THE COUSIN RIVER VILLAGE
The wind woke Aqamdax, and she lay listening as it pressed against the walls, searching for a way to get inside. Did it know that they were a lodge of only women and children? Chakliux and Night Man were spending the night with the other men in the village. Their hunters’ lodge had been destroyed in the fighting, and now they had only a crude lean-to, but as Chakliux had said, their songs were still sacred, and their stories still good to hear.
Aqamdax raised herself on her elbows. Star’s mouth was open in sleep, and Long Eyes lay still. Ghaden and Yaa were curled together with the dog Biter. Aqamdax lay back down, but her chest was heavy with the knowledge that Chakliux would leave the next day. She clasped her sleeping robes in both hands, held tight, forced her thoughts away from the emptiness of her belly, the ache of her breasts. How could she live with both Chakliux and her son gone?
Soon her husband would take her into his bed. She wondered each night if he would call her, but some men waited two, three moons after the birth of a child before feeling safe from any blood power their wives might carry. She tried not to think of his hands on her, and instead saw her belly again swell with a baby. This time, she would never let the child out of her arms. She would run away, like Red Leaf had run away, rather than take the chance that Night Man would kill it.
Her muscles seemed to tense and jump under her skin, and she turned on her sleeping mats, one way, then the other. Finally, she slipped from her bed, grabbed her parka and boots, and went out into the night.
She had expected the air to be cold—a light snow had fallen only the day before—but the wind had changed and now blew from the south, bringing warmth like a remembrance of summer. She put on her parka and boots, then walked quickly through the village, found the path that led into the spruce woods.
A foolish place to go alone in the night, Aqamdax told herself. There were wolves. Perhaps a lynx. But still she walked, frightened at what she was doing but directed by the emptiness that had opened again within her chest.
What difference if they killed her, those wolves? That lynx? At least she would be with her son, with her mother and father. Perhaps she would walk forever, past the woods, on into the tundra until death in one way or another found her.
She pushed away the faces that came to her mind: Ghaden, Yaa, Chakliux, Ligige’. Ligige’ was old, so she did not have many more summers to live. And Ghaden and Yaa had each other. But Aqamdax could find no excuse for leaving Chakliux.
When she came to Black Rock, she was suddenly tired. She climbed up on it, tucked her parka around her feet and lowered her head to her raised knees. It is a good night to be outside, Aqamdax told herself, and looked up at the stars, tried to keep her thoughts from her sorrow.
Chakliux left the hunters’ lodge. The others were asleep, but since Night Man had killed Aqamdax’s son, Chakliux hated to be in the same lodge with him. His breath seemed to poison the air, and his dreams battled against Chakliux’s dreams, disturbing his sleep. Chakliux worried that such enmity would take away the men’s hunting luck, so finally he left, took his frustrations into the night, where the winds would pull them away.
He carried his sleeping robe with him, the woven hare fur blanket that Red Leaf had given him when he first lived with the Near River People. It was cunningly made, that robe, with twists and loops that held in a man’s heat, even on the coldest nights, but who could say? Perhaps those same twists and loops were a net catching Night Man’s dreams and directing them to Chakliux. Or perhaps the blanket held Chakliux’s anger, so that even though it felt light, it was heavy with his need for revenge. How could he leave it in the hunters’ lodge, where it might steal away hunting skills—the accuracy of a spear, the strength of a bow?
He walked toward Black Rock. It was a good place, that rock. The thought of it calmed him. That he found Aqamdax there, even in the night, did not seem strange. He boosted himself up beside her, felt her tremble, and realized that she was crying.
He wrapped an arm around her, and she leaned against him. Though they spoke no words, his anger seeped away, and Aqamdax was quiet, so only their breath moved between them.
THE NEAR RIVER VILLAGE
The night before the caribou hunters left the village, Anaay awoke Dii and pushed himself into her bed. She was surprised. Surely a man about to go on a caribou hunt should not carry the smell of a woman with him.
