CROSS (A Gentry Boys Novella) (5 page)

The Cadillac teetered over the concrete lip of the canal for half a terrible second before falling into the dirty water.  We landed with a colossal thud that made a small tidal wave.  Immediately the floor began taking in water that soaked our legs to the knee. 

My brother and I locked eyes in that small space.  We were in no danger, not really.  The water wasn’t deep enough to drown in.  But we were damn fucked just the same. 

Stone swallowed and the act seemed painful for him.  “Let’s get out of here,” he said and started to climb out the window. 

I sat there.  I stared at the rising water and dimly wondered what had become of Tony Cortez.  I thought about how less than fifteen minutes earlier I’d just been kidding around with my brother as we looked forward to yet another dull, incredible, boring, irreplaceable summer night. 

“That pause between heartbeats can change everything.  Everything.” 

Who’d said that?  Erin.  Erin had said that.  She’d said it in the middle of one of her quiet moods, a cold day in the season that passed for winter here.  It was the anniversary of a terrible thing that had happened in her life, something she didn’t like to talk about.  But I clearly remembered those words and I remembered that day and I remembered the way a sudden coarse wind had lifted the ends of her dark hair and slapped me in the face with it. 

“Conway!” 

Stone had already scrambled up the side of the canal.  I could see his legs, could see him hunkering down, ready to crawl back down and drag me out of the car.  I hauled myself out of the driver’s side window and Stone sighed with relief as he pulled me up to stand beside him. 

“I was driving,” he told me, nodding. 

I didn’t understand.  My ears were ringing for some reason. I rubbed at my right ear irritably.   “What?”

Then I saw the lights.  The police car.  The ringing had been a siren.  We wouldn’t be needing an ambulance.  We weren’t hurt.  We were in a hell of a lot of trouble though. 

Officer Driscoll, a silly sort of Keystone cop if ever there was one, was heading our way.  I would have laughed out loud at the grim expression on his face if there’d been anything funny about any of this.  Officer Driscoll, who went by the nickname Gaps, surveyed the scene, frowned when we waved away the paramedics, then arrested us.  I could feel eyes from everywhere as we were escorted back to the police cruiser for the short ride back to Emblem’s jail. 

Stone was stricken.  All the tough guy armor was gone.  The sorrow and regret on his face made him look young and old at the same time. Every bit of that sad remorse was fixed on me. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.  “I’m sorry, Con-man.” 

I stared at him.  Stone closed his eyes for a second and looked just about as miserable as I’d ever seen him.  He wasn’t torn up about the fact that he was getting shoved in the back of a police car, although I doubt he was thrilled about it.  What was killing him was the fact that I was right there with him.  All the dumb crap we’d ever done hadn’t added up to nearly this much trouble and Stone was blaming himself for a bad idea.  Yes, he was blaming himself for taking me along for the ride even though I’d been the one to start the engine. 

“I’m sorry too,” I told him. 

After all, we were both equal idiots and this was more my fault than it was his.  For the first time a real sense of fear started pounding in my head.  This was outside my box of life experience. I didn’t know what would happen from here.  I had my doubts my mother would come running downtown to bring us home and I couldn’t think of anyone else who would be willing or able to post bail.  Our hands were locked in cuffs behind our backs but I had the urge to reach for my brother in a way I hadn’t done since we were little and afraid of all the imaginary things that kids worry about. 

Instead I nudged his knee with mine.  That was the best I could do right now.  He nudged back. 

ERIN

“Stop squirming.” 

“God, Roe.  I look like a clown.” 

“Only because you keep moving and screwing up my lines.  Now sit still,
ma chère
.” 

I obeyed my best friend and settled into the creaky desk chair so she could finish my makeup.  Roe’s makeup bag was bigger than my school backpack and held the kind of quality, expensive stuff that I would never be able to afford.  So far she’d given me about half her stash and would have pushed more at me if I hadn’t gotten embarrassed and refused.  Roe was cool like that. 

“There,” she finally said in triumph as she backed away and squinted at her handiwork.  She was pleased enough to break into a wide smile.  Roe was gorgeous with long auburn curls and a dancer’s body.  I was sorry to hear that she’d given up ballet this past year. 

I looked in the square vanity mirror. 

“Not terrible,” I admitted. 

I never wore much makeup.  Roe insisted my smooth olive complexion didn’t really need it but she wanted to do something nice for me and she knew all about this stuff.  Makeup. Fashion.  Men.  If you didn’t know Roe at all, if you were just judging her based on her cool beauty and sophisticated tastes, you’d think she was a girl who had the world at her feet.  The kind of girl who didn’t even know what problems looked like.  Maybe the reason we got along so well was because we both knew that the picture we chose to show the world didn’t mean a thing.  It was the story inside, full of broken complications, that told the truth. 

“Gorgeous,” she corrected and then with lightning speed and a pair of bobby pins twisted my hair up into a loose French twist.  “A vision,” she declared with a theatrical bow and a French accent.  “
Mademoiselle
can have any conquest she desires.” 

I blushed.  I knew I wasn’t ugly.  But I wasn’t Roe-quality hot. 

