Crave (6 page)

Chapter 14

The next few weeks are full of evenings with Blaine and Tuesday double dates with Nick and Megan. And kissing, lots and lots of kissing. We haven’t moved much past it, which has been fine until now. It’s starting to seem weird.

I think he needs a little push. I decide to employ my favorite technique, alcohol. Blaine lives a few blocks away from the boarding house. Most nights I walk over and he walks me home. Mrs. Matheson thinks of me as one of her good girls. When I get in evenings, she only requires I pop my head in her sitting room to tell her I’m there.

I’m sure she wouldn’t know if I had one glass of wine with food.

I decide to dress a little sexier than usual. I pull out a matching plum bra and panty set. I lean forward and put on the bra. The push-up style makes me look larger than I am. I turn from side to side and check out how it looks with my hair flowing over my chest. I straightened my hair tonight knowing it will look shiny in candlelight. Oh, good choice. The color is perfect. My scoop-neck tee ought to show off my pumped-up cleavage. I slide it on over my head and it hugs me in all the right places. As I wiggle into my jeans, I’m tempted to forgo the panties. Then I flash to the last night with Jason. No, better not go there. Holding my eyelid taut, I draw liner in dark purple across my lash line. With a little upturn at the end, I have a sexy-looking cat eye, and I repeat it for the other side. Instead of my spray-and-walk-through perfume ritual, I remove the nozzle and dot the cool liquid between my breasts, at my wrists, at the hollow in my neck, and behind my ears. My stomach flutters with anticipation.

Tara, one of my housemates, works in a wine-and-cheese shop downtown. I decide to go there for her assistance with the wine. It’s a wonderful shop full of unusual flavors. When I enter the door, I’m greeted by a pungent smell. Blue cheese is set out with crackers. There are tiny sample cups of wine next to it. I pick one up to sniff.

“Casey!”

I turn toward the voice and see a bubbly girl in a dark green apron. I notice I still hold the wine and drink it down. Fire hits my empty stomach like a tiny bit of liquid courage. Barely covering her ample cleavage, Tara wears a tight V-neck tee.

She looks at me and whistles a catcall. Her twang gives everything she says a tone of appreciation. “Dang, girl, you’re smokin’ hot. Whatever you plan to bring that beefcake you date, he won’t be eating it. You’re going to be the main course.” Every male in the shop looks at me. No, everyone in the shop looks at me. Heat surges to my face.

I knew this was the right place to come. If anyone could boost my self-esteem, it’s Tara. “You’re just what I need. Can you help me?”

“You got it, sugar, what do you want?” Her perfume wraps around me.

“The most seductive wine you’ve got.”

She puts one hand on her hip. A long red fingernail taps her lip, “Red or white?”

“Let’s go with red.” Is this really such a good idea?

“Oh, I’ve got the perfect one. It’s from Chile and has spicy undertones. If he hasn’t melted after you set him on fire, then this will do it.”

“I hope so.” I wring my hands.

“Whoa, girlfriend, don’t do that.” Tara grabs me by the arm and pulls me in the back. “You’re a delicious woman. He’s probably taking things slow because he thinks that’s what you want. Once you let him know you’re ready for more, he’ll be devouring you.” She gives me a wink and the once over with her eyes. Shaking her head, she lets out a big sigh. “Uh-huh. He’s in trouble.”

I giggle and then say, “Thanks, Tara.”

Walking out of the shop, I am unstoppable. The cold air on my face tries to cool me down, but it doesn’t work. My cowboy boots clack along the snowy sidewalk to ensure everyone can hear my approach. I arrive at his door and arrange myself a bit. Taking a deep breath, I brace myself. My finger pushes the icy metal button to ring the bell. Blaine opens the door with a sensual smile on his face. He’s in a denim shirt unsnapped one more than usual.
Oh, yes.
I smell a hint of his spicy male scent that drives me wild. As I step in I see candlelight dance on the walls.
What the…?
Did he read my mind? On the small dinner table, a bottle of something bubbly is in a bucket of ice. Interesting.

Now I’m torn. Do I? Or don’t I pull out the bottle of wine? The smell is heavenly, and I know it’s not our usual pasta and salad. “This is very romantic, Blaine. What’s the occasion?”

“Did you know it’s been three months since we met?” His warm hand wraps around mine, and he leads me toward the couch.

“Oh, I hadn’t really thought about it, but you’re right.” This guy is too sweet.

“Ski season is almost over, and I’m in the mood to celebrate what a great winter this has been.”

He has stepped close to me. The chill on my face burns off. His lips move with more niceties and his words seem far away. I have a desire to touch his bare chest. I reach out with my hand and play with a snap on his shirt. I say, “Uh-huh.” My insides are a puddle. I reach up, pull his head down to me and kiss him with a bit of force. He pulls me close. I slide my hands down over his butt. Round and firm, I grasp the rough denim to pull him in tighter. His hands stay at my lower back. Heat sears through me. I reach around and slide one of his hands up toward my breast. I wait for him to do something with it. He keeps kissing me, but his hand stays still. Just below my breast, over my shirt. It’s like I glued it there. The flame dies.

