Crucible of Fate (8 page)

She would not be baited; she only yawned. “Perhaps your mate travels because he needs a break from your company.”

I narrowed my eyes.

She arched an eyebrow before giving her attention once more to whatever it was she was making.

“What is that?”

“A hat for the semel-netjer’s son, Ilia.”

I crossed my arms as I gazed down at her. “That’s nice of you. I still need to send a gift. Yuri wanted to go, but I made him wait until we could make the trip together in the fall.”

“Why?”

“What if he didn’t come back?”

She scoffed. “That man would never willingly leave your side.”

“He just did!” I barked. “He went off to Ipis!”

“Oh my, I had no idea you missed him so desperately.”

“He left me,” I said again, as petulantly as the first time.

“On a mission of diplomacy that only he could undertake,” she said in an attempt to mollify me. “But he plans to return as soon as possible. I’ve seen the way he stares at you; he will always fly home as fast as he can.”

My grunt was loud as I flopped down onto the chaise across from her.

“Was your mate upset when you had him wait to see Jin and Logan’s new son?”

Maybe he was; I wasn’t sure. Lately, when Yuri talked to me, I sort of tuned out and instead focused on a patch of his freckled skin, the play of muscles in his back, or the plump bottom lip he would bite sometimes when I sucked on one of his nipples or when I stroked—

“That sound was absolutely decadent.”

I was startled. “What?”

“You moaned and it sounded like sex to me.”

I scowled.

She tittered. “Since you know, please tell me how Jin and Logan have a son already?”

I was lost. “What?”

“I must have missed something about the child.”

“About the—”

 “How do they have a child already? Explain it to me.”

“What do you mean
how
?”

“The child was born four months after they got home from Mongolia. How?”

“Oh, well, that’s simple. Jin’s child is the son of a nekhene cat,” I said matter-of-factly. “As it was explained to me, the werepanther in his blood overrode everything else so the gestation was not human, but cat.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning, as you know, the average gestation for a big cat is ninety to ninety-six days. For a leopard, I think its 101 days. Jin’s child was born three months after the surrogate was inseminated.”

“That’s amazing, right?”

“It would be for anyone but Jin Church.”

“His DNA must be something. I’m sure any scientist in the world would love to get their hands on him.”

I snorted. “As if Logan would allow Jin or his child or the surrogate who bore his child anywhere near a human hospital.”

“I’m not arguing. It’s just an observation.”

“I know.”

“Is it true about the baby?”

“What?”

“Was he really born in his werepanther form?”

“Yes.”

“So there’s no doubt that he’s a semel, then.”

“No, everyone there said they’d never seen anything like it. I mean, none of us ever shift before adolescence, but Jin and Logan’s kid comes out shifted.”

“Well, Jin and Delphine’s kid,” she corrected.

“Make no mistake,” I cautioned her. “Logan’s bloodline mixing with Jin’s—that is only their child.”

“No, I know I just… it’s… I can’t imagine.”

“I know,” I agreed. “Apparently it took Logan holding his son for him to shift to human.”

“Not Jin?”

“No, I guess Jin’s pheromones just made his son want to shift to full panther.”

“So, wait,” she said, making sure she’d heard me right. “The only cat Jin the reah can’t soothe is his own son?”

“Yeah, and apparently he’s all in a twist about it. I know you don’t know Jin that well, but I will tell you there’s no way he’s taking something like that in stride. I’m sure he’s feeling very hurt and useless right about now.”

“But he’s still his son’s father.”

“But you know as well as I do that semels bond with their fathers and not—”

“Jin is his father.”

“I mean, semels bond with their fathers who are
semels
. So Ilia will naturally relax around Logan, will want Logan. It’s just how it is.”

“But that’s not to say that Jin isn’t necessary.”

“No, but if Jin were a woman, he would be giving his son nourishment, but as he’s not….”

“Oh, I see: what precisely is he doing, then.”

“Exactly. Nothing. I’m sure he feels utterly worthless.”

“Poor Jin.”

“I should probably let Yuri go to him.”

“Maybe another, instead.”