“Come on.” She pushed me out of the chair.  “Let’s go find that boy of yours and get his hormones raging.” 

I snorted.  “Con’s hormones are fine without any help.” 

“Really?” She dropped to my bed and prissily crossed her long legs like she was settling in to hear some good gossip.  “Elaborate please.  I’ve been wondering how long you two were going to hold out.” 

“Oh.  We didn’t,” I stammered.  “I mean, we almost did. A lot.  But we didn’t.” 

Roe blinked and then nodded thoughtfully.   “He’s all right, that Conway Gentry.” 

“Because he hasn’t screwed me?”

She smiled gently.  “Because he doesn’t push you.  He loves you, E. I see it in the way he looks at you.  He’d wait forever if he had to.  That kind of guy doesn’t come along everyday.  The kind who will love you just as you are.” 

“He doesn’t know who I am,” I muttered. 

Roe was startled.  “Erin.  That’s ridiculous.” 

The tears were there.  Hot and sudden.  They hovered behind my eyes and threatened to spill.  Roe had seen me cry before, with the suddenness of a tsunami.  I felt free to cry in front of her.  She knew things I hid from everyone else.   She knew what really happened the day my mother died.  I suppose a lot of other people also knew but out of respect for my father and our family they must have decided long ago to keep their mouths shut.

“Are you still doing it?” my friend asked me with quiet pain. She swallowed with a grimace. “You promised.  You promised you wouldn’t anymore.” 

“Not as much,” I said defensively. 

“You need to stop, Erin.” 

I wrapped my arms around my chest.  “I know.” 

“What about that number I gave you?  The help line?”

“I called it,” I lied.  “It was helpful.” 

Roe gave me a vague smile.  She knew when to believe me and when not to.  “You should talk to your dad.” 

I thought about my father.  So tired and bewildered.  “No.”

“I could be there with you.” 

“No!”  I hadn’t meant to shout.  I drew my knees up to my chest.  “One more year until I graduate and get out of here.  Everything will be much better then.” 

Roe chewed her lip and then sighed.  “The thing is, it’s not so easy to escape the things you hate about yourself.” 

“I don’t hate myself.” 

My friend reached over and took my arm.  I let her run her finger over a long faded scar on the underside of my elbow.  “You don’t love yourself either. And you should.” 

“I’ll stop,” I said and this time I meant it.  But then I always meant it.  “I swear.” 

She dropped my arm and suddenly clapped her hands together.  “It’s going to be so great, Erin.  You and me, up at ASU together.  We’ll be roommates of course.”

“Of course.” 

“And I’ll even make myself scarce when Con drives up on weekends.” 

“Well, maybe he’ll wind up being a lot closer.  I’ve been trying to get him to take school more seriously.  If he brings his grades up he has a chance at squeaking through admissions.” 

Roe raised an eyebrow.  “Aren’t he and his brother kind of joined at the hip?  Stone doesn’t seem like college material to me.” 

“Stone doesn’t own Conway,” I shot back, suddenly irritable.  “Con will do what’s right for him and Stone can hang back here and keep being his own worst problem.” 

“All right, all right.”  Roe held up her hands.  “Damn, I forgot how much you couldn’t stand Stone.” 

I didn’t want to talk about Stone Gentry anymore.  “It doesn’t matter,” I said quickly.  “It’s fine.” 

Roe nodded.  “Con thinks I don’t like him, huh?”

I hesitated.  Con thought Roe was stuck up and indifferent.  He didn’t know her like I did.  “Nah.  Not at all.  He was just worried you weren’t having a good time when we were all hanging out last night.” 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.  “I guess when I come to town I’m kind of the proverbial third wheel.”

“You are not.” 

She grinned teasingly.  “I’ll be on my way soon and then you and Con can return to your carnal pursuits.” 

“I told you we haven’t done it.   But what about you?”

She started putting away tubes of lipstick.  “What about me?”

“All the guys were staring at you last night, drool collecting at their feet, as they prayed you’d throw them a bone.”

“I’ve already done too much,” she said and the frown that crossed her face reminded me that Roe had a few secrets of her own.  She’d disappeared from social media ever since that teacher scandal.  I never got the whole story about that, but I didn’t need it.  She was still Roe.  I was social and polite to many of the local Emblem girls.  However, I still considered Roe to be my only true friend.  Aside from Conway of course. 

“Did you like your present?” I asked her in order to change the subject to something more cheerful. 

A smile lit her face and she immediately reached over and pulled the small box from her overnight bag.  She’d already opened it earlier but now she again opened the lid carefully and touched the object sitting atop a cotton bed.  Her seventeenth birthday had been several weeks ago and I’d been waiting to give her the hanging crystal prism.  It wasn’t much, just a token I’d picked up at a tourist trap a few miles outside town, the kind of place where you buy flimsy cowboy hats, magnets in the shape of the state, scorpion paper weights.  The small crystal was attached to a string of fake turquoise beads.  It was meant to be hung in a window frame to catch the light.  I hadn’t been hunting for a gift when I saw it, but immediately it reminded me of a really old movie Roe and I had watched together years ago.  In the movie a pair of outcast children befriended an elderly hermit.  There was memorable scene where the three of them hung dozens of crystals in a huge window in such a way to create a rainbow of light when the sun hit.  For some reason that scene had always stuck with me.  I wasn’t sure she would remember but from the look on her face yesterday when she opened the box I knew that she did. 