As a girl, she had heard the stories women told at hearth fires, words passed behind hands. They spoke of the men’s need for women after the caribou were killed, when there was no longer a chance of losing hunting luck.
The women, exhausted from butchering, often did not share their men’s joy in coupling, but only endured, grateful that at least they could lie down during this chore, and glad to know that the men would sleep quickly and soundly afterwards.
Dii’s mother had chided the women when they complained about their men’s desires. Who were the ones to risk their lives so the people could have meat? Who were the ones to work hardest in killing those caribou? Not the women.
Be grateful, she had told Dii, when your husband wants you. Be glad that you are able to bring joy to his life.
So Dii did not allow herself to worry about Anaay’s choice as he came to her bed. Instead she closed her eyes and remembered him as he spoke to the hunters, remembered the honor he earned by dreaming caribou. And she did not let herself think of her own dreams, the singing that had come to her bones as warm and strong as a south wind.
Chapter Fifteen
THE COUSIN RIVER VILLAGE
A
QAMDAX MOVED AGAINST HIM,
and Chakliux felt the prickling of the calluses on her palms as she stroked his arms and chest. His hands found their way under her parka, and he did not stop himself until he was holding her breasts, the nipples rising firm and hard under his fingertips. Then he pulled away, apologizing for what he had done.
“No, Chakliux, do not stop,” Aqamdax begged. “I need you to hold me. I need…”
He gathered her close, as if she were a child, stroked her hair, pressed his cheek against hers, and made himself content with only that. Even in his years with Gguzaakk, in the joys they had shared as husband and wife, he had never wanted a woman as much as he wanted Aqamdax, but to take her now, in this place, hiding from her husband and his wife, with his need fed by anger…
Tomorrow he would leave for the caribou hunt. How could he expect animals to give themselves if he did not have the strength of will to do what was right? How could he expect animals to honor him if he brought dishonor to his wife and his wife’s brother? And how could he expect Aqamdax to stop him?
When they had both lived in the Near River Village, they had been friends. He had shared the joys and sorrows of his own life, and she had shared hers. He knew that in the First Men Village, she had taken many men into her bed, but only to fill the emptiness of her life.
Perhaps her need now was not truly for him but only to forget her loss.
“Chakliux,” she whispered, “please, I want to be your wife. I don’t want to live with Night Man. I will throw him away and stay with you. I do not care if you keep Star. I will be second wife.”
She cupped her hands at the sides of his face, and though, in the darkness, he could not see her eyes, he knew from her voice that she was crying.
“I will give you a son. Many sons.”
“Aqamdax,” he said, and clasped her wrists, pulled her hands to his chest. “Be still, be quiet and listen. When the hunt is over, and we have taken the caribou we need for winter, then you can throw away Night Man and I will take you as wife. In the spring, if you want, we will leave this village. If you would rather live with your own people, we will go there. Whatever you want we will do, but not until we have taken the meat we need to live through the winter.”
She was quiet then. Quickly she raised one hand to his face, then just as quickly drew it away. She slipped down from the rock. “Hunt safely; hunt well,” she said.
Later, in Star’s lodge, Aqamdax lay in her bedding furs and remembered the promises so many people had made to her: Day Breaker, that First Men hunter who had pledged to take her as wife; her mother, who had said she would return but never did; Night Man, who had promised her sons and instead…
Why trust Chakliux? some voice whispered to her from the darkness. Why trust anyone? But how could she allow herself to doubt? During those few quick moments she had been in Chakliux’s arms, the pain of her loss had diminished, and she had almost felt alive again.
She clasped her amulet, felt the hard lump that was a piece of the stick she had brought back from the Grandfather Lake the night her son had died.
Though she had no memory of doing so, Chakliux had told her that she waded out into the lake and brought back this stick, had wrapped it like a baby. She kept it with her for three days before she realized what it was.
She remembered that realization, seeing the stick in a hare fur blanket, screaming at the knowledge that her baby was dead. She was in her birth lodge, still bleeding and unable to live in the village, but Ligige’ had been with her….
Until tonight she had not cared if she was alive or dead. The pain she carried was so much greater than anything her eyes saw, her ears heard. But now Chakliux had given her hope. He would become her husband. They would have to endure the separation of the caribou hunt. During that time she would remain wife to Night Man, and pray each day that he would not ask her into his bed.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Biter’s growl.
She and Star were on their feet almost at the same time, then Ghaden and Yaa as well. Ghaden ran to the weapons corner, was grabbing his spear when Night Man thrust aside the inner doorflap and came into the lodge.
He gave no greeting, only blinked until in the hearth coals’ light he was able to fix his eyes on Star.
“Sister, I have decided to go with them,” he told her. “I have one good arm. That is enough to throw a spear.”
Only a moon before, if Aqamdax had heard her husband say such words, she would have rejoiced that his strength was returning, but tonight it meant nothing to her until he said, “Wife, you will go with me.”
Then she looked down quickly, so he would not see the joy in her eyes and know the reason she was glad.
THE NEAR RIVER VILLAGE
By midmorning the men were ready to leave. They carried their weapons—throwing boards and spears, lances. Some of the young hunters had made fire bow weapons, but others grumbled that such weapons would hurt their luck. Had the young men forgotten that the Cousin River hunters had used bows against them? What about old Blue Jay? He had been the one who brought the weapon to their village long ago, had hung it on his lodge wall to give him luck. Hadn’t he and his wife, his lodge and everything in it perished in a fire?
There was too much talking, too many complaints and accusations. Anaay lifted himself to his toes, thrust his walking stick toward the sky.
“Listen, hunters,” he called out. When the men were finally quiet, he glared at those who carried fire bow weapons. “Young men always look for something new,” Anaay said. “Let them use the weapon and see for themselves that caribou will honor only spears.”
Anaay rolled his shoulders against the ache of his back. He should have returned to his own bed last night rather than stay with Dii. Actually, he should have spent the night with Gull Beak, but it was difficult to want her wrinkles and dry bones when Dii was near.
When they returned with their caribou, he would spend his first night in the village with Gull Beak. That should satisfy her. He looked back, saw that Dii and K’os had taken their places on either side of his three dogs. The women were loaded down with packs of food and bedding. He, like the other hunters, carried nothing but his weapons, though that alone was enough.
Anaay was not sure how to begin this walk. He needed sacred words, a prayer, a chant, but nothing came to him. He cried out to Sun Caller and several of the others. “You are ready?”
There was a mumbling among the men, then someone explained that they were waiting for the boy River Ice Dancer.
When River Ice Dancer finally joined them, Anaay noticed that he took a place close to K’os, that he could not keep his eyes from her. Anaay knew the feeling. If any woman could rouse a man, K’os could. Even her walking sent Anaay’s thoughts to what she kept between her legs, but who could trust her? He should have left her with the Cousin Rivers.
K’os claimed to be a healer, and it was true that her medicines had helped people in this village, but Anaay reminded everyone to treat her cures with caution.
His own powers were greater than hers, he had no doubt. If they were not, then why was she his slave? But still, he was careful. He could not risk his life foolishly. What would his people do without him? They would have chosen Chakliux, a cripple, to lead them, and Sok would have been chief hunter. What would happen to a village led by men like that? Soon everyone would be weak and cursed.
Finally, as the people’s restlessness showed itself in raised voices and barking dogs, Anaay again lifted his walking stick and shouted, “Let us go. Carry sacred thoughts that honor the caribou.”
The people were suddenly quiet, as though they expected him to say more. He considered a riddle, but realized it might remind them of Chakliux, the one who had taught them how to make riddles. Instead, he told how the singing had come into his dreams, how he had fasted and sung chants. As he spoke he felt himself grow large, as though those around him were only children.
Then he saw that the women were shifting from foot to foot, moving their shoulders and heads under the straps and tumplines of their heavy packs. Men started to finger their weapons, check boots and adjust parka hoods. How could they expect to have a successful hunt when they could not even spend a short time considering sacred ways?
In disgust, Anaay turned his back on them and began to walk.