Crossing Lines (Cops and Docs #2) (16 page)

“Having a conversation.” There was nothing simple about the exchange. There were waves of intensity that they were both contributing to, even though they weren’t discussing what put them in this predicament in the first place.

“I think this is the most words we’ve said to each other in a while. I’m kinda scared to like it.”

Kelli’s honest expression of emotion inspired Nora to continue to do the same. “Me too.”

“I think…I should go.” Kelli sounded unsure.

“Okay.” After Kelli ended the call, Nora stared at her phone until it went dark. What were they doing? Nora yawned again. The answer to that question was way too complicated to try and deal with right now. Her eyelids became incredibly heavy. She felt relaxed enough,
safe
enough, to let sleep come.

* * *

Kelli sipped on her fourth cup of coffee, and it was barely noon. After only three hours of sleep, she sure as hell needed it. She should have been wired and agitated, her usual state of being these days, but she actually felt a couple steps away from decent, despite the tiredness and the shit storms swirling around her. Kelli glanced at Williams. He wore a grimace, and she was sure his expression only hinted at his level of frustration. Kelli could definitely feel his tension rolling across the room. Without thinking about it too much, Kelli got up and fixed a fresh cup of coffee for him after topping off her own.

Williams looked at her warily the closer she got to him. The man could have probably beat her ass…in his prime, but he peered at her as if she were about to take his head clean off. Kelli supposed she deserved that. She set the coffee near his keyboard.

His gaze lingered on the cup for a few seconds. “You spit in it?”

Kelli figured she probably deserved that one too. “I will. Taste it first; if you need more sugar, I’d be happy to.”

He grunted and looked away. Kelli could have sworn that she saw his lips twitch, but it could have been a figment of her imagination.

“We cast a wide net. Monitoring her bank account, credit cards, and keeping an eye on her friends. She doesn’t have any family in this state. She should have surfaced by now. Maybe she has more sense than you thought,” Williams said instead of addressing her attempt at humor.

Kelli shook her head. “No, she doesn’t. She’ll turn up. She’s the type to shoot herself in the foot…every time.”

“Uh-huh.” Williams stared at her. “You got the information you wanted. You can go back to being a mean girl now.”

That stung a little. She was trying to mend the bridge, even if she was the one who blew the fucker up. “Is that what you think I am?”

“Well, you haven’t exactly been cordial. I believe that’s what they’re calling it nowadays.”

Kelli almost laughed. “No…I’m pretty sure I don’t fit the definition.”

“How about grumpy bitch then? That work for you?” Williams asked.

Damn. Did she have the energy for this crap today? “Yeah, it does.” The words came out a whole lot snarkier than she wanted.

Williams sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Sorry. That was a little harsh.”

“A little?” Kelli crossed her arms over her chest and stared.

“Don’t push it McCabe.”

“All right. Sorry, shit.”

Williams glared at her. Then, by degrees, his face softened. “You have legit reasons to be pissed off at the world. I’m just glad you’re trying to come out from under everything.”

Kelli looked down in her coffee cup. When the hell had she drank it all?

“Your doctor doing okay with all this?”

Kelli looked up then. “She’s not my anything, and I guess she’s doing okay.”

Williams’s eyes narrowed. “The boys on her detail said you’ve been there—”

“Yeah, so?” Even she thought she sounded defensive.

“Whoa.” Williams held out a placating hand. “Don’t eat my face off. I just assumed since you weren’t trying to tear me an extra asshole things had changed.”

Kelli stood and threw the empty Styrofoam cup into his trashcan. Her mug was bigger anyway. She just had to wash it. “Later,” she said before walking away.

He was right. Things had changed. One minute Kelli was enthusiastic about the situation with Nora, and the next she was cagey as hell. They needed to talk, not over or around the mess they’d made, but through it. Kelli was reluctant to press the issue. She already knew how Nora reacted when she was pushed, and she didn’t want them to end back up at square negative one, especially since they had taken a baby step forward.