“I love it,” she said with quiet awe, holding it in her manicured fingers like it was a rare diamond.  That was why I loved Roe so much.  She had everything money could buy but she was still the kind of girl who treasured an eight-dollar sentimental gift from her best friend.   

We were interrupted by a loud knock on the door and a spray of giggles. 

Roe opened the door and my two sisters spilled into the room.  Penny stalked in primly with all the worldly arrogance of a newly minted teenager.  Katie followed, full of nine-year-old laughter that didn’t require anything specific.  

“What are you guys doing?” Katie asked, poking around in Roe’s overnight bag. 

“Plotting a global takeover,” I answered. 

My sister wrinkled her nose.  “Huh?”

“You’re wearing a ton of makeup,” sniffed Penny with disapproval.  “Wait until Dad sees.” 

“Dad won’t care.  And anyway you’ll have to get used to it because it’s been tattooed on.” 

“Well, you look like a clown.” 

“Penny?” ventured Roe.  “Would you like to try some makeup?”

“I would!” shouted Katie with her hand in the air. 

“I guess,” said Penny with an eye roll.  “Just don’t make me look like a circus clown.” 

Roe sat down and went about the serious work of applying makeup to my little sisters.  Katie was delighted with the pink lip gloss and blush.  Penny tried hard not to look too pleased over the way Roe was able to highlight her cheekbones and added a hint of color to her lips. 

“Thanks,” she said almost too softly to hear as she stared wistfully at her own reflection.  Then she blinked and turned to me with full-blown sour adolescence.  “Dad wants to know what you have planned for dinner.”  

“There’s a tuna casserole in the fridge.  All you need to do is heat it up at three fifty for twenty minutes.” 

“And where are you going?”  Penny asked as she paused in the doorway. 

“Out,” I shrugged, glancing at my phone and wondering why Con hadn’t called yet.  He was done with work over an hour ago and I thought he’d be here as soon as he ran home to shower and change. 

“I saw your boyfriend leave,” announced Katie as if she’d read my mind.  She turned to Roe.  “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Noooo.  I’m too young to have a boyfriend,” answered Roe with wide-eyed mock innocence.  She winked at me. 

I tried to get my sister’s attention.  “Katie, you saw Con?  He was here?”

My sister combed her hair with her fingers.  “Nope.”

Penny was listening at the door and decided to join the conversation.  “He and his brother ran off together a little while ago, probably to go snort paint in a ditch somewhere.”  She nodded at Roe.  “Are you staying here again tonight?”

Roe shook her head.  “I wish.  But I promised my dad I’d be home by eight.” 

Katie suddenly hugged Roe around the waist.  Roe looked startled for a moment but pleased as she patted the little girl’s back.  It made me feel guilty, seeing my kid sister searching for affection.  She’d gotten a raw deal, having only been in kindergarten when our mother died.  Our dad tried his best but he spent too many hours a day working double shifts at the prison in order to make ends meet.  He felt guilty for depending too much on me.  He felt guilty because he couldn’t help my mother when she was alive, and can’t deal with her at all now that she’s dead.  I felt guilty because I’m a crappy substitute for a real mother.  And then I felt even more guilty about counting down the months until I could get out of here.  Too much guilt, all around. 

We found my father dozing off on the couch.   He must have only just gotten home.   He still wore the white polyester shirt and blue trousers of his prison uniform.  He woke up abruptly when Katie jumped on his legs. 

“Stinker,” he joked, tickling her while she squealed.  Then he looked at us and blinked his bloodshot eyes.  “Hey there, girls.”

“Hi Dad.  I think Penny’s in the kitchen heating up the casserole I made yesterday.  There will be enough for leftovers tomorrow.” 

He grinned.  Now balding, overweight, and chronically tired, he’d once been a handsome man.  I’d seen the pictures. 

“Thanks, princess.  Always my hero.” 

My dad said things like that all the time.   He meant them too, always trying to let me know how much he appreciated my help.  He was a good guy. 

“You’re welcome,” I told him and rubbed my arms.  They were covered with long sleeves despite the summer heat.  Roe caught me doing it and gave me a sharp look that turned to pained sadness.  I stopped.  No one else noticed.  Even if they had they wouldn’t have thought anything of it.   I was proud of that in a way, sick as it was.  It was a terrible talent, being able to hide awful things from the people who loved you. 

Con still wasn’t answering his phone.  Roe hung around until the light started growing soft, then reluctantly packed up her car.  For all the luxury that awaited her, Roe was never excited to go home.  Before she climbed behind the wheel she turned to me and opened her arms. 

“Better days are coming,” she said in my ear as she hugged me tight. 

I hugged her back.  “For both of us,” I promised. 

She pulled away and looked straight into my eyes.  “You know, if there’s ever anything you don’t want to handle alone, I’d drop everything and get here.”