Crush (18 page)

“If I did that, I’m afraid I’d be dead before you’d even considered it,” he whispered.

Apparently, even whispering wasn’t allowed. LJ sat up and shushed us. “Aunt Luce,” he said in that warning voice I’d used with him a half dozen times a day.

I mouthed, “Sorry,” before zipping my mouth closed and throwing away the key. That seemed to satisfy LJ.

“Whose phone is that?” Holly said, looking down the row of bodies.

“Mom,” LJ whined before hopping up and pushing pause on the DVD player. As he scampered toward the bathroom, I checked my pockets for mine. Hold up, I didn’t have pockets. In fact, I hadn’t seen my phone in a couple hours, since I’d changed in the bathroom. It was late, so that meant it was a certain someone making his nightly call.

A Face Time call . . .

I muttered a curse right before LJ rounded the corner, phone in hand.

“Hey, Uncle Jude,” he greeted with a wave.

I cursed again, when what I should have been doing was leaping up and getting as far away from Anton as the apartment would allow.

I didn’t hear what Jude said, but I could guess from LJ’s reply. “Yeah. She’s right here.” Flipping the phone around, LJ came toward me and handed it off.

Jude’s face went from light to dark in the time it took his eyes to move from me to the space next to me.

“Luce,” he said, the muscles of his jaw working. “Who the hell is that?”

“Jude,” I said, feeling my temper fire to life. “Nice to see you, too.”

Holly jumped up and stopped LJ from unpausing the movie. “Let’s get your pajamas on, LJ,” she said, steering him down the hall. One thing Holly had learned about Jude over the years: When he was pissed, he wouldn’t take the time to spell out select words that weren’t meant for little ears. Thomas rushed after them.

“It would be nice to see you, too, if you weren’t horizontal next to another guy.” Jude’s glare didn’t leave Anton once, like he was hoping he’d combust if he stared long enough.

“Let me guess who this chump is . . .” he said. “The man whose gravestone is about to read, ‘Anton Xavier.’”

I knew I should be embarrassed that my fiancé was acting like this. I knew I should be mortified. But I was too angry for that.

“And you must be the very noncontrolling Jude Ryder,” Anton replied, sitting up on his elbows.

If there was a silver lining to this testosterone showdown, it was that the jabs wouldn’t leave bruises.

“Anton,” Jude said, sitting up straighter. “You’re shorter than I pictured you.”

Kill me. Kill me right now. Why wasn’t I hitting that end button? Why hadn’t I hit it the instant LJ handed that sucker over to me?

Because I was an idiot, that’s why.

I hopped up and headed for the kitchen, hoping Anton would stay where he was so I could start with the damage control. Of course Anton shot up and was only two steps behind me when I stopped in the kitchen.

“Jude,” Anton said, moving in front of the screen. “Your head’s smaller than I thought it would be.”

“Cute. Real cute.” The veins in Jude’s neck looked ready to burst. “I hope you’re gutsy enough to say something like that to me in person.”

“I’m gutsy enough.”

Jude grinned a tad manically for my liking. “Something to look forward to.”

I was starting to wonder if their next display of manhood would include whipping their dicks out and comparing size. I elbowed Anton, hoping he’d take a clue. Not happening.

“You planning on being at Friday-night dinner two weeks from now?” Jude asked.

“If I’m invited.”

“You’re not,” I said instantly.

“Yes, he is,” Jude said, that joker smile turning up a notch. “That is, if you’re gutsy enough.”

“I’ll be here.” Anton did what I guessed to be a Face Time stare-down with Jude.

“No, you won’t. You’re not invited,” I said.

“I invited him, Luce.”

I moved the phone closer, until my face took up the entire screen. “And I just uninvited him.”

“Sorry, Luce. But that apartment’s just as much mine as it is yours. And I invited him.”

I was losing my grip. My fiancé and my boss were fighting over me like I was some shiny trophy. This was the last straw.

“Fine. You want to invite Anton? Invite Anton,” I seethed, as my hands began trembling. “You boys have fun, because I sure as shit won’t be here.” Jude’s forehead lined as his eyes finally softened when they took me in. “Now, if you boys are done cockfighting, you’re going to leave right now,” I ordered, pointing Anton in the direction of the door. “And I’m hanging up on you,” I said, narrowing my eyes at Jude.

