Crossings (23 page)

“You should have thought about that in June.” She stood up nervously then and walked around the room, and then glanced at him over her shoulder. “I guess you were too busy doing business with the krauts to think of what danger you were putting us in. You realize, don't you, that you're part of all this. You're partly responsible for starting the war. Who knows how the Germans use the steel you sell them?” It was a horrifying thought and one that had been on Nick's mind for weeks now. The only consolation he had was that two days before, he had canceled all the rest of his German contracts. His company would take a loss of any size, he had announced, but he would no longer deal with Hitler's Reich. He was only sorry he hadn't done that before. And as he stood there staring at his wife, he remembered Liane's words on the ship … “The time to choose sides will come” … it had, and he had, but too late, he had to live now with the knowledge of what he had done, and how he may have indirectly helped them. It was small consolation that he had also helped to arm Britain and France and Poland. What hurt so much now was that he had also assisted the Germans. But more than that it hurt him that Hillary had driven the spear in even deeper into his side, and he looked at her now with open amazement.

“Why do you hate me so much, Hil?”

She appeared to think about it for a time and then shrugged. “I don't know. …” And then she looked at him sadly. “Maybe because you've always reminded me of what I'm not. You wanted something that I never had to give.” It was a truth he had only recently accepted. “You gave me too much. You stifled me from the first moment we met. You should have married some sweet little schoolteacher who would give you eight children.”

“That wasn't what I had in mind. I loved you.” He looked tired and sad. It was all over between them.

“But you don't anymore, do you?” It was a question she had to ask. She had to know. It was her final ticket to freedom.

Slowly he shook his head. “No, I don't. It's better for both of us like this.”

She nodded. “Yes, it is.” And then she took a deep breath and walked to the door. “I'll go see Johnny now. How soon do we leave?”

“As soon as I can arrange it.”

“Are you coming with us, Nick?” She watched him as she asked, and regretfully he shook his head.

“I can't for a while. But I'll come home as soon as I can.” She nodded and left the room, and he walked quietly to the window and stared out at the garden.

n the night of September 6, Armand and Liane shared a light dinner she warmed for him at midnight. All Armand wanted was some soup and a piece of bread. He was too exhausted to eat. He had had an endless day of frantic meetings. The news from Poland was worse than ever, though thankfully Warsaw had not yet fallen. According to reports, the situation was critical and the Poles were facing mass extermination. Liane watched Armand's face now and she saw the grief there, and the years, and the concern for his own country.

“Liane … there's something I want to tell you.” She wondered what grim bit of news he would impart. It seemed as though that's all there was now.

“Yes?”

“The
Aquitania
, a British ship, docked in Southampton last night, and she will make one more trip back to the States, where they're going to convert her to carry troops. And when she sails”—he almost choked on the words—“I want you and the girls on her.” She sat and listened to him in total silence, and he watched her. For a moment there was no reaction, and then slowly she shook her head.

She sat up very straight and looked him in the eye. “No, Armand, we're not going.”

For an instant it was his turn to be startled into silence.

“Are you mad? France is at war. You must go back. I want to know that you and the girls are safe.”

“On an English ship, with the Atlantic probably crawling with U-boats? They sank the
Athenia
, why not this ship?”

Armand shook his head. The horrors they were hearing out of Warsaw were too fresh in his mind. He would not allow his wife and girls to stay in France to fight the Germans.

“You must not argue with me.” But he was too tired to say much more, and he met in Liane a resolve he had never anticipated.

“We are not going. The girls and I are staying here with you. We discussed it as soon as war was announced. There are other women and children here. Why should we go?”

“Because it's safer for you in the States. Roosevelt has insisted that he will not enter this war.” That much wasn't news, and Liane heard it again with disgust.

“Have you no faith in France? It will not fall like Czechoslovakia or Poland.”

“And if they drop bombs, which they surely will, do you want to be here with the girls, Liane?”

“Others lived through it in the last war.” He was so tired he was almost ready to fall asleep at the table, and she was too determined to stay. He couldn't fight her. They talked about it again the next morning, the moment he awoke, but she was even more immovable then. She ignored almost everything he said, and as he prepared to leave for the office at seven thirty, she looked at him for a last time with her gentle smile. “I love you, Armand. My place is here with you. Don't ask me again. I won't go.”

He watched her eyes for a long moment. “You're an extraordinary woman, Liane, but I knew that before. You still have the choice. You should get back to the States while you can.”

