CUL-DE-SAC (On The Edge Book 1) (31 page)

When she neared her house, she saw the
silhouette of a man sitting on her terrace and her heart rate accelerated
because figuring out to whom it belonged wasn’t rocket science.

Confrontation was going to happen sooner
rather than later, it seemed, she thought, and took a deep breath before
stepping from the shadows into the subtle lights brightening up the edges of
her patio.

CHAPTER 38

Xan didn’t feel at liberty to enter
Catalina’s house so he sat outside on the terrace instead, trying to soak in the
silence and darkness surrounding him but they felt too intangible, just like
Cat at the moment.

Worry wasn’t something he did well and
usually it turned into pulsating anger in the end. After all, nobody had taught
him how to deal with emotions, he thought sarcastically. People usually didn’t
expect or inspire many in him anyway.

 Catalina
did,
and that seemed to be
the problem.

The fact he was in possession of her
belongings and couldn’t get a hold of her was hardly going to guarantee his
peace of mind.

His jaw hurt from the punches he received,
and his whole body felt battered in a way that felt suspiciously close to
defeat, rather than the triumph over his opponent he should be celebrating.

It’d been a while since he lost one of his
fights, but he would never forget the feeling.

Xan was the only one to be blamed for the
situation in the ring tonight, so he took his lumps without a word of complaint
as his due for the lack of focus.

He should have been dunking his sore
muscles in his bathtub, he thought, but he was sitting here instead, wondering
where Catalina could have gone to.

Sooner or later she had to come home, Xan
decided. That was a given; what remained unclear was her reaction to seeing him
on her territory.

He had never put much faith in apology, not
only because in his world people were unused to expressing or feeling remorse
for that matter.

According to Robert Thorpe, men didn’t
apologize.

Since his father was convinced he had never
been responsible for any wrongdoing, why would he ever be sorry? He sure as
hell wasn’t for placing bruises on his son and wife. Not for stealing, lying
and a dozen of other crimes he had committed.

It was probably the only rule good ole Rob
had always been religiously loyal to, Xan smirked inwardly.

In any case, what was ‘sorry’ good for if
making same mistakes over and over again seemed inevitable?

Yet he was ready to apologize to Catalina,
if only that would bring them back on track, although he wasn’t sure: what was
he supposed to apologize for exactly? He was as much a victim of Chloé’s
manipulation as Cat was. If the bitch was going to cost him the only good
relationship he had ever had, Xan promised himself to find her and make her pay
for it.

He didn’t realize how deep he was immersed
in his thoughts until light steps made his head snap up and he saw Catalina coming
up onto the terrace.

He wanted to grab her
and shake her,
asking where the hell she went to, for making him worry, but that would hardly
be a good start.

He wanted to grab her
and just hold her
but didn’t think she would welcome it right now. So he forced himself to stay
exactly as he was, instead limiting himself to devouring her with his gaze
alone, although she had never looked as miserably as at the moment.

He wasn’t a happy camper himself, Xan
thought.
“You found my purse; thank you,” she said, but didn’t walk closer to take it
from him.

She felt at a loss for words; it was yet another
thing she had thought herself good at and was proven wrong tonight. Just like
her friendship with Chloé, or motives people were led by.
“Do you want me to go?” He asked when the silence was stretching and prodding
at both of them.
“No,” Cat answered instantly, but didn’t know what to say to make him stay.

There was an unnatural stillness around him
as if the night itself held its breath awaiting
something
.

Good, Xan thought; he wouldn’t leave anyway,
although she didn’t have to know it.
“I talked to Chloé.”
“Did she tell you the truth?” He wanted to know.
“And what is the truth?”
“I didn’t touch her, Catalina,” he said finally, because he had to get it out
in the open, had to make her believe him somehow.
“It didn’t look like that from my perspective.” Her stomach clenched again and
she understood she desperately wanted to believe him.
“I know what it looked like; I am telling you how it was. If I wanted to fuck
anyone, I wouldn’t choose the moment minutes before the fight and knowing you
were coming over on top of it, now, would I?” He stood up because he no longer
could pretend the outer layer of his calm hadn’t started to crack and crumble
at his feet.

