Crave 02 - Sacrifice (20 page)

Shay was calming down, at least a little. Gabriel didn’t know why or how, but the knowledge that she didn’t feel as if she were in immediate danger soothed him. He tried to lose himself in her emotions, to become one with her in the only way he still could. But other emotions battered him, especially those from Tamara. Tamara was furious, and more than that, Gabriel could feel her lust for vengeance. She was glad that Gabriel was now being held prisoner by his own family, locked away in one of the farmhouse’s small bedrooms while the family discussed what should be done with him.

Was Tamara angry enough to want Gabriel dead? Perhaps not. Perhaps she’d be satisfied with the fact that Gabriel had lost everyone he loved. He was grateful that he couldn’t feel Ernst’s emotions. The hawthorn had severed Ernst’s communion with the family.

However bad it was for me to lose my connection, it must be a thousand times more traumatic for Ernst,
he thought. His father was
unimaginably old, older even than Gabriel knew. Ernst was always vague about his birth. But certainly he had been in communion with at least one other vampire since Gret, who had been born well before Sam.
Ernst is alone now for the first time in more than six hundred years. The shock could be enough to drive him mad.

But sympathy for his father came tinged with anger. It was because of Ernst’s hatred for humans that any of this had happened. If they’d never killed Sam, if he’d been allowed to marry Emma and be a father to Shay . . .

It was no good thinking of things that would never be.

Gabriel allowed himself to focus on Shay’s emotions again. Her fear and panic had definitely subsided, leaving anxiety behind, and the heavy pull of sadness. He wouldn’t have been surprised to still feel anger in her, after everything that had happened. But there was only the slightest twinge left. The sadness overwhelmed everything else.

She feels my emotions too,
Gabriel reminded himself. He thought about focusing on his love for her, trying to make the sensation that reached her as strong as possible, to prove to her that no matter what, his love for her was true. He knew all the members of his family would get the blast of emotion as well, but he didn’t care. He wanted them to know how he felt about the person they considered to be an abomination.

Instead, Gabriel clamped down on his love for Shay. She wouldn’t want to feel it and it would be wrong to force it on her. She hated him. He deserved her hatred. If she needed his help—the way she had during her first feeding—he would try to give it to her. Otherwise, he’d shield her as much as he could from the emotions he knew she’d be repulsed by.

The sound of the door swinging open pulled Gabriel away from his thoughts. “Come on,” Luis said from the doorway. “Ernst is ready for you.”

Gabriel pushed himself off the bed, ignoring the way his stomach clenched. He was hundreds of years old, yet he felt like a little boy being called to his father for punishment. As a distraction, Gabriel attempted to pick out Luis’s emotions from the powerful mix. His weren’t as strong as Tamara’s. Millie’s either. Millie was pumping out fear, and Gabriel was sure it was fear over what was going to happen to him.

Luis’s emotions were muted, held in check. Gabriel decided that it meant Luis was trying to keep an open mind.
That’s at least something,
he thought as he followed Luis to the dining room, where his entire family had gathered around the heavy oak table, Ernst at the head. Gabriel slid into the chair opposite the man who was his father in every way that mattered. Millie was to his right. She gave him the barest of nods, and he returned it.

“Millie thinks that we should hear your side of the events,” Ernst told Gabriel, without meeting his eyes. “I believe that your actions told us everything we need to know, but you may attempt to defend them if you wish.”

Gabriel clasped his hands in front of him, considering how to answer. “My actions led to Richard’s death,” he said simply, his voice steady as he gazed around the table at his family. “There is no way to defend that.” He hesitated for a moment, then added, “If I hadn’t done what I did, Shay would be dead. That’s the truth of it. I had to choose between them, and I chose her.”

“Over your family,” Ernst thundered. He sounded like one of the
ancient gods, filled with wrath, and this time he looked Gabriel full in the eyes.

“When I joined the family, it was made clear to me that we protect each other at all costs,” Tamara said. “Gabriel is right. There is no defense for what he did.”

Gabriel stood. He noticed Luis tense, but he didn’t rise. “We do always say that we protect each other, always. That the family stands together,” Gabriel agreed. “That’s what we say. But that’s not how we behave.”

“You know that is—,” Ernst began.

Gabriel held out one hand, silencing him. “You told me you would hear what I had to say.”

“Go on.” Ernst’s voice was tight with held-back emotion.

“We didn’t stand with Sam. And we didn’t stand with Shay, who, as Sam’s daughter, is as much a part of this family as he was,” Gabriel said.

“Sam intended to leave the family,” Tamara snapped. “You’re turning the truth around. He rejected all of us.”

“Sam didn’t want to leave, he
had
to! He knew we wouldn’t support his love for a human. Our hatred for their kind forced him to choose between us and the woman he loved,” Gabriel retorted. “By my definition, that wasn’t us standing with him.”

“You didn’t feel that way at the time,” Ernst reminded him. “It was you who informed me of Sam’s betrayal. And you took part in the blood ritual that killed him.”

“I was wrong.” Gabriel felt the oily mix of guilt and grief he always did when he thought of Sam. Of what he had done to Sam. “
We
were wrong.” He hadn’t believed that until he’d fallen in love with a human
himself. He’d hated that Sam had to be killed, but he’d been positive it was necessary for the family’s safety. Now he knew better, because of Shay. “Something wonderful happened to Sam. He fell in love. And instead of celebrating his happiness, the way a family should, we murdered him for it.”

“He fell in love with a human!” Ernst roared. Now he was on his feet, glaring at Gabriel. “After he’d seen what they do. After he’d seen them kill almost his entire family!”

