Crashing Into Tess (15 page)

At six-thirty, Alice bustled into Tess apartment with
takeout from Mamma Boccini’s, wearing the full skirted
blue dress that Tess had found for her at the thrift store,
white tights, and black buckle shoes. On a hanger in Tess’ s
closet was a white ruffly pinafore Alice had borrowed from
Bea.

They ate and tidied up quickly. While Alice pulled on a
blonde wig in front of her dresser, Tess climbed into a one
piece white flannel pajama she’d ordered. Buttoning up the
front, she said, “Hah, I can wear this next year, too Alice.
You can be Ahab, and I’ll be the whale!”

“Oh, you look cute, Tess! I hope you’re here, next
year.”

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Tess
positioned the headband with bunny ears, put lipstick on
her nose, and drew whiskers with eyeliner. “

Ready to go, White Rabbit?” Alice asked, shrugging
into her coat and picking up the huge cardboard playing
cards Tess had painted.

“Yup, let’s go face the mob,” Tess said, feeling cheery.
As she pulled on her white ruffled coat, the cell in Tess’s
pocket buzzed.
What’s Sammi doing calling me? She’s
supposed to be out looking for Bam-Bam.

“Tess?” Her sister’s voice was frantic. “Tess, Mom just
called. Dad’s been taken to the hospital in an ambulance.
She thinks he’s had a heart attack. It’ll be two hours before
I can get there. Oh, Tess, what if he doesn’t make it?”

A wave of panic surged over Tess, as blindly, she
stammered, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Sammi. I’ll text
you when I have a flight.”

“Okay. I’m still in New York in this crazy Pebbles
dress, but there was no time to change. I don’t even have an
overnight bag. I have to go, I’m at the train station, I have
to pay the cabbie, Tess. See you in Philadelphia.”

“I love you, Sammi.”
“Me, too, Tess.”
Feeling the tears welling in her eyes, Tess ended the

call, struggling to catch her breath.
“Tess, what’s
wrong?” Alice asked.

“That was my sister. It seems my dad had a heart attack.
My mom is at the hospital with him now. It sounds really
serious. I need a flight out of Denver as soon as possible.”

“I’ll drive you to the airport. Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
As Alice spoke, Tess flipped her laptop open, and
searched flights online. Hurriedly, Alice changed. Within
five minutes, Tess had a flight booked. “I’m just taking a

carry on, Alice, I still have clothes at home. But what am I
going to do with Rhiannon?” she asked, an edge of
desperation creeping into her voice.

“Jake and Cassie will be happy to help, you know
that,” Alice soothed, following her into the bedroom. In the
middle of her cheeks were still two circles of lipstick,
barely rubbed off.

Tess went to the bathroom to rub the lipstick off her
nose, handing Alice some tissues and cold cream. “My
flights not until close to midnight, we have time to leave
my apartment key with Lotts, and tell him what’s going
on.”

For the next eight hours, Tess was tortured by the
memory of the last two conversations she’d had with her
parents. She’d been so angry, burning with resentment from
all the undermining they’d done.
I let it build up, instead of
dealing with it, thinking that once I got here, it would all go
away. That was foolish, and childish, really
. The words
she’d last spoken to her father echoed in her head, haunting
her the entire flight.
What if those were the last words I
ever get to say to my dad?

Arriving in Philadelphia, she texted Sam as she sprinted
from the gate towards the airport exit.
3:36 am “Any
word?”

3:38 am “Still waiting. He’s in surgery. There’s hope.”

Flailing her arms, Tess hailed the nearest cab. The
yellow sedan sped north on 76 in pitch black darkness,
slowing as it wound through the labyrinthine construction
around Thirty-Fourth and Spruce Street. Finally at the curb,
she grabbed her carry-on and ran towards the brightly lit
University of Pennsylvania Hospital sign, shoving through
the doors and into glass vestibule. Gasping to the
receptionist, she raced to the elevator, following signs to
the floor ominously marked “Cardiac Unit.”