* * *

Nora made a notation in a chart and flipped it closed. She knew her protective detail was lurking somewhere nearby, and they weren’t as invasive as she thought they would be.

Susan sighed as she walked up beside her. “I like my days off and everything. Yesterday was great, but it’s been almost two years since I had a real vacation.”

“Why haven’t you?” Nora glanced at her and asked. She moved away from the nurses’ station toward the attendings’ lounge.

Susan shrugged and fell into step next to her. “No idea. What about you? These past few months must have been…what’s the word I’m looking for? Insane…for you. The other night would have sent me packing to Canada.”

“I don’t know anyone in Canada.”

“Neither do I, but that’s not the point. It’s good to see that you’re okay in person. I’m sorry if I called too much. After the way you left the other night, I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

Nora smiled. She could definitely get used to this—the warmth and kindness of others. “Thank you. I’m glad you called. My phone doesn’t ring often these days. Not that it ever did.”

Susan looked her up and down and snorted. “I find that hard to believe. Have you seen yourself?”

“My appearance hasn’t made much of a difference.”

“Even with that detective? By the way, was that her at the hotel?”

“Yes. Why?” Nora decided that it was safer to answer the second question.

“Oh my, you were not kidding about the level of hotness. She seemed very intense.”

“I didn’t say…” She never used the word hot, even though it was accurate. Nora decided it was pointless to correct her. “She can be, but she’s usually more jovial. There’s a number of things happening with her family, and she was concerned—”

“About you.” Susan finished for her.

Heat rushed to Nora’s face. Kelli had gone above and beyond. It meant so much. “Yes.”

“Such pretty colors. She really must be something.”

This time Nora’s flush had more to do with embarrassment. “I…suppose.”

“Heard that phrase before. I’m going to take it as a resounding yes. So, things are a lot less complicated between the two of you now?”

Nora wished… Well, she wished for a lot, including for a way to rewind time. Maybe she could have done something…said something to alter the course of events. “You certainly ask a lot of questions.”

“I do, and I’m going to guess that’s a no. I just assumed…” Susan deflated a bit. “Well, why the hell not?”

“I beg your pardon?” Nora let her indignation color her tone. Besides, did she really have an answer to that question? Why not? Because she was scared? Because she was desperately holding on to aspects of herself that used to be? Her head screamed that these continued to be legitimate reasons to keep Kelli at arm’s length, but her heart wanted her to wear Kelli’s
Master of Puppet’s
T-shirts, flirt shamelessly, and ultimately give in.

Susan snorted. “Oh please, you’re not that easily offended.”

“No, I’m not, but this isn’t something I want to discuss.”

“Richard called Mary a couple hours ago. He apologized for being an ass and running away. She went to go meet him for lunch to talk about things. She’s going to suggest they go to therapy,” Susan said.

Nora stopped walking. “She’s really taking him back… Just like that?”

Susan nodded. “Just like that.”

Nora imagined that it took an excess of emotional maturity to navigate through Mary’s situation. Nora wasn’t sure if she would describe herself that way. “I’m happy for her.”

“Yeah, me too. Takes a big person to make that kind of leap of faith,” Susan said.

She knew what Susan was implying. “My situation isn’t the same. You’re making assumptions.”

Susan smiled slightly. “I’m shutting up now. I talk too much, remember?”

She really was an exasperating woman. Nora glared.

Susan’s smile widened before she turned and walked away.

Extremely exasperating.

Nora had to go a few more steps to reach her destination, but she barely moved a muscle. Her thoughts twisted and turned. Despite what Susan described, nothing emotional could ever be that simple. Could it? She and Kelli didn’t have ten years together, but they’d been through more than the average couple. Of that, she was sure. What developed was the most beautiful thing she had ever been a part of. Yet, they ruined it. Even if she took that “leap of faith,” Nora wasn’t sure their relationship would be anything like it was before.

It was a frightening thought, but she had to acknowledge that the groundwork was there and the spark between them burned just as hot as ever. Regardless, it all came tumbling down. Maybe it was best that they couldn’t go back to what they were before, because it was weak enough to buckle under pressure. Maybe they could move toward something better.

