Crave (13 page)

Chapter 28

It’s moving day and I’m waiting for Blaine. Lately, I’ve felt like things are off. I know I attach a lot to sex, but I have a hard time believing I’m completely wrong about that. Since the night before Tim died, we haven’t even had a make-out session. Kisses are brief and hands stay put. Not even sexually-charged comments are made. It has me second-guessing myself.

The biggest question in my mind? Why hasn’t he made a move to do more? I thought we were almost there before the avalanche. I have no doubt Blaine loves me, but I’m seriously frustrated. I wonder if he just doesn’t find me sexually appealing, and it’s messing with my insecurities in a big way.

I decide to give Gretchen a quick call to sort this out. “Hey, Gretchen! How’s the man candy?” She is dating a new guy and is smitten.

“Oh, girl, he makes my toes curl! How’s your sex life? Sorry, low blow. Ha! Get it? Low? Blow?”

I giggle. “It’s so good to hear your voice. I miss you so much.”

“Uh-oh, what’s going on?”

“I need a little Gretchen advice. I’m having a real problem with my non-existent sex life. Do you think maybe he just isn’t attracted to me?”

“You’re one of the most sexual people I know. I can’t imagine any guy not being attracted to you. You ooze sex. They smell it and don’t even know why they want you, just that they do.”

“I’m flattered?” I snort.

“I’ve got to say something you need to hear, so please don’t be mad and promise me you’ll think about it.”

When she starts this way, it’s always something that hurts. But damn it, she’s usually right. “Got it. My eyes are closed. Hit me with your best shot.”

“Sweetie, take a long, hard look at why you love Blaine. Because I’m not so sure it’s him. It may be the idea of a family with him. It may be that he checks all the boxes on your fucking list. But guess what? You forgot to add the intimacy box. You’re a passionate woman and won’t survive without it.”

There is silence for a few moments. “Casey?”

“Yeah?”

“Just make sure you aren’t seeing only what you want to see. Okay?”

“Okay. Blaine just pulled in. Gotta go.”

“Love you. Call later if you want. I’ll always answer for you. Always.”

I have a quick vision of her in the middle of something naked and answering the phone. I smile. “You might be sorry you promised that. Love you too, Gretch.”

***

When everything you own fits in or on a car, moving is easy. We manage to pack and get my things to Clara’s in a morning. I’m in the bedroom sorting my clothes. Blaine sits on the bed to watch and make comments about my fashion sense.

“Listen, Mr. Flip-Flops-Are-Dress-Shoes. I do need four pairs of black heels. Deal with it.” I smile because, honestly, shoes aren’t up for negotiation with any guy.

Teasing me, he holds up a pair of pink thong sandals and says, “Fine, but they do make these in black you know.”

At least he sees the humor.

“Nick texted. He and Megan can make it tonight.” Blaine looks at his phone and taps out a message.

I hold up my fingers one by one as I count. “Kaleb, Tara, Nick, Megan, you, me—that’s six of us. We’ll need at least nine burgers. I’ll text Megan about what she can bring.”

“Nick just replied. Megan will bring a salad. He said to tell you that she’ll bring wine coolers too.”

“What are the guys drinking?”

“Beer and maybe some kind of manly shot.” He chuckles, knowing I’ll react.

“Manly?” I slingshot a lace thong his way.

He catches it and holds it up to see what I threw. I can tell he’s trying to sort out how it’s worn. I swear this guy has no clue.

“It’s underwear. Didn’t any of your old girlfriends ever wear one?”

He looks flustered. “Um. I guess. I just never noticed.” Wow, maybe he is a virgin.

“I’ll take that as a challenge.” I wink at him and he blushes. Did I just scare him? I think it’s time for some honesty.

I take a deep breath. “Can I ask you a personal question?” I climb on the bed across from him. He braces in fear.

“Sure.”

“Are you a virgin?”

Relief floods his face. “No. But I’ve only been with one girl.”

I nod my head. That explains so much. “Thanks for being honest.”