There, standing in a brightly lit hallway, Tess saw the
shadowy forms of her mother and sister, seated in the
hushed waiting room. She stood stock still, too frightened
to move.
I’m scared to go forward, and I can’t go back.

They moved towards her. Under the bright florescent
lights, Tess saw Sammi’s short fake fur coat, pulled over
grey tights, her raggedy-hemmed haltered mini dress
slashed with grey paint, but it was the appearance of her
indomitable mother that was most startling. Her chignon in
loose disarray at her collar, Noelle looked frail and
uncertain, her eyes tired and shaken.

Then she heard Sam’s voice, and saw her eyes. “Tessie?
Daddy’s had a blocked artery. They were able to stabilize
him. The surgery was a success.”

“Thank God,” Tess exhaled, almost collapsing to the
floor. Her mother and sister surrounded her, their hugs
offering comfort and assurance.

“We can see Daddy in an hour or so, when he’s out of
recovery,” Sam said.

“And now we can make sure some real experts see to
that neck and head of yours, after that terrible auto
accident,” her mother sniffed.

Mom may be down, but she’s not out.
Tess put her arm
around her mother’s tight shoulders as she met Sam’s
steady gaze. Once Richard was out of recovery, Tess,
Samantha and Noelle took turns sitting by his bed, holding
his hand for fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. He was
pasty faced and fragile looking in his blue hospital garb,
tubes and bags and needles and monitors everywhere. The
tense morning passed slowly. By Sunday evening, he’d
improved markedly, and insisted that the girls and Noelle
return home for a good night’s rest.

“Well, he’s back to being himself, calling the shots
again, looking out for us,” Sam remarked with an impish
grin.

Noelle nodded, visibly relieved by her husband’s
recovery. “He’s out of danger, it seems.”

Tess said nothing. She’d been awake for thirty-six
hours, wracked with guilt over her own careless words.
It
almost feels like I jinxed him.

“He’s got the best medical care in the world, Tessie.
He’ll be okay. The doctors said he’ll be fine, better than
before, even,” Sam said with as much enthusiasm as she
could muster, giving Tess a squeeze. “And now there’s a
chance he’ll follow the doctor’s orders.”

“Oh, he won’t have a choice about that,” Noelle said
with conviction.
At least mom sounds like her old self.

“C’mon, its been a long night, let’s find the car and get
a good night’s sleep,” Sammy said.
As Sam maneuvered her mother’s Volvo north on
Lancaster Avenue, Tess felt dazed and disoriented.
It
wasn’t too long ago that Mom and Dad had all the
answers, but now it almost feels like I’m the parent. It’s all
too crazy. Everything is happening too quickly.
It was dark when they arrived at the house. The
neighbor’s Hallowe’en decorations cast an eerie, surreal
gloom, but Buster was waiting at the door, so happy to see
Tess his whole body wiggled. Even so, it was strange to be
home. Tess tried to eat the takeout her mother ordered, but
it tasted like cardboard. She brushed her teeth and crawled
into the white canopy bed in her old room, too tired and
numb to think.
I hope Mom won’t notice how much weight
I’ve lost. She doesn’t need anything else to worry about
.
When Buster poked the door open to lay on the carpet
beside the bed, she let her hand trail down his back. She’d
almost drifted off to sleep when her cell buzzed.
“Hi, Tess. How are things?” Jake’s voice was calm and
concerned
“Okay, my dad is out of danger. The surgery was a
success,” she heard her voice waver, and tried to steady it.
“That’s good news. Cassie and I grabbed Rhiannon this
morning, first thing. She’s here at the ranch with us. We’ve
been thinking of you.”
“Have you? I appreciate that.”
“Cassie wants to say hi. Can I put her on?”
“Sure.”
“Hi, Dr. Tess.” Cassie’s voice was quiet, shy on the
telephone.
“Hi, Cassie. Thank you for taking care of Rhiannon for
me.”
“We didn’t get a chance to ultrasound her belly before
you left, to see the puppies.”
“I know, honey, but I’ll be back soon. How is Sparky?”
“He’s fine. I took a trail ride with Daddy today. It was
cold and Sparky was frisky, but I didn’t let him get away
from me.”
“Your a good little rider, Cassie. Did you have
homework this weekend?”
“Nope, we had a bunch of tests on Friday so Ms. Roper
gave us the weekend off. In math we are adding double
digits. I got a ninety-five on my test, and ninety on
spelling.”
“That’s the way, Cassie. Take your time with
homework, and you’ll ace the test.”
“I’m going to look through those puppy books we got at
the library.”
“That’s a great idea. We’ll see what others we can find,
when I get back, okay?”

