Crude: A Stepbrother Romance (26 page)

“Since you’re not doing
shit
with your life, I’m going to do it for you, Knox.”

I’m blinking back the anger and the sting of tears in my eyes as I snarl up at him; “You’re not my fucking fath-”

“
I KNOW THAT
,” He booms. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he opens them and looks right at me; “But I love your mother, and that means I need to deal with you.”

I roll my eyes; “Right,
deal
with me.” I sneer at him; “Fuck you.”

He narrows his eyes at me; “You can be mad; that’s fine. But I think I’ve got every right to be protective of my daughter.”

He may have a point; not that I’m going to give him that here and now.

“At some point,” He says, his voice softer, “You’re going to have to stop trying to fight the whole damn world, son.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Fine,
Knox
; I’ve made my decision.”

I look up at him, my jaw tight and my eyes narrowed.

“You’re going to Alaska.”

I snort; “The fuck I-”

“And
while
you’re at our processing facility up there in the oil sands, you’re going to be hands-on with my managing partner up there, Brian.”

It feels like I’m drowning in shallow, freezing water, and I hear the sentence that my as well be a death on being passed down from King Joe.

He’s not done; “You’re going to
learn
this business, Knox.”

“You can’t just force me to work up in-”

“You’ll be
paid
-”

“I don’t want your fucking money.”

Joe slams his fist against the door behind him, jerking my attention back to him; “There will be a
job
waiting for you at McCauley oil; a
good one
, Knox.”

Our eyes meet, trading glares and heat at each other, and I know it all stems from her.

From Paige.

“I’m offering you a future, you know,” He says evenly to me; “You’re a smart kid; I know you know that even if you make it your mission to act otherwise.” His look softens; “It’s a
good
job; great pay, great benefits, and options to move to any of our overseas offices.” His jaw tightens again; “But you
will
go to Alaska,” He takes a deep breath; “And you will
never
contact my daughter again. Is that understood.”

My head drops as I hear his words as if underwater. It feels like the floor is shattering beneath my feet as I just stare at the carpet between us, letting his words burn their way into my heart.

“I said
is
that understood?
”

I raise my eyes to his, shaking my head; “She’s an adul-”

“
AND I’M HER FATHER
.”

And it’s right then that I know I’ve lost; I know it’s all over and the war’s been won.

“Yes.”

“Yes
what
.”

I let my breath and the last of my fight out through my lips; “Yes, sir.” I clear my throat; “When do I-”

“Oh, leave?” Joe’s hand is on the bedroom door, and he turns back to look me right in the eyes; “The day after tomorrow. In less than 48 hours, you’re out of this house and growing the hell up.”

I stare at him, words just
failing
me; “
What?
”

“Pack a jacket, Knox; Alaska gets cold in the fall.”

It’s not just the injustice of it all that hurts, it’s that I know my dad is right. Deep down, he’s
right
, about all of it. About me, my future, and about Knox.

And that
hurts
.

I mean, I get it. I’m young, but I’m not stupid, and I certainly understand how this plays out. I understand that I’m eighteen, I’m going across the country to college in three weeks, and I have this whole world ahead of me. Three week and all this will all be behind me.

Behind
us
.

Because Knox will move on after all of this; I know he will.

Well, maybe
that’s
what hurts the most; the overwhelming fear that maybe I’ve been needing
him
more than he needed
me
. The thought that after this, there’ll be some other girl that needs rescuing is like a knife twisting inside.

Yeah, that hurts, but I know it’s true.
 

And that knife is still twisting later, when I’ve got my head in a book. I’m hardly reading the words at all, and instead my blurry eyes are just skimming the same lines over and over again. All I can think about is the high and the utter low of this night; how things could peak so incredibly in that one perfect moment on stage where I had it all, only to crash to the boom and lose everything.

Everything like Knox.

As if on cue, there’s a knock at the door; “Paige.”
 

It’s Knox.

“Go away, Knox.” I can’t have him here; not now, not after everything that’s happened tonight. And that’s what kills me inside, but I know if I let him in here, or even let him linger on the other side of that door, I’ll break. I’ll ignore every warning, break every rule I need to set, and go crashing into him.

I know my dad is right; Knox and I are on different paths.

“Paige, just listen to me for a sec,” his voice is hushed and strained; “I’m not supposed to be talking-”

“Then why are you?” I’m willing my voice not to crack, desperately trying to keep it on pitch.

Don’t cry, not when he’s this close.