She gasped when he emerged from the shadows
and stepped into the light because she could see his jaw was bruised, and when
he walked toward her there was stiffness to his every move. She instantly
forgot about the whole situation between them, pushing all of it aside.
“Xan!” Cat reached with her hand, touching her fingertips to his face. “Did
you…
lose
?” She asked quietly.
“No.” He gripped her wrist, holding it to his face as if he expected her to
withdraw her hand and devoid him of this gossamer light touch any moment now.

Catalina looked him straight in the eye for
the first time tonight and wanted to take a step back under the onslaught of
his gaze. It was burning with emotions so potent she half-expected him to burst
into flames. But the grip he had on her hand, while not painful, told her he
didn’t want to severe the connection between them.
“Would it matter to you if I lost?” It was important, he thought.

Nobody cared much for losers, nobody even
remembered a thing about them before they faded away.
“No, but it would to you. I know what winning means to you Xan,” she said
softly.
“I thought I did too, but the funny thing, Kitten, is that I couldn’t care less
about it tonight. I just wanted it to be over so we could talk. The only thing I
don’t want to lose is this… you and me, Cat. Tell me that you believe me.”
“I’m sorry I slapped your face,” she said instead, and Xan could have sworn it
was the first time someone apologized to him for anything.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does! I have never done such a thing in my life. I’m really sorry, Xan.”

She looked so sad and so beautiful he
couldn’t stop himself. He pulled her into his arms and breathed out in relief
when she didn’t resist.
“Are we good?” He wanted to hear the words, although he had never had much use
for them.

She was changing all the rules he went by
so far, but he didn’t want to go back. For the first time in his life, he
looked forward to what tomorrow might bring instead.
“We will be,” Cat said finally, and he accepted that, even though the fighter
in him demanded he push her because it wasn’t good enough.
“What happened between you and… her?” He asked.
“We are done,” she said simply, although it was as far from simple as one could
get. “You need ice, Xan.”
“Later. I want to show you something first. Will you come with me?”
“Where? Can’t it wait? It truly was a hellish day and I just want it to be
over.” Catalina sighed but he shook his head.
“I’ve waited long enough.”

She wanted to ask about it but decided
against it and just shrugged.
“Okay.” She took her purse from the table, having the weirdest case of déjà vu.

***

Catalina was gazing up at Santa Monica’s
lights as they sped through the well-known streets of the city, which seemed
always awake and alive.

She had never spent as many nights out as she
had since Xan entered her life. She didn’t think her life could ever be the
same after learning about all that was taking place on the flip side of what
was commonly available and within the reach. Not after meeting people who were
living on the edge because sometimes it was the only place they could shake off
all kinds of bounds and push limits without being judged for who they were.

The problem was that now that her eyes were
open, she didn’t know where exactly she belonged herself. She felt more at home
on Xan’s side of things than she had in the inflexible borders of society.

And his world has been more welcoming than
hers would ever be.

Yet it was the upcoming social event on her
mind, because no matter how much she didn’t want to be a part of it, she had
duties she couldn’t ignore.

Maybe people perceived her life as
privileged–Chloé surely did–but to Catalina, it all felt like nothing more than
shackles tightening around her flesh, marking her as someone she could never
be.
“Will you go to a ball with me?” She asked and Chloé’s taunting words about
parading Xan around at social events reverberated in her mind.

Xan glanced at her from the corner of his
eye and she saw his lips twitching.
“A ball.”

On his tempting lips it sounded even more
ridiculous, Cat admitted.

 “I know it sounds like something straight out
of a Victorian era novel or a fairy tale and neither is hardly your thing, but
I have to participate and I thought maybe you could accompany me.” She tried to
make it light.

“When?”

“This Saturday. I realize I should have
said something earlier, but I was reminded about it myself recently,” she
explained, wondering, was it possible it all happened just today?

“Tell me more about it.”

“It’s a charity thing and I know how you feel
about it.” She turned in her seat to look up at him.

She knew because he had never made it a
secret what his opinion about the elite was.

