Crime & Passion (20 page)

“Stop saying those things.” She stood up,
breathing deeply. Her hands formed fists as fresh tears leaked from
the corners of her eyes. “If you spend so much time thinking about
me, why aren’t I good enough for you? Why will you sleep with any
woman except me?”

I made her feel like she’s not good enough
for me?
Donovan jumped out of his chair and threw his arms
around her, pulling her tight against his chest. “Oh, darling. How
could you believe that?”

Madeline struggled against him, trying to
push him away, but he held her tighter. He brought his mouth to
hers, kissing her with every ounce of passion he could. He tasted
the saltiness of tears on her lips.

She stood stiffly, no longer struggling, but
also not responding.

Donovan broke off the kiss and put his mouth
next to her ear. “Is that really what you thought was going on?” he
asked, emotion thickening his voice. “This has all been about you,
Maddie. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my whole
life.”

Her body relaxed slightly against his. “I
don’t understand.”

“I’m not with Suzie.” He took a step back,
framing her face in his hands as he gazed into her eyes. “You’re
the woman I’ve been talking about. You’re the woman I want to
change for. You’re the sexiest person I have ever been around.” He
brushed his lips against hers. “You are
everything
I’ve been
waiting for.”

“Really?” she whispered, her lip trembling
slightly.

“Really. I want to take things slow, so I
don’t screw this up like I have everything else in my life.”

She stroked her fingers across his shoulder
and down his arm, staring into his eyes. “I’ve been so confused
these past few days.”

“And I couldn’t figure out why you were
upset. I wish you’d said something sooner.”

“Well, I thought I knew what you meant.” She
grinned. “Come on, aren’t you used to unreasonable women in your
life by now?”

Donovan laughed. “Until now, I never cared
what any of them thought.”

Madeline’s arms snaked around him. She took
his bottom lip into her mouth, opening up to him now. Her hands ran
through his hair, tickling the back of his neck. The floral scent
mixed with sandalwood of her perfume flowed around them, and
Donovan slid his mouth off hers to nuzzle her neck.

She sucked in an audible breath and dug her
fingers into his back as he kissed her neck. Almost involuntarily,
his hand slid up her side. He slipped it into the small area
between their bodies and ran his fingers over her breasts, grazing
the nipples tenderly.

She moaned softly and Donovan’s pants bulged
when she rubbed her body against his. He attacked her neck with his
teeth and lips, delighting in the shudder that raced through
her.

“I want to rip your clothes off and throw you
on the floor,” he said, his voice husky.

“What’s stopping you?” she panted, as her
chest heaved against his.

He stepped carefully back from her, his
breathing ragged. He knew he might regret this, but he really did
want to change his normal pattern with women.

“I think we should wait. It’s going to be
hard to hold off very long, though.” He stroked his hand across her
cheek, kissing her lips softly one more time. “I want to get to
know each other, build something real.”

Madeline grinned and smoothed her hair
against her head. “Okay. I’ll go along with that. Besides, it would
be a nice change to talk to each other when we both understand
what’s going on.”

He shook his head and grabbed her hand. “I’m
sorry all this time you thought I was talking about Suzie. I had no
idea.”

“It’s not your fault.” She raised his hand to
her mouth, kissing his palm. “Well, on second thought, it actually
is
your fault. You have quite the reputation.” She twisted
her mouth into a smile and shrugged.

He laughed, glad she seemed back to her
normal self. “I want to change that image though.”

She nodded. “I’ll try to be fair and judge
you based on your actions from this point forward, not your past.
But I haven’t had the best experiences with men. My fiancé really
ruined my life for a while. I don’t want to feel pain like that
again.”

“I promise not to hurt you.”

She gave him a long look, not saying
anything, and Donovan wondered if she believed him. He did
understand why she might not trust him. Over time, he knew he could
prove his sincerity to her. He’d do everything he could to make
this work.

“It’s been a long day, so far,” she finally
said. “If this is going to be based on more than lust, we need to
do some talking. Why don’t we order in a pizza and get to know each
other better?”

***

“So,” Madeline concluded, grabbing a slice of
pizza off the coffee table and tucking her legs beneath her,
“that’s why I don’t like the name Maddie.”

