Crave (2 page)

“A successful one.” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Just stop,” she begged, taking another sip. “I want Reece.”

Julien slid his phone onto the table. “So our Reece has no twitch, uses his real name and presumably has a big dick.”

“No comment.”

“I think I need some of that wine now.” He reached for the bottle and topped off his glass. Then, staring at her with an intensity that made her shiver, his tone much more serious, he asked, “What makes you think I’ll help you destroy my friend again?”

Destroy?
That’s what had happened to her hopes and dreams. Before answering, she took a steadying breath. “That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?”

“Is it?” he countered.

Over the last few months, she’d been following Reece’s companies and his career on social media. The man was doing ridiculously well for himself. He had stocks that had recently doubled in value.

“You weren’t here,” Julien said bluntly. “You left without a word, and the rest of us had to pick up the pieces. For a long time, you didn’t even answer my calls. I had to hire a private investigator to make sure your dead body wasn’t in a ravine somewhere.”

“It was about self-preservation.”

“Pardon me if I call it balls-to-the-wall rude.”

“You’re right.” She winced. “I was thinking only of myself and making sure Reece didn’t find me.”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ve completely forgiven you, to be honest.”

His forthright admission didn’t surprise her. Julien was world-renowned for his many talents, but tact was not among them. Sarah countered with, “You’ve never asked why I ran.”

Julien poured himself a glass of wine then and leaned back. Despite the fact that it was midnight, he looked fresh in his crisp white shirt, black wool pants, and polished-to-a-gloss, likely by him, leather wingtips. His top two buttons were undone, and if he’d had on a tie at any point, there was no sign of it. At least tonight he wasn’t wearing one of his T-shirts with the sleeves cut off.

“Five minutes,” he invited. “Enlighten me. Convince me that I should have anything to do with your insanity. Otherwise you never mention it again.”

Realizing she might never get another chance, she looked into her glass then back at him before admitting, “He wanted more than I could give.”

“Go on.”

“He had certain tastes…” She didn’t know how much Julien knew about Reece’s Dominant nature and what he demanded from his women. Hell, even she’d struggled to understand. She still did, if she was honest with herself. Finally, she settled for, “Expectations. They went beyond the traditional marriage roles.”

“All relationships have a unique dynamic. Adults talk about them. Negotiate.”

“Not everything can be negotiated.”

“It can,” he countered.

He’d become a gazillionaire off that philosophy. “You’ve never had absolutes? Rules?” she asked.

“Go on.”

“Things you wouldn’t tolerate, no matter what?”

Julien narrowed his eyes. “Did he physically harm you?”

“Good God, no.” Not in the way Julien meant.

“So the reason you couldn’t give him the courtesy of an in-person breakup is…?” He trailed off. “Even a text message would have been less heartless.”

Heavy and thick, the silence shrouded her. Julien didn’t speak, and she had a sense that he wouldn’t.

“I panicked. I wasn’t thinking past the urge for self-preservation.” She stared into the depths of her wine. “If I’d have tried to talk to him, he would have stopped me.”

“It’s been, what, a couple of years?” Julien asked.

Two years, three months, ten days.

“Why now?” he asked.

His relaxed demeanor didn’t fool her. This was a man whose interest was always keen. He missed nothing.

“Business. I need an infusion of cash.”

“Ask me. I may have some spare change lying around.”

“This fits with Reece’s portfolio better than yours.”

“And what about your need for self-preservation? Money trumps all?”

Sarah exhaled. “Fine. You’re right. It’s not about the money. That was an excuse.”

“And a bad one at that. I’m waiting.”

“I’m smarter now.” She worried her upper lip. “More grown up. More capable of admitting to myself what I need and want.”

“That demands honesty.”

“It does.”

“So try some with me.”

Sarah should have known that Julien would never go for a shallow answer. Despite the fact that the media painted him as a hedonist, the man was complex. She exhaled then leaned forward to slide the glass onto the table. “I’ve not met anyone his equal.”

“I can believe that.”

