Crime & Passion (33 page)

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wish that never
happened to you.”

“At least the boys were safe—Madison would’ve
wanted that. We all went to foster care. It didn’t seem so bad,
once I had something to compare it to.” He sniffled, trying to hold
back his tears and failing. “Bastards like Jim are the reason I
became a cop.”

“And the reason you go after wife beaters and
child abusers.” Madeline’s lips quivered. She kissed him deeply.
Her body shook and her tears matched his.

Donovan didn’t know how long they lay there,
crying together, but it was the first time he felt crying did any
good. A healing of sorts, sharing this horrible memory with the
woman he loved, knowing she empathized with him, cared about
him.

After they calmed down, Madeline ran to the
bathroom, coming out blowing her nose and handing him a wad of
toilet paper. Once they had cleaned up, she snuggled back against
him.

“Thank you for telling me.” She rubbed his
chest while she talked. “I understand now why you dated around so
much. You’ve been afraid to commit to anyone, haven’t you?”

He shrugged, once again feeling in control of
his emotions. “I also hadn’t met the right woman yet.”

“And that’s me?”

“I sure hope so.” He paused and took a deep
breath, half afraid to tell her what he needed to. “I have to know
whether you’re willing to take on foster children. I can’t commit
to someone who won’t.”

She folded her hands together atop his chest
and rested her chin on them, meeting his eyes. “I understand. You
want to help other kids who might have a hard life like you. We’ll
help them, Donovan, don’t worry.”

“We will?” He smiled. It felt as if a heavy
weight lifted off his chest. “So, you think you’re pretty serious
about me, huh?”

“Just a tad.”

“I’m glad you’re willing. I have to do this.
I made a promise to her before she died.”

“About the kids?”

He nodded, leaning forward to kiss her
softly. “And about you.”

Her eyebrows drew together. “Me?”

He sighed, leaning his head back. He felt
utterly spent, but in a good way. Maddie wanted to be his and she
wanted the same things in life he did. “We once promised each other
if Jim got to one of us, the other would go on to live a happy
life. We promised to find someone else to love. Kind of one last
‘screw you’ to Father Jim.”

“That’s so sad you guys planned for that
possibility.”

He rubbed her back. “It’s all okay now.
Despite the murder charge, meeting you is the best thing that’s
ever happened to me.”

Madeline laid her head on his shoulder
without speaking. Her even breaths soothed him, drawing him nearer
to sleep as she massaged his head, running her fingers evenly
across his scalp. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this way with
another woman. So content. Being with Maddie was like being home.
The woman he’d always waited for.

He kissed her forehead before sleep claimed
him. “Now that I have you, Maddie, everything is perfect.”

Madeline woke as the darkness in the bedroom
brightened to a soft gray. Donovan wrapped his arm around her
stomach, holding her close to his warm body. It was nice, safe. If
only she knew for sure she was the ‘Maddie’ he wanted to hold.

Of course, it was foolish to feel jealous of
Madison. The poor girl had a wretched life and shame washed over
Madeline for even letting the thought cross her mind. Still, she
couldn’t help but compare the similarities.

Donovan said Madison was a feisty girl, a
quality he admired in Madeline. They both had straight brown hair
and dark-brown eyes. Madeline had agreed to give Donovan his and
Madison’s dream: a loving home for foster children.

When he called her Maddie was he really
thinking of her, or the young girl in that picture?

She needed that question answered before they
moved their relationship forward. Last night it had been easy to
tell Donovan she would give him his dream. This morning, things
didn’t seem so black and white. She refused to be a substitute for
the woman he really wanted.

Madeline grabbed Donovan’s hand in hers and
kissed his palm before lifting his arm and slipping out from
beneath it. She stood and put her robe on.

Donovan muttered in his sleep and patted the
empty bed. “Love you, Maddie,” he murmured, rolling over and
tucking his hands beneath his cheek.

She sighed and walked to the bathroom to
brush her teeth. She’d make a nice breakfast for him first. After
that, she and Donovan needed to talk.