It had cost a lot to explain Maddie McFatty
to Donovan, but she liked the idea of having something more with
him than a fling.

Next to her, Donovan swallowed the food in
his mouth and placed his hand on her thigh, squeezing softly. “That
had to be painful, especially since it was your dad who called you
that.”

Madeline tried to ignore the tingles of
sensation running from the tips of Donovan’s fingers straight to
her happy place. Now that she knew he wanted her too, she wondered
if they would keep things out of the bedroom very long. She’d never
been so ready to move things to the next level in her life.

Which is ridiculous. You don’t even know him
very well. Talking. We’re talking right now, and that’s all.

She forced herself to concentrate on her
story instead of his hand. “It wouldn’t have been so bad, but the
kids at school heard him once, and then everyone called me Maddie
McFatty. My dad didn’t mean any harm by it.” She shrugged and
picked pieces of pineapple off her pizza, setting them in the
napkin next to her. “Dad always told me I was beautiful. Somehow,
for him, it was a term of endearment.”

Donovan shook his head. “He should have
thought that one out a bit better.” His gaze fell to her napkin and
he frowned. “Why didn’t you tell me you don’t like pineapple?”

His concern touched her. Cameron had never
worried about things like that. “You’re stressing over nothing. I’m
used to picking off toppings I don’t like.”

“Why?” His eyes narrowed and his voice had a
sharp edge to it. “Your ex didn’t think he should concern himself
with what you wanted?”

She shouldn’t have said anything. “It’s not a
big deal.”

“Tell me about it,” he insisted.

“Well, Cameron liked combination pizza, and I
don’t like mushrooms or onions.” She tried to fake a laugh, like it
didn’t really matter.

“So he should have ordered half without it.
What was wrong with that man?”

Madeline tossed the pizza slice back into the
box, suddenly not feeling hungry. She looked out the window toward
the ocean, not daring to meet Donovan’s eyes. “Cameron didn’t let
me eat more than one slice, so there was no reason to take things
off the rest of it.”

“He didn’t
let
you?”

Madeline squirmed in her seat. “He...He said
that, that I might...” She swallowed hard. “I might get fat again,
and then he wouldn’t be able to...marry me.” Heat rushed to her
cheeks as she wondered if Donovan would feel the same way.

“That shallow son-of-a-bitch.”

She thought about that. Cameron was a
son-of-a-bitch, but he was trying to run for city council. A
councilman couldn’t have a fat wife. “Cameron had his image to
think about.” She found the courage to meet Donovan’s eyes again.
“Most men do.”

“Bullshit.” Donovan grabbed a hold of her
shoulder and pulled her across his chest, clutching her to him.

His body shook beneath hers, and Madeline
heard him grinding his teeth. His hand stroked up and down her back
in an agitated manner.

“If you love someone, you always love them,”
he finally said. “Is the man blind? How could he not see how
beautiful you are? Weight wouldn’t change that. Cameron’s an
asshole.”

Madeline smiled, suddenly feeling much
better. “I didn’t think about it that way at the time. He offered
to marry me, and I never expected a proposal from anyone. I was
grateful.”

“You could have done better than him. What
about other boyfriends?”

“Get real, Donovan. You know what turns a man
on.” She twisted her hands together, gathering the courage to go
on. “It isn’t a girl who’s one hundred pounds too heavy.”

“That doesn’t matter to all guys.”

She sat up and shoved him lightly away from
her. Although it was the right thing for him to say, it irritated
her in a way. If she were still Maddie McFatty, Donovan wouldn’t
have looked twice at her. “Of course it matters.”

He opened his mouth, looking like he wanted
to argue further.

Donovan might think he was above that, but
Madeline had lived it. She knew how people looked at her, the
whispers, the jokes at her expense. She silenced him with a kiss,
not wanting to hear anymore about it. “Let’s change the subject,
please.”

“Fine. But you
are
wrong.”

Madeline shook her head, but didn’t say
more.

Donovan leaned forward and grabbed one of the
plastic forks. He used it to push pineapple off three slices of
pizza and placed them on a paper plate, handing them to her. “Eat
up.”