Nora wasn’t the same woman she was a month, or even a week, ago. That part of the equation had changed completely, which would probably alter the final outcome. She was more open to the world now and had found the right people to lead the way. If she could let Susan, Patricia, and Mary in, Nora should be able to open the door wider for Kelli. There was so much information to wade through, and everything was so muddled. She shook her head to clear it. All of this was giving her a headache.

There was nothing logical about this situation. She reminded herself yet again.

What was she doing? It wasn’t thinking, extrapolating, or analyzing that created all those moments between them. Exploration of her emotions paved the way, and Nora felt each minute they had together down to the bone.

She wanted that again. She craved it, and she was so tired of fighting it.

No, her head had no place in this.

It really was that simple. Nora had a choice. She could take the foundation they had, try to build a lasting happiness, and put a bit of herself into every brick to make it stronger and safer to dwell within. Or, she could leave it dilapidated and crumbling to nothing, as if it had never existed at all. That alternative was sacrilegious, and she had to believe that Kelli wanted the same. Nora was no detective, but the evidence was there to support her case.

Nora moved quickly and finally entered the lounge. It was empty, which was ideal because she needed a moment of privacy. Nora’s hand shook as she fished her cell phone from the pocket of her lab coat. She swiped her finger over Kelli’s name. After taking a deep breath, Nora typed out a text.

We need to talk tonight.

The reply was almost immediate.

Yeah of course. U ok?

Nora smiled and laughed softly, as a staggering warmth swept through her.

Yes, I am.

* * *

Kelli parked her car in front of Nora’s house. She stared out the windshield into the darkness as if the secrets of the goddamned universe were dancing around on the hood. She was nervous. No, she was more than that. This “talk” had to mean something good. Right? Nora called
her
. Nora flirted with
her
. In fact, Nora was running the show. It was difficult as hell not to try to take the reins, but Kelli decided that maybe it was her way of showing that she could change. The transformation hadn’t been pretty. She’d been a major dick to just about everyone, but hey, maybe she was a fucking swan underneath all the bullshit she’d been throwing. Was she scared that Nora was going to cut and run again? Fuck yes, but there was no off switch for Nora. She was in her head…in her heart. She’d seen and felt what life was like without her. In other words, she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t.

On the other hand, this could be the final “I don’t think I can do this” speech. What would be the point of that? All Nora had to do was freeze her out and end all communication between them. Just thinking about it made her want to puke. Hell, she’d broken out in a cold sweat once or twice earlier in the day, contemplating the whole mess. Kelli had gone back and forth most of the afternoon. What was one more time?

Not knowing fucking sucked. All she had to do was get out of the car to find out. Kelli’s phone chirped, and the sound nearly made her jump out of her skin. Nervous, yeah. Focused, definitely. It was a text from Sean.

Nothing today.

Kelli sighed. Too bad the whole situation with Tony couldn’t just resolve itself. It would be great if he would just come to his senses. That was a bullshit fantasy, and Kelli didn’t let herself wallow in it. The DEU didn’t have anything new. The only thing she’d gotten from them was that there was going to be a huge bust soon, and if he was caught, Tony would have a chance to cut himself a nice deal. She typed her response quickly.

Thnks 4 letting me kno

Whatever
.
He responded.

They’d barely talked since that day at the deli. She sighed again. One clusterfuck at a time. Kelli had to get through this meeting with Nora, so she could clean up the other ones. Scratch that. This was her brother. She had to deal with him, even if she had to crawl.

A few minutes later, Kelli tapped on the window of the gray Crown Vic in Nora’s driveway. The cops inside waved. She almost hesitated, but she’d stalled long enough. It was time to deal with this, whatever the outcome. Kelli took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. Nora opened it in less than ten seconds. She was counting.

Oh shit. Everything around them fell away. Nora stood there in Kelli’s Metallica T-shirt and
possibly
pants. Not that they mattered.

“Hey,” Kelli said and decided that she was never going to wear that shirt again. It didn’t belong to her anymore.