I take another big breath. It’s time for me to be honest too. “I would like us to take our physical relationship further. I…” Damn, this is scary. How do I say it? “I’m ready for us to make love.” Actually, I’m ready for sex. Lots of hot, sweaty, lust-filled sex.

He tilts his head and a slow smile covers his face. “I want that, too.”

Wow, this is huge. But I guess he doesn’t want it right now. Sweet Jesus, I’m like a guy. I need to control my urges and make it right for him.

I kneel up and kiss him on top of the head. Then I grab the pile of dresses behind him. “Here, put these on hangers for me? I’ll get started on the bathroom.” And maybe take a cold shower. I smile to myself as I walk out of the room.

Chapter 29

I’m ready fifteen minutes before people are due to arrive. Blaine’s getting the food, beer, and ice and still hasn’t returned. He texted me to say he was running late and please don’t worry, that nobody will come at six anyway. While I know it’s true, it still makes me crazy. If I were a nail-biter, that’s what I would be doing. I’ve checked everything that could be checked.

I take a final look in the bedroom mirror. I’m dressed in a teal, scoop-neck tee. It has little crystals around the neckline that sparkle when the light catches them right. And of course, I have on my emerald studs. My jeans are tight in all the right places, although not as tight as I like. I even did cat-eye makeup tonight. I feel quite sexy.

The front door squeaks open. Blaine calls out, “Casey! I could use a little help.”

“Coming!” I jog to the living room and see him precariously loaded up with bags. I grab a few before he drops them and carry them to the kitchen counter. “Want me to get more from the car?”

“No, I’ll get them. You go ahead and get started setting things up. Sorry I’m late. I know what that does to my terminally early girl.” He places a quick kiss on the top of my head.

I spend the next few minutes ordering him around while I frantically organize food for the table. Finally, everything is in place. “Whew. We’re ready. Thanks, Blaine. I know I can be a bit of a control freak.”

I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
Let’s get this party started.
I reach up and kiss him. I slide my hands under his shirt and around to his chest. My fingers are twined in the hair. I break away and start to kiss his neck. I taste the salty musk of him. My hand reaches down and rubs his crotch. The promise of something grows.

He breaks away. “Whoa, people will be here soon.”

Is he afraid? I look up into his eyes and try to see what’s there. He doesn’t look lusty right now. He looks strained. Huh.

“Let the party begin!” Tara bursts through the door, breasts first. She’s wearing a tight shirt cut so low even I can’t help but stare. She gives me air kisses. In her hands is a huge platter. I can see it’s from The Wine and Cheese Shop. The pungent smell of Munster sneaks into my nose, and I notice my favorite whiskey-aged cheddar. Tara tilts her head toward the dining room. “On the table?”

“Yes, that’s perfect. Thanks, it looks amazing.”

Kaleb comes in behind her with a case of beer. He stops and looks me up and down. “Johnson, that is a mighty fine-looking woman right there. You better treat her right.” I blush. He and Blaine fist bump. Then Kaleb leans down and whispers in my ear. “If you ever dump him, I’m available.” He gives me a wink and walks away.

That was just the ego boost I needed. I puff my chest out a little. It should be a fun night.

Blaine is in the kitchen. “Tara, what can I get for you?”

“Beer, please. I hope you have more than what we brought. I feel the need to rage tonight. Look out. Yee-haw!”

I look over at Kaleb and wonder what he thinks of that. Of course Tara is probably one of those drunken women that like it wild and crazy. Recalling a few nights of my own in that state, I guess it’s just fine. Or not. I flash to Blaine’s discomfort moments ago. But Kaleb arranges the beer in the ice and doesn’t even seem to notice. That’s a guy who gets his girlfriend.

Megan and Nick have arrived too. I walk over to the door to see if they need help. Megan’s hands fly all around as she talks. I can’t hear what they say, but it looks like a fight. I sigh and move away from the door. I hope it’s nothing serious.

Moments later Megan steps through the door. “Hello! Hello!”

I greet her with a hug. “Great to see you. Should I put one of those in a girly glass for you?” I grab the six-pack of wine coolers out of her hand.