“Yup. I want to learn all about puppies. My dad said I
could keep one of Rhiannon’s.”
“That will be fun.”
“I know, my own puppy! I’m so excited.”
They chatted for a few more minutes. When Cassie
wound down, Tess said, “It’s great to talk to you, Cassie.
Thanks very much for taking care of Rhiannon. I’ll bet she
really likes being at the ranch with you and Van and your
dad. You have a good week in school, and work hard,
okay?”
“Okay, here’s my Daddy. Hope your dad is feeling
better and I can see you soon, Dr. Tess.”
“Thank you, sweetie. I hope to see you soon, too.”
“You two sure are good friends.”Jake’s approving
words comforted her. “I’ll give the good news to Alice, so
she can let Doc know. We’re all pulling for your dad, Tess.”
“Thanks, Jake,” she said, emotion choking her voice.
“That’s nice to hear.”
“Just take it easy, Crash, okay?”
“Bye, Jake.”

*****

 

He hung up the phone
and reached for Cassie, taking her
in his arms.

“Gosh, Daddy, what happens when someone’s heart
breaks?” Cassie asked, her face full of alarm.
“You’ve heard me talk about heartbreak, haven’t you,
Cassie?” he asked soberly. “Heartbreak is a term that
means emotional pain. It’s not like a heart attack. A heart
attack is physical, something malfunctions in your body.
C’mon, let’s look it up on the internet, and I’ll try to
explain it.”
Jake and Cassie spent the next hour online, until Jake
was satisfied that Cassie understood what had happened to
Tess’ father.
Before they clicked off the computer, Cassie made him
promise to make an appointment for a stress test. He put his
arms around her.
She has too much to worry about, this
little girl of mine.
“I love you endless miles, Cassie,” he said, tucking her
head under his chin.
“I love you buckets and buckets, Daddy.” Cassie put
her strong little arms around his neck and squeezed. He
couldn’t imagine life without his daughter.
It hadn’t taken
Tess very long to grow attached to Cassie, either.
He felt a wave of guilt for what he’d put Tess through.
“C’mon, let’s make some meatballs, we’ll have
spaghetti for dinner,” he said.
While the meatballs were cooking, he bundled Cassie
and they traipsed to the barn in the day’s snowfall, dogs at
their heels. He fed and watered the horses while she
groomed Sparky. After dinner, a bath and bedtime story, he
switched the nightlight on and left the door open a crack,
just the way Cassie liked it.
Quarterly reports were down on his desk, and he had
plenty of other work in his office, but he went to his room
and relaxed. The ranch house was big, and Cassie felt safer
if he was nearby. He liked to stay close until she fell asleep.
Closing his eyes, he nodded off, remembering how Tess
felt in his arms. Despite all the confusion, he ached to be
close again.
But Tess is in Philadelphia now. She’ll be
reminded of her old life, and all its opportunities. She’ll
leave in June, for her own good. It will hurt, but I’ll bear
it, and so will Cassie, because that is what’s best for Tess.
Her talents would squandered in Green Junction. In the
meantime, we all better play it cool.

*****

Monday morning, Tess waded past
tubes and machines to
visit Richard, who’d been transferred to a private room.
“Hi, Daddy,” she said, kissing his nose.