***

The shadowy figure laughed and slipped the
rope around Madeline’s throat. “You didn’t think I’d let you have
her, did you, Donnie?”

Donovan yelled and squeezed his eyes tightly
shut, heart hammering against his breastbone.
It’s only a
dream.
He reached across the bed, searching for Madeline’s warm
body to reassure him all was right with the world. His fingers
encountered cold sheets. He opened his eyes to see the empty spot
beside him.

“Madeline?” he hollered. “Where are you?”

When she didn’t answer, he climbed out of bed
and walked to the bathroom. He tapped on the partially closed door.
“Maddie? You in there?”

The door opened at his touch. Empty.

She’s in the living room. Relax.
Everything’s fine.

Somehow, that rational voice did nothing to
ease his irrational fear. After almost losing her once to Suzie,
Donovan wasn’t willing to push aside the fear produced by the
dream.

He rushed through the bedroom and opened the
door to the living room. “Madeline?”

She walked around the corner, coming from the
kitchen holding a spatula. “What’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes. “Thank God. I thought...”
When he opened his eyes, she walked toward him.

Madeline placed her empty hand against his
chest, face creased with worry. “What happened?”

Donovan wrapped her in his arms and drew her
close, kissing wherever his lips landed—her mouth, her cheek, her
neck. “I had a horrible dream, and when I woke up you were gone.”
He relaxed his hold slightly. It was only a dream, but it seemed so
real. “I’m just worried something might happen to you again. You
nearly died, Madeline. I almost lost you forever.”

The spatula dropped from her hand, thudding
against the floor. She framed his face in her hands. “You’re taking
good care of me. Nothing bad will happen.” She kissed him softly
before pulling away. “Besides, I didn’t miss the extra cans of
pepper spray you placed around my house. If anyone gets in here
again, I’ll take care of myself. And there are all those new locks
on the door. I’m safe.”

He pressed his forehead to hers and tried not
to smile. “Are you implying I went a bit overboard with security
measures?”

“No, no.” She shook her head, but her eyes
sparkled. “I’d never accuse you of that.”

“Good, because I’m teaching you how to shoot
a gun soon.”

She shuddered in his embrace. “I’m terrified
of guns. I’ll leave those to you.”

He wanted to argue further, but she kissed
him again, effectively stopping any further discussion.

“Now, Mr. Andrews, I’ve worked very hard
cooking for you.” She took a step back and looked down. “As
charming as I find your outfit, I don’t think it’s considered
proper breakfast attire.”

Donovan contemplated his lack of clothing.
“We could institute our own dress code.”

She laughed. “I’m not cooking bacon naked, no
matter what kind of sick little fantasy you have going on.”

“Fine. Have it your way. I guess I’ll go
cover up this magnificence.” He kissed her cheek and headed for the
bedroom.

“Oh, wait. Could you do me a favor?” she
called after him.

He turned to look at her. “What’s that?”

“Bend over and grab my spatula?” She winked.
“I want to admire the view.”

***

Madeline set the platter of pancakes on the
table and sat across from Donovan. The smell of slightly burned
bacon permeated the apartment and the open window didn’t help
matters any.

“I take it you’re the one who did the grocery
shopping?” she grumbled.

“How’d you guess?”

She shook her head and spooned eggs onto her
plate. “My parents know better than to trust me with bacon.”

Donovan grabbed a piece off his plate and
popped it into his mouth. “I love it crispy.”

“There’s a fine line between crispy
and...this.”

“It’s really good,” he insisted, eating
another piece.

Madeline shrugged as she buttered a pancake,
her mind only half on the food. She had so much fun with Donovan
that it was easy to forget her concerns while he flirted with her.
Plus, flirting was a lot more fun than worrying about the past.

All through cooking their breakfast, she’d
tried to talk herself out of bringing up the Madison subject with
Donovan. Although she wanted to know the truth, a part of her was
afraid. What if it was Madison he really wanted?

They ate in silence for a while, Madeline too
afraid to ask.

I might be a coward, but I’m a coward
getting hot sex from a man who at least says he loves me. Is that
enough?