Seriously? What am I going to have to do to get to second base with this guy? I think it’s time for wine after all. I pull away and go to my backpack. “You know, it’s funny. I felt a need to celebrate too.” I take out the wine and walk over to the kitchen. My boots are loud on the tile. In search of a wine opener, I open a drawer. It’s in a silverware pocket all by itself. With renewed determination, I grab it and attack the cork.

“You do look extra fabulous tonight. What about Mrs. Matheson?” I hear him sit on the couch with a whoosh.

“She’ll never know about one glass. I smell garlic, which should mask any odor if by chance she got close enough to smell my breath.”

I pull the cork out with a pop, and wine splashes into our glasses. I hand him the glass of deep burgundy liquid and raise mine. “To meeting you, Blaine Johnson.”

“To meeting you, Casey Cassidy.” Deep tannin flavor with a hint of spice spreads through my mouth. The wine burns as it goes down. I imagine it flowing through my veins, magnifying my senses. I look over at Blaine to make sure he’s drinking too.

I find a little Adele for the iPod. I hope her sultry voice awakens his desire. Blaine is busy in the kitchen. Then it hits me. Gretchen. She’ll know what to do. Seduction is her specialty, and I need a little of that mojo. I slip away to the bathroom with my phone and text her.
“Trying to seduce B, sexy clothes, makeup, perfume, candles, wine, Adele. Not working, help?”

Within seconds she replies
“Adele?! Fuck. Hang on.”
Crass as ever, she makes me smile. I wait.

“Blow job.”

“What? That’s kind of a jump from just kissing. He won’t even go to second base.”
I’m not doing that. No way.

“Seriously. Suck his dick. No man on earth would refuse it. Then, he’ll do whatever you want.”

Crap, that is so not helpful. Looking in the mirror, I adjust my breasts a little higher, pull my neckline down a little lower, and try to think of plan B. I walk out of the bathroom and toward Blaine. I top off his glass with more wine. Hell, I top off mine too.

Dinner is delicious, but I don’t eat much. I’m sure the chicken is good, but it tastes like cardboard to me. I push things around to make it look like I’ve eaten more and focus on getting wine into Blaine. He’s on his second glass and his eyes shine. Good, because I’m a little drunk too. Into my second glass, this is the most I’ve had in months.

I clear the table and put the dishes in the sink. I glance at the couch and see the glow of his phone eerily light up his face as he checks e-mail. I emptied the bottle of wine in his glass earlier, and it’s down to half a glass. I guzzle the rest of mine and fight a shudder as it makes its way down.

I saunter over to him. One knee at a time, I straddle his lap and lean down toward his neck. I inhale his sexy odor and kiss his throat. As I make my way up to his lips, I hear a thud as he lets the phone fall on the couch. His strong hands hold my face. Feeling brave, I take a hand and slip it under my shirt. “Touch me?” He slides the other hand under and cups my breasts over my bra. He squeezes gently. My nipples tighten. Now we’re getting somewhere. His lips caress my neck and I groan. I want him to know I’m ready, willing, and able.

I sit back and slowly pull off my shirt. Soft hair falls and splays out around my chest. His eyes get big.
So he likes this?
Good. I unhook my bra and dip a shoulder to let the strap fall. I trail my fingers across my breast and remove the bra. My nipple hardens at the cooler air, sending fire to my core.

“You’re beautiful.”

Blaine’s eyes are heavy and he looks at my breasts. Yet he doesn’t reach for me. What am I? A show? This is awkward. I lean in and kiss him again. Finally, his hand touches my breast as his kiss gets deeper. He squeezes, but it doesn’t seem sexual. It’s like he’s kneading dough. I roll off him and lay down on the rough upholstery of the couch. He climbs over me to kiss my lips. I grip the soft cotton and pull at his shirt to release it from his jeans. My hands slide up the smooth skin of his back, and goose bumps rise under my fingers. He sinks down on top of me with a moan and starts to kiss my neck. His hardness presses against my thigh. Anticipation twitches through me as I wait for him to move lower. He doesn’t. Instead, he rises up to kiss my mouth again.

Sweet Jesus, this is frustrating. I yank at his shirt and hear the snaps pop as I open the western-style buttons. I peel it off him and pull him close. The sensation of skin against skin sends a shiver through me. His desire presses against me, but is it waning? I’m about to explode, and he’s losing steam? We’re still kissing, but now it seems wrong. I push him up. “I need a breather.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Blaine gets up and goes to the bathroom.

I feel exposed and not in a sexy way. My nipples are puckered from the chill and I shiver. This isn’t going well. I notice his wine and take the glass. It races to my veins as I suck the rest down.

I get up and pace. Crossing my arms over my chest, I want to put my bra and shirt back on. This is just weird. I turn toward the noise of the bathroom door opening. Blaine approaches slowly. He’s naked, displaying his rippling muscles, as well as his arousal. He looks at me in a seductive way. I should be melting. But right now I’m kind of freaked.
Oh, God. What is he doing?
Are we skipping the foreplay?

