Crushed (22 page)

Her face crumpled into a look of pain, as if all of the emotional shrapnel flying
around
them had
finally hit her full force.

“No,” she whispered.

He
hated the look on her face. But what did she expect?
What
did she wa
nt him to say? He
tried to ignore the agonizing fee
ling that her look had caused him. He
did ignore it,
as they just sat there, neither of them
saying anything.
Then he forced him
self to glance at h
er. She was looking away from him
, out
of
the passenger window.

And the
n he
noticed something else. Dark splotches across the middle of her shirt.

“Cleo?”

She ignored him, of course. He
could actually see the tears f
alling then. Not her face, but he
could see them splattering across her stomach
.
She leaned forward. She opened
his
glove box and pulled out a napkin t
hat she knew was stored there. He
was sure that little show of vulnerability was about killing her.

“Cleo?” he
said, softer this time.

The heaviness in the car, the weight of their emotions, made it hard to b
reathe. They pressed in on him
and he was sure they were
pressing in just as hard on her
. He felt hollow and empty as though he had been torn apart and the one thing… the
only thing that could make him feel co
mplete again was sitting right by his side
. But she may as well have been a million miles away. Because that’s what the distance
between them felt like.

She blew h
er nose and shook her head and he
realized she
was not just crying. She was
sobbing. And she
was
not making a sound but her whole body
wa
s shaking
.

Suddenly
he
remembered that
Cleo
wa
s an expert at building walls around herself
. He knew this about her. He
kne
w
how she kept people out. He
kne
w
ho
w she pretended. And suddenly he was
wondering just
how much had been an act. He thought all of that was in the past but now he wasn’t
so sure. He just did
n’t know
why
? Or maybe he was
totally wrong.
She
broke up with
him
. He begged her to take him back. He had never begged for anything in his life but
he
begged her.
Right there on the school lawn. For everyone to see.
She walked awa
y like she didn’t care at all.

And the worst of it was…she hadn’t walked away alone.

As he stared at her, he was
so damn
ed
confused.

He could
hear her now. Just barely. Small little gasps for air.

“Hey,” he
said
as he put his
hand on her knee.
She pushed it off. Her fingers were wet, like she had
been trying to wipe away her tears.
He was
instantly sick at the thought of hurting her. “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t say anything so he tried again.

“Cleo, please don’t cry.”

“J
ust because we’re not t-together,” she managed to choke out while lo
oking away from
him
, “does not
mean I want to hear about…
that
. I
can’t—
,
”
she cut herself off with a sob. S
he wrapped her arms around herself, as if that would
help her keep from falling apart.

“I didn’t mean it Cleo,”
he
shut off his vehicle
. A
s far as he was concerned, they were
not going anywhere for a while.
“I’ve never slept with Mia.”

It
was
true. Not for lack of trying on her part
. And they had come
close more times than
he
care
d to admit. From what he had
heard
Mia had
slept her way through plenty of guys
. T
hough most did
n’t see
m to have a problem with that, he
d
id.

At least, that’s what he told him
self but there was more to it than that.

Cleo
d
idn’t
say anything but after a while, she look
ed
his
way.
His heart wa
s—for the million
th time in regard to this girl—shattered
by the loo
k of pain in her eyes. She looked
exact
ly the same as the day he
caught her from
falling down the stairs. This wa
s
the first time since then
that she’s
cried like that. Her face
was
blotchy, s
treaked with tears and she looked
at
him like she didn’t believe him
.

“It’s true. I swear. I’m sorry. I was being an ass. You just…you have me so out of
my head. I can’t even think straight! I thought that’s what you wanted to hear!”
His
voice wanted to rise again
.
He
had to fight to ratchet it down.

She shook her head and put her hands over her face.

“Cleo?” he
leaned over to tug at her wrist
s. At first they didn’t budge. He
jus
t wanted to see her face while he was talking to her
. W
hen he
pulled
again, she toppled into him
. And stayed t
here. Her arms slipped around him
. For a
second
he
was too shocked to do anything. But only for a
second
. Then he
held on to her as tig
htly as she was holding on to him
.

It seemed that Cleo’s lips spilled nothing but lies. And every now and then her body
language showed a truth she couldn’t hide.

“I’ve never been with anyone but you. I’ve never
wanted
to be with anyone but you,”
he
told
her. “It’s the truth. I promise. Okay?
”

She just nodded.
He wasn’t sure if she was still crying. Her breathing was calmer. He didn’t know what
to say so he just did
n’t say anything
for a while.

Neither did she. They
just sat
there
.
He
really d
idn’t
mind
the silence
because he
would gladly
hold her all night.

“Emm
a t
old me not to give up on you,” he
finally said.
“
You don’t want to be with me right now. You’ve made that clear. I get it.
I don’t understand it, but I get it.
But do you think…maybe…is there a chance that someday…”
he couldn’t even make himself finish. He was
so dam
n tired of being kicked while he was
down.

“Yes,”
she said in a voice so quiet he wasn’t
sure
that he
didn’t imagine it.

“When?”
his voice cracked when he said the word. He
didn’t care.

She didn’t answer right away. Instead, she tightened her already tight hold on
him
. “I wish I knew,” she finally managed to say.

Chapter
13

She
kept
asking herself what she
was thi
nking, leaving with Reece like she
did
. She
k
ept
telling her
self it wa
s to get some closure. Or that she
was afraid he’d sit there all night and Paul would f
ind him in the driveway. She told herself that she
left with him, just to get him
away from
her
house
. But the truth
wa
s a lot simpler than that.

She
wanted to be with him.

It was probably a mistake—it was definitely a mistake—but
she could
just add it to
the growing heap.

She had
always
known what Mia was like
. S
he had
assumed the
y’d slept together
. E
ven though she refused to let her
mind go there. But w
hen he
blurted it out like tha
t she felt
like her heart, her soul had shattered into a million little pieces
. Thinking
of
him being with Mia that way
was horrible.
H
earing him say it
was unbearable.

Over the summer she
’d worked hard at not thinking about him.

But now that she
saw him constantly
,
each day became more difficult than the one before it.

“I miss you so much,” he said quietly. “I miss hearing you laugh. I miss holding you
like this. I miss talking to you. I miss the way you actually listen and how you actually
care about what I have to say.
You always try to understand me.
I miss seeing you smile. You don’t smile enough, anymore.” He rested his cheek on
the top of her head. “
I miss how you used to trust me. You used to tell me everything. Or at least, I thought
you did.
I miss you so much, Cleo. I miss you so much it hurts. All the damn time.”

She felt selfish, letting Reece pour his heart out like that, handing it right over
to her. While she did nothing but accept it. Giving nothing in return.

She was
wrapped tightly in
his
arms. As if he felt it was his job to hold her together
.
She was quiet,
wanting to tell him everything but she couldn’t. So silence fell again. She held
onto him, hoping that would be enough for now. She was
just listening to hi
s heartbeat when his phone rang
.

It broke whatever crazy spell being with
him
had put
her
under.

When it rang, he didn’t answer. He didn’t even look to see who it was. He just left
it
sitting in his cup holder. So she moved back over into her
own seat
.
She
picked it up and handed it to him so he could answer. He turned it off without even
checking it. But Cleo had
already seen on the lit up display that it was Mia.

“You
pr
obably should’ve gotten that,” she
said.

He just shook his head.

Now that she had detached herself from Reece, she
started coming to
her
sense
s
. “You should probably take me home.”