Only she and Yuri gave me any counsel—ever. “Crane?”

“Yes. Just think how the reah must be missing his beset, especially now.”

“I could never do that to Crane.”

“Do what?” She eyeballed me. “Take his maahes status from him?”

“Yes.”

“But perhaps it will be taken from him if he loses in the pit to Elham.”

“You just don’t want to have to be the man’s mate.”

“No, I don’t, but I also don’t want to watch him flay Crane’s skin from his body.”

“If they’re in the pit together—”

“It’s not that kind of challenge. He gets to have one of his men fight one of Crane’s. A fight for the position of prince is not done by the maahes and the challenger, but by men that they both pick.”

“So Crane won’t be in the pit to fight for his position?”

“Of course not.” She was scowling now. “Have you talked to your sylvan about this?”

“No, my sylvan’s been too busy disciplining his people and having sex with my hathen!”

“Your house is in disarray, my lord.”

“You think?”

She tipped her head sideways as she regarded me. “May I ask a question?”

I gestured for her to go ahead.

“Why do you stay? Why do you remain semel-aten?”

I didn’t answer because I wasn’t sure what she meant.

“Domin?”

“Fate.”

“I’m sorry?”

How to explain…. “So I was a semel, and then that was taken from me, but now I am a semel again.”

From the expression on her face, I could tell she had never considered that before. “But you could step down, release the seat to Elham, and then he wouldn’t go after Crane, he wouldn’t even begin this campaign to usurp you.”

“Is this your advice?”

“No, I simply wonder at you. Are you trying to hold onto something that should not be held?”

It was a very good question.

A
FTER
dinner, I walked through the lower gardens with Mikhail, around the pools, watching the koi swim from one pond to another, and realized how pissed I was at Yuri. How could he keep secrets from me?

Maybe he didn’t know
, Ebere had said earlier.

Mikhail set me straight, inhaling the night air and all the scents swirling through it. “He knew. I confessed, but I also made him swear to tell no one, especially you.”

It was a betrayal… and yet I understood. Friends had to be counted on to keep secrets.

“If you knew, it would have weakened you and the choices you made for her and me.” Mikhail mused.

“And now what will you do?”

“I’ll send her back to Boston to finish her master’s degree so she can have the life she wanted.”

“And never marry her.”

He shook his head. “This is not where she belongs.”

“Maybe not three years ago, when her father had her brought here, but people change, and maybe she wants to be by your side. Did you think of that?”

“She’s young; she doesn’t know what she wants.”

“She’s twenty-six, Mikhail. My guess is she knows herself all too well.”

He didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to yell, so I let him go to his quarters so they could talk.

Later, as I sat on the thick stone edge on the balcony of one the sitting rooms on the second floor, I heard movement behind me.

“May I come out there with you?”

“Sure,” I mumbled. With my head resting against the wall and my ankles crossed, I was sort of precariously balanced. It was funny; Yuri never allowed me to sit like that, too afraid of me falling. Heights made him nervous.

Koren moved quietly near me but stopped far enough away that he couldn’t touch me.

“How can I just walk up on the semel-aten?”

“The guards are on the first floor,” I answered. “Only trusted people are allowed on the second, and only Yuri and I are allowed on the roof.”

“I see,” he said, and I saw the green eyes glint in the lantern light.

“Why are you here?” I was annoyed as I studied him.

“Because of course I figured out who I really wanted the second I was informed that you weren’t coming back.”

“Of course.”

He moved closer. “What are you playing at?”

“Meaning?”

He was staring at me, missing nothing. “Yuri?”

“What about him?”

“Since when, Domin? Since when do you even
see
Yuri?”

The dark blue summer sky was slowly succumbing to dusk. It was beautiful. “I saw you stare at Samani Baro today, the former hathen of my house. She is lovely, isn’t she?”

“She belongs to Mikhail.”

“Not what I asked. I asked if you thought she was lovely.”

“Well, yes, very.”

“When I got here, I found out that my predecessor had a harem. In fact, every semel-aten has one. Did you know that?”

“No, like I said earlier, I had no clue.”