“I forgot to tell you about my meeting
today,” Donovan said, pulling her from her thoughts.

“Meeting?”

“The DA’s reconsidering moving forward.
Jeremy’s been working hard to point out the inconsistencies in the
evidence they have against me. With Suzie’s attack on you and the
rope...” He shrugged.

Hope flared in her. “You think he might drop
the charges?”

“Might at least put things on hold.” He
reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “Maybe I won’t go
to prison, and I can have the life I want.”

She swallowed hard and looked at her plate.
“What’s the life you want, Donovan?”

“My job back. Kids. A home. Good times with
the woman I love.” He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the
back of it. “A partner who cooks perfect bacon.”

He grinned, but Madeline pulled her hand
away. She drank some tea and leaned back in her chair, watching
him, wishing she knew how to start the conversation she needed to
have.

“Something on my face?” Donovan finally
asked, rubbing the sides of his mouth.

“I was just wondering...” She shook her head.
“No. Never mind.”

“You can’t do that. Tell me.”

Her palms were suddenly sweaty and she wiped
them against her robe. “Could my twin cook good bacon?”

“Your twin?”

“Madison. Could she...” Madeline stopped
talking. “That’s not what I want to ask.”

His hand caught her under the chin and
stroked her jaw line. “Tell me what’s going on inside your head,
‘cause I’m lost out here. Why are we talking about Madison?”

“You said she was like me, that I remind you
of her.” Madeline stared into Donovan’s eyes. She had to beat back
her fear and ask him. She’d never be happy unless she knew for
sure. “How do I know if you want to be with me because I’m
me
or if you’re hoping I can somehow replace
her
?”

Donovan stood from his chair and walked
around the table, pulling Madeline to her feet. His hands wrapped
around her shoulders and his eyes never left hers. “I’m not going
to lie. I was attracted to you because you reminded me of her.”

Madeline tried to stuff down her
disappointment. “Yes. Of course...I should have realized—”

His mouth pressed against hers. Lord help
her, but she wanted him so bad, even if she was just a substitute.
She opened her mouth as his tongue traced her upper lip. His hand
trailed down her body, caressing the small of her back lightly and
kicking her heart rate up a few notches.

“In the beginning, I felt I knew you because
of that connection.” He pulled her tight against his body. “But I
want to make something perfectly clear.”

“Wh-what’s that?” she asked, a bit
breathless.

“Madison and I were friends, only friends. We
loved each other more as brother and sister, not lovers. Our dream
was to help the children. Madison was practical. We could best
accomplish that goal by getting married and becoming Mommy and
Daddy. So, Madison said we should get married. That was all it ever
was. Me and my best friend.”

“But you said she was your first love.”

“And so she was, the first girl besides my
mother I ever loved. Who knows what would have grown from that, had
she lived, but we were just kids. Friends. Not lovers.” He moved
his hands across her rear and then slid them around her hips.

Madeline shivered with excitement as goose
bumps broke out across her skin.

He took her hands in his. “You are the first
lover I’ve ever had who I also love. I don’t want a relationship
born out of convenience with you. I want to be with you. I want
you
.”

He walked backward, pulling Madeline along
with him as he walked through the kitchen. “I hope you got enough
breakfast,” he said.

She nodded. “Where are we going?”

“We need to get ready to meet Jeremy. I seem
to remember someone telling me she wanted to shower together.” A
grin lit up his face. “I’m a man with needs, darling, but
fortunately, they can be taken care of in the shower.”

Madeline took one hand out of his, loosened
the sash on her robe, and winked. “I guess we both get what we
want, Mr. Torturer.”

Donovan paced the confines of the small room
while Jeremy and Madeline sat at the table. He couldn’t help but
feel jumpy. If Jeremy was convincing enough, conceivably all his
problems would be over. If not, he would be facing a pretrial
hearing next week.

“You’re wearing me out,” Jeremy said. “Come
over here and let me talk to you.”

Madeline held her hand out to him. “Please,
sweetheart. I want to know what’s been going on. I missed so
much.”