Cruel Harvest (12 page)

I jumped up and hugged her around the neck. “I'm going with you.”

Of all my siblings, Susie was my favorite. I adored Brenda, who was like a mother as well as a sister to me. But Susie was fun! Susie always found the bright star after a cloudy night, and she always knew there would be a rainbow after every storm. She taught me to look for those bright spots too. Susie gave me dreams and laughter in a world that was mostly dark. That is why I was sure she would be an actress, and I wanted to go along with her.

“I'm gonna join the circus!” Robbie jumped out of his seat. “I'm gonna be an apple eater, and I can eat two apples at once.”

His large blue eyes twinkled as he danced on one foot and ate a pretend apple, chewing loudly with an open mouth. We all laughed and watched him until he tired. I looked at Brenda. I could see that she meant what she said. Things would be better for us. We would live with family, in a normal house.

“Do you think I'll be able to go to school?” I whispered.

Brenda brushed the long bangs from my eyes. “You will, Frances.”

My heart soared.

While this was
all going on, Daddy was sentenced to prison. By all intents, he was out of my life forever. The court originally told my mama that she needed to get a job and a home for us before we would be returned to her custody. She petitioned the court in return, telling them that she had family in South Carolina, and she would have a home there to offer her children.

Mama showed up at the detention hall a few weeks after we were first brought there with a huge smile on her face. I knew something great had happened.

“We have our tickets,” she said. We cheered as she continued, almost to herself. “I earned most of it. They gave me some, those nice people at the courts. But I did earn most of it.”

She sounded proud of herself for earning money. I had never heard that tone from her before, and I never heard it again after that day.

Mama held my hand as we left the hall. A car was waiting outside, and it took us to the bus depot. I saw the tickets in Mama's hand before we boarded. They looked so new and crisp, and the bus itself was a mansion compared to that old school bus we had been living in.

We boarded, and our long journey began. I was fascinated by the working bathroom in the back. I stared at it for some time, hearing the gush of water and wondering where the water went.

Mama saw me staring. She smiled down at me.

“Do you want to use the bathroom, Frances?”

“Yes, I do,” I breathed.

“Well, go on,” she said, smiling.

I sprang up out of my seat and nearly ran the first few steps. Then I slowed and started to inch down the aisle. I had not even imagined that a bus could have a bathroom in it. Pale circled faces watched me as I passed, like an endless lineup of moons.

I stood outside the door and listened. I was not sure if anyone was inside. A woman sitting nearby smiled at me.

“It is unoccupied,” she said.

I said, “Thank you,” but I was not sure exactly what that meant. She motioned toward the door, and I assumed no one was inside. So I cracked it open. The smell was like fresh pine needles. I slid through the door and locked it behind me.

The inside of that tiny bathroom surprised me. It looked so modern with a stainless-steel sink and toilet built right into the wall. I shut the door and just stood there for a moment, taking it in.

I did not use the bathroom that first time. Instead, I flushed the toilet several times, turned the sink on and off, and washed my hands. I returned to the bathroom time and again during our trip, but none of the visits rivaled that first one. I felt the world changing around me, and I liked it.

Later that first
night, the bus rolled to a stop in the parking lot of a roadside café. It was hot, and bugs buzzed around the entrance, attracted by the light. Dust or sand covered most of the walkway inside. It puffed up in little clouds as I skipped along. Mama walked us right inside. At almost eight years old, I had never been inside a restaurant before. Mama led us to a large booth. We squeezed in.

“Are we gonna eat here?” I asked.

Mama nodded, smiling at me. She ordered for us—hamburgers. My mouth watered when she said that.

I remember almost eating a whole hamburger one time,
I thought to myself.

It was before Daddy got arrested. He was out of work, and we had been without food for some time. We had been short on money, and even he was going hungry. One day he took us to an old country church so he could spread out the map and decide where we would go next. Robbie was whining because his tummy hurt. Daddy told Brenda and Susie to get out of the car and walk around so he could concentrate. Both back doors flew open, and we tripped over each other piling out of the car. I was so hungry. I leaned on Brenda's shoulder and whispered, “My stomach hurts.”

She patted my head. “Drink some water, baby.”

Drinking water meant I'd have to go back to the car where we kept a jug on the back floorboard. I didn't want to do that, not unless I absolutely had to. Trying to ignore my hunger, I walked around the churchyard. We found the door unlocked and went inside. We sang songs and sat in the pews. Soon, Robbie became restless, so Brenda took us back outside.

We got busy playing and barely noticed the pastor as he drove up the dirt drive. He looked surprised to see us at his church. Daddy got out of our car and walked over to the preacher's car. He spoke quietly to the man. He looked so humble and charming as he talked to that preacher. Once, Daddy glanced our way, kind of sad, like he felt sorry for us. I'd never seen that before. The preacher looked sad also.

As the preacher walked toward his car, Daddy called us all over and told us to get in the backseat of ours. He did not say another word, but we followed the preacher out of the driveway and to a nearby restaurant. Daddy got out of the car and walked inside the restaurant with the preacher. When Daddy came out, he was carrying a large white paper sack with grease stains on the bottom of the bag. Daddy shook that preacher's hand, thanking him for the food that he had purchased for his hungry family.

When Daddy opened the car door, the smell of hot, fresh-cooked hamburgers nearly overwhelmed me. It was like nothing I'd experienced before. I was so hungry, and that aroma was so overpowering, that I think I might have eaten even the sack they came in if given the chance. My mouth watered as I watched him remove one juicy hamburger after another from that bag, passing them around to us. My little hands could not get it unwrapped fast enough. I dove into the burger. I can close my eyes to this day and still feel my teeth sinking into that warm bun and the steaming juice of the burger filling my mouth.