“You showed some presence of mind, warning me
about this, Tessie,” he said weakly.
“Daddy, stop, please. I’ve felt horrible about it since
Sam called. Will you forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive, darling. You were right,
obviously. I’ve learned my lesson. I ignored advice I should
have heeded, and showed a great deal of hubris with my
health. Your mother and I were very presumptive with our
behavior. It took me awhile to accept, but I’m proud of you
for insisting that we let you fend for yourself,” he smiled
feebly, patting her hand, “And here you are, taking care of
me. I’m so glad to see you, daughter.”
“Thank you, Dad.” Tess hugged him. “ I love you so
much. I’ve felt terrible, all this time, for what I said. I hope
it didn’t upset you too much?”
“No, darling, you didn’t upset me. Your mother and I
were concerned for what you were going through, and it
didn’t take much for me to realize the part I’d played in
complicating things for you. But don’t for a minute think
that discussion had anything to do with this heart attack.
How’s your mother been?”
Tess saw the twinkle in his eye. As she squeezed his
hand, the tears welled.
He loves us all, so much.
“Mom and
I haven’t really talked, but things are okay. She seems to be
holding up.”
“Well, that’s your mother,” he nodded, “She’s a force of
nature, never ceases to amaze me. How are things going
with that young man?”
“What young man?”
Richard’s eyes crinkled, and a look of amusement
crossed his ashen face. “Your yahoo cowboy, of course.”
“Kind of a disaster, still, but he did call yesterday to see
how you were,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders.
“He’s keeping my dog, and his daughter likes me, so that’s
something. Thanks for asking.”
“I’m sorry for interfering, Tessie, and I’ll tell him so if I
get the chance. Even a cranky old legal beagle like me
won’t scare him away if he really loves you.”
“Thanks, Dad.We were sort of dating, and now we’re
not. I don’t think Jake loves me. We’re just friends, really.”
“Good friends is the best way. Your mother and I were
friends in law school, both dating other people, until I
realized she was the one for me, and look at us now. Listen,
Tessie, this is your sister’s last day home. There’s been
enough commotion, I won’t have you stuck here worrying
about me. Go have some fun with her.”
“Give us one more day here with you, Dad. Sam will be
back next Friday, and Mom wants us to go shopping.”
“Well, today you and Sam are having lunch at the
White Dog on me. This all might have been prevented, if
I’d humbled myself and taken my doctor’s advice, just like
my daughter suggested, awhile back.”
“You don’t know that, Dad,” Tess insisted.
Tuesday morning, after Tess dropped Sam at the train
station, she went downtown to visit Grandma Angliotti.
On her way home, she put in a call to her advisor at
New Bolton, equine surgeon Marguerite Sanders. In her
late-sixties, wiry and focused, Dr. Sanders had broken into
veterinary science at a time when few women entered the
field. She was a pioneer, responsible for significant
improvements in many large animal surgical techniques,
and had taken a special interest in Tess. Dr. Sanders had a
gap in her schedule, and they arranged to meet.
“Have you had your fill of the demanding physical
labor of a large animal, field-based practice yet?” Dr.
Sanders asked with a smile, when Tess arrived in her office
Wednesday late morning.
“Not yet,” she smiled, thinking of the enthusiasm the
ranchers around Green Junction seemed to have for her
presence there.
“Tess, our surgical teaching fellowship posts will open
again in June. They are one year assignments, but Dr.
Drake is retiring next spring, and we’ll be seeking a
permanent replacement. We’ve all been really impressed by
your performance, here. I know what you are capable of,
both as a surgeon and a teacher. I’d be happy to recommend
you for the fellowship, if you are interested. Our fellows
will receive strong consideration for Doc Drake’s position.”
Dr. Sanders was serious, Tess realized, and the offer
caught her off guard.
“You don’t need to give me an answer now, but think
about it, okay?” Dr. Sanders asked, eyeing Tess kindly.
She sat in on Dr. Marguerite’s practicum lecture at