“I miss him.” The emotional connection, the physical intimacy, the brilliance of their brainstorming sessions.

Julien shrugged at that. “That’s a logical consequence of your choice.”

“I understand your need to protect him.” Exasperation tied her patience into a knot. But losing her temper with Julien wouldn’t help her get any closer to Reece. “I wish I’d been stronger back then. But it took being away from him to evolve into the person I am now. I tried everything I could think of to reach him. Phone. Internet. Email.” Reece’s silence had made her realize that the intervening years hadn’t softened his attitude toward her. The man was measured and calculating in everything he did. On the rare occasions that she’d angered him, he’d shown his displeasure by keeping distance between them. She’d seen him freeze out associates, friends, even a distant family member in the same way. After one argument, she’d called him Iceman, a title he hadn’t disagreed with. “I was even desperate enough to stop by the house we used to share,” she confessed.

“He moved.”

“I discovered that for myself.” She grimaced at the memory. It had taken weeks to convince herself that she should try to see him when she’d taken a business trip to Houston.

Since she’d had an extra hour to spare before her flight home, she’d driven to the house they’d shared. She’d been stunned when the new owner had told her he’d lived there for over a year.

Graciously, the man had invited her in. Given that he was a stranger, older than her father by at least a decade and had been scratching his belly with one hand and holding a can of beer in the other while his shorts hung off his visible hip bones, she’d refused. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the bird of paradise she’d planted when she had lived there had died from obvious neglect.

Julien waited.

“Look, I made a mistake. A big one. And I’m ready to admit it,” she said.

There was more. She’d recently been talking to one of her clients, Loretta. The woman was in her sixties, and she’d passed up the opportunity to marry a gentleman friend ten years previously. Loretta had refused his proposal and had asked him to wait. She’d told him she’d finally managed to get her children grown and gone, and now it was time for her to follow the dream of starting her own business.

Loretta had confessed she’d just spent her birthday alone. She’d called her former boyfriend, only to learn that he hadn’t waited. He was happily married, and he’d added that he and his wife had bought motorcycles and planned to tour the United States. Loretta had warned Sarah that life went by too quickly. Ten years had vanished without her realizing it.

The conversation had left a terrible, gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach that grew worse every day. She knew she wouldn’t be satisfied until she’d reached out to Reece.

“Look, Julien, I’m sure you’ve never screwed up then wanted to make amends later.”

“Actually, no. Not that I can remember.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s a wonder your ego can fit inside the building.”

“That’s why I built the biggest office space in the known universe.”

“I don’t like to beg.”

“But I do enjoy watching you do it. From those pouty lips to impatient sighs and back again.”

“Okay, I’ve had enough. Will you help or not? All I’m asking you to do is provide a location.” Sitting up straight to fortify her defenses, she fired what she hoped was the winning salvo. “Let Reece make his own decisions.”

“And therein lies the problem, my sweet Sarah. If I do what you want, I’m taking that choice away from him.”

“So he doesn’t have anyone else?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Then maybe he still feels something for me.”

“Now who has the ego?”

Hands open, she implored, “Just get him into the same place as me. All I want from him is one night.”

“You’re hoping to exorcise the demon? Prove he no longer matters to you?”

Maybe she’d built his memory into something of a shrine. No real man could live up to what she remembered. No one was that perfect.

“I always thought you were a bit more of a realist than that.”

“For God’s sake, Julien, just invite me to your birthday party.”

“I haven’t since you left Reece.”

And she hated that. Julien threw himself spectacular parties. Even though the festivities were top secret, rumor had it that he’d rented a private island in the Florida Keys. He’d reportedly chartered ferries to shuttle his guests in. Even if she didn’t have an ulterior motive, she would want to be there. “Are you intending to try to keep us apart for the rest of our lives? I never get invited to one of your events unless Reece stays away? Look, he can always refuse to see me.” And if he did, she was sure there’d be plenty of other men there to help her drown her sorrows.

“He may be unkind. And by that, I mean an asshole like you’ve never seen. He has it in him.”