“I have nothing there. My home is here with you.”

There were tears in his eyes as he bent to kiss her goodbye. She had moved him more than she ever had before. She was as brave as any of them in Poland. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She spoke in a whisper as she kissed him, and then he was gone. She knew that she wouldn't see him again until after midnight that night, and that he would return almost stumbling with exhaustion, but at least it was for a good cause now. The country was at war. And she was staying. She would always stand by him.

re you ready to go?” Johnny nodded with big sad eyes, his puppy in his arms, and his nurse beside him. “Do you have your baseball bat in your trunk?” The child nodded again, the tears sliding down his face at last. And his father pulled him close. “I know, Son … I know … I'm going to miss you too … but it's only for a little while.” He clenched his teeth and prayed that what he said was true. But he couldn't go back yet. He couldn't desert their interests in Europe. “But I don't want to go home without you, Dad.” “It's just for a little while … I promise. …” He looked at Hillary over the child's head, and she was strangly quiet. Their bags were waiting in the hall. This time there was no second carload of trunks. They had been told that they could each bring two bags. The ship was loaded to the gills, and it was not going to be a luxurious journey, although the passenger list was sure to be impressive. Hundreds of wealthy American tourists had been trapped abroad and they had besieged their embassies in desperation to get home. All the British and French sailings scheduled for September had been canceled. The
Normandie
had reached New York on August 28, and had been cabled by her owners to remain in New York for safekeeping. The American ships had canceled their schedules as well, and Ambassador Kennedy in London was going mad, cabling frantically that there were an army of American tourists stranded abroad, and ships had to be sent for them. Accordingly, the
Washington, Manhattan
, and
President Roosevelt
were all on their way, but no one knew when, and the
Aquitania
was the only ship with a certain sailing date. And this would be her last journey before being pressed into military service.

The dangers of this last crossing were well-known to all, with terrifying tales of German U-boats on the high seas, but due to her structure, she was less vulnerable to underwater attack than most of the others. And she had made her last crossing by zigzagging handsomely across the Atlantic, at great speed and in total blackout. The trip back to the States was going to be an interesting journey.

The large black Duesenberg was waiting outside the house on the Avenue Foch and Hillary, Nick, Johnny, and the nurse somberly climbed in. They were driving to Calais, where Nick had rented a large yacht, which would take them to Dover. And he had a car waiting there to take them on to Southampton. The trip was not so much perilous as exhausting, and by the time they reached the dock on the day the ship sailed, Hillary, to her own surprise, was close to tears. She was suddenly terrified that the ship would be sunk at sea and she clung to Nick in a manner most unlike her when they read a warning before passengers boarded the ship. They were all told that they were making the crossing at. their own risk, “on a belligerent ship and were subject to sinking without notice.” It brought the point home in a way nothing else could and the three Burnhams held each other tight for a moment before Nick took them on board. He had been able to get them only one small airless cabin with three beds, a decent one for his wife, and a double bunk for Johnny and the nurse. At least, he noticed, they had their own bathroom.

He stayed with them until the last signal that he had to leave, and then he held Johnny tightly in his arms for an endless moment.

“Be a big boy, tiger, and take care of your mommy for me. And do everything she tells you on the ship. It's very important.”

“Oh, Daddy …” His voice trembled almost as much as Nick's. “Do you think we'll sink?”

“No, I don't. And I'm going to think good thoughts about you every day. And the minute you get home, Mommy is going to cable me.”

“What about my puppy?” She was trembling under the bed. Johnny had hidden her to get her on the ship. They had been told no pets, but knowing the English's soft heart for dogs, he knew that nothing would happen once she was discovered. “What'll I do with my puppy if we sink?”

“You won't. Just hold on to her real tight and keep her in your life vest.” It was a hideous thought, and he held on to Johnny's hand as he stood up to look at his wife. “Take care of yourself, Hil … and John….”He glanced down at their son, who was crying openly as he looked up at his father.

“I will, Nick. Take care of yourself over here.” And then, with a gulp, she hugged him. “Come back soon.” In the last moments on board the hatred between them seemed to dispel. This was no time for that. The possibility that they might never see each other again occurred to all three of them, and the nurse was almost hysterical as she sat sobbing on her bunk. It was going to be quite a trip, Nick knew, as he left them. He only prayed that the
Aquitania
would make it safely.