“I can’t possibly eat that much,” she
protested.

Donovan took one piece off, taking a bite out
of it before handing her the other two.

Madeline accepted the plate. It would be nice
to have meals with someone who didn’t count her calories and carbs,
telling her what she could and couldn’t eat.

They ate in silence, and Madeline enjoyed
every bite of her pineapple-free pizza. “Thanks,” she said, setting
the plate on top of the empty pizza box.

“It’s what any good boyfriend would do.”

She slipped her hand into his and rested her
head against his shoulder. “Alright, Donovan. It’s your turn to
share. Tell me something about your past.”

“Well, especially after finding Maria today,
there’s something that’s been weighing heavy on my mind. It’s
something that happened twelve years ago.”

“Tell me.”

He heaved a heavy sigh. “Madeline, you just
had dinner with a murderer.”

***

“What?”

Donovan heard the shock in Madeline’s voice.
He couldn’t blame her, not really. “It happened back in Los
Angeles.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t say murderer, but I did
kill a kid.”

She squeezed his hand in a reassuring manner
instead of pulling away from him. That had to count for
something.

“How did it happen?”

The kid’s hazel eyes flashed through his
mind, turning glassy as the life flowed out of the boy.

“His name was Benny Stark. He was only
thirteen years old.” Donovan took in a shaky breath, willing his
tears to stay away. “My partner and I tried to stop him on a
routine traffic violation. We didn’t know that he was joyriding in
a stolen car. He sped off, and suddenly we were involved in a
high-speed chase.”

“That had to be dangerous for everyone
around.”

Donovan nodded. “That’s why we backed off
from him a ways. We didn’t want him to be so reckless that he took
out some innocent family or something.” A tear escaped anyway, and
Madeline wiped it off with a gentle fingertip. “I don’t think he’d
done much driving before. Maybe he got lost, I don’t know. He
turned down an alleyway that stopped in a dead end.”

“So you had him trapped.”

“Yeah.” The smells of that dank alley filled
Madeline’s living room. Rotting garbage and mold, with a strong
undertone of piss and body odor from the homeless man living there.
“We stopped about a hundred feet away and hopped out of our car. He
pulled something out of his pocket and pointed it at us.”

“Oh no! He had a gun?”

Donovan shook his head. “That’s what we
thought. Not that unusual in LA. With all the gang activity, I’ve
seen eight-year-olds packing heat. We dove behind the doors of the
car for protection and pulled our own weapons.”

Donovan stopped talking. The next few minutes
of time were forever etched into his brain. Donovan—the badass
tough guy who no one messed with—faced with a punk teenager holding
a gun. It all happened so fast. His partner yelled at Benny to drop
his weapon. Benny screamed at them to back off or he’d kill his
first pig.

Donovan never talked about what happened that
day. His partner had written up the report and defended Donovan’s
actions. He merely signed off on it, agreeing with what the other
man said.

He couldn’t even make himself speak to the
counselor about it, though he went to the mandatory sessions over
the next six weeks. He didn’t know if he could say the words out
loud even now. A sob ripped from his throat.

Madeline put her hand over his heart, patting
him. “You had to shoot him, didn’t you?” She said it matter of
fact, as though she had no doubt in the world that Donovan was
forced into that position. “He wouldn’t drop the gun, would
he?”

“It wasn’t a gun, Maddie!” The words ripped
from his throat and the tears flowed freely. “It was a fucking cell
phone!” He wrapped his arms around Madeline, burying his face in
her hair.

“Shhhh...it’s okay, sweetheart. You couldn’t
have known.”

He clung to her, crying like he’d never cried
before, taking comfort in her quiet strength. When he was able to
pull himself together he let go of her, utterly spent.

She handed him a napkin so he could blow his
nose. “That doesn’t make you a murderer. You do know that,
right?”

“I did what we are trained to do. The kid
pointed the object at my partner and made a threat. I fired two
rounds. I never even hesitated.” He closed his eyes against the
waves of emotion that threatened to take over again. “They both hit
his chest. When he went down, I ran over and kicked the phone out
of his hand. That’s when I realized it wasn’t a gun.”