“And why would you? But for me, without her, I would have been lost. I mean, what in the world was I going to do with a female harem? I’ve been gay all my life.”

“I don’t get what—”

“But had you become semel-aten and found yourself with a harem, you would have had no problem with that.”

“Domin—”

“I have no issue with you loving women,” I said, pinning him with my eyes. “What I do have a problem with is you confessing to one thing while your gaze betrays you.”

“You’re serious?” He scoffed. “I’m in trouble because I checked out Samani earlier? You notice a beautiful woman when—”

“Yuri doesn’t see anyone but me.”

It took him a second. “It’s new, Domin! It’s brand new! Of course he doesn’t! If I had been carrying a torch for you since I was sixteen years old, I—”

“Precisely,” I interrupted. “If.”

The silence was brutal, awkward and drowning.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he finally said. “You can’t compare years of us to months of Yuri. I know you. He has no idea.”

“Whatever he doesn’t know, he can learn,” I said, getting down off the railing, ready to slip by him.

He grabbed my bicep tight. “You can’t love him just because you think you should—because you’ll be safe.”

My eyes met his.

“You have to let your heart get hurt. You know Yuri would never hurt you, and because I did it so many times, too many times, you picked him when he offered himself up on a silver platter.”

I eased my arm from his grip. “You don’t know anything about Yuri.”

“But I know you.”

“No, you don’t, not really, and that was the problem.”

“Domin—”

“Tell me,” I said as I faced him, “have you ever really been in love?”

“That’s the most—”

“No.” I put my hand up to stop him. “Really, Koren, think about it.”

“Yes.” He studied my face before his dark-olive gaze finally settled on my mouth. “With you.”

“Koren.”

“I missed you.”

But when I read the intent in him to kiss me, I took a quick step back.

“I—”

“You live with Jin and Logan.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Yeah? And?”

“Don’t you want someone to look at you the way Jin looks at Logan and vice versa?”

“Jin is Logan’s true-mate, you don’t just go out and—”

 “Please. All that is, is love.”

“It’s not. They have a perfect bonding. No one gets that unless they are a semel and a reah.”

“That’s crap. The chemical, biological pull on your body does not create love. It makes need, but that’s not what Jin and Logan have. They love each other.”

“They love each other because of the bond. If Jin was not Logan’s reah, he’d be mated to Simone right now, plain and simple.”

“You’re so wrong,” I said. “Bond or no bond, Logan would have seen Jin and wanted him.”

He shook his head. “You’re being ridiculously sentimental. Logan was straight before he found out about his mate. If Jin wasn’t his reah, he’d have had no chance with Logan.”

I would not argue and headed out.

He called after me as I crossed the floor. “That’s it? You don’t stand and fight for what you want? The semel-aten doesn’t know how to do that anymore?”

“You have nothing I want,” I threw out. “So why would we fight?”

“I don’t believe you.”

I stopped at the door and glanced back. “Why are you going through these motions? It’s not like you actually want to win.”

“But I do,” he professed. “And I will.”

I crossed my arms. “What happened? What scared you so bad that you came running halfway around the world to see me?”

“What?”

Oh,
very
defensive. I tipped my head. “Let me guess, some nice lady panther wants to have your cubs?”

He pointed at me. “Tell me you don’t remember us in bed and what that was like.”

I did remember. I had loved it, having him under me, but even more, I remembered how volatile it had all been, and now I had a new definition of what could go on under the covers.

Now I ate in bed with Yuri stretched out beside me. We debated laws and decisions I had made, but… we also had long, drawn-out, intense conversations about why he liked reality shows and I didn’t, about why he thought watching
Grey’s Anatomy
would rot my brain and why I was refusing to watch the series
Firefly
, which he owned on DVD along with some movie that went with it. I was upset when my shows from the History Channel got erased in favor of some miniseries on the Syfy channel, and he said that satellite TV only had room for so much stuff.

I had called him on it, and he had gotten lost in seeing how indignant I got. “You’re full of crap!”

“You’re so cute when you’re pissed off,” Yuri said, pushing out his bottom lip. “Come here, baby.”