He flips off the lights. I look at his rock-hard butt as he bends to blow out the candles around the room. The scent of melted wax drifts over to me. Okay, maybe I can find my way back. He doesn’t speak, but his presence overwhelms me. His gentle fingers take my face in his hands, and I let out the breath I was holding. He kisses me deeply. My tongue meets his as arms tighten around my waist. He presses his body into mine, and his need pulses against my stomach. I try to get back to where I was. I envision fingers sliding between my legs; I see Jason’s face.
What? Oh shit.
I pull my mouth away in horror. When I try to pull my body back, Blaine won’t let go.

He whispers, “I know, babe, this is intense.”

He starts to kiss my neck and groans. His body tenses and then relaxes. Warmth radiates against my belly. Realization stabs me.
No. Did he just? Oh, ick.
I force myself to suppress the urge to shudder from disgust.

Blaine steps away and falls back on the couch. “Oh my God, Casey. That was. It. Oh.” He sighs.

I’m dumbstruck. I grab my clothes and go to the bathroom to clean up. The moment I shut the door, I shake my head in disbelief. I look in the mirror.
What the hell?
No, that doesn’t do it justice. As Gretchen would say,
that was fucked up.
I grab a washcloth and don’t bother to wait for warm water. I wipe my stomach with the cold terry cloth and try to pull myself together. Numbly, I get dressed.

When I push open the door it’s no longer dark. Blaine is in his jeans with that ripped chest taunting me. He comes to me and rubs my arms. “That was amazing.” He pulls me to his chest. His musky scent tempts me, and I take a breath. He whispers, “You’re so beautiful.” I want to like this. He did. But I don’t.

I can’t get out of there fast enough. A quick glance at the clock tells me it’s still early. “I think I’m ready to go home now. With the wine and not sleeping well lately, I could use a good night’s rest.”

“Okay. Did you brush your teeth? Want some gum or something, so Mrs. Matheson doesn’t know you had wine?”

You know what buddy? I think that’s the least of my problems right now. “Gum would be good, thanks.”

Chapter 15

Gretchen’s voice comes through the phone. “Maybe he’s a virgin.”

I switch the hand holding my cell and put the cold one up to the heat blowing from the car vent. I’m parked in the grocery store lot on my way to work. I needed a safe place to have this conversation.

“I don’t know. He doesn’t strike me as the virgin type. Did I mention how ripped and hot he is?”

“Then maybe he’s never had a sensual woman. Some guys just don’t get foreplay. When I think of the things I could teach him. You know, this is the perfect opportunity to train him to do just what you want.”

“Gretchen! Are you kidding me?”

“No, not really. Seriously, think about it. You can show him just how you like things. Make him your perfect lover.” She snorts. “A little sex-ed with Casey.” Now she’s laughing, but I struggle to see the humor.

“This isn’t funny!”

“Oh, come on. Ha! Get it? Come? On?” Now she starts to laugh so hard I think she’s about to get the hiccups.

I’m still not amused. “You’re no help. I can’t believe what happened. It was… I don’t know what it was.”

“Well he sure does. He’ll remember it fondly for the rest of his life.”

“I’ll remember it for the rest of my life, too.” I watch a woman unload her groceries. Her breath is wispy in the cold morning air.

“You’ll laugh about this one day. I promise.”

I let out a big sigh. “I know. But what do I do now? Wait. Don’t answer that. Who knows what you’d have me do next?” I see the humor, but I’m not ready to laugh yet. “I’ve got to go to work. Don’t you dare breathe a word of this to anyone!”

“You know I wouldn’t do that. But this may show up in my memoirs someday. I promise I’ll change your name. Or would you like credit?” She laughs again. I’m so glad I could entertain.

“Love you, Gretchen.”

“I love you too, Casey.”

***

I’m at the top of a bowl, naked, except I have on ski boots and skis. Jason is at the bottom with a long, down-filled coat. He waits for me. I’m cold and I want that jacket. Everyone’s staring at me. Strangers look at my nude body and I feel so vulnerable. I want to scream, “Stop looking at me!” The words won’t come out. I can’t seem to make my skis move. They’re stuck in the snow. The snow is like concrete and my skis are embedded in it, yet I try to pull free.

I bolt awake and notice that my T-shirt is soaked with sweat. The desire to call Jason is so strong. I hold my head in my hands. I can’t call him. What would I say?
Hey, so remember how you held me when I cried over my cheating boyfriend? Would you do that again for this sexually-inept one?
Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

I’m awake. I might as well figure out what to do. I like Blaine. He loves children and wants a family. He has plans to be an engineer when he’s done doing the ski bum thing. He’s funny and loves to ski. He’s got everything on my list. Am I really about to break up with him over sex? I should put that on my list too. Must be good at sex. As much as I don’t want to, I’m afraid I have to talk to Blaine. This is going to be so awkward.