noon, and at 1:30 left for the hospital to visit her father,
thinking the entire time about a career move back to
Philadelphia.
Who could have imagined Dr. Sanders would
consider me for such a prestigious post? And why would I
ever turn it down?
That evening at dinner, after a phone call with Alice,
Tess told her mother. “Alice got an envelope at the office
today, with tickets to the VFW Christmas Dinner Dance the
Saturday before Thanksgiving. There’s a Tree Lighting in
Green Junction’s town square beforehand.”
“Is it a formal, Tess?” Noelle asked, stars in her eyes.
“Semi-formal,” Tess said dolefully. The sender of the
tickets was a mystery. When Alice regretfully admitted
she’d had no news from Jake, Tess reminded her that Ron
had offered to send them the tickets.
Can I withstand an
entire evening with Officer Ron, after what he’s done to
Jake?
The sinking feeling in her gut intensified.
At least
Mom is excited. Maybe she’d like to dance with Ron.
“We can go dress shopping tomorrow night, dear,
before Daddy comes home. And we’ll buy those wonderful
little gold sandals we saw Monday night with Sam.
Remember, you said you didn’t have anyplace to wear
them?”
Tess stifled a groan at the prospect of yet another
evening with her mother at the King of Prussia Mall.
Noelle thrived on the bustle of the suburbs, but the crowds
and traffic reminded Tess of the quiet peacefulness she
loved in Green Junction.
She let her mother choose her dress and shoes for the
dance, and Noelle only smiled when Tess selected cotton
and wool turtlenecks instead of silk blouses, and more
sports bras than lacy ones. Tess managed to hold her
mother to two cashmere sweaters, and asked her to help
select one for Alice.
God forbid I’m the only woman in
Green Junction wearing cashmere. Thankfully, Aunt Olivia
can balance the score.
“Alice is a good friend, isn’t she?” Noelle asked. Tess
felt her mother gently take her arm as they made their way
across the darkened parking lot.
Tess was carrying the bags. Smiling, she said, “She is,
Mom. Alice gave me the courage to try Green Junction.
Really, she’s so good to me, out there. I picked the job
because of her and Doc. Doc knows so much, and Alice
always backs me up, no matter what. I hope you can try to
understand what working there means to me, and it’s so, so
beautiful there. I hope you and Dad and Grandma will all
come visit, before I leave.”
“Tess, I am sorry for jumping to conclusions about that
young man. I was anxious after you’d left, and I was
missing you. You were so far away. It wasn’t fair for me to
channel my anxiety the way I did, though. I created
distance between us, and then overreacted at the insurance
receipts, which set your father off. The police report
seemed to validate all my concerns, but I should have
spoken to you first, I see that now.”
“I hid the accident because I didn’t want it to turn into
some kind of huge production, Mom. All summer, you
made no secret of your disapproval of my move. It just
seemed like a hassle, to compound that with anything else.”
“I know I’m responsible for the communication
breakdown, dear, and I’m sorry. I am. I’m still mystified by
it all, though. What is the attraction to Green Junction.?”
“I just feel stifled when I’m here, Mom. It’s hard to
explain, really, but out there, the spaces are so big. It’s a
small town, and people really do pitch in and help each
other out in a simple, old fashioned way. It’s a good change
for me. And the work is fascinating. The animals are vital
there, they’re not just pets. The ranchers I work for have
given their lives to raising animals. It’s a round the clock
commitment and it makes them different people, better
people, in some ways. At least, that’s what it seems to me.”
Tess felt her mother’s arm slip around her waist.
Quietly, Noelle said. “I wish I’d given you a chance to try
to explain that, Contessa, before you left. Honestly, dear, I
was selfish. I couldn’t get past the feeling that you were
failing me, by leaving, by choosing a path I didn’t
understand. But I made one snap judgment after another. I
didn’t even try to understand, did I?”
“It didn’t seem so, Mom.”
“Promise to make me understand, next time, no matter
how hard headed I am, okay?” Her mom kissed her cheek,
handing Tess the keys.