“I’m prepared for that.”

“He may want you to pay, get the revenge he’s entitled to.”

She shivered a little, and she wasn’t sure whether it was from fear or from anticipation. At one time, when he’d stripped the clothes from her body, desire had beaded her nipples and made her tremble. “It will be all up to him,” she said.

Julien remained silent, his eyebrows knotted in concentration.

“Reece deserves the opportunity to hear an explanation along with my apology.”

“Are you hoping he’ll beat you?”

“So you do know about that part of our relationship,” she said, expelling her breath in relief.

“In vague terms. Bondage. Whips. Chains. Handcuffs.” He swept his gaze over her body. “If that’s what you’re looking for, I’m happy to read a few books, buy a few things and tie you—”

“Stuff it, Julien. Not from you or anyone else.” Except Reece. “We both know he would never touch me out of anger.” She had complete confidence in that. “And I don’t expect he’d actually agree to scene, but it’s a possibility.”

“And you still want to pursue your insane idea?”

“Yes.”

Julien stretched out his legs and crossed them at the ankle. He tapped a finger against the rim of the expensive crystal glass.

“So you are going to help me?” She sighed in gratitude.

“Sweetling, there’s nothing I enjoy more than meddling in the affairs of others. The stickier and messier the better. I just wanted to hear the juicy details that Reece has so selfishly kept to himself. And hearing you grovel for a bit was an added bonus.”

“So this—”

“Strictly for my perverted entertainment.”

“You’re a bastard, Julien Bonds.”

“Of the worst sort,” he agreed.

Chapter One

What the fuck?
Stunned, Reece McRae froze in place and stared at the woman prostrate before him.

Even though he couldn’t see her face, there was no doubt that it was Sarah. His Sarah. The woman he’d planned to collar, marry, cherish for the rest of his days.

She wore a black corset that had a white arrow on each side, making her waist look impossibly tiny. A skirt covered her buttocks—barely—and hinted at exposed flesh beneath.

Though it had been two years since he’d seen her, Reece remembered every one of her delicious curves. He recalled how silky soft she’d felt as he’d skimmed his fingertips across her skin.

At one time, he’d grasped handfuls of her long hair. Now its length pooled onto the hardwood floor. Her arms were stretched in front of her, and her hands were on the floor, palms facing up.

She remained in position, waiting on his command. Her reappearance was as unwelcome as it was unwanted.

And, this close, the scent of her—femininity wrapped in the musk of unrequited love and unexplored promise—wrapped around him and transported him back.

From the moment she’d walked into his company to apply for a job as his personal assistant four years before, he’d been attracted to her. After reminding himself that he had to be professional, he’d taken the time to consider all the applicants the human resources department had pre-screened. But she’d had the best résumé, and she’d interviewed better than anyone else.

Even on their first project, they’d thrived. They’d made one hell of a team. In a short time, he’d come to count on her brilliance, creativity and upbeat nature. He’d gone to the office every day with a smile.

At night, he’d hated saying goodbye. And he’d wanted, oh, so much more from her.

Though McRae International didn’t have rules against fraternizing, as the CEO, he operated from his own set of guidelines. He didn’t date employees. He compartmentalized each area of his life.

It had taken nearly four months to convince himself that going on a single date couldn’t hurt. They’d worked late one night, and he’d invited her to dine with him afterwards. Instead of a quick bite, he’d taken her to his home and had grilled a couple of steaks. Though they’d shared an office suite, she’d kept her personal life cloaked in mystery. He’d never heard her make a phone call during the day, nor had he caught her spending any time on social media or answering anything other than company emails. It was as if she became a different person after she logged off the computer for the night. And the more time he’d spent with her, the more he’d wanted to know who the real Sarah was.

After dinner, he’d loaded the dishwasher, invited her to stay the night and promised her that he would be a complete gentleman. She had teased him about it. He’d admitted it was, indeed, a rarity. He’d made up the guest room, and when she’d slipped past him, he’d touched her shoulder, and she’d paused.