“Luce,” he began, but I was true to my word. Before Jude could get another word out, I did what I should have done three minutes ago.

I punched end.

“Lucy, I’m sorry,” Anton said.

“Get out,” I said, pointing toward the door. “Just get out. I’ve had enough for one day.”

Anton looked like he wanted to say more, but for once he kept quiet. After letting out a long sigh, he headed for the door and didn’t look back.

FIFTEEN

J
ude’s calls started coming in thirty seconds later. I didn’t answer them. I wasn’t ready.

India had snoozed through the whole Face Time call from hell, and Holly, Thomas, and LJ had stayed hidden in the bedroom until the coast was clear. When it was, Thomas came back into the living room, wrapped me up in his arms, and didn’t let go until I’d almost fallen asleep.

He carried me to my bed and tucked me in before crawling back into the ginormous fort and falling asleep himself.

It was a little past midnight, and I was stuck in that place between sleep and awake, when I finally answered Jude’s call. It wasn’t an exaggeration to guess he’d called at least fifty times.

“Hey, Mr. Persistent,” I said in a sleepy voice.

“Luce.” He sighed. I could feel his relief in that one word.

“You were out of line tonight, Ryder,” I said, reminding myself to stay calm.

“I know,” he replied, his voice all low and rough, like he hadn’t said a word in days. “But so were you, Luce.”

“Huh?” I sat up in bed. “I wasn’t the one verbally threatening to kill a man.”

“No. No, you weren’t. But you were the one cuddled up to him and practically sharing a pillow.”

“Yeah, Anton was next to me. So was India. And Thomas. And Holly. And LJ, too. We were all camped out on the floor watching
Ice Age
in a kick-ass fort.” With all the Face Time calls Jude and I had been doing, it felt strange just talking to him. I couldn’t read the expressions on his face; I could only guess how he felt from his voice.

“That man is into you, Luce. I know you don’t believe me, and I know you want to believe he’s just a friend, but friendship is the farthest thing from his mind when it comes to you.” His voice was so controlled, so restrained. I was proud of him . . . still irritated, but proud.

“We weren’t even close enough to touch elbows, Jude.”

“But that doesn’t change the fact that he wanted to touch you and easily could have, since you were lying right next to him.”

With everything that had happened tonight, I’d pushed aside the bomb Anton dropped after work. I’d planned on telling Jude, because that wasn’t something I thought I should keep from him, but now, after Jude was already pissed to the moon and back, he’d surely charter a plane and fly across the country tonight just so he could kick Anton’s ass in person. Was it a lie if I omitted it for maybe a week?

From the guilt that trickled into my veins, I guessed it was.

“Now, Luce. I’m sorry for the way I lost it tonight. That’s on me,” he said, interrupting my thoughts. “But I need you to keep your distance from Anton. I know you want to believe the best in everyone, but not everyone has the best intentions, Luce.”

“How do you expect me to keep my distance? He’s my boss. I file his paperwork and submit his expense reports and make PowerPoint presentations for him Monday through Friday.” After taking a few hours to cool off, I realized I’d been a tad rash in wanting to quit. I had a job, a good, paying one, and I didn’t want to pack up my cardboard box all because my boss had admitted he was attracted to me. Anton certainly wouldn’t have been the first boss to hit on his secretary.

“Remind me again why you’re so insistent on having your own job?”

I sighed my answer.

“Okay, okay. So you can’t physically keep your distance from him, but keep your emotional distance from him. That’s all I’m saying, Luce,” he said, sounding more tired than anything else. That was the same way I felt. “And no more lying next to him with a bunch of blankets and shit, dressed in nothing but a tiny tank top and my underwear. Okay?”

“Are you asking or telling?”

“Do you really need to ask, Luce?”

“After the whole
thing
tonight . . .” I said, trying not to replay it in my head. “Yeah, I need to ask.”

“Asking. I’m always asking, Luce,” he said. “Sometimes I just ask with a little extra enthusiasm.”

I heard an almost-smile in his voice and could feel my own starting to bloom. “Sometimes? More like all the time.”

He gave his low laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. But the only reason I’m asking with enthusiasm is because I care about you, Luce. I care about you more than I’ve ever cared about anything else. I’d do anything, sacrifice anything, and say anything to protect you.”

