Crashing Into You (3 page)

“You don’t have to say that,”
I said.

“It’s true. I’m bummed our
class is over. Who knows when we’ll get to spend more time together.”

I slowed down. I’d been so
worked up about the class that the realization hadn’t set in. These Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday mornings, chatting up Evan in the U-Hall food court, were
done. Forever. I thought I was going to start crying again, for entirely
different reasons.

I licked my lips, tried to
stay positive. “You know... we can still hang out, Evan.”

“I don't know about that,” he
said, glancing away from me.

“What do you mean?”

“Mel… she… how do I put
this?” He slowed down. “She and I have been having some problems lately.
Nothing major, but...”

“Really? I had no idea.” And
I didn’t. “I'm sorry.” Was I, though?

“Yeah. I need to work hard on
making things right with her. And me and you spending time together, now that
our class is done... well, it probably won't help that.”

He stopped when we reached my
dorm entrance. He had another class across campus at noon, so he couldn’t stay
long. Sometimes he went upstairs to hang out with Melanie, and sometimes he
just kept on walking. It looked like he was going to pick the latter.

I hesitated on asking the
pivotal question, but I couldn't help myself. “You still love her, right?”

He nodded. “Of course I do.”

“How long have you been
dating now?” I asked, trying to hide my disappointment. “It's been a year,
right?”

“A year on Tuesday. I can't
believe it's already our anniversary.”

“Yeah, I know. You have
anything planned?”

“Nothing major. Just a
romantic dinner, and I'm gonna take her to
Book
of Mormon
at the Pantages.”

“But…” I didn't want to say
it. I really didn’t want to look like the ultimate lame-o. “It’s
finals next week.”

He smiled, and tried to hold
in a laugh, I could tell. “Mel can step away from studying for one night, Syd.
It won’t kill her.” He nudged me on the shoulder. “It won’t kill you either,
you know.”

“I’ll have my fun in a week.
When I walk out of my communications final next Friday, I’m headed straight for
the beach. And I’m not leaving for the rest of the summer.”

“I see. So you’ll pee in the
ocean?”

I slugged him. “Shut up.”

“Just kidding. No, that
sounds good to me. I can’t wait to go to the beach more. I've been so busy.”

I grinned, and looked down. A
few seconds passed, neither of us said anything. Here was that awkward moment
again. Would he hug me, or just move along?

“Well, it was nice to see you,”
I said.

“You too, Syd.”

He leaned in, and wrapped his
strong, slender arms around me. I didn’t know how to react. He’d hugged me
before, but never like this, never with this kind of intimacy. I didn’t fight
it. I wedged my arms under his, planted my head against his chest.

“I’m sorry about what
happened to you,” he said. “I wish you would have told me.”

“It’s okay. It was years ago.”

“Well, still. I don’t want
you to hide things from me. We're friends. I care about you.”

I closed my eyes. I didn’t
want the moment to ever end. I felt so safe in his arms, like I didn’t have to
fear anything about my past, or my present. Why couldn’t he be with me? He
wouldn't have any problems with
me
.

“I care about you, too,
Evan.”

I brought my head back, peered
into his delicate eyes. He smiled back at me. I wanted to kiss him. I really,
really wanted to kiss him. Screw the consequences.
 

“Evan?” a voice said behind
me. “What are you doing?”

My rapidly beating heart dropped
down to my stomach. I turned around.
 

It was Melanie.

Chapter 4

“Evan? Is that you?”

He let me go so fast I almost
fell. “Oh, hey Mel!” he said, with way too much enthusiasm. “I was just gonna
come and get you!”

He jogged up to her and gave
her a sloppy kiss on the lips.

I winced, then waved at her.
“Hi Melanie.”

“Hey.” She didn’t say my
name. Not a good sign. “Is there a reason you two were just hugging each other?”

I opened my mouth to speak,
but Evan beat me to it. “Something happened in class,” he said. “She talked
about something that was really painful.”

“Oh?”

I normally wouldn't have
interjected, but I had to make sure she didn’t suspect anything. Not that she
necessarily
had
anything to suspect,
but still. “I told the class about my car accident. From high school.”

“Oh,” she said again, more
knowingly.

“Yeah, I never really gave
you all the details,” I said. “It’s worse than what I told you before.”

“A lot worse,” Evan added.

“Well, I'm sorry to hear
that,” she said. She nodded at me, graciously, then turned to Evan. “Wanna get
some breakfast?”

“Uhh, sure.” I didn't think
he was allowed to say no.

“Okay, let's go.” She glanced
back at me. Gave me a slight smile I couldn't tell was genuine or not. “See you
later, Sydney.”

“Bye!”

I hurried back to my dorm
room. Ran up the flights of stairs to the third story hallway and headed to the
last door on the right. I swiped my student ID through the slot. A red light. Rejected.
I tried it again. Same thing.

“For God’s sake,” I said. My ID
never worked. All year it took at least three attempts every time I tried to
unlock the door.

This time, it took five.

I lay down on my bed, and
closed my eyes, savored the silence. I thought of Evan, and nothing but Evan.
Was I ever going to spend time with him again, away from Melanie? As far as I
knew, we were both staying in L.A. for the summer. Maybe we'd bump into each
other somewhere. Maybe.

I went to my atmospheric
science class at 2, my last regular class of the year. I debated
skipping—I had attended every session of the semester and could afford an
unexcused absence—but I figured the very thorough Mr. Langenbottom would
give us prime tips for next week’s final. Of course, he didn’t. He rattled on
about circulation patterns and convective heat transfers for the better part of
an hour. He didn’t even mention the final.

