn two, the only turn I can’t see from my place in the box along pit row, so I turn to look at the monitor in front of me. I hear the announcer growing frantic as the end of the race nears, and I don’t fight my pride or smile.

“Donavan’s flying through turn three. One more to go and he’s claiming the checkered flag here today, race fans, as well as taking the lead in the current points standings. Traffic moves aside as he enters turn four and now Donavan’s on the homestretch with no one even challenging him.” His excitement is contagious as I look up from the screen to watch the car fly toward the start/finish line.

And even though the outcome is unfolding in front of me, my rising anxiety won’t be soothed until I can wrap my arms around him again.

“And it’s Donavan across first! Donavan takes the checkered flag here today at the Indy Lights Grand Prix, ladies and gentleman! Another one in the bag for this talented driver I know we’ll see so much more of in victory lane.”

The box around me buzzes with excitement, but I don’t even stop to chat because my headset’s off and I’m jogging down the stairs. Everyone knows the drill by now, so I’m not worried about who’s with whom or where we’ll meet up again. I fight through the crowd just in time to see his car slowly enter the black and white checkered staging area of victory lane.

My body vibrates with excitement, and my heart is in my throat as I see the crew descend around him, reaching their hands into the open capsule of the car and squeeze his shoulders or pat the top of his helmet in congratulations. I stand back letting them have their team moment, anxious to congratulate him myself.

I see the steering wheel get passed out, and then I watch as he unfolds his body from the car. Hands help steady him as he climbs out and finds his legs after sitting for the past five hours.

The crew steps back as one man approaches. This has been the good luck routine for the past year. Love swells as I watch the man I fall in love with more and more every single day step forward and start to help unbuckle his helmet.

The media pushes their way around me to get closer, but I remain rooted and watch the moment that chokes me up every single time I see it. A moment that will never lose its impact.

The helmet and white balaclava comes off in one smooth stroke, allowing me to see Zander’s eyes sparkle with the same pride and excitement I feel over his win. Colton takes his helmet from him and grabs
our son
in a quick embrace packed full of so many emotions. And I know what Colton is saying to him. The same thing he’s told him countless times over the years.
“I’m proud of you, son. I love you.”
These are the words he wants him to never forget, or ever be ashamed to say. I swallow the lump in my throat as Colton ruffles Zander’s sweat-soaked hair and then steps back to let him have his moment in the sun.

Colton gets lost in the crowd as Becks steps forward and slings an arm around Zander to praise him before the media descends around them.

I stand in the crowd of people around me and wait, knowing he’ll find me. It takes only minutes before I feel his hands slide around my waist and pull me back against him, my softness to his steel, at the same time I feel his mouth against my ear.

“Zander did good today, huh?” The rasp of his voice has me closing my eyes momentarily and wondering how over ten years later that sound can still get to me. Can still cause every feeling to flood back like the first night we met.

I angle my head sideways, his stubble tickling my skin as I move my mouth closer to his ear so he can hear me above the announcers and craziness around us. “He gets better with each race,” I tell him as I press a kiss to the underside of his jaw and hold it there for a moment. “He has a great teacher,” I say, my lips pressed against his skin. “It’s your turn to take the checkered flag now.” I lift my head up just in time to catch him raise an eyebrow and flash a roguish smirk, and I know he’s most definitely not thinking about his race next week. I can’t help the laugh that falls from my lips. “On the track, Ace! You already claimed this one!”

“Damn straight I did.” He laughs before pressing another chaste kiss to the side of my head, leaving his lips there momentarily before murmuring, “I gotta get back to the team. See you in a bit?”

“Mmm-hmm. Tell everyone dinner’s at six-thirty sharp tomorrow, okay?”

“Yep,” he says as he turns me around in his arms to face him and then looks at me for a beat with that soft smile I love. The years have been kind to him, a few more lines around his eyes perhaps, but he still has the same Adonis-like looks that stop my heart.

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips, and it takes everything I have to not sink a little farther into it, into him. Because even after all this time, I simply can’t get enough of him.