“I wouldn’t put Anton Xavier high on the list of what I need protecting from,” I replied.

“I would,” he answered instantly. “And if you’re having a tough time understanding where I’m coming from, just put yourself in my shoes. What would you do if you found out I was working for some rich, fine chick who would do anything to get me into bed, and then you called one night to say good night and found me cozied up next to her?” He paused, probably more to drive the point home than to catch his breath. “Would your reaction be so different from mine?”

I wanted to snap back with,
Of course it would
, or,
Hell yes
, but I didn’t. Because I knew he was right. Jude had made me understand his point of view, and that was a feat worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize.

“No, it wouldn’t,” I admitted reluctantly. “I’d claw that bitch’s eyes out through the phone if I needed to.”

Jude was laughing in earnest now. Hearing him laugh made me chuckle, too. “So we understand each other, Luce.”

“Always,” I said, yawning around my laughter. “Sometimes it just takes us a while to get there.”

“Sometimes?” he said. “How about all the time?”

I lay back down and burrowed into my pillow. “Thanks for calling fifty times and apologizing.”

“Thanks for answering on the fiftieth call and accepting.”

The moment after we hung up, I was free of the rest/awake limbo land. I didn’t wake up once until my little-man alarm clock was bouncing on my bed, bearing pancakes in the shape of footballs.

It was Friday night again. Our weekly dinners with our thrown-together family already felt like a time-honored tradition. Last week we’d made manicotti and garlic bread, and this week we were making our special guest’s favorite meal: cheeseburgers and fries.

Jude had flown in earlier this afternoon, and even though I fought tooth and nail to get the day off so I could pick him up at the airport, Anton had had a big day full of meetings and conference calls, and said that if ever he needed an admin, today was the day. So I’d been stuck at the office when Jude had landed. I knew he was probably already at our apartment, just waiting.

This afternoon had been a torturous practice in patience.

I was watching my computer screen like a hawk, so when it changed over to five p.m., I was out of my seat and halfway to the door before anyone else had powered down their computers over in cubicle city. Anton had gone to an off-site meeting an hour ago, so I didn’t have to check with him to see if he had any last-minute tasks for me before I left.

Once I was inside the Mazda, I fought every instinct to NASCAR my way back to the apartment. I forced myself to follow the speed limit, and I even made myself pull over at the mall to make a quick purchase.

My watching LJ evenings and weekends was working out better than any of us could have imagined. He listened to me as much as a minicaveman could, he helped me with chores around the apartment, and I could even take him out in public without having to worry about leaving behind a trail of chaos.

However, the store I was heading to now wasn’t one I wanted to take a little boy into. It didn’t take me long to pick out what I thought Jude would like best, since he wasn’t hard to please when it came to lingerie. I paid for it, and was back to the Mazda in less than ten minutes.

Once I was in my parking spot, I checked the mirror. Applying a coat of lipstick and adding a touch of bronzer, I was good as good could be right now. I’d worn my new cobalt skirt and a sleeveless wrap blouse, paired with a patent-leather pair of red heels that were sure to drive Jude a little wild. These were his favorite shoes of mine, although he preferred it when I wore them with nothing.

I was hoping that was exactly what he had planned for tonight. Logistics-wise, we were going to have to get creative, but you know what they say: Necessity is the mother of invention.

I jogged up the stairs as fast as I dared in these four-inchers, and continued the trek down the hall. As had become the norm, I could hear laughter as I approached the apartment, but for the first time in weeks, my Jude’s was thrown into the mix. My heart hurt hearing him without the filter of a phone. His voice, his
laugh
, was meant to be experienced filter-free.

I threw the door open and burst inside. The room went silent following my dramatic entrance. I didn’t notice anyone else; I couldn’t have even told you who was there and where they were standing. All I saw was him.

And all he saw was me.

I barely had time to drop my bags before he made it across the room. His arms wound around me and he pulled me hard against him.

I was home.

“Luce,” he breathed, weaving his fingers into my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and dropped my face into the curve of his neck. I inhaled his scent. I inhaled him. “I missed you, too.”

“I missed you more.”

“Oh, yeah?”

His mouth dropped to my ear. “Yeah.”

“Prove it,” I said, pressing my lips into his neck.