“In another place. Another century!” Gabriel yelled back. “The humans who massacred our family in Greece are long dead. Sam didn’t fall in love with any of them, but with a different kind of person—”

“They are all the same when they find out about vampires,” Ernst cut in. “Violent and murderous. Tell a human the truth and that human turns against us. And we were supposed to approve of Sam putting us all at risk like that?”

He strode around the table toward Gabriel. “And you did the same thing. You did the same thing, and now Richard is dead.”

“Shay had nothing to do with that. You decided to use her as bait, and the plan went awry. I’m to blame, but so are you. Not Shay,” Gabriel burst out, his hands curving into fists as he faced his father. “And Emma wouldn’t have done anything to harm us. She knew the truth about our existence, but all she cared about was her love for Sam. She didn’t see him as a creature to be feared and hated. There was no reason to believe she would have brought any harm to us.”

“But she did,” Luis said evenly. “She’s the one who told Martin about us.”

“Only after we killed the one she loved. We made her believe Sam
had abandoned her and left her to raise their baby alone,” Gabriel countered.

“Humans can’t be trusted,” Ernst insisted. It was something he’d said again and again and again over the years.

“
Some
humans,” Gabriel corrected, lowering his voice and forcing his hands to unclench. “Not all. Shay taught me that. She risked her life for mine more than once.”

“Are you listening, Ernst?” Millie asked. “Please listen.”

“You are saying that Richard’s death is my fault,” Ernst said.

Gabriel sighed. He didn’t want to force such a heavy responsibility onto his father’s shoulders, not when he himself bore a lot of the blame too. “I’m saying that our beliefs have led us to this place,” he said slowly. “We have reasons to fear and hate the humans who massacred us. And Martin, who treated me like less than an animal. But we can’t continue to fear and hate all humans. I shouldn’t have had to choose between loving Shay and loving my family. Everything would have been so different . . .”

“Different how?” Luis asked, voice neutral.

“I wouldn’t have had to decide between saving Shay’s life and fighting by Richard’s side,” Gabriel explained. “Shay wouldn’t have been near death. She would have been given the blood she needed. She wouldn’t have been locked away by herself. She would have been part of our family.”

He rushed on. “I can’t be the only one who has come to regret what we did to Sam. To our brother.” Tears stung his eyes as he looked at Ernst. “To our son. His death was the result of our prejudice, mine as much as the rest of yours. Yet he still was able to forgive us. We all felt it, even though we’ve never spoken of it.”

Millie let out a sob.

“We could have begun to make things right by treating Sam’s daughter as if she belonged with us,” Gabriel went on. “But instead—”

“Enough!” Ernst’s voice was edged with steel. “Sam was put to death because his actions risked all of our lives. As have yours. And you will meet the same fate.”

“No!” Millie cried. “Ernst, no! Please!”

Ernst didn’t even glance in her direction. “Gabriel, I hereby sentence you to death.”

S
HAY STARED THROUGH THE WINDOW
of Starbucks at her best friend. It had only been a little over a week since she last saw Olivia, but it felt like a lifetime.

It was about an hour after sunset, and Shay had already gorged herself on blood—cold, from a bag, and entirely revolting. But it worked. She was calm and not hungry. Yet here she was lurking in the darkness while Olivia and Kaz sat cheerfully inside. They looked so . . . young, Kaz stealing a sip of Olivia’s smoothie and Olivia giving him a smack on the arm.

Shay had never really felt like she was the same age they were. In some ways, her school friends had seemed so much older—having
love lives, taking road trips to see colleges, even drinking. All things Shay couldn’t do because she was so weak. But in most ways, she’d felt light-years more mature than people like Kaz and Olivia. They simply didn’t have to think about serious things the way she did. Plus, it had always felt as if hospital time counted like dog years, and Shay had put in a lot of hospital time.

But now, watching them, she felt even older than before, even more separate from her friends.
Why wouldn’t I? I’m not even the same species,
she reminded herself.

Olivia suddenly narrowed her eyes, peering through the window. She spotted Shay and shook her head, but her lips curled into a smile, and Shay felt herself smile in response. The feelings of being different and alien and old vanished. Shay rushed inside and over to her friends.

Olivia jumped up and wrapped Shay in a hard hug.

Shay’s vampire senses exploded. Olivia’s blood thrumming against the walls of her veins. The smell of it, caffeinated and salty-sweet. The feel of her heart pulsing with life. Saliva flooded Shay’s mouth, and she felt her fangs start to release.

No, no, no!
Shay stumbled away and wrapped her arms around herself. She dug her nails into her skin and concentrated on the small pain, using it to pull her focus away from Olivia’s blood.

Olivia studied her. “Well, you look okay. You look great, actually.”

“Not about to faint, right?” Shay asked, her fangs safely retracted. It must have been some kind of an instinctive response. Because how could she possibly crave more blood when she’d fed less than an hour ago? She could still feel the new blood cells moving through her, bouncing off one another. She’d never felt more alive.

Not true,
a small voice whispered in her mind.
I felt more alive that night Gabriel and I were together.

That night in the barn, Shay had still been half human. Death had been hovering over her, waiting for the moment when she didn’t have vampire blood to keep her body functioning. But when she and Gabriel lay there, bodies tangled together, she’d felt more alive than she ever had or ever would. Sure, right now, her body was pulsing with vitality. But that night with Gabriel, her mind, and body, and heart had been alive with joy and, yes, love.

“Shay Stadium!” Kaz cried. It was an old joke from her old life. It felt good to hear those words, words from before—before she’d had transfusions from a vampire, before that vampire had taken her hostage, before she’d fallen in love with him. . . .

There was no point in thinking about Gabriel. He wasn’t who she’d thought he was. But Kaz and Olivia were still themselves. Shay had managed to piss them both off in the last month or so, acting all kinds of crazy with the strength of Gabriel’s blood in her veins. And yet here they were, hundreds of miles from home, ready to help her.