I get up from my bed and move to the door, gently locking it and wincing at the sound of his swear on the other side;
“Paige, I’m
sorry
. I’m so fucking s-’

“No you’re not.” I can
feel
my heart breaking as I say the words, the tears dropping down my cheeks as I force myself to keep my voice together; “You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t
know
what this all is.”

“Paige, I get it-”

“You
don’t
, Knox.”

There’s silence on the other side of the door, and I lean my forehead against it, listening to the sound of his breathing.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not as much as me,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut.

“You’re stronger than this, Paige,” He says tightly; “You’re-”

“This is
me
, Knox!” I can feel myself start to come undone, and I know the dam is about to collapse as the tears brim across my eyes; “And this was just an experiment, remember?”

“Damnit, Paige!” His fist slams against the doorframe, making me wince and squeeze my eyes shut again.

“And its over, Knox. The experiment is over. I’m going to New York, and you’re-”

“I’m going to Alaska, Paige.”

I freeze, blinking back tears and feeling my heart drop; “
What?
”

“Your father, he-“ He sighs; “I’m going to Alaska to work at the oil sands.”

I can feel the color leaving my face, the room starting to spin around me;
I could go with him. I could make my choice right now and choose him. It’d be so easy to just open this door and say yes.

It’s a glimmer through the clouds, but I know it's an empty one. I know the decision has already been made.

“And with my mom, and your dad, and-” he falters; “and you, and the wedding and all that, it’s just probably best.”

I close my eyes, letting my head drop against the door.

“It’s probably just best if I go.”

Please don’t
, I want to scream. I want to tear the door off its hinges and dive into his arms, and wrap myself in his scent and his warmth and his love.

Love
?

Oh, God, I’m making a terrible mistake aren’t I?

“Paige?”

I can’t even answer, because I know I’ll break.

“I leave the day after tomorrow,” He says softly.

And then the tears come. I’m crying into my hands, trying to stifle my sobbing and sniffling, but I know he hears it.

“
Fuck
, Paige-” His hand on the doorknob, rattling it. And I could unlock it, but…

But I know I won't. I know I
can't
.

“Goodbye, Knox.”

I’m on my knees, crying, when I hear the last words I ever wanted to hear from him; “Goodbye, Paige.”

*****

I’m still crying softly into my pillow later when the knock comes on my door.

“Go away, Knox!”

“Paige?”

“Dad?” I say, lifting my face from my soggy pillow and wiping my eyes off witht the back of my hand.

“Can I come in, honey?”

His face looks drawn and tired when I open the door for him, his eyes sad; “Got a minute?”

I shrug, still not able to meet his gaze since that horrible moment on the stage, before I step back into my room and nod.
 

“There’s a lot I need to tell you, honey-”

“Dad, I get it, OK? It’s over, between me and-” I break off my words as I shake my head and slide back onto my bed, curling my knees up to my chin.

“No, not that,” He says quietly, his brow knitting; “Things I’ve never told you but probably should have a long time ago.” He sits at the foot of my bed, and even if I’m not sure I can do this right now, I steel myself for a lesson in how I’ve been messing up, and why my future is important.

But instead, my dad just looks up and smiles at me; “But first, I need to tell you how proud I am of you.”

Huh?

“Paige, you were truly amazing tonight up on that stage.”

My jaw drops as I stare at him;
what?

“I should’ve told you that a long time ago, actually. You’re so very talented, honey, and so brave to go up on that stage like that.

I say nothing as I drop my head to look at the bedsheets I’m twisting in my fingers.

“But the reason I’ve never told you those things is because I’m scared to, Paige. Because of your mother.”

And this time I do look up, and when our eyes meet, I see the hurt and the pain there; “Dad?”

“We don’t really talk about your mom much, do we?”

I shake my head; “We don’t
have to
, Dad,” I say softly; “She
did
leave.”

He nods; “You were only eight. I asked her to stay; that last night when she walked out;
begged her
to stay-” His brow furrows, his voice catching.

“Dad-”

“No, hang on, you’re old enough to hear this.” He looks at me, looking older than he normally does; “You know, your mom sang too.”

My eyes go wide, but somehow, I know it’s true without questioning it. It’s like a thousand shadowed memories hidden by shades of time are suddenly drifting up from the bottom.

And I
remember
.

I remember the woman who was my mother, a guitar on her lap and me at her feet, her voice tickling across my ears and making me smile.

And then I remember the silence that followed.

“There was no stopping her, honey,” Dad says quietly, looking at his hands; “Not me, not even you. She had to go find her way, and that way didn’t include us.”

“Did you ever hear-”