Leaning back, he cupped my face in his hand, holding it steady while his mouth lowered over mine. He kissed me gently, almost tenderly. It was sweet and soft, and the kind of kiss that could have melted me into a pile of mush if he hadn’t been holding me so strongly.

His lips moved mine apart before his tongue entered my mouth. When it touched mine, gliding and exploring with the excitement of a first touch and the familiarity of a last touch, a slow moan escaped out of me. My hands left his neck, roaming the rest of his body like they couldn’t get to the next place fast enough. His hands followed my lead, up, down, around and around. Gliding, squeezing, digging. It was enough to make my head spin.

When my teeth grazed the tip of his tongue, the breath caught in his lungs, before he shoved me back up against the wall. His body pressed against the front of me was as hard as the wall against my back. He was hard in all the right places. All the places that made heat surge into the center of my body.

“Okay, this is family dinner and movie night.” Holly’s voice entered the world Jude and I created whenever we were together. “Not swingers night at the seedy theater that has a back entrance.”

I groaned in protest when Jude’s mouth left mine, but his hands didn’t. They stayed on the curve of my hips in such a way that I could still feel that desire between my legs growing.

“How was that for proving it?” he said, his chest rising and falling hard.

“I’ll let you know later tonight,” I said. “After everyone is tucked in my bedroom and you tuck me in.” I arched a brow in suggestion.

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Do you think it would be rude if we told everyone it was time to get lost?”

I laughed and grabbed his hand in mine. “Maybe just a little.” Towing him behind me, I made the rounds.

Holly was standing behind LJ with her hands covering his eyes. “Are you two done?” she said with a wink.

“No promises,” Jude answered.

“Yes,” I said, elbowing him. “For now, at least.”

“Flippin’ rabbits,” she muttered with an eye roll before uncovering LJ’s eyes.

LJ had on a Chargers jersey that was a couple sizes too big, and his tongue was blue from licking the lollipop in his hand that was as big as his face. If he was hoping this little guy would be tucked in and asleep before midnight, Uncle Jude shouldn’t have loaded him up with a thousand grams of sugar a couple of hours before bedtime.

“Why are Aunt Luce and Uncle Jude flippin’ rabbits?”

My eyes bulged as Jude tried to muffle his laugher behind me. It wasn’t working out so well.

Holly froze on her way into the kitchen. “Because they like to be . . . petted.” Holly shook her head. Seeing her like this, tongue-tied, was a rarer occurrence than a solar eclipse. “Because they like to . . . hu—”

“Because they’re cute and fluffy,” Thomas interrupted.

LJ’s eyebrows came together for one second before he got to work on his lollipop. “Oh, okay.” Running over to his toy box, he started rummaging through it. Crisis averted.

Holly thanked Thomas with a smile.

“Good save, Thomas,” I said, grabbing a beer from the fridge for Jude. Angling it against the counter, I drove my palm down on it. The cap popped off, tinkling when it hit the floor.

“Damn,” Jude said, when I handed him the beer. “You know how turned on I get when you do that.”

“Oh, God, you two. Really?” Holly groaned, sounding more jealous than irritated. Grabbing something off the floor, she marched toward Jude and me. Holding up LJ’s Spider-Man bouncy ball, she stared us both down. “You know how back in the day they used to put balloons between boys and girls at school dances to make sure they kept their distance?”

I gave her a
really?
look. “You’re not ramming that thing against my boobs.”

“You’re right, I’m not.” She gave me a sweet smile before jamming the ball in between Jude and me. South of our belly buttons. “There, now the rest of us can actually eat tonight, since you won’t be able to grind up on each other every two seconds.”

Jude looked down at the ball between us and burst into laughter. “Man, Luce. You been telling on me again?” he said, flexing his hips against the ball, successfully shoving me against the fridge. “You know I like it kinky, but even for me, this might be a stretch.”

I sighed. “I’m sure it wouldn’t stop you.”

“No,” he said, tilting his beer at me. “No, it wouldn’t.”

“Mom?!” LJ shouted from the toy box. “What’s kinky?”

Jude’s face froze in surprise. Holly gave him a shove before clearing her throat.

“It’s when a chain gets tangled up,” Thomas said, all matter-of-fact.

“Oh,” LJ replied, before going back to unloading the entire contents of the toy box.

“Nice save, my man,” Jude said, lifting his chin at Thomas.