“Yes, please. I really need it tonight.”

I squint my eyes at her. I grab her hand. “Come with me.” I pull her into the kitchen. I reach up in a cabinet and pull out a Lindt truffle. I unwrap it and say, “Open.” She does and I pop it in her mouth. “Don’t speak, just taste it and let the medicinal properties work.” I watch her. At first she tastes chocolate. Then she bites into it, and I know the most amazing ganache oozes out. A creamy, sweet flavor invades her mouth. Her eyes get big.

“Oh. That was good. That was delicious.” She giggles. “I think that might beat sex.”

“There’s more if you need to take them home tonight.” I tease. I hand her a wine cooler in a pink-rimmed martini glass.

Nick sticks his head in the kitchen. “Hey, Casey.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He looks over at Megan. She glares at him, and he disappears. I don’t ask.

Dinner goes well. I’m so busy making sure people have what they need and assisting Blaine, the grill master, I notice I’m not drinking. I dump my warm, flat wine cooler down the sink and fill my blue-rimmed martini glass with a fresh one. The bubbles tickle my nose as I take a sip.

For dessert, I made strawberries dipped in dark chocolate. I set them out on the table along with fresh whipped cream. Nick goes over and puts a few on a small plate. I stand by the sliding glass door to the deck. It’s dark now and Blaine must have lit the candles. I watch firelight dance over faces. It’s a great party. Nick brushes by me and toward Megan. She’s on her second wine cooler and appears to be over whatever it is they fought about. He takes her by the hand as he sits in a chair and pulls her into his lap. He feeds her a strawberry. With each bite, he dips it in the whipped cream again. She giggles as he gets whipped sweetness on her face. When she’s on her last bite, he begins to lick the cream off her cheek and kisses her. I watch as it turns into something more sensual and my insides flutter a little.

Tara sides up next to me and slips her arm around my waist. Her vanilla spice perfume surrounds us. In a voice that’s just a little too loud she says, “Aww, look at that. They’re so cute.”

Megan comes inside and reaches into the ice for a beer. Water runs down the side as she pulls it out.

“Dang, girl, you have that man wrapped around your little finger!” Tara sighs. “I’ll bet you know how to make him crazy with one little thing.”

Megan rolls her eyes. “He’s so easy. All I have to do is kiss his neck and he melts like butter.” She hugs herself and shudders the slightest bit. “I do love butter.” There’s an evil smile on her face.

Tara gulps the beer in her mouth. “I love finding the magic button. First you get to search.” She wiggles her eyebrows at us, “And that part is fun. But for me, knowing I can bring him to his knees whenever I want? That’s power.” She raises her beer high and then takes a swig.

Megan looks over at me. “What’s Blaine’s magic button? Because you sure found it.”

Hell if I know. “Ah.” I blush and can’t even think of a way to avoid the question.

Tara puts a hand on my arm. “You don’t have to tell us, sugar. Sometimes those things should be kept a secret.”

Megan tilts her head at me. “Whatever it is. Don’t you dare tell. Do you know he doesn’t even flirt with other girls? They try. Believe me, they try and he reacts as if he has no interest.”

“I know!” Tara pipes in. “Kaleb told me the other day rumor used to be he’s gay. Can you imagine that piece of beefcake being gay? It would be cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me.” She takes another sip of her beer.

Yup, now I know Tara’s drunk. This isn’t a comfortable conversation. At all. “Speaking of my gorgeous man, I’m going to go find him.” I wave my fingers at them and walk out to the deck.

I step into the cool night air and take a deep breath. My stomach flips. What if my problem is that Blaine is gay? I look over at him. I can tell he’s had more than usual. He is more animated in his stories and quicker to laugh. I’m fascinated. I sit in a chair and join the guys. They’re talking about some female instructor and how she couldn’t control a class of boys. I half listen and watch Blaine. Gretchen’s words are in the back of my mind.
Just make sure you aren’t seeing only what you want to see.
Right now I see a happy guy enjoying his friends. I wonder what I’ll see later tonight?