Nobody said a word. I did my best to eat that scrumptious burger as fast as I could. At the same time, I could not help savoring every bite. I wanted this food to last forever, but it was not to be. Suddenly, Daddy's large hand shot back over the front seat. His fingers wrapped around my burger and tore it away.

“You don't want that, do you?” he said. He took a huge bite of my burger. “You're too slow, girl.”

I sat in
that restaurant with Mama and the others and tried to shake that memory out of my head. I convinced myself the bad times were over. I was going to live with a new family, and, best of all, I was going to school. Brenda had said so.

It was very different this time. Everyone at our table was laughing and talking. I knew I would not have to hurry or worry about my meal being taken away. I enjoyed every bite I took.

When dinner was over, we boarded the bus. Mama would get us something to eat every time we stopped along the way. Although the drive took forever, it was a fun time, and I cherished being with Mama. She let me lay my head on her lap when it was time to sleep. I cuddled up and listened to her sweet voice.

“Things are going to be real good for us once we get to your aunt's house,” Mama said.

“Is she nice?” I asked.

“Of course,” Mama said. She rubbed her hand across my back and my eyes grew heavy. “You'll see real soon. Things will be different for us from now on.”

A soft hand
woke me out of a deep sleep. I had been dreaming that I was on a large boat with a beautiful white sail. It was taking me to a fairyland far across the ocean. I did not want to wake up, but then I heard Brenda's voice.

“Wake up,” she said. “We're here.”

I was still in a dream fog, but I followed everyone off the bus. When I climbed down the steps, I saw my Aunt Tessie for the first time. She did not look at all like my mother. Instead, she was tall and stark. The dark dress she wore was starched and ironed so that it barely moved as she walked, and her dark hair was pulled back in a tight knot. There was nothing but harsh lines to her. When she looked at us through eyes too small for her face, we saw judgment, the kind that no child deserves.

I could not have been more excited. I wanted so much to hug my Aunt, hold on tight to this new chance for my family. I remember my feet prancing as she approached us on the platform. That stopped when she utterly ignored me.

Aunt Tessie scooped Mama into a big hug. They held each other for a long time as we children stood by the side and watched. As soon as they let go, Aunt Tessie whisked Mama away. We trailed behind as the two of them left the station and walked to Aunt Tessie's car. She opened the door for Mama but did not look at us. Instead, Brenda herded us into the backseat.

I watched Mama and Aunt Tessie speak softly in the front seat. I remember being happy for Mama, that she finally had someone in her life who would treat her kindly. By the time we arrived at the house, though, a darker feeling had crept into my stomach. We walked into a cool, large, immaculate house. The entire place had a cold feeling about it, like an icehouse. Not one thing was out of place. No books lay open on the tables; no toys or papers could be seen. It was like walking into a magazine ad for a doctor's office.

“Go into the living room and sit down,” Aunt Tessie ordered in a cold, flat tone. “And don't touch anything!”

Chapter 10
Not What It Appears to Be

Considering everything that
happened with Daddy in Arizona, it is hard to believe that first night with my aunt would begin one of the hardest, most difficult periods of my life. From the outside looking in, no one would have predicted the cruelty that waited for us in that cold house. My Aunt Tessie had a
beautiful
home. She had two young daughters whom she adored and spoiled. She treated Mama like the prodigal daughter. Tessie was Mama's protector, and she defended Mama as a bear might defend her cub. The problem was, Tessie protected Mama from us.

That first night, Mama and Tessie talked for a long time in the kitchen. We children stood in the living room, afraid to sit on her stiff sofa. She had warned us not to touch her perfectly kept furniture or the porcelain figurines that sat out on display in every room of the house. Instead, we stood around in a knot, one by one slipping down to sit on the floor. We were all so tired from the long journey. Eventually I could not take it any longer. I crept back to the kitchen, poking my head around the corner.

“Can we go to bed now?” I asked.

“No!” Tessie snapped. As she did, she put a hand on Mama's shoulder and shook her head with disdain. “I haven't had time to make their sleeping arrangements yet. There are so many of them.”

“I'm sorry to be such a bother, Tessie,” Mama said humbly.

I walked back to the living room, tears of exhaustion and confusion staining my cheeks. Brenda seemed to sense the reality behind this perfect picture of a house. She took me in her arms and whispered in my ear, “It'll be okay, baby.”

Brenda wrapped her arms around me as I sat down on the floor beside her. It might have been hours before Tessie walked out of the kitchen, supporting Mama with an arm around her waist. She led her to one of the back rooms.

“You sleep here in this room beside mine. I want to be close for you, angel,” she said to Mama.

In a while, Tessie returned to us in a huff. She muttered and complained as she stomped angrily to the back of the house. We heard a bustle, but none of us moved until Aunt Tessie returned. I whispered to Susie, “Why is she so mad at us?”

Susie squeezed my hand and put her finger to her lips.

“Get in here,” Aunt Tessie barked.

We followed her to the back porch. It was enclosed with clapboard and crammed full with the washer, dryer, a freezer, and a full-sized roll-away bed that she must have dragged back there. There were no windows.

“This is your bed. Now get to sleep,” she said. “And don't you make a sound.”

Aunt Tessie closed the door, leaving us to climb into bed and fall to complete exhaustion.

The next morning
we got another taste of life with Aunt Tessie. Brenda and Susie had already left our makeshift bedroom. The rest of us dared not leave until she came for us. I could hear the murmur of soft conversation through the closed door. I had to use the bathroom but was afraid to open the door, so I did my best to sit still and wait.