At the end of the class, I
packed up and headed to the Lair, the university’s centrally located food court,
for a late lunch. The place was always so dead on Fridays, but I found Lukas
sitting at one of the round tables. He was wearing his usual—white
collared shirt over brown Corduroy pants. He had hazel eyes, and black, spiked
hair. He was a cute little thing. He was my only close friend at Loyola
Marymount, the only one I spent time with outside of campus on a regular basis.
 

He wasn’t my boyfriend,
though; he wasn’t some medium-handsome guy I dated on the side while I pined
after my number one dreamboat, Evan. No, Lukas had as much sexual interest in
me as he had in an orangutan.

“You’re studying already?” I
asked, as I took a seat across from him. His head was buried in a book that
looked a thousand pages. “You’re making me feel bad.”

“I’m studying all weekend, I swear
to God,” he said, and pressed his fingers against the sides of his black-framed
glasses. “I have no idea why I signed up for six classes this semester.”

“I don't either, that’s
insane. I didn’t even know you could sign up for six.”

“You’re allowed eighteen
units. I took dance theory as an elective. Thought it might help raise my GPA a
little, but it’s doing the opposite.” He took a bite of his turkey sandwich,
then smiled real big and dorky. “But anyway, I'll get through it. Here's the
real question.” He studied me for a moment. “Did you hang out with
Evan
this morning?” He enunciated his
name for dramatic effect.

I took a hearty bite of my
Ranch-covered salad and said, “Maybe.”

“Maybe? You totally did. Look
at you. You’re
radiating sex.”

I almost choked on the
lettuce. I darted my eyes in every direction, made sure Melanie, or one of her
gossipy sorority sisters, wasn't listening. “Lukas, keep your voice down.
What’s the matter with you?”

Lukas knew I had a crush on
Evan, but it was something between
us
.
He rarely blurted it out for the whole school to hear. “I’m sorry, but it’s
true. You’re kind of… I don’t know… glowing.”

I leaned against the table
and said, under my breath, “Thanks, I guess. But we did not have sex, Lukas.
He’s my roommate’s boyfriend. Or did you forget that?”

“No, I know.”

“So why’d you say it?”

“I didn’t say you had sex. I
said you
look
like you had sex. Two
very different things.” He brought his arms down to the table, and dipped his
head even farther toward mine. “Isn’t it killing you inside? The desire to be
with him?”

“You know what, it's not, it’s
fine. I like where our relationship is right now. There's a respect between us.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What
relationship? You guys hang out once in a while and
talk
.”

“So? It’s better than
nothing. It’s better than seeing him make out with Melanie every time I walk
into my dorm.” I took a sip from my water, then pushed the bottle between me
and Lukas, so there was something blocking us. I hated when he kept asking me
about Evan. It was all he ever seemed to care about anymore. “What’s it to you,
anyway? Can’t you stop worrying about me all the time, and find a guy of your
own?”

He shook his head real fast,
and sat back in his chair. “Nah. There’s nobody worth my time.”

“Really? That’s so
depressing. There’s a ton of cute guys around here, Lukas. At least some
of them have to be gay. You’re just not
looking hard enough.”

He shoved his sandwich into
his mouth and took a huge bite, but still tried to talk. “They’re all so
immature,” he said, although what came out sounded more like, “They’re all
manure.”

I laughed.

“What?” he said.

“Nothing.” I sighed. Took
another bite of my boring salad. I looked out the window, thought I saw a
shirtless Evan playing frisbee with a friend. But it was someone else. “Did you
know Evan’s one year anniversary with Melanie is on Tuesday?”

“You're kidding. They’ve been
going out that long?”

“Apparently. It’s so unfair…”
I plunked my forehead against the table.

“Sydney?” Lukas brought his
chin down to the table, pushed his hand against my forehead so he could see my
face again. “What’s wrong?”

“When do I get
my
anniversary?” I asked, and sat back
up. “The only anniversary in my life is in October when Baskin Robbins brings
back pumpkin ice cream.”

He chuckled, and shot me a
paternal look. “Well, my dear, I hate to break it to you, but you never go out.
And when you do, it’s with me, the cutest guy on campus you can never have.” He
paused, and gave me a phony wink. “And the only guy you’ve been crushing on for
the last two years is the
other
guy
on campus you can’t have, the one committed to his girlfriend, your roommate.
My God, it’s like some cheesy soap opera.”

“Don't remind me,” I said. I wanted
to slam my forehead against the table again, but decided to stay upright. “Why
do you have to be so damn right all the time?”

“Because. It’s my job.”

Lukas and I had been friends
since the beginning of freshman year, since Intro to Philosophy. We bonded over
all the movies we had to watch for the class, like
Blade Runner
,
The Matrix
,
Being
John Malkovich
. He had a Netflix subscription so I started going to
his dorm a lot to watch the DVDs. We discovered we both loved movies, so we
started going to the nearby Rave Cinemas on the weekends to check out the
newest offerings. And we’d been inseparable ever since.
 

Lukas put his hand on mine.
It didn’t give me the same feeling as Evan’s tender touch, but it was still
comforting. “So are you gonna stay cooped up all weekend studying like me? Or
are you gonna go have some fun?”

“I have to study,” I said. “I
have the whole summer to have fun. Can’t I have just a few more days of peace and
quiet before everyone starts forcing me to go to parties every other night?”

“Nobody’s saying that,” he
said, “but come on, Sydney, when’s the last time you did something unexpected.
You know... something
dangerous
.”

I glared at him. “I’ve done
something dangerous before, Lukas. I’d prefer not to have it repeated.”

I didn’t need to say another
word; he knew exactly what I meant. Unlike Melanie and Evan, Lukas knew every
detail of my deadly car accident.