“My grandmother is going to be rewarded for
her charity work and I have to be there, the same way she had to make an
appearance at my exhibition.” She explained.
“It looks like I will need a tuxedo,” Xan said, and Catalina blinked when she
realized that was going to be his only comment.
“What?” He chuckled when he saw the expression on her face.
“I didn’t foresee this kind of reaction, and now I’m wondering if you would
have said yes if tonight hadn’t gone so horribly wrong or not.” She sighed,
hating all those questions and doubts that were not there before.
“Now you will never know, will you?” His hands clenched around the steering
wheel.
“Don’t get mad when I tell you how I feel.”
“I can’t help it; she is lucky she left the club unscathed.”
“Alex!” Cat protested.
“What? I can’t tell you how
I feel
?” He used her words against her. “We
are here.”
“And where is here exactly?” She asked, glad for the change of subject.
“This is the place we want to change into a fighting school,” Xan explained.

The building looked deserted and Catalina
remembered it used to be a public school, but over the years the ever-increasing
number of students outgrew it. A year or something before, the management
finally found enough sponsors to help out with moving children onto bigger and more
well-adjusted premises.

Since then the property had been empty,
awaiting another tenant. She glanced at Xan, thinking it might have finally
found one.
“Very good location. I think it is a good investment, and the fact it educated
a few generations gives it a nice touch,” Cat said and felt Xan’s arm wrapping
around her waist.
“Ever been inside a school after dark?” He asked and she just had to laugh.
“Not until now. So it’s a done deal, since you have the keys.”
“Not official yet, but the deal is practically as good as done. They were
dragging it forever, trying to squeeze us for more money. We didn’t budge and it
also helped nobody else had been interested in the place.” Xan explained.
“You didn’t say anything earlier.”
“I didn’t want to in case something went wrong.”
“Congratulations.” She went to her toes to kiss him on the cheek but his head
whipped to the side and her lips brushed his.

He raised his hand cupping her cheek with
his mouth hovering above hers.
“Xan…”
“I didn’t touch her, Kitten,” he reminded her, when he felt she was on the
verge of taking a step back.
“You said that already, but it’s really been a long day.” She sighed. “Well?
Are we going in?”
“That was the plan.”

He opened the door, letting her in,
wondering what it meant exactly when she acted as if she believed him yet tried
to keep her distance at the same time. He could still tell she felt wounded and
he had no idea how to fix it.
“Did you think of a name?” Cat asked, looking around curiously.
“
’Luctor’;
it’s from Latin and it means…”
“… to wrestle, struggle,” she finished and Xan just shook his head.
“Of course you would know Latin,” he muttered, making her laugh.
“It’s perfect.” She smiled at him.
“I wish I could take the credit for it, but it was Kel’s idea.”
“Well, suits you both, I would say.”

It seemed like nothing was going to wane
her enthusiasm, he thought. Except his presence; whenever he neared Catalina he
could feel her physically and mentally pulling away from him.

Time, he had to give her some time to come
to terms with all that went down tonight, Xan decided.
“Can I help?” She asked and he blinked because for one insane moment he thought
she was actually answering his unasked question.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I love projects; I would like to get involved in it.” Cat smiled,
already imagining how the place could look; it had such potential.

Just like Xan.

“I appreciate the offer, Kitten, but I
don’t need your money.”
“Is help always identified with money?” She tilted her head, regarding him
curiously.
“Tell me it isn’t in your world. I am not a charity case, Catalina,” he said
calmly.
“I never said you were; please don’t put words in my mouth I haven’t spoken.
You are just offending both of us.” She turned away to leave but he stopped
her.
“You are right. I’m sorry.” He sighed because they seemed doomed tonight no
matter what.
“It means a lot to me that you offered help, but I need to do this on my own.”
“That I can understand. Can we go back now? You really need ice, and a massage
wouldn’t hurt either.”
“Are you offering to be my nurse tonight?” He chuckled.
“I didn’t say that…”
“I want to spend the night with you,” Xan cut her off.

Screw giving her time, he thought; if he
gave it to her she would slowly back away until nothing but distance remained
in the space between them. He wasn’t going to let that happen.
“But…”

But what? Cat asked herself.

She wanted to be with him
but…
she
felt rubbed raw tonight. Susceptible to him in a way that was making her wary.
She just needed a moment to herself, but when she looked into his eyes ready to
tell him exactly that, she saw that she was not the only one feeling vulnerable
tonight.
“I will be good, Kitten. I just want to be with you.” His promise sealed it.
“Okay